Someone could write a poem about it!
Angry People in Local Newspapers - Weird news - Bizarre headlines - Wild animals and ghosts which are actually cats - Bonkers billboards by @alistaircoleman.bsky.social. It’s a comedy account, so stop arguing.
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Someone could write a poem about it!
Things which are not like a cruise ship: These warehouses, but bloody hell they have a point.
The secret ingredient is exhaust fumes.
Also, I know the difference between licence and license (about 3,000 miles).
You will be delighted to learn that I am within days of completing the first draft of my next book [genuinely] called The Battle of the Flat Roof Pub With A Dog On The Roof.
HIPSTERS! Don’t use a chainsaw to open your stiffy pills. Ask a friendly grownup to show you how to operate the hipster-proof lid.
The word “peaceful” is doing a lot of heavy lifting, to be honest.
“Nobody knows who they were, or what they were doing… at Stonehenge”
Like every great writer, Annie saves the twist for the last line. Prepare to have your mind blown.
INCHES FROM DEEEEEEEATH.
Ah, I get you now. 😀
NTY, his followers are also neo-Nazis.
Then I ban hammered him.
One Facebook user has accused me of virtue signalling for posting this. He is correct, there is no shame in signalling your virtues, and I respect the fact that he spoke out despite being triggered.
[Suppresses the urge to kink-shame, turns to a tried and tested one-liner instead] “I’m not really a welder you know”
Meanwhile in France, this man wants to be in the Guinness Book of Records with his 40kg ball made from Babybel cheese wax. « J’ai gâché ma vie », a-t-il déclaré.
The Aussie press not holding back when it comes to its coverage of neo-Nazis.
Every year this shows up in my memories and makes me laugh again I think it was @andyparmo.co.uk who originally found it
Tell you what mate, we’ll take away those unsightly street lights while we’re at it.
As justified as their campaign might be, it’s not really the same, is it?
A superb photo of no phone boxes at all.
You’re most welcome
Regret to report that among many things that would immediately qualify this story for this account, there is also a poem apparently written by a tree.
It remains the Oxford Tunnel of Doom, because when you emerge you are still in Oxford.
Point of order: Those buses are not disappearing, they’re are merely trying out a new colour scheme. www.irishtimes.com/transport/20...
This, the finest news story ever published, has once again appeared in my inbox, and it would be rude not to share it.
![THRASHED BY A LADY CYCLIST. WHO IS NOTED FOR HER ATHLETIC POWERS. [SUBJECT OF ILLUSTRATION.] AN extraordinary scene was witnessed on Seturday morning in Peel Lane, a thoroughfare connecting Little Hulton with lyldesley, in which the principal participants were a young lady cyclist and a youth of nineteen or twenty. The lady was riding at a good pace, and when in a quiet part of the road the young man, who had apparently been imbibing, stepped into the roadway, and, addressing some insulting remarks to the cyclist, made as if he intended pulling her of the machine. She immediately alighted caught hold of the astonished youth, and gave him& sound thrashing, using her tists in scientitie fashion, to the delight of several colliers who were passing. The young man made off, and the cyclist, who is believed to be a Bolton lady noted for her athletic powers, rode off towards Tylesley.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:irlrdb4p2swljzcdjbhc54gd/bafkreiedp7arp6qkhtp5sx5uff7ba3ps4cneoyinnff36wfppwdicwwrj4@jpeg "Click to view full size")
This is the correct response, and I wish they’d hurry up.
HOTEL WANKER
Any El Reg story about malfunctioning robotics MUST include the phrase “turning on their fleshy masters”.
CURSÈD, if I’m any judge of these things.
This is classic “there’s a man in reception, and he says he’s got a story for us”.
I have questions, mostly for Birmingham Live.
Where are they now? The eight-year-old boy who only ever ate jacket potatoes is now the leading potato magnate in a rogue nuclear armed state. www.dailystar.co.uk/news/latest-...
DISGUSTEN
Who among us has not gone to a kids’ fun day in Leek, stripped half naked and twerked on the roof of a Peugeot?
1. Trick the groundsman from a Premier League team to look after your lawn.
Just wait until Mount Hull, the local volcano, goes off.
Would we be right in suggesting that the authorities are acting like a bunch of… oh never mind.
Roses are red Poems should scan Happy 12th anniversary to this headline which says
Joe Pasquale doing a drag act.
