To be fair, when you look at who else is in Reform UK, Nadine Dorries is something of a liberal urbane progressive firebrand.
Scriptwriter and comedian. My first film’s in development, which is nice. Follow for good fun stuff. “Excellent” - Jack Dee. “Hilarious” - British Vogue. #ScriptSky #ScriptSkyUK #BookSky
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To be fair, when you look at who else is in Reform UK, Nadine Dorries is something of a liberal urbane progressive firebrand.
Spotted on Facebook. Got to be honest, Sarah Jessica Parker might have taken frugal a bit too far.
One plotline in Downton Abbey is whether, when the new pigs arrive, the pigs will have enough water. In the end, they hire a farmer to give the pigs some water. It’s a 60 minute episode.
My absolute favourite thing about Melvyn Bragg is his singular attitude of No Mucking About. Literally every episode starts like “HELLO IN 1492 COLUMBUS SAILED THE OCEAN BLUE WITH ME ARE TWO EXPERTS OK TELL ME RIGHT NOW WHERE THE FUCK IS GENOA?”
King Of Plaintiff
Every Little Thing She Does Is Magistrate.
Next To Sue
To clarify, I read The Guardian every day, cover to cover. But even they’d admit this is an all-timer.
This must surely be a full house in The Guardian bingo
Ok, enough of that. I’ll now return to my regular posts: Frasier, Reformation Europe, and the pervading sense that life is slipping through my fingers. Hello, old friend ❤️
Thank you! And yes, absolutely.
I underestimated quite how hard it would be to quit what I thought was a silly teenage-esque passing phase. I’ve never stuck to quitting anything for more than 10 minutes, so I feel this is a small rubicon crossed, albeit an immensely lame one. 1-0 to me. Take that, fluorescent haribo death nugget.
Everyone’s arguing if Bluesky is dying, but I find it weirdly liberating. I can post anything and nobody sees my posts, nobody cares. Finally, I can say whatever I want. Ted Lasso is FUCKING SHIT. I am invulnerable. I am free.
Martin Luther, 1517.
Victor Frankenstein, 1818.
Comfy socks on, The Rest Is History on full blast, roasting the shit out of a chicken, eavesdropping on the neighbours rowing because she’s caught him red-handed secretly downloading Hinge. Sundays in Starmer’s Britain don’t get much better than this.
Here for a wedding. An hour early. Buzzing. Gonna paint the shit out of some roundabouts.
Had the pleasure of meeting Donald Trump at a charity do once. He was surprisingly down to earth, and VERY racist.
Victor Frankenstein, 1818.
Quite a bit of rain? In August? Welcome to Keir Starmer’s Britain.
For what it’s worth, I bought my loose-fitting tan linen suit BEFORE La Chimera.
A question truly as old as the hills…
Your English teacher and your gym teacher are getting married.
New love language just dropped.
They’re really scraping the barrel with those Bourne movies
Seeing as it’s a Bank Holiday, I’ve drunk ten lagers mixed with my hayfever medicine and woken up shirtless in a rural pub car park, all in honour of Captain Tom RIP.
They’re really scraping the barrel with those Bourne movies
Ohhhh I see what you all meant now about hangovers after 30, it’s the whole next day AND MORE. Thought you were kidding but NOPE.
Met this fella at #EdFringe 4 times in 5 years. I honestly know Ed Miliband better than I know several of my closest friends.
Nobody sees any of my posts. It’s weirdly liberating. I can finally say that Ted Lasso is fucking shit, and nobody cares. I’m basically invulnerable.
At least the racism was interspersed with great gags. This is just navel-gazing weirdos and Top of the fucking Pops.
The ladies call me…
At what point are we all gonna admit that Bluesky is a bit shit?
“Honestly Suze, you're very, you know... horsey. You're the horsey type. Not that I've got a chip on my shoulder, but you're sort of a throwback, a kind of Marie Antoinette figure. Let them eat cake. Not that she ever said that, it's a mistranslation. Big, stupid posh-head, that's you.”
The more I learn about AI, the more I like it ❤️
Chemistry GCSE tomorrow. A story: The night before my GCSE Chemistry, I met Ian McKellen and Patrick Stewart backstage after Waiting For Godot. Ian asked what was in my bag, I told him about my exam. So McKellen and Stewart told the Green Room to “shush” as they both tested me on the Periodic Table
Still my favourite Trump quote. 10/10, no notes.
8 years today since Jack Dee came to watch my Edinburgh Fringe debut show, and I was so shy I hid in the loo for 20 mins before finally plucking up the courage to ask him for a photo 🫠
It's quite preposterous that, despite living in a world of global warming, fascism and war, I've had a nightmare once a week for ten years where Miss McLaren discovers that I still haven't read 'Pride and Prejudice’ even though I said I'd get it done by Monday morning break.
I have. Turns out he’s a fucking LEGEND 🥳🥳🥳
Me, going to the Royal Mile during the Edinburgh Fringe, to pick a fight with the young comedians for being so fucking full of life.
