The real tragedy of Charlie Kirk being killed is people are completely unaware that Flo from “Alice” has passed away. #RIP #kissmygrits
America’s Sweetheart
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The real tragedy of Charlie Kirk being killed is people are completely unaware that Flo from “Alice” has passed away. #RIP #kissmygrits
Sunday Cartoon
Neil deGrasse Tyson: “Imagine thinking scientists, historians, scholars, economists, and journalists devoted their lives to deceiving you — but a reality-TV star, proven in court to be a lying felon, is your beacon of truth and honesty.”
Kinda weird how a guy can give his life to Christ at the same place my crazy neighbor gets his meth.
It’s all about sending a message. The raid is the message. It’s all about retribution. He is the retribution president. As with troops on our streets, it’s all about normalizing fascism. This is fascism. Fascism is here. Too many Americans are too “busy” to care. But it’s here.
Can someone please explain to me why the new Cracker Barrel logo is “woke”?
Vladimir Poutine would be a good name for a Canadian minor league hockey team’s mascot.
No one talks about quinoa anymore. Did that even happen?
Legit question: is there anyone currently walking the earth cooler than Idris Elba?
My daughter just sent me this. She was in traffic just now and the lighted sign said “Venice Blvd. will be closed on 8/19 for construction.” Then the lights started blinking… and switched to this...🤪
The president threatened nuclear war because Putin‘s Luigi stepped out of his player 2 lane and made a bad post and it was news for like 15 seconds because this is just our lives now.
I have close to two dozen insults written on an Arby's napkin
I keep referring people back to this because it keeps coming up. People ask me how long things this regime does will be allowed or tolerated and I keep asking “by whom”? Dad is not getting home later. The most charitable view of SCOTUS is that they have decided to be hands-off…. /1
A wildlife photographer joked that his wife managed to capture an extraordinary photo that outdid him: a European eagle owl, one of the world's largest, perched on his camera lens.
I knew we were cooked as a society when everyone just sorta decided they were sick of dealing with Covid and everyone just decided to pretend like it wasn't a thing anymore.
showing off my free concentration camp merch. My soul is just out of frame, intact and not bound by dark blood rites to the eternal service of Moloch the Devourer
i don't think it's hyperbole to say Mad Max Fury Road is mankind's greatest achievement
I agree. Let’s start with him.
Buyer’s Remorse
Selling merch to support a new internment camp is about the most Florida thing Florida has ever Floridaed.
No, it's a whole body. wtf?
if Zohran wins, my company that crushes poor people into a delicious, heart-smart $40 dollar juice will be forced to LEAVE NEW YORK. If you love UrchMash(tm), you know what to do
This is oligarchy. This is obscene. While 60% live paycheck to paycheck & kids go hungry, Jeff Bezos, worth $230 billion, goes to Venice on his $500 million yacht for a $20 million wedding & spends $5 million on a ring while his real tax rate is just 1.1%. End this oligarchy.
ChatGPT, where did I put my keys?
Don't forget to rinse out every jar and tin you finish, guys x
Trump stands silently in the Oval Office. He doesn’t speak, just stares at a snow globe sitting on a pedestal. The camera slowly dollies in on the orb to reveal snowflakes fluttering around a ceasefire behind its glass.
WILL MILK BE MADE AVAILABLE TO US -GenX in prison camp
Just hanging out, pretending to tweet things into existence. How about you?
The Golf War
one time my dad threw his jacket onto the bench and it landed in the shape of a dog
[Exit King.]
“A deranged maniac impersonated a police officer and killed lawmakers but if you’re an immigrant be sure you immediately comply with plain clothes people who won’t identify themselves telling you to get in a van”, what a fuckin country
I no longer care about robots taking over the country
Is that real? It just screams propaganda.
Red MAGA hats are the new toothbrush mustache.
Reply with an image from your comfort movie
What wine pairs best with existential dread?
It's a fantastic book - download it - buy it - or just borrow it and read it. The Dust Bowl Triolgy are worth the effort.
you cant read auras stupid ass . you can barely read English
oh yes by all means please throw more gasoline on the six-alarm fire that used to be our Constitution www.nytimes.com/2025/05/06/u...
