only if it's deep-fried, which it absolutely is
Writer, editor, wordy person | what fresh hell is this?
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only if it's deep-fried, which it absolutely is
Goodnight, loon Goodnight, all those waiting for The News to come soon Goodnight, "proof" of life Goodnight, garbage wife Goodnight, weird hand bruises Goodnight, red hat losers Goodnight, nobody Goodnight, cow And goodnight to the internet whispering "let it be now"
Four Seasons Total That Story About Helping The Woman On The Side Of The Highway Before The Accident Is Complete Bullshit
HOW SMOL KITTEH’S MEOWSHAKE IS BETTER THAN YOURS
The only proof of life I will accept is a picture of him holding up a printout of every post from last night hoping for his demise
that photo is proof of something but I’m not sure it’s “life”
CAN’T STOP WON’T STOP
I MEAN LOOK WE REALLY TRIED
Maybe the real treasure was the friends we made while we were hoping he was dead
we'll know it's happened when we see the orange smoke
MAMA KITTEH THISCLOSE TO SENDING THEM TO SWIM PARTY ANYWAY
Bring back LiveJournal and yahoo chat rooms
This is literally the ONLY good thing about the internet
*sob*
not great bob
in retrospect, the internet may have been a mistake
“These kids were literally praying”
💔
Trump’s gonna ask Putin to marry him to get the news cycle back
WHY SMOL KITTEH NOT AT BURNING MAN THIS YEAR
so fucking wild to think about how absolutely obsessed the media was with Joe Biden’s mental and physical health and now that Trump’s body and mind are literally rotting away like an old banana in front of our very eyes the entire Fourth Estate is like HAS GAVIN NEWSOM GONE TOO FAR or whatever
@quinncy.bsky.social at least they warned me?
A woman ran up to me and screamed WHAT HAPPENED and I screamed THEY CALLED PA FOR BIDEN and she screamed OH THANK GOD and ran in the opposite direction, pulling out her phone. It was like we had won a war. This is a post about when he finally dies. /end
I’ll never forget the day in Nov. 2020 that PA finally got called. I was walking the dog and listening to the news and suddenly everyone on the street stopped, stared at each other, and then broke out into cheers. Cars starting honking their horns. 1/2
five stars would never stop screaming
nothing explains a GenX woman better than reading Flowers in the Attic when she was eleven
wait do we have to wait until we read it to scream
the fuck your feelings crowd has a lot of feelings about restaurant logos, apparently
@amiberger.bsky.social
Kevin better not walk past any open windows on his way to the copier
hey babe what’s wrong you haven’t even touched your possibly radioactive shrimp
It looks like one of those fake gold mall kiosks threw up
TRUMP: [is unhinged, insane] NEWSOM: [parodies unhinged insanity] REPUBLICANS: Gavin Newsom is insanely unhinged!!1! NEW YORK TIMES [probably] What do these three independent voters eating pizza at a Casey's outside Des Moines think about Gavin Newsom's unhinged insanity?
torn between admiration for the well-timed murdereyes and also WELL GREAT I GUESS I JUST WON'T BE SLEEPING ANYMORE
this cat was clearly the dalai lama in a previous life WHERE IS MY BUTTER AND HEATING PAD
the ailurophobe in me: EEK the PR/comms flak in me: WE NEED ANOTHER MEDIA TRAINING SESH APPARENTLY
Yes this is my schtick but also this is broadly speaking a byproduct of minimal generational turnover: Politics is comparable to music in that your brain gets stuck on the hits/vibes of the era you came of age.
when you dig out your old Corel Draw files from 1995 for your new logo
*sigh*
Hakeem Jeffries is living in a completely different timeline as the rest of us
Remember a million years ago when Trump was impeached for trying to pressure Zelenskyy into making shit up about Joe Biden good times
THANK YOU CHICKEN JOCKEY
the John Bolton cameo at the end is what makes it art
This is NOT real as far as I can tell—it’s not on their current X feed—but the fact that I had to go check to make sure tells you all you need to know.