In every relationship, you pick your battles. Here’s one I chose to lose. Her: Let’s keep the tree until next Xmas. Me: It’ll never survive. Her: Please? I’ll take good care of it. The tree right now in mid-August:
Today's the first time I've a pang of sadness that I'm not at #EdFringe. So, in its honour, I'm going to pour myself a plastic pint of Blue Moon and then bin Seven Pounds and Fifty Pence.
Same post every year until my career picks up 🫠
Dear students, don’t worry about your A Level results. I got A* A* A A but then, in an Edinburgh Fringe bar 10 years later, I was accidentally discourteous towards a leading UK comedy agent for a fraction of a second, and my career never ever picked up again 🤩🤩🤩
Trying to break into TV and film feels like a never-ending Police Squad quote. Who are you, and how did you get in here? “My dad owns the production company, and my dad owns the production company.”
Me, before: I must delete nudes to cover my tracks and mask my shame and self-loathing. Me, today: I will delete nudes for England’s green and pleasant land.
Trying to break into TV and film feels like a never-ending Police Squad quote. Who are you, and how did you get in here? “My dad owns the production company, and my dad owns the production company.”
“Learn to like the little things in the life” - also Vincent Van Gogh.
Just found this t-shirt in the woods. If I know one thing about Vincent Van Gogh, it’s his famous catchphrase, “Enjoy yourself, you decide what makes you happy.”
6 years since one of my gags was listed in the ‘Best Jokes of the Fringe’ by GQ Magazine. Anyway, Dad, if you’re reading this - get in touch!
Finally, AI and I have something in common ❤️
What’s your sign?
This is very kind. Although it’s also testament to my standing in the comedy industry that the people in charge were willing to let me and my entire audience literally burn to death.
Sod it, if they’ve got a pension plan, I’m joining.
Fucking Hamas earning more than me.
Oh no, not the made-up vicar!!
New York Ciggy
8 years ago today, one of my favourite Edinburgh photos. Producer Sean and me, our first time on the Sold Out board. No idea what happened to the rest of those names, poor kids probably never made it into showbiz.
There’s currently more chance of me being elected the first Jewish pope than retiring in my 50s.
As questions to Grok go, this is my favourite so far. Basically admitting you’re just single-cell pond life incapable of anything.
Very disappointing from Keir Starmer. Still no answers as to why 'Silver Springs' was left off Fleetwood Mac's Rumours album. | Me for The Guardian.
Arise, Sir Chris Woakes.
Good luck to my friends at #EdFringe. Meanwhile, I’m gonna occupy the best booth @sohotheatre.bsky.social, make one coffee last seven hours, and ostentatiously take meetings with an old man who everyone’ll think is a big-shot producer but is in fact simply my own dad. You snooze you lose, idiots.
[Chris Morris voice] “Some kind of drubbing incident.”
More London woke nonsense, they’ve yassified the founding father of the Republic of Turkey.
Andrew, that’s so kind. Looking back at my uni thesis - ‘“My impression of Macmillan was in fact extremely affectionate, I was a great Macmillan fan” (Peter Cook). Beyond The Fringe, its satirical intentions and the gentlemanly idiom’ - deep down, I think it was always just leading up to this skeet.
The Edinburgh Festival Fringe, 01-25 August 2025.
The Hobbit: The Noise Pollution of Smaug
One look at this photo and, you know what, I reckon I’m gonna roll those dice.
It’s the dog’s bollocks.
This combination of words would kill a medieval peasant.
This is the trap at the start of my very own Brothers Grimm fairytale.
Beyond The Fridge
#OpenToWank
STOP MAKING MEMES OF MY WEIRD SON AS A BELEAGUERED FOOTBALL MANAGER
New crime-fighting duo just dropped.
Or, as PR firms call it, “the Edinburgh Fringe”
The Moors, 1492.
Or, as PR firms call it, “the Edinburgh Fringe”
It’s mad to think that, the night before Agincourt, there were English longbowmen waiting round a campfire for a pizza delivery horseman riding all the way from Boulogne. Goosebumps.
…and a bucket of Vindaloo.
The Moors, 1492.
The Sunday Sport never, ever disappoints, example 2:
Tigger when Pooh’s being a lil bitch.
Ladies, ladies, please, one at a time!
Oh no, the Americans have accidentally invented Hot Fuzz.
One fell into my shirt and bit me, and honest to god it was more painful than any other insect bite/sting. Still love em though. Crazy bumbling little lads.
RIP Your Party will live on forever. Cant believe it. I wanna run to u. Really cant believe this. @
Yeah how about that, Shakespeare, you fucking idiot?
incredible Peter O’Hanraha-hanrahan energy. “I slept longer than I had anticipated.”
Because he’s a fucking idiot.
ZIZZI! BELLA ITALIA! SPAGHETTI HOUSE! ASK ITALIAN! PREZZO! JAMIE’S ITALIAN! CARLUCCIO’S! EATALY! Can you hear me? Your girls are taking one hell of a beating!
I have the emotional resilience of a digestive biscuit. Ladies, ladies, please, one at a time.
Less than 24 hours later and I can't name a single character (except Evil Michael Scott)