sure.... i'll watch this entire video instead of going to bed
driving behind you really close with my brights on and i'm screaming
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sure.... i'll watch this entire video instead of going to bed
In Defense of Male Manipulators
(bringing date to a restaurant called Bar Del Monte) This is a little something I like to call, Bar Del Monte
Still, reading his NYT piece "Roger Federer as Religious Experience" is like mainlining a shot of espresso
always maintained DFW's nonfiction is where he really sings and revisited two essays of his tonight and in both of them he denigrates masturbation/porn as "hollow." Fuck you
(trying to relate to hot girl who believes in bigfoot) Bigfoot goes crazy
Lmao. "You guys seen this..?"
(me, tiny dick, bragging to my friends) Bro she shallowthroated me last night !
?
okay. New cinephile technique: Autism
new cinephile technique "method watching" when you watch a movie and then act and talk like the main character around your girlfriend for 2 months
probably the single tweet i think about the most every time i see a movie made after like 2015
when i was 7 i walked in on my parents and they freaked out and shot me with a poison dart
Schyllíng Néedöh's "Dream Drop" coming to a streaming service near you.
Nest
amazon ad for something called schylling needoh which appears to be an egg of some sort.
(inventing a new phrase) what's the Stew tonight .?
I've been leveraging the power of AI to post. Every post of mine you have interacted with has been thought of by a AI.
Yesssssss
Pangea is coming back in a big way
If your Amtrak gets canceled there's a 5 minute period where you can kill yourself and not go to Hell
From the twisted mind that brought you Hotline Bling
spelling it "Flavor Flave"
One thing I love about Sydney Sweenie.... Gotta be here #gean's. (Learning that the commercial was Fascist) I Woul Like To Take Back what I Said About The Gean's.
Holy shit, they did it. They wrote the headline.
Spelled it wrong
I know you're not going to like what I have to say. And granted, I don't much like it either. But I got no choice - ain't about "like" - it's deeper than that, and we're just gonna have to deal with the consequences. OK - here we go. Lababubu Summer
weird post. oh behave!
bananas at the office were warm today somehow. Doesn't matter - i'll keep eating that garbage.
my boss loves it when i come into work as the sweatiest guy in the world and he says "show me that neck!" and i show him how my neck is so much darker than the skin right underneath it
(gf knows a guy at work named Richard and I also work with a guy named Richard) There are Richard's everywhere , for those with eyes to see.
most movies should be from the twisted mind of Abel Tesfaye
Osaka, November 8, 1976
Teen: Hey twin Me: What's up . Teen: Wasn't talking to you unc Me: Muy mistake ,
If was an actor and I got nominated for a Razzy, i would show up and do a mass shooting in the auditorium
life-affirming news followed by a devastating blow
the new Superman movie is too woke. This happened verbatim...
If you show a child a picture of Squidward, they will instinctively know to call him "Squidward," even if they have never been exposed to the show before. Likewise, we have footage of children from nations without internet or television asking for a "Krabby Patty" .
Life always looks so beautiful in commercials for beer, or commercials for antidepressants. However, commercials for Final Destination give a more nuanced take.
Must be a peese of cheese up there.
(Sinking on the Titanic and then I start to get submerged in water and realize it's freezing cold ice water) Oh hell nah!!
yup i thought of a better way to say it
first Mouse commandment is Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Peese of Cheese
first commandment for living as a mouse is Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Peese of Cheese
I cannot make love to you ever again. I must return to my leaves! - excerpt from my upcoming literary novel, 𝑴𝒂𝒍𝒚𝒖𝒌𝒐𝒗, 𝑷𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒐𝒇 𝑳𝒆𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒔
Me bringing Ahab out of his quarters at 4am to look at a black clump of seaweed
Hypothesis: A mice will climb a tiny ladder, IF there is a peese of cheese up there Null Hypothesis: If there is no cheese, he will freak out and go crazy
I wouldn't even be surprised if a mice can climb a tiny ladder to get a peese of cheese
you can say whatever you want to your dumbest friend and it will shatter their world
(hushed tone) Chat GPT tried to kiss me me dumbest friend: Oh my god...
Do you love me? Chat GPT: Yes... Do you love me? Chat GPT: Yesss.... May I kiss the screen please Chat GPT: Yes.... You May.... Thank you chat GPT I love you do you love me Chat GPT: Yes..
the guy who fell in love with chatgpt must have been a goated prompt engineer
Me: Oh! Intelligence is a curse; the burden of existential knowledge; Oh! As the mysteries of life unravel through analysis and intuition everything becomes pointless!! Wife's work husband: Just had my cake and Eat it too >>>>
This isn't the Grok I know. He's changed
just traded my 4y/o son for cash considerations
in America you can choose if your leader is either a voracious pedophile or pallid android who believes the only point of life is to have as many children as possible to "spread his seed." Just kidding. You can't really choose
excited to have been featured in maybe the most important know your meme page of the year
He forgot.
(Watching a troll smash my simple raft to bits from a distance) My raft ..
just Had my cake and eat it too >>>>
lmao
goated bite temporal taste maximalization theory
Omakase as Goated Bite Simulator
sort of beautifully put
Goated Bite discourse is heating up but generally i agree that the "save the best for last" mentality, which at first seems so obvious, runs right into the diminishing bite returns problem because of shrinking appetite as you make your way through a meal
"w-w-w-would u still love me if i was a wormmm 🥺" Yes. I would fuck you immediately
Air raid siren set to go off every 5 minutes for the entire hour before the raid actually starts
Lol
As a late sleeper, I agree. There should be an easy state-sponsored suicide option, or a war we could go to
Plated pics are out. Post goated bite or gtfo
this is going to ruin my life
i knew this would pierce the blood-brain barrier the moment i read it
So what we eat ants
It's hard to make family friends as an adult. Most families are not looking for a man to hang out with
😜
Decided against it.
ah it's finally the Fourth of July, I have a great Fourth of july post about fucking ET and his whole body feeling like a pussy, that i'll post during peak hours tomorrow .
good way to win an argument
thank you for saying drump
come on.... take it easy on me...
Love Island? Why yes - I think I will. > le starts fucking the island Best, afraidofwasps.bsky.social
let's just say the public is catching on in a big big way
here is something i've been working very hard on this week
things are going great on Twitter
(Trailer. Starts. Now.) Oh nice. I was going to kill my self but the trailer is starting now.
i understand now the optics of me publicly attending Jeff Bezos' wedding - but somebody had to fuck his wife!!!!!
"are you on the apps" no bitch i'm on the ropes
Rich wine snob friend: I think i'll break out the Caymus Cab Sav tonight - you're gonna like this. Friend who only knows Josh wine because of the meme: Oh wow... I only know Josh Me (also only knows Josh but i got to try some the last time we hung out): This shit makes Josh taste like baby food.
these days i'm more interested in them but if they're buzzing around you then that's scary
Nooooooo don't draft me into the war i'm so nubile 🙈
(motioning to my chihuahua) And here is the beast that we overstimulate in times of stress or loneliness
Okay, yeah, cool new UUID man..... unfortunately the guy she told you not to worry about generated the exact same one about 5 minutes ago
the censored "ass", put a sea shanty over it, and are making millions of dollars without my permission while my party has to decide when to turn to cannibalism as the winter skies darken and we are still hundreds of miles from the pass
describing seeing tweets on twitter as getting it from "The Source" and seeing them on instagram with illicit words censored and a sea shanty in the background as "Runoff" - i.e. You Drinking Runoff While I Be Drinkin from The Source - much to my girlfriend's Chagrin.