Flashback to a time I was too honest about why I was tired from the night before
Formerly @imacabbienow on twitter dot com. Sorry
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Flashback to a time I was too honest about why I was tired from the night before
Right? I know this place that serves a applewood bacon/dates/goat cheese empanadas. Every bite is a hit in the face. Outstanding
I suppose *that* is the “something beautiful”
(Check cash app in the next 30sec pls)
K, and I don’t see ya, have a good night
Breakfast Enjoyer signing on
Trust me, I tried somewhat hard (I’m at work) to find a clip from ‘The Great Escape’, where Big X says “Luftwaffe, Gestapo, SS? To me, they’re all the same. We’re fighting the whole bloody lot!”
(For the record, it was 20+yr of friendship, 5yrs unrequited love on my end, got over it, started dating 10yrs after that, that lasted 1 year before she chose another guy to father her child) I still love love, but being single with a soulmate is hard time.
Healthy? Suboptimal. Does it mask it? Only if I stop long enough to think about it.
🫂
I’ve developed a generous masturbation habit, and thrown myself entirely into work, and sleep.
Lost my virginity on Craigslist Casual Encounters. ‘nuff said
That counts as cleavage
Ok, so I was just looking up if they still make syrettes, last I see was in the 90’s, replaced by auto-injectors like the epi-pen. And then I see that the military has an auto-injector that delivers diazepam, which I…
I have an old 50-60’s era survival guide, with pearls of wisdom like “include Dexedrine, can be used to offset the morphine syrettes”
And name them Bean
He nipped at the guy that brought him a saucer full of sherry. I think he was just excited
Ah that
Just 1 (one) of each
Hold on, I don’t remember the original post this was replying to, blocked
He also put a out a statewide directive to sweep homeless camps. He can eat a dick
Yup, the electoralism makes them think that electability is the same as a good person.
The liberals are still trying to win at the “game” by fighting fire with fire. They haven’t yet realized that the game is already over
My whole life has been leading up to this reply. Baba booey baba booey Howard sterns penis baba booey
I have been touched by his noodly appendage
As a former mid 00’s New Atheist, I know what rhetorical shenanigans they’re capable of
“My doctor says I have delusions of grandeur and a sexual superiority complex… but she’s just trying to fuck me😫”.
Gotta keep it season appropriate
Any Maroon ancestors?
Oh, and run them through a dishwasher as many times as you need, if it still has the barcode you can get the deposit back
I sometimes take the top of of aluminum cans, and use them like long-life disposable/recyclable cups
I knew it.
Ah yes, the wet of a specific locality. Nothing quite like it.
Happy to contribute to testing
Dammit, flip @headsortailsbot.bsky.social
Is this true, @headsortailsbot.bsky.social ?
This is very good
(grunts in macedonian)
The guy who coined the word “mindfuck”, and created the Illuminati myth, was likely MK ultra’d. He was dosed while he was a marine stationed in Japan
Fancy gentlemen decided to wear the tux
I think that’s the snag. I hadn’t planned to join a dogpile, but I want it to work for you
It clearly says “enjoys” ?
I’m entertaining and hankering for a croissant in creamy tomato soup. I’m probably not gonna make it happen this weekend, but it sounds delicious
That violin cover is what really made me appreciate it, but I got there
Why won’t the vapes just stay the same
One of my favorite car reveals was in ’Looper’, the not too distant future, unveils his classic Miata.
I remember watching that live, he called into FOX, “everything is computer!”
I’ve had a powerful hankering for Carls Jr breakfast (best fast food biscuits?) , but come morning time I never remember the
I’m gonna say that word 3 times in a sentence, and not pronounce it the same way twice
Or one incredible cautionary tale about hot tub safety.
I pop a bottle of champagne for Kissinger, had been waiting for years
I love the excitement of thinking I created a truly new joke. Not like “Simpsons did it!”, but being the first one on the planet ever.
Got’em
* paraphrasing one of my favorite lines from Westworld
“I made a being without a soul, so GOD can’t see what’s happening to it!”
I’ll have you know that they breathed a sigh of relief when they read the paper towel. Because they they knew it was yours, and they (in an unfair snap judgment) assumed it was your shit.
May all his phones be dropped in public toilets
Oh this guy sucks, I saw op writing weird stuff to a mutual, just last night
Just a baby
That’s why they call me Whiskers
As a toddler I got ahold of a penny and apparently started sucking on it. The suction created a vacuum and the coin got lodged in the roof of my mouth and skin started to swell around it, trapping it there. Had to got to the doctor to have them pop it out
I got this bsky.app/profile/call...
I like it when it sounds like an ol’ timee gangster
A fun thing to look at is the “exemptions” section of any gun legislation
This was a good one
Say it ain’t so o o oh
[REDACTED]
It’s a reel of him in some backyard, huge piece of steak grilling in the foreground. Paraphrasing “I’m not on any social media, but they said that I can post about my movies. So I’m on IG”
What an absolutely incredible thing for a human person to write online. I’ve laughed for 2-3 minutes, re-reading. The structure.
(Whispering) I’m proud of y’all, for the teamwork on this run of a joke. It was a delight.
her, 😤: get out of your head! me, 😐: i LIVE in here • mid-coitus, some years ago.
We are blessed to get to have rabbit-sized house-lions
@jamieloftus.bsky.social ‘s podcast My Year in Mensa covers this in gritty detail
You think this is a surgery scaw? The mothafucka Math’d me!
Typing here because I need people to know how loud I “oof” sighed at oop’s post
Ah hell yeah
Aha, yeah, that’s the good stuff right there
lmao’d myself. I accidentally came up with my dream job: Deciding when the ads pop up on a free movie-streaming app.
the disappointment of all those ramekins, two forks worth of ice-cold-yet-rubbery vegetable shavings
I wanted my news updates on here to be less inflammatory than I had on twitter, but even level news isffffuuuuuucccckkk
My one superstition is that cats can see ghosts. G’mornin!
✅
Was this about the tribe that would practice “shaming the meat”, where women would insult the hunters and their kill? They built into their culture a mechanism for suppressing male ego
* I DID notice that it’s the same shade as your pfp’s top
Is that your color?
… toddler’s soft edge spoons are perfect for mac-and-cheese
I enjoyed the show
As foretold
The popular tide is turning against Columbus, but I’m not sure what the measuring stick is?
I keep saying this again and again until I get kicked out of the twitch chat
This sounds like a good situation for the parties involved
The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich, by William L. Shirer is a must read for the period. Not a fun read though
Any show recommendations for tonight?
This is payback, they’re going after me specifically because I laughed at those articles“why aren’t millennials buying diamonds?” ten years ago
I liked in AVP when the predator outfitted the Final Girl with a shield made from a xenomorph head
