Writer, scientist, inventor, statesman, diplomat, printer, publisher, political philosopher, one of the Founding Fathers of the United States, drafter and signer of the Declaration of Independence, the First Postmaster General and a damn good lay.
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This headline was quite triggering. I myself turned off the hydrogen on Count Von Zeppelin's LZ-1 airship while we were at 10,000 ft, and I was violently tackled and hogtied by the other passengers. In my defense, I was trying to light a doob without giving us all the Hindenburg treatment.
"Parents fume over 6 yr old boy's totalling of a $400,000 Bentley that they gleefully handed him the keys to minutes prior."
As the old refrain used to go, "O-hiiii-O! It's round on the ends and ignorant rednecks in the middle."
Absolutely gorgeous, but deadly! I held a fabulous week long drunken bash to watch the one we had in Peale's museum bloom, and when it finally opened the damned thing ate Lizzie Powel's husband, Samuel. 😳
Oh, he's for sure in hospice at this point, if not on life support and hooked up to machines. I've been party to highly complex (and competent) schemes to keep a president "alive and governing" before, and worse. Zachary Taylor was as dead as a doornail before he even won the election.
At least the robits are nude, which is how the Olympics should STILL be, as our Maker intended.
If what I see via my local HD airwaves is accurate, the strategy involves 200% more episodes of Midsomer Murders.
Bye bye EPA, Hello Beach Blanket Shitshow! I adore the romantic scene where Frankie and Annette stroll on the beach, while dodging brown trout.
At least it's just one at a time, these days. In the early years of plate glass photography, entire families would be wiped out trying to time the two minute exposure with the close passing of a steam locomotive.
They'll learn the same lesson the Brits learned during the ol' Revo-lulu - when you do the Hessians dirty AND pay them peanuts, they'll switch sides on you mighty fast! 😉
I liked Kirk's tweet better when it was a Mike Judge movie titled "Idiocracy".
Calamity looms!! I recall too well the 1802 cleanup, when Powdered Wig Island was exploded, and 42 expired from corn starch poisoning. www.cbc.ca/radio/asitha...
Traditionally, Texas has only been about 12% inhospitable and bleak. This was mainly due to the Chihuahua Desert. Thanks to the GOP however, they've finally hit 100%.
Crackers will RIOT if you so much as touch their precious Barrel! www.bbc.com/news/article...
"If Putin doesn't agree to immediately end this war, I will absolutely FILL my industrial-capacity adult diaper in his presence. CHECKMATE," added Trump.
"I've personally directed our DC police to use lethal force against anyone who uses the E word."
Zounds, I feel just awful about what has happened to these gorgeous birds. I visited Tasmania in 1821 and my two sugar gliders, Sweetie & Goober, escaped into the wild after our camp was ravaged and my attendants devoured by thylacines.
Per new rules from the White House, the "Lump Sum" option will now also include a positive cancer diagnosis and a loss of your healthcare.
"Here are five things about how an encounter with a 26 ft Great White could impact a plump and delicious harbor seal." You've already been defunded, NPR, why the continued cowardly kid-gloves?
Forbes, you and I are currently at odds, but credit where credit is due. This pic of Paxton looks like he is in the midst of soiling his breeches, and it's a thing of beauty.
If Cygames' so much as touches my late surger Grass Wonder (Stone-Piercing Blue) with Super Creek and Swinging Maestro, I will RIOT.
Ahhh, Madame LeBrun 😍 In a private moment, I asked her to "Paint me like one of your headless French aristocracy" and she slapped the living drollness out of me.
Starting in the early 1800's, my knees, elbows, neck and back would creak due to old age and arthritis. From around 1973 and onward, they now sound like when you crush a solo cup.
Lovely! However, those rascally lemonadiers would spike their jugs with the Lord knows what and you would hallucinate for three days after.
I advocated for all traitorous confederate hicks to be blown from a gun in their local town square. They didn't listen to me and here we are.
When you fail to pull out the weeds by the roots and kill them, they just KKKeep coming back.
If it can happen there, it can happen anywhere. Please someone tell me these sweet puppies are safe!
I saw a family of manatees trapped and floundering in a dried out spring once and it was the saddest sight of my life. This, on the other hand, would have been hilarious. apnews.com/article/vp-v...
Frankly, I'm surprised that Tan was able to decipher the scrawled, nonsensical crayon pictograph he received from Cotton.
I never would've gotten through that idiotic kite & key experiment without these little gems, I don't mind telling you.
They only post the Grand Wizard position openings internally, looks like.
Allow someone who remembers what it was like to eat 100% UN-processed food to share a little secret with you - we were all of us riddled with parasites and foodborne diseases. I'll take a Hot Pocket over Shigella any day.
