Political editor is the consolation prize for not getting the showbiz editor post they all so desperately crave It's why Mason, Peston and Kuennsberg are so desperate to turn everything into a fucking soap opera where they're the star character
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Political editor is the consolation prize for not getting the showbiz editor post they all so desperately crave It's why Mason, Peston and Kuennsberg are so desperate to turn everything into a fucking soap opera where they're the star character
I see Bake Off is continuing its tradition of getting the brown people out early
It's all just cluckbait
Welcome to the life of anyone who has tried to travel on the transpennine train route for the last 12 months
Are you sure it's not a capon?
"I'm not far-right" says man who then goes on to parrot a bunch of far-right talking points All the self-awareness of boiled ham
Hopefully the BBC will follow up on this story to cover the fact the venue mentioned in it had all of its windows put out on Friday night by someone with a hammer. Seems somewhat relevant. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...
Fucking Jeremy: A story in three parts
Have decided I am neither introvert nor extrovert I'll go out of my way to avoid engaging with you, but will go out of my way to engage with your dog I'm a dogtrovert
The old tramshed that was the Queen's Hall in Leeds
You can usually clean your floor with it
Just time for a pint of Grunter's Old Futtock Mild at the nearest CAMRA pub
Aye, 1987 tour for me at a venue that doesn't even exist any more
I bet it finished at a reasonable hour too
Bryan Adams dueting with Mel C Like me having a kickabout with Zidane.or a wrestle with The Rock
Bryan Adams encouraging his audience to dance, unaware of the potential cost to the NHS of all those slipped discs and agina attacks
It's 38 years since I first saw Bryan Adams live at the old Queens Hall in Leeds Two of the first three songs from tonight's set were also in that 1987 set, which tells you how much absolute shite he's written inbetween
Watching Bryan Adams Someone should tell him that first real six-string he bought has two strings missing That five and dime has ripped him off
It's 9:15 on a Saturday night, so I'm out* dancing** to 90's rave*** while off my tits on MDMA**** *home ** watching *** Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives **** full of Chinese takeaway
Exhibit #4
I made a Hypnotits reply to a Polanski post and I've had three "oh grow up" responses Like, don't elect deeply unserious leaders if you don't want the piss ripping out of them
Fuck me, the Greens are an utterly humorless bunch of scolds aren't they?
Has this ref had money on no more than two goals?
England's full-backs have been awful. No interest in overlapping or taking people on
Anthony Gordon, the chaos goblin enters the fray
Did you hypnotize them into turning up, Hypnotits?
I've scored more tries in rugby sevens competitions than he has, so...
Dan Burn as an international footballer is a piece of comedic performance art isn't it? It can't be anything else. He's a Sunday League big lad. It's like watching a carthorse running in the Derby at Epsom
"That's me, that is."
Andorra got bored watching England struggle and thought they'd show them how to finish
You can see why Rashford can't get a game at Barca, can't you? Massively overrated player
Not sure why England think they need to pick two big plodding centre-backs against a team that won't get over halfway Could play Rice back there and have an extra attacking midfielder
They should make England line up for the anthem in order of height, just so the cameraman doesn't have to go up then down again for Big Dan Burn
Watching the Fiji-Wales game from the women's rugby union world cup Chuffed for Fiji to get a win, they're as much fun to watch as the men's team
Two fun firsts today First time I've ever had to ring 999 and first trip in an ambulance where I wasn't the patient The joy of elderly parents eh?
