Oh, Andy Borowitz. What a gem you are.
Oh, Andy Borowitz. What a gem you are.
Why is he looking at kids anyway? I'm suspicious.
The oldest fossil evidence shows that humans originated in Africa about 200,000 years ago and would have had dark pigmented skin to protect them from intense UV rays. So if you're a believer in "God," and believe man was created in his image... then it stands to reason that God is a Black man.
So last night I decided to try a piece of banana bread my wife made. I immediately felt bad because I found it incredibly dry and quite bland; I didn't have the heart to tell her. Today I learned what I'd eaten was a regular piece of bread she put on top to keep everything fresh. I'm an idiot.
Look at this graph. The share of national income going to the richest 10 percent was lowest (and share to lower 90 percent highest) when union membership was at its highest. As unions have weakened, inequality has widened. This is why we must build back union power.
"The lunatics are running the asylum."
You don’t see this👇🏼news pushed by the BBC on its main news page like they “report” when Farage opens his mouth or a migrant lands etc.. #RightWingScum put a Union Jack on a Mosque to intimidate them.. So its leaders put it in a window saying 'This is our flag... we are proud British Muslims”👏🏼👏🏼👌🏼
Me when my wife sees the browser history
He’s providing them with valuable mulching experience though.
Science is real
Bill Bates (@billbates01.bsky.social) reply parent
Or Trump's own. A gallon of bleach through the mouth and a strong UV torch jammed up his ass. Trump's medicinal compound that is most efficacious in every case. news.cgtn.com/news/2020-04...
RFK Jr: “If you’ve ever compared an unvaccinated kid to a vaccinated kid… you see the bright eyes, the engagement, the social interactions, the curiosity. And you compare them to the child who even had one or two vaccines, and they’re completely different.“ This man is an existential threat.
Bill Bates (@billbates01.bsky.social) reply parent
Notice the carrot and donkey approach to making him walk. A ten year old girl in a miniskirt ....
Bill Bates (@billbates01.bsky.social) reply parent
Notice the carrot and donkey approach to making him walk. A ten year old girl in a miniskirt ....
New plan: we get Obama to demand the death certificate
Oh dear….is Crafty at it again?
👀 apnews.com/article/paxt...
What a ridiculous person.
This says it all….
Bill Bates (@billbates01.bsky.social) reply parent
He sounds pretty believable. www.billboard.com/pro/tunisian...
Kim Jung-un, eat your heart out.
🤣
Aahh it has beena bit more peaceful🧿✌😉
www.facebook.com/reel/5443455...
CARTOON OF THE DAY (From @mluckovichajc)
Went to an Afghan pop up restaurant last night- the food was all cooked by Afghan refugees who had settled in my town Amazing food, lovely people, a great night. Thank you Oh, and fuck you Fartage
A seismic decision: Trump's tariffs are deemed UNLAWFUL under IEEPA. The court directed the Clerk to withhold issuance of its mandate until October 14, giving the parties time to petition the Supreme Court.
I'm ded 💀 😂 😂 😂
That's GREAT NEWS⁉️👍🏼
As long as guns are easily available to crazy people, mass killings directed at so-called soft targets will continue. This is a fact. Countries where it's more difficult for crazy people to obtain guns have less shootings. This is also a fact. Do with these facts as you will.
It's possible ... hear me out, here …. It may well be that these people lie their asses off whenever they exhale
This is just next level insanity. In January this year, Reform picked Sharon Carby, aged 70, from Bradford, to run as their Croydon Mayoral candidate. There was just one rather significant problem. She had sadly died in July 2024. insidecroydon.com/2025/08/27/f...
Bill Bates (@billbates01.bsky.social)
Yet another Trump man caught drugging and abusing his grandkids. Pardon coming? www.wral.com/news/local/s...
What idiot called it a bikini wax and not Bush Administration
So close to getting it.... but far, far too racist to get it.
Round up the Jan 6 Insurrections n death penalty for them! #arresttrump
…..enough said!
Mama, mama don’t you cry Your little boy ain’t gonna die Trump has called us to DC He thinks it looks good on TV We don’t have to go to war But pickin up trash is such a bore Sound off 1 2 Sound off 3 4 Cadence count 1 2 3 4, 1 2 3 4
This is what I have been yelling about🥴 SEND THE TROOPS where they are actually needed.... they could search for the EPSTEIN FILES..jk🤭 But seriously TEXAS & NC all the places where STORMS have DESTROYED could really use some help⁉️👍🤷♀️ WHAT has he done for AMERICA⁉️🤔💙🌊⚖ #DOYOURJOB #NOKINGS EVER⁉️💙🌊
My current favorite bit of right-wing Christian hypocrisy is Ken Paxton, a man whose wife is divorcing him for adultery, forcing Texas schools to unconstitutionally post "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery." www.houstonchronicle.com/news/houston...
Bill Bates (@billbates01.bsky.social) reply parent
“Thank you President Trump for your commitment to stopping mortgage fraud and following the law,” Federal Housing Finance Agency Director Bill Pulte said in a social media post. “If you commit mortgage fraud in America, we will come after you, no matter who you are.” www.nytimes.com/2025/07/24/u...