I employed a raven as a typesetter for five years at the Gazette. It worked wonderfully until he started pilfering everyone's jewelry to give away as "gifts".
It's also not out of the question that Stonewall Jackson is still alive somewhere, and this may be a sly honeypot to try and apprehend him.
DHS recognizes that racism, bigotry and white supremacy have ALWAYS been a family affair, and they're doing their part! Also, the age cap removal allows any still-living Confederates to join ICE now. Two minority birds, one racist stone.
RIP to Speed Demon Raschke! All these speed record deaths on the salt flats are so haphazard and unnecessary. I was present for the first one, when Count Jeanteaud Cassoulet-Pew reached 12 mph in his electric bassinet, cartwheeled and died.
Sinatra, wherever he may be, just punched three broads in protest.
Boy Howdy, Gregg Abbott took the concept of being a fascist thug and really ran with it. gov.texas.gov/news/post/go...
"She's Fascist and 'foxy', South Carolina prepares to elect a Nazi."
They redistricted themselves into other states, I see.
Gilding the lily now, are we? Hopefully this goes the same way as Andrew Jackson's "Carousel of Genocide" ride, and they never even break ground on it.
These poor men. If ICE agents are not allowed to wear masks, they would no longer be able to portray themselves as unmarried and "a-political" on the dating apps. 😥 truthout.org/articles/fed...
An additional 73,000 Amazon delivery drivers will be flooding the streets? What fresh hell is this.
Back in 1771, Linnaeus and I taught a white rhinoceros in the Congo to load and fire a 12 lb smoothbore cannon. Within three years poachers were an endangered species. Sometimes the old ways are best.
Given that the United States is now a Pedophile Sanctuary, boning our children even harder by not educating them seems par for the course.
With $TRUMP coin donation terminals on each table, and in every lavatory. Buying Democracy has never been more ostentatious!
This is quite touching, but these walking cattails aren't always so respectful. After Darwin died they played "Old McDonald Had a Farm". 😑
The Nepalis?? Jumpin' Jehoshaphat, do NOT invoke the anger of the Ghurkas! I've seen them tear a man limb from limb! 😰
One death is always one too many. Though, during my childhood we had a cast iron, wood-burning kitchen playset. I lost no less than three siblings to it, and it was one of the NICE ones.
Politico was once a respected publication. Now it's only suitable for wrapping fish.
The GOP has demonstrated their turd polishing acumen time and time again, but this bloated good ol' boy may be a log too far.
This is scummy behavior, but I'll freely admit I myself used this same tactic constantly, and it drove Adams insane. However, I only ever moved my ball into WORSE lies, so as to inflate my score and thus facilitate a slew of racy "I take sooo many strokes" bits. 😉
On this day, 1786 - my feeble yet exorbitant racehorse, Janitoriat, completes the first ever "Triple Frown" by going 0-26 for the season and coming in dead last every race. After this, Janitoriat went back to eating crabapples in a field, and so did I.
"Houston, we have a problem." "This number has been disconnected or is no longer in service. If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and dial again."
"Stop peeing in trans litter boxes in public schools, and work the mines/fields for America, Kids!" - Hurt www.rawstory.com/charlie-hurt...
Until the old Philly fave "Mesca Cola" (with fresh squeezed peyote) returns, I remain uninterested, Coke!
Fun tidbit - Taft attended a private DC screening of "Hog Wild" and laughed so hard he shook his substantial innards loose. He expired four days later.
Sure you say you can handle Thai Spicy, but can you handle Israeli Spicy??
Given the trash level humans we've already seen doing ICE's dirty work, next will be hippopotami in balaclavas and cosplay tactical gear, mauling US citizens as they attempt to go about their day.
Rules for thee, but not for me! 🌭✊👊✊👊
Some utter fool must have walked in with Ohio State merch on.
Israel further clarified that the airdrops would contain food, water, medicine, cluster munitions and nerve gas.
You're smart to have everything covered. The Chesapeake otters would send one in to distract you with cuteness while the rest robbed you down to your hosiery.
This man's sweet, sweet lips should be enshrined in the Hall of National Treasures.
This looks like me trying to invent the flexible catheter 😳
I'm going to speculate wildly that the word she intended to use here is "labia".
The inhumane cruelty of this is intended, of course. Just like when the Barbary Pirates confiscated my iron ascot and stilt shoes as they tried to hang me in Tripoli.
This is like when you go to a Thai restaurant, you tell them you can take it spicy, and then flames shoot out of every orifice on the first bite. *slow clap*
Christ what a fright. I didn't have my focals on and for a second I thought Rolling Stone was announcing MY death. RIP, Mr. Osborne. You really shook up those stodgy Brits!