The famously woke carpet bombing of Vietnam with napalm
Hard to decide out of Lady Marmalade and Under The Bridge which is the most unnecessary cover version I'm going Under The Bridge #totp
Daz Sampson's Wikipedia by the way is proper what the fuck stuff #totp
Last seen managing a football team in the Bhutan Premier League
Bang on the top of it with your fist
That melody to the intro of Stranded has very "My Heart Will Go On" vibes about it
Yup
Speaking of Eurovision, the lesser spotted Daz Sampson here with Bus Stop #totp
26 years on from this pretty decent piece of dance pop, the UK sent a half-naked Olly Alexander cottaging in a public toilet to Eurovision We used to be a country #totp
Much like Bananarama records, I'm convinced the harmonies on Steps songs are all done by layering a single vocal No way all five of them are singing on them #totp
Hello and welcome to Merrymac Baby Dinosaur Sanctuary.
By this point in its journey to the knacker's yard, #totp episodes had less original material than Cher's face
The fictional character I relate to the most
Aqua with the one nobody remembers #totp
Cleopatras in the rear view mirror may appear to be comin atcha
The one on the left's got the giant slalom at Kitzbuhel straight after #totp
"LeAnn Rimes BUT WITH WHAT, CHRIS KAMARA?" #totp
So far, pointless cover, pointless cover, Hucknall #totp
Dialling down the sexuality of the show by introducing Hucknall #totp
Why put all that time and effort into writing songs when you can just steal them from Labelle or Fleetwood Mac? #totp
From All Saints to The Corrs Yer dad just had to go change his pants #totp
It's Friday, it's 7pm It's time for All Saints Again #totp
My favourite of the current Falcons roster
Or a drink, minimum I'm not that easy
Poor Dawn, what's she done to deserve being ridden at?
If Mitchell & Webb don't bring back Sir Digby Chicken-Caesar, we riot
He'll be fine when he hits puberty, sometime around 2043
"Have YOU suffered a series of humiliating legal defeats?"
Liz parking her tanks on Peter Kyle's lawn
Ed Balls renewing his passport and checking the rules around taking spouses on ministerial jollies
"Running the family business? Piece of piss"
*sound of breaking glass* "OH MY GOD, AUSTIN IS HERE!!!"
Why does it look like Farage has just challenged Dorries to an "I Quit" match at Wrestlemania?
"Draw me like one of your French foxes"
Worse - wanking arm
"It's become clear to all of us that it is a cabinet of wholly unqualified people to run our country" says Reform leader Nigel Farage, whose own leading ministers in waiting include the likes of Lee Anderson, Nadine Dorries and Darren Grimes.
The perfect DPM for a period of intense flag discourse
What's Jacqui Smith up to, apart from her neck in pay per view porn?
Steve claims the roll was looking at him funny?
Numbers are Marxist, as any fule kno
Given the incumbent departed for tax impropriety, Margaret Hodge
The curse of being the oldest living royal strikes again
Worth remembering in all this that Nadhim Zahawi had to cough up £5m following an HMRC enquiry, and was only forced to resign when it became apparent he'd not done his ministerial disclosure properly rather than for not paying the correct amount of tax
Notable that nobody is prepared to put their name on it as a byline
Be fun to come back in five years and see how many of these businesses are still solvent
Politburo is Russian for polycule
Carry On Caving
Weekend At Mary's 2
He'd think the sun shines out of his ass, because he's a Kennedy They're the Irish-American version of a mafia crime family
Mad Nad Sad, Claims Badenoch Bad
Clearly just hanging on in the job until they won something 😂
Daniel Le-bye, more like www.bbc.co.uk/sport/footba...
Has she defected or defecated?
Imagine surviving as a second tier club on gates of 4,000
Nadine Dorries defecting to Reform, just in time for the party conference piss-up
If you enjoy watching car crashes, RFK Jr's testimony to the Senate finance committee is making Chappaquidick look like a pleasant moonlit drive
I'm sure this will be every bit as successful as the Premier League and EFL's current fit and proper persons tests www.bbc.co.uk/sport/footba...
Genuinely expecting the backdrop for the next Tory conference to have "PAKIS GO HOME" on it at this point
I'm an advocate for Bell's original suggestion, which was to answer by saying "ahoy"
Rent controls keeping overheads down, maybe?
*clears throat*