We Are All Lisa Cook open.substack.com/pub/paulkrug...
Bill Bates (@billbates01.bsky.social)
BREAKING NEWS 2026!!! Another Trump critic has nasty accident and falls out 24th floor window! Republicans send thoughts and prayers to his family. edition.cnn.com/2025/08/25/m...
Bill Bates (@billbates01.bsky.social)
Trump ban on Ukraine's use of long range cruise missiles is going to push all countries not to buy US made/controlled arms. Who wants munitions that can be disarmed/defused by the push of a White House button? www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025...
The English language, like many things bonds the UK and the US…..unfortunately, so does its politics! #OrangeFelon #FarageRiots #PlasticPatriots
I ADORE you GEORGE 😉🤣😂🤣😂🤣⚖💙⚖💙⚖
Friendly reminder that he once said that crime was down, May 7 of this year. And suddenly he’s taking over Democratic cities. This is a regime that has no plans of leaving.
So this is the USA’s strategy behind winning the World Cup…..
silversufer25.bsky.social (@silversufer25.bsky.social) reposted
Red states love to yell about “liberal handouts,” but California alone sends $80B more to DC than it gets back. States like KY, MS, AL take $2–3 for every $1 they pay. Cut the checks off and let’s see who’s really living on welfare.
Sure, Ghislaine, the guy who ran his hand up a woman’s skirt on an airplane and made surprise visits to the Miss Teen USA dressing room was a perfect gentleman when he was with you and Epstein.
Four out of five sex traffickers surveyed recommend Donald Trump for President.
It is not the job of federal judges to "respect the president." Good luck with the job hunt, Alina.
😂🤡🥴
Mockler: They say that they oppose it at a 79% rate, 61% of them feel less safe… So the question that I then want to ask is, why don't we mobilize the National Guard to the eight out of ten red states that are the highest homicide states?
"Because Trump has no idea what he’s talking about, it isn’t clear if he doesn’t know that most voters already vote via paper ballots, which are then tabulated by voting machines, or if he's somehow calling for a return to hand counting of paper ballots. If it’s the latter, that’s beyond stupid."
Tough talk from the man who took the Fifth before the grand jury.
There was a very high profile vote by mail scandal in NJ in recent years. Unfortunately, the person who was just sentenced to years in prison for fraudulent VBM operations worked for... Jeff Van Drew.
This is theTRUTH I was looking for today⁉️👍 But these MF'ERs are trying to tell us it's the BLUE STATES⁉️🤔 Hey Johnson how's your home state of LOUISIANA doing not so good I see⁉️ #justicematters #dobetter #voteblue STOP VOTING FOR TRUMPUBLICANS they have accomplished nothing but LIES⁉️ EPSTEIN FILES
atlantablackstar.com/2025/08/18/b... One of the reasons I don't think the death penalty in the US is viable is because the number of stories like this...where you can get jailed for 67 days because your name is similar to someone else.
Bill Bates (@billbates01.bsky.social) reply parent
Reminds me of dark days in France and "Le bruit et l'odeur" of Chirac chasing the anti-immigrant vote www.ina.fr/ina-eclaire-...
BREAKING: The far right have not called for all white men to be kicked out of the UK after a white British Labour councillor was convicted of raping a 15-year-old girl 🤷♀️
Bill Bates (@billbates01.bsky.social) reply parent
With no ID shown it should be assumed that they are a couple of Vance Boelters and treated as such. news.sky.com/story/suspec...
Bill Bates (@billbates01.bsky.social) reply parent
Unless they are doxxed, it is still not certain that they are ICE
👍
Rubio shamelessly omits that the U.S. gave security assurances to Ukraine in exchange for it giving up its nukes in 1994. We must honor our pledge and stop Russian aggression and bloodshed everywhere—or it won’t end with just Ukraine.
Lmfao.
He should have been ARRESTED January 7th For DERELICTION OF DUTY..... 👍🤔🤬👹⚖🌊💙🤷🏻♀️🙍♀️ #justicematters #NOKINGS EVER
Bill Bates (@billbates01.bsky.social)
? For me, Cream-colored ponies and crisp apple strudels Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles would all win out over Trump and Golf. (Could add in jellyfish, candle ends and old bits of string)
The decision of European leaders to all join Zelensky in his White House visit was one of the savviest diplomatic moves I’ve seen in a long time. Historic. THAT is how you unify for democracy.
Monday chuckles😄😄
😕
Bill Bates (@billbates01.bsky.social)
'Author of "Mrs Dalloway"' If allowed only one book, I would go for 'Author of "To the Lighthouse"' with The Waves coming a close second ....
MS has a much worse violent crime problem than DC.
Well said.
I didn't used to be a fan, but that has changed as I've watched her repeatedly step up.
Cowardice? Try hypocrisy. What a weasel.
Someone's just thrown a bottle of Omega 3 tablets at me. I only received super fish oil injuries, but still.
Seen a lot of unexpected things in this new era, unbelievable how quickly business leaders have fallen right into line. If they haven’t figured it out yet, they will pay dearly for their fealty… www.telegraph.co.uk/business/202...