I expected nothing less from the fearless swashbuckler who stood up at the Correspondent's Dinner and, in front of God and the entire country, took a giant, steaming verbal dumb on George W's head. The last time I saw a prez roasted like that, it was when they forgot FDR in the hot springs.
"Give me your minors, your underage, Your innocent youth unaware of the evils of men, The bikini-clad teens of your teeming shore. Send these, the groomed, sex-trafficked to me, I lift my lamp beside the Epstein plane's door!" - The GOP RELEASE THE FILES.
When some idiot would do this with the pox back home in Boston, we would chain them to channel marker #7 in the harbour for 3 months. It worked, just sayin'.
Parents, maybe you'll empathize with my feelings here. You bring a child into the world. You give your all to pour the best of yourself and of humanity into it, and then you send it out into the world to be better than you were. And then one day you realize, "This one is just plain dumb".
Lovely news, but can we please do something about the bold flying squirrels?? It's getting so a man can't sit outside his tent and eat a Payday bar in peace.
"Ve vant ar dere dere Minnesoota back vir vite Americans only, eh", stated Ole Jensen, before roaring "SKOAL" and downing a horn of honey mead.
Let's also remember the context of the time - unless you were royalty or lived in a goddamned orchard, NO ONE saw fresh fruit back then. It was all brown and vermin-infested. De Zwart is trolling us with this display of mouthwatering affluence. I
"DHS Secretary Kristin Noem has pledged her support and has offered to personally come and shoot every one these animals herself."
Ooh, this one is gonna sting bad. I know from experience how damaging a leaked birthday greeting can be. When the press got hold of my salutation to Adams on his 80th, all they would print is that I asked if the Fountain of Youth was inside of Abigail's juicy caboose? www.wsj.com/politics/tru...
"We must root out these diabolical, evil MS-13 criminals, who are currently lurking in our nursing homes and hospice care facilities!" - Tom Homan
This is why it took me two blasted years to get the guns from the French - all the damnable holidays! That and I had to personally sleep with each and every gun owner to get them to hand it over. 🙄
FYI, this was also his famous pickup line.
"Residents are urged to rush outside immediately after to rake in the mouthwatering King Crab and Halibut lying on the sidewalks"
Were this a current day headline, they would find internet searches on his laptop for "how to get wife devoured by coconut crabs in South Pacific??"
This is nowhere near a new thing. I myself had a roaring side gig as a "Top-Off-er" who would add smallpox immunity and polymath genes (no refunds) into the ol' casserole.
I am fuming. I want my 15 ha'pence back from that lying swine!
Someone advised me to watch the moving picture show Dune, and apparently I picked an inadvisable one. However, I'm watching this hilarious thing and I have to know, is the character below supposed to be Stonewall Jackson?? Because HOLY SHIT youtu.be/mWq15lDh8yM?...
With a final stroke, the ancient evil of Elvish Plundering is completely whitewashed out of our history, to demonize doe-eyed puppy dogs.
When your mill workers are all under the age of 14, ARKANSAS, they spend their wages on lollipops and jacks, not goods & services.
"If you can't handle me at my kid-diddlin' worst, you don't deserve me at my fascist lunatic best!" *Hair toss*
"Although Louisiana doesn’t share a border with a foreign country, there are nine ICE detention facilities in the state — holding nearly 7,000 people." An estimated 6-7 million more Americans are currently being detained nationwide in long lines at Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen franchises.
If these scruffy mouseketeers gin up the return of disco, I will be LIVID. www.tiktok.com/@jonasbrothe...
Failing Upwards and Onward!
When Raccoons are forced to gig for Doordash to make ends meet, things have gotten bleak indeed.
This is a tragic loss of one of our National Historic Places. I was present at the original lodge during the '32 fire. My keen sniffer awakened me at the first hint of smoke, and I quickly rushed the 25 young women slumbering in the dormitory with me, to safety. www.azcentral.com/story/news/l...
I've been using auto pen for over 250 years. You still TELL it what to write. This little pervert has penned all my naughty correspondence since my first visit to Helvetia, when I snapped up the original. galeriedesmerveilles.jaquet-droz.com/en/automata/...
"The Man of Steal"
Also, if he's zooming around over a city, I wouldn't want to be on the ground when that diaper shears apart at 9 Gs.
Oh look, it's the Man of Steal.
Allow me to tell you what will be "bad" for ICE morale - the first time one of these lowjockey ruffians gets absolutely wrecked/deleted while trying to kidnap an innocent, and the entire country CHEERS and APPLAUDS. Best of luck pretending you're not the bad guys after that goes down.
Two months from now - "Who could have foreseen that Nazi AI would make Teslas swerve onto the sidewalks to run over minorities and immigrants??"