It is my dog’s birthday today, and why can’t he have underwhelming baked products?
SEXY SLANG ADJUDICATION: Very much so. USED IN A SENTENCE: “No, I haven’t had surgery, they’re my helium ballongas”
“Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter”
Local character KLAXON
“Any luck catching them naked men?” “It’s just the one penis actually”
It’s at the (oh-ho!) DEAD CENTRE of the village!!! www.theargus.co.uk/news/2542743...
Good point.
1. Stop flirting with spiders 2. Decline entry to a lady spider if she comes to your door asking for a cup of sugar 3. A nationwide ban on sexy spiders
🙄
Repentant Manchester United supporter apologises for his poor life choice following that embarrassing defeat to Grimsby Town. “My mum, my dad and my brother are all with me,” he says, “as I make this difficult switch to supporting Liverpool”.
Forts and prays.
I’m off upstairs to polish my truncheon
There’s probably a hole in the head (gasket)
An ”Oh mate” from the archives. Or rather “Oh, they didn’t mate”.
With all of France’s problems solved, attention turns to the scourge of loud cats on trains.
Meanwhile, on the Isle of Man
Seahouses does some of the best chippy tea on the planet. That is all.
Also trapped in my own home klaxon
It’s REAL PRADA, you know.
One Vision Housing? No Vision Housing more like.
A penny farthing.
Perfect.
Once again, Douglas Adams predicted the future. The Ameglian Major Cow is here at last.
“Clearly someone within our town considers themselves a comedian” It’s the ghost of former Droitwich resident Rik Mayall wooooooooooo.
One of the shoddy signs here looks like a sperm swimming toward the ovum. It’s probably an allegory for potholes as a method of contraception.
No.
And “It’s like living in the Turd World” was staring them right in the face.
“I’ll have the Peckham Spring please”
Worst best when performed as a rap.
@apiln.bsky.social - poetry has been commited. We await the sentencing...
Are we sure it didn’t just fall in some curry like that seagull did
Not only a very risky Google, but also a description of the people who made this mistake.
Watch out! She’s going to sing!
Regret to report that those pencil-necked desk jockeys at the council are at it again.
For those about to rock, in your carpet slippers, we salute you.
…in acid.
Fair judgement.
“Hello…you don’t know me… am just calling to say congratulations finding your wife’s rings in the tip…looks like you’ve got a talent for that sort of thing. Okay I’ll get to the point…I had this hard drive with lots of bitcoin on it and it got lost in a tip, and I was wondering….”
It’s Cirencester, which is not Swindon. The only time I ever went there was because my car broke down on the M4 and that’s where it ended up.
BUT OUR CARS.
Might have gone in knee-high on him, but come on - have a sense of perspective, eh?
Places that do not look like they’ve been bombed: Cirencester, and the folks in Ukraine and Gaza and Sudan and etc etc would love to give you a guided tour.
I had cropped the photo. The caption should have gone here.
Spoiler: Zombies (Disclaimer: May not be 100% effective against the undead)
Meanwhile in South Devon, I haven’t bothered reading the story, but the toilets at the bus station are playing up again.
That may be the case, but that’s not going to make very much hay, is it?
Willie Nelson is a good egg who really doesn’t deserve this poem, where George has rhymed “American nation” with “tax evasion”.
I never knew there was a Bin Queen, but here we are. I suppose the other chap is the Bin Prince of that Rubbish Tip in Wales where the bitcoin’s buried
DONE A POO. And it’s Burning Soul not Burning Arsehole, for which you can get a cream.
Robbie Coltrane and/or Eric Idle.
Cat. For more information, new followers may wish to read our pinned tweet.
These are the cycle hangars that BUT MY CAR said were taking up vital parking spaces and nobody’s going to use them anyway. They should put in more.
“We’re not NIMBYs,” say group of NIMBYs.
We don’t do court reports but FLAT ROOF SOCIAL CLUB KLAXON
Gen Z these days: “I say chaps, here’s a jolly wheeze - let’s go down the seafront and throw eggs at each other fwa fwa fwa fwa” All this because of woke or something.
A true miracle would be two holes in nun (none!!!) (not sexy slang)
I’ve done my own research (on a page called Shitty Advice), and the simplest, most effective solution to fleas is to shave your pet.
Sexy slang from the 1970s
Do you know who ISN’T issuing parking tickets in Liverpool with “No parking here shithead” on them? Liverpool City Council, that’s who.