They're bringing Hublot on @OriginalPonk on the other place
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The thing is, we've laughed at all these cunts throughout the entire decade-long Brexit debacle. They won anyway and it's happening all over again. If there was a means of moving to another planet and starting again, I will be banging on that fucking spaceship's door
I promess to lay off the fffu...cheese burgaz. For tha fffu.. bairns
My son is Eight Ace
Private property owners taking big piles of cash from the government to house people in shit conditions. What's more Tory than this?
It's always "fighting age" males with this lot. Never "working age". Or "disco dancing age"
You'll never know when a person sitting next to you has a food allergy, so I always bring a peanut butter sandwich when I'm traveling by train
RIP Terence Stamp, you are with the angles in the Phantom Zone now. x
My other half on a phone call - "he needs to get his bum in gear" which I immediately misheard as "he needs to get his bumming gear"
Awimbawe, awimbawe Awimbawe, awimbawe...
I'm down with this. Shit off with your kid's iPad on full blast and leaving your picnic behind when you get off.
I would take him RIGHT out. To Dorking.
Now that the grot sites are harder to access, it's time to reintroduce a new generation to creative wanking and using your imagination. It's even online now www.freemans.com
Lovely. Our coastline is very pretty but the tropical reefs get all the glory.
Is this what you'd call a humblegag?
I posted this a few years ago and have just read that Cartman attempts to do pretty much this in a new episode of South Park
YOU'RE A DEAD MAN HULK HOGAN. YOU MARK MY WORDS. A DEAD MAN. (Throws plastic chair)
Looking so grown up
"I can bring to this role extensive and in-depth Minesweeper and Spider Solitaire experience"
Great. Our next Prime Minister is going to be Action Man. Or Pikachu. Is that what you want? Cos that's what will happen. BBC News - www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/c9...
People who modify car or motorbike exhausts so that they sound like an elephant playing the trombone out of its arse at 3 billion decibels. They're a great bunch of lads* aren't they? *big twats
Sunday night. Let's fucking do this you cunts.
Proof that Noel Edmunds fathered a child with Mr. Blobby
Facebook memory from 11 years ago. A fenced off Canterbury House in Croydon, a stones throw from where I worked. Better know as Mark Corrigan's office in Peep Show.
Turkey Drummer
Nobody needs to know if you don't like Oasis. Just let their fans enjoy this reunion. And anyway, I didn't like them before everyone else and I don't like their early stuff the most.
They should have been on later
Worzel Gummidge decided he would try having a wank one day, but he was just grasping at straws
Pale ale meets the greatest band in the world. Courtesy of Silver Rocket brewery, Sussex
Some of my best friends are trees
I've had enough of cheap substandard flat pack furniture. Death, death to the MDF!
And fuck themselves in the other ear.
It's my Wimbledon. It's my Olympics, my football, my rugby, snooker and darts. It's barely on once a year, for one solitary weekend, and if the pearl clutchers of this fine nation even think about taking it away from us, they can fuck themselves in the ear. Twice. And then once more. Then fuck off.
I hate sports. Never been interested in any of it. Sport is very well catered for on the telly and always has been. Live music, on the other hand, isn't, which is why I love the BBC and the amazing coverage that it provides during Glastonbury.
When's he going to play Sweet Caroline? #NeilYoung #TheGlastonberry
The first of my in-depth #Glastonbury coverage, I'll be posting over the weekend, from the comfort of my sofa. Biffy Clyro - Coldplay with tattoos
American musicians playing #Glastonbury are still, like, "HELLO GLASS STONE BERRY" Who's giving out their visas FFS?
...is on the outside of your house
It's been on my watchlist for years. I'll get round to it one day
I only know him off the Sopranos and I'm saying "IT'S FUCKING APPENDAR FUCKING CITIS OR SOME FUCKING SHIT" in my head
Sunday night
With all that's happening in the world right now, it's a good time to remind everyone that Threads is currently available on the iPlayer www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/epis...