The absolute fuckwit’s still out there acting like Canada doesn’t own $330B in US debt.
We haven’t tried synchronized dancing yet despite all of the movies showing that it is a solution
Bon Scott, Dio, David Johansen, Lemmy… all the good choices for pope are already dead.
What I find infuriating is that you’re not taking the action you need to take. Not one of you. Think 1776. Disrupt everything.
the way the goddam white house is spreading lies about this one individual to manufacture consent for their state-sanctioned concentration camps is just one of the most vile pr campaigns ive ever seen from public officials
they are currently ignoring a supreme court decision and no one cares or is doing a single thing about it, its just so goddam infuriating
As an American, I can’t understand it either. So many people abdicating their responsibilities…
Gonna put this on a t-shirt.
Look, if we’re suddenly cool with “deporting” US citizens, I have a list that would make a good starting point.
The world's oldest person just died again and nobody's asking why this keeps happening
A "news cycle" is now the length of time it takes to read a headline.
So he’s saying if we get rid of the bad economic policies of this administration, we’d be seeing economic growth.
me and some aliens howling with laughter on the front lawn cause their main guy accidentally said "take me to your dealer" and the rest of his crew started roasting him for being the guy on my shirt
We have to imagine it, because it doesn’t exist.
Class Warfare is when top 1% uses the media to instruct you that a slight tax increase on the top 1% is Class Warfare.
President Trump’s mistake with Canada was the same as the one he’s made throughout his life with women he’s met: trying to force himself on them despite their repeatedly resisting his overtures.
Starting the Poutine Coalition in solidarity with Canada. But mostly to eat cheese fries with gravy.
I hope the first woolly mammoth they resurrect kills somebody
Casar: "I think any other country looking at us goes, 'Oh my god, what happened to America? How are these billionaires allowed to have such enormous conflicts of interest while they run the government?'"
This is a man hating account and some birdwatching
“Measure twice, cut once” is also good advice for circumcisions.
If you can't handle me at my Tom Cruise lecturing Matt Lauer about pharmacology, then you don't deserve me at my Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah's couch.
if a guy says theyre CIA and they want you to DM every girl you ever jacked off to and apologize, Its a scam. Just ruined my life. Thank you
Lots of people I know that were furious about kids having to wear masks are real quiet about a two year old citizen being wrongfully deported
Everything Hurts All the Time: a Memoir
www.stereogum.com/2302390/danz...
[leaving sushi restaurant] SUSHI CHEF: sayonara ME: onara
See, a problem nice people have is they think everyone else is gonna be nice, and mean people exploit that. Anyhoo, here’s Wonderwall
Conflicted: I do not want to go to medical school or be a physician, but I love yelling "CLEAR!" and jolting someone with electricity.
George Santos got 7 years? Man, if they can do that to a Nobel Peace Prize winner, they can do it to anyone.
Damn. Playing the long game. Masterful work.
You should know I've been working on something for the past 3 months. For a surprise, go check out my profile and read the first word of every skeet, starting with this one.
Learning to squirt blood from my eyes like a horned lizard to escape awkward social interactions.
featherweight boxers should barely be visible
If they get knocked out and don’t drift slowly to the mat, I call bullshit.
Something something castle doctrine…
Just going to point out that the second and fourth amendments are a potent mix.
Limu Emu gets all the press, but it’s Doug who does most of the work.
Let's agree to disappoint.
In retrospect, writing “Don't ever change” in people's yearbooks was terrible advice.
Okay Markwayne.
If I had to shake JD Vance’s hand, I’d want to die, too.
desperately waiting for the stock footage insert of white smoke that indicates the selection of a new Roger Corman
It's all a matter of perspective The Yote's not crossing the road The road is crossing his home
Just had to file a restraining order to stop Pete Hegseth from texting me.
Pete Hegseth is the used band-aid floating in a bottle of cheap vodka of people.
Not the same indeed.
I guess I’m wondering if a country has ever gone enduringly autocratic under a 78 year old who doesn’t let the job get in the way of three day golf weekends.
Too bad Danzig’s a Nazi.