Forever and ever amen
I usually say OH DEAR with a “yikes” face
At last, Covfefe has found their Twin Flame
big divorced dad trying to hook up at the PTO happy hour energy here
this is the most I’ve ever identified with a cat
@amiberger.bsky.social What if you’re afraid but also relate?
WHY SMOL KITTEH NOT HIDING IN BACK BEDROOM WITH DOGGO
tfw when your entire psychological makeup is basically an open book
I can't
Here's your lord and savior, GOP. Nice work.
DIEDRICH
that's because Trump cares a great deal about keeping his own secrets safe and not a whit about keeping the nation's secrets safe
and also entirely believable
fair
At this point they should just put all our secrets in a google doc and share the link in an email using reply all
*as the Earth explodes* THIS IS JUST A DISTRACTTTIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOONNNNNNN.
He's been a Russian asset for at least thirty years. Today is like Old Home Week.
@amiberger.bsky.social What if Gumbus is trying to save you from embarrassment?
APPARENTLY GUMBUS IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CARES ABOUT HOW SCARY THIS IS FOR ME
of all the things I don't care about today, I don't care about Lisa Murkowski's thoughts and feelings on Trump and Putin's Alaska meeting the most
god she really is the worst
not sure we should really be listening to Jillian Michaels on anything except how to develop body dysmorphia and eating disorders so
oh my god Imani my heart is RACING argggggggg so glad he's okay
NARRATOR: she, in fact, did
as we prepare for whatever nonsense is about to go down in Alaska, just a reminder that we STILL don't know what the fuck they talked about in Helsinki
MSP is a great mid-sized airport
It’s the christofascism, stupid
The 2025 writers room really knocking it out of the park today
ahhhhhhh the return of "heffa" to The Discourse is like a balm to my soul
just a reminder that not even two months ago there was an ACTUAL ASSASSIN WHO MURDERED ONE OF OUR LEGISLATORS AND HER HUSBAND on the loose in Minneapolis for hours with exactly zero (0) federal response tralalalalalalala
Kind of wild to think about where we’d be if we had just fucking arrested him after J6
did he hire the ghost of Rodney Dangerfield to run his socials?
you should, in fact, yuck on someone else’s yum if their yum is being a nazi
I lived in NE Ohio for a while (Lorain County) and the lake being north screwed me up SO BAD
I'll see your Boston and raise you Minnesota, land of ten fucking thousand lakes. I literally have no idea which end is up.
my fatal flaw is that I grew up in Chicago so my brain permanently registers any body of water I happen to be near as east this will, somehow, contribute to my eventual demise
(and h/t @bebeneuwirth.bsky.social for the rec)
the final scene of JOHN PROCTOR IS THE VILLAIN has been living in my head rent-free for two full weeks now and I'm not mad about it
@amiberger.bsky.social
The arc of this is nothing short of Shakespearean
ALTERNATIVE ENDING: there *were* women in the meeting but they just got interrupted/talked over/ignored
Instagram location sharing: tell me there were zero (0) women in the meeting without telling me
FYI "Grievances will be aired" is how I am signing off on emails from now on
HOW SMOL KITTEH COSPLAY RHIANNA AT MET GALA
DO NOT TRY TO FOOL ME QUINN THESE ARE NOT CATS THEY ARE SEMI-SENTIENT SQUEAKY TOYS
ELIZABETH OH MY GOD EVERYTHING IS SO FUCKING STUPID
well shit the bed I was feeling pretty proud of "couch consigliere"
oh, to be a fly on the wall during Couch Consigliere's meeting tonight with the goon squad
🎶 poetry in motion 🎶
BREAKING: Convicted sex trafficker who taught young girls how to blow old men says sole person on earth who can pardon her did nothing wrong.
although I suppose "keep them in jail" is more apropos here
ijs
woof. you okay?