He's not even the best Paul McCartney in the Beatles
Woop-woop, there's a problem with your sink Woop-woop, that's the sound of da leak
Took a cup of hot chocolate to bed last night because I thought it would help me sleep but I kept stirring
They call me
I'm resigned to the fact that if we were to put our house up for sale, it would probably come with the "in need of some modernisation" tagline.
Men buying a bike: "I'm looking at the 87-speed tungsten alloy frame with Jumanji hydraulic brakes and carbon fibre Rigatoni rims" Ladies buying a bike: "Do have anything made of wrought iron and weighs 6 tons with a basket on the front? I'm thinking Miss Marple or Call the Midwife, yeah?"
Tragic tales of the allotment FB group
Smash in the gangs
No, fuck you, and the easyJet flight you sailed in on
Seen this story on a few news sites today but haven't bothered with it, as it's the usual chipbait
Here's how to make the army ten times more lethal Cocaine powered tanks Bayonets dipped in dog shit Night vision goggles during the DAY Remote controlled SPACE Spitfires
all I see is this
I've been eating dates for years and have suddenly realised that they look like massive spider arses
Whose idea was it to make the word dyslexia difficult to spell?
It stops being a fun and unifying event when the results are rigged
Peter Kay is set to publish his new autobiography, "DO I REMEMBER?"
Ft. Arthur Scargill on organ
No headlines going with 'Putin Chickens out of Turkey'. Sad
Oh yeah. It really is impossible to find
But, somebody obscures my view of you Really, who?
Just seen one of those extreme daredevil stunt pigeons
Whatever you think of Michael Jackson, only one of his albums was Bad. You can use that one if you like
Back in the day, the pope selection process was much simpler
Over on Facebook, this guy is upset that cross dressing wanker Tonty Blair and 2 Tier Stamer have ruined VD Day
You're always going to lose the argument by calling Reform voters racist. They're also fucking thick and racist.
If they were flip flops, I could have gone with Havaina Hold Your Hand. OK, has anyone got a picture of Yellow Submarine flip flops? I'll give you 50p
No thanks, ants No thants
Decisions, decisions
He is risen
OK. Maybe not give airtime to a homeopathist who says they might be able to "relieve the symptoms of" cancer. To some people, that's as good as a cure and they might drop conventional treatment.
Loving your homeopathy expert. More witchcraft on the NHS please
The only winner in all this will be people who manufacture toilet door signs
For more quality content, follow somebody else. You won't find any here
That old tree that was chopped down by the Toby carvery - The tree surgeons only meant to cut a little bit off but were told they could come back and help themselves as much as they liked.
Crouch Arse Barkoid Widdershins Finchley
Piss Street Posttraumatic Hill South Kevin
If they get rid of the Turkish barber shops, where are my sons going to go for their overpriced shit skin fades?
Bruce Foresight
Standing in front of the ticket barrier, trying to find your train ticket on your phone is the new rummaging for your purse at the supermarket checkout
I've been shopping for a new shed recently and there isn't a shed seller called 'Sheds Heaven' and that is a disgrace
Flat earther Trump supporters have been fairly quiet on the subject of Greenland's geographically strategic position
Is it April Fools day already?
So in France, he would have been locked up and not allowed to run for office? www.politicshome.com/news/article...
I think I've found the original inspiration for Viz's life of Christ in cats tea towel
'ave it large, Greenland. Top one. Fooking whale-eating knob'eads.
Just put one word - "SHITDEL"
The demise of WH Smith is sad in a way, but you can still buy big Toblerones and 2-for-1 David Walliams books in Tesco. Probably.
At what point did My Bloody Valentine become an arena band?
Apparently, salad cream contains no actual salad and doesn't count towards one of my 5 a day
This is brilliant news. My mate got blinded in one eye off a £1 coin at the football.
Grill death do us part www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...
Paddy McGuinness's house looks like it belongs to an Eastern bloc dictator's weekend retreat
If the Dukes of Hazzard were around now, they would be totally MAGA
Bring back furtive wanking
No newspaper headlines going with "Tariff Fatman" Very sad
They should sit on ricketty wooden stools