The bitcoin-in-the-tip-guy upvoted this post.
Now zum deloights in 'aymakin' an' zum they vancies mow-w-w-win', but of all the jobs as Oi loik best gi'e Oi the turmut 'oein'
938 followers 1,382 following 4,314 posts
view profile on Bluesky
The bitcoin-in-the-tip-guy upvoted this post.
I now want my go-to beetroot, halloumi and walnut salad. Shopping day tomorrow, I'll get on with that.
I'm glad they let us know!
Pah. It's no Mohamed Haouas -12. (No idea why that one stuck in my mind.) Then again, he wasn't my captain.
UK PEOPLE: If you start watching Threads at 2.12pm, the bomb will go off at the same time as the Emergency Text alert.
Passed a man in the street. "10 pints," he said. "20 litres. 30 cubic metres." Speaks volumes. I've been in Viz you know.
When it happens you won't have to keep refreshing social media. You'll see people running joyfully down the road with their jumpers over their heads and everybody you know will invite you to a party tonight. We'll all open that bottle we've been saving.
1. 99 Luftballons 2. 99 Luftballons 3. 99 Luftballons 4. 99 Luftballons 5. 99 Luftballons 6. 99 Luftballons 7. 99 Luftballons 8. 99 Luftballons 9. 99 Luftballons 10. 99 Luftballons 11. 99 Luftballons 12. 99 Luftballons 13. 99 Luftballons 14. 99 Luftballons 15. 99 Luftballons (Andrew Huang) 16. 99 Lu
"[paraphrase] Leave your toes out from under the duvet so that they can be pounced upon" - was this written by a sleep paralysis demon and/or my orange cat?
This is phenomenal.
I am a hypermasculine and extremely powerful alpha male. As such my greatest fears are seed oils, rainbows, people who don't look like me being on TV, and preventative medicine. I cannot explain any of these fears and consider that to be your fault.
I dunno Jeff.
Ah, Christ's second passion: graphic design
I'm reading that as me being not very good at writing phonetic renderings of words. No matter!
Wonder if we can use this as a trigger for a national conversation about how conveyancing in this country is absolute shite? Yours, Person who owned in a flat which contained a room which wasn’t even included in the deeds, because a conveyancing lawyer didn’t notice, and who £70k TIA 🙏🏻
Are the solicitors co. spam letters I receive about electric co. wayleaves worth anything to me? Nothing to do with this thread as such but this seems a useful void to shout into.
The cream tea used to have two scones (pronounced "scones") but now there's only one. (It is still a very good scone pronounced "scone".)
Nadine Dorries saw a loaf with Thick Cut on the side and assumed it was an insult aimed at her but with a wrinkle in the packaging.
Woke bread. Not like the bread of my youth. You're not even allowed to call it wh- [gunshot_ricochet.wav]
Don't be unkind to Hugues. (I hope that attempt at a phonetic rendering of that person's given name makes sense. Hugues. Ol' Huguey.)
'Mother Mushroom with her Children' Edward Okun
A rain cloud mari, because of the dreary weather
In this thread I'd like to invite my English friends to contribute posh given names
Sample: Alex, Will, Vicente, Nicholas. There are many many more.
Someone's just thrown a bottle of Omega 3 tablets at me. I only received super fish oil injuries, but still.
The finest response I've seen so far.
Beware of geeks bearing grifts
I can't sit for too long cuz of my back
Having visions of contracting the spirits of passed cats. "Are you there Mr Purrkins?" The pointer starts indicating letters. M... R... R... R... P
"Grandpa, were you involved in the Resistance?" "You bet I was, kiddo! Sometimes I would capitalize the R in his name instead of the T! I don't like to think of myself as a hero, but I don't blame you if you see me that way."
We’re offering a free bollard to anyone who can tell us what this superb little car is. #WorldBollardAssociation
Peel P50.
Bernie Clifton's skeleton
It's seven years since we posted on Twitter about how kids kept coming into the library asking if we had any books about FORTNITE. We didn't back then, and we'd never heard of it so we tried asking what it was.
A lot about the current moment does click into place if a lot of people in their 70s in elite positions are currently afflicted with the belief that them needing to step down because of, well, age, won't affect them no sirree.
I thought that Han Dannan had already written his fantasy of independence day?
(Not parent) At some point one must be able to co-opt the older children as unpaid labour, assisting with their younger siblings?
Alas! It is 68 years since the world was deprived of Peter Freuchen, anthropologist, arctic explorer, writer, WWII resistance fighter, quiz show contestant, film star, friend of Mae West, fucking enormous geezer, and maker of tools from frozen excrement
Why doesn't Peter, the largest spouse, simply eat the other spouse?
Started again, without noticing.
I just stopped chewing in the corner of my bath towel upon reading this - does that count?
It's true that X/Twitter users have more diversity of opinion compared to the Bluesky echo chamber. Some of them think the Holocaust didn't happen, while others think it did happen but didn't go far enough.
Remember remember, the fifth of November... when there was a terrible miscommunication at the fireworks shop.
"What should I use to polish the furniture, dear?" "Oh, just use the Pussy Scat.' (Bonus - My image search results when looking for this)
By Djoels INK (Julie Bouckhuyt) in Egem, Belgium.
Duke Smoochem delayed for another five years while i go back and add 10,000 flags to every fucking level
I haven’t posted any of Peter Mitchell’s brilliant images for a while, so here we go! Peter worked as a lorry driver in Leeds in the 1970s, photographing the city during his rounds. Beautiful and evocative work that is a moving reminder of community.
Really makes you think.
Drive.
Sudden urge to buy lychees.
Leave youtu.be/qdqwvVLa3hc?...
Are they poutine themselves about?
People are melting down at a Tribune article about CHSD 230 considering adding Arabic to its language learning electives. I wasted time in the comments, which I normally avoid doing since it's useless and awful, but it led to possibly the funniest thing anybody's ever said to me about France.
I'd love to be able to reach for a pocket pouch of sweetcorn on demand.
I don't remember those... and I thought from the pic that it was a treat bag of sweetcorn.
Happy Labor Day
GIMP stands for GNU Image Manipulation Program. GNU stands for GNU's Not Unix. UNIX stands for Uniplexed Information Computing System ('unics'). Therefore, GIMP's full name is GNU's Not Uniplexed Information Computing Systems Image Manipulation Program.
You Don't Have To Be Mad To Work Here, But The Organisation Is Obliged Under The Equality Act To Make Reasonable Adjustments To Accommodate Your Condition If You Are
all the best windows software in history is called something like "joe's thing doer". it does the thing and nothing else and is available on a html website in plain text and takes up under a megabyte of space and uses default windows ui elements and will work until the heat death of the universe
My friend Richard who's not on here (sadly) made this six years ago and every year it pops up on my Facebook memories and every year I howl and share it again here.
A train emerges into the light at White City London Underground station.
Much like "crab", industrial music is constantly re-evolving from first principles basically anywhere where there's a bunch of metal and plastic laying about
replacing Batman fight onomatopoeiae with old midwestern brewery names
...nor in the next life, come to that.
I didn't want to sleep ever again in any case 😨
A play in two parts. #Aberystwyth
What early bluesky was like
the only English Englishism that really gets me is when they'll be like "I soar an eagle" and what they mean is they watched one fly by
Stat of the day.
day 122 of making a cow tools every day unless i don't
The mental health benefits of not knowing any history right now must be massive. Moving through your day with total equanimity. What happens next? Who knows? Maybe something good
Me when my wife sees the browser history
In Kochi City Station there’s a statue of Berobero No Kamisama, a nude, pink, spiral-eyed figure who is the local god for drunkards.
You're telling me that hay inclined this plane?
I had to mention "The Hyperbole Incident" in my wife's eulogy. She had such a laugh at my expense. (As did the Celebrant when I suggested wife's favourite poem "Ulysses" aka yew-LISS-eez.)
If you could give one book to a stranger from another country that would best summarise British culture and educate them in our ways, then Viz's 'Profanisaurus' is that book.
Actually, Frankenstein is a doctor success at the Venice film festival
[me, in general] given *the way I am* I feel blessed to have minimal sensory issues [me after a 4½ hour coach trip when the pensioner sat behind spent their time resetting with their mouth open] MISOPHONIARGHHHHH!!!!
Can't even have a utility vehicle based around BLMC Mini mechanicals these days. Because of Moke.
You couldn't make Trigger Happy TV today. Not because of woke. It's simply that most of the audience wouldn't understand that the loud guy with the big phone was doing something bad.
Tennis up a band: Björn Again Borg
We built a calculator that doesn't work, but don't worry, it's also a plagiarism machine that will tell you to kill yourself. It runs on the world's oceans and costs 10 trillion dollars.
Ok, hear me out. A Lord of the Rings re-make, but with these two taking the One Ring to Mordor:
why did the crab go to prison crimes
this is whomst runs this account 🐛
I made a life jacket from quiches, it’s extremely flan-buoyant.
When the doctor finally calls it
Why does the Croatian Prime Minister, the largest Prime Minister, not simply eat the other Prime Ministers?
Two people to take the Ring to Mordor? I mean
I don’t think we should normalize anything. All behavior should be reviled and punished
subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz348bs
"He's very much alive and well, Chris."
Was pleased when I got this gag into the House magazine in the first place. Even more pleased to see it reappear in The Times...
I can
This is my absolute favourite depiction of Brits by Americans. I love it. It’s true and it’s funny.
Judas Priest have become weirdly cagey in their twilight years.
The Welsh for June is Mehefin, which means midsummer. May is Mai which, like the English word, derives from the Roman Maius. However, there is an archaic name, Cyntefin, which means the start of summer. So summer is Wales is 3 months long. It rains in all three.