I would consider it an honor and a privilege if he would come over to my house and fuck my couch.
“I believe virtually everything I read, and I think that is what makes me more of a selective human than someone who doesn't believe anything." -David St. Hubbins
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I would consider it an honor and a privilege if he would come over to my house and fuck my couch.
That’s weird. I remember somebody running for president who said they were gonna end the war in 24 hours. It’s almost as if he’s a delusional lying psychopath who was normalized by the American press.
“The problem isn’t that we’re failing. The problem is that we’re not pretending hard enough that we’re succeeding.”
It’s not a “rare move.” It’s illegal and unconstitutional. Stop failing at your job. Thanks in advance.
The only thing that gives me any modicum of peace is knowing that if Jesus does exist he absolutely knows Trey Gowdy is a sack of shit and is looking forward to telling him to his face right before he pulls the trap door lever.
Someday we'll have a president whose cabinet isn't surrounding him grinning like he's a big boy who just did his first dookie in the grown-up toilet.
“Can no one rid me of this meddlesome priest?”
“Dog turd with hollandaise sauce shows uneasy mix of feces and cuisine.”
It’s fascinating to watch MAGA snowflakes constantly inventing new things to be offended by. Weird pathology.
A lot of people don’t know that annual murder rates for American cities are tabulated by any 9 days JD Vance chooses at random.
Buy the dip, MAGA bros!
Trump doesn’t about lasting peace. He wants to appease his hero, Putin. The reality is he will sell out Ukraine in the end whatever mouth noises he makes in the meantime.
*smelling
Luckily there's no incredibly dangerous precedent for a fledging authoritarian regime taking control of a nation's historical and artistic narrative.
The Victim Industrial Complex.
People are so desperate to normalize Trump that they are willfully ignoring the fact that no matter what he says ultimately he’s going to sell out Ukraine to Putin. Full stop.
I hope they treat JD & Trump the way those creepy bullies treated Zelensky. "You don't have any cards, JD. Go hump a couch, weirdo."
I ran it through my KGB decoder ring. It says: “Hegseth accidentally leaked Epstein Files to Moose & Squirrel, please advise.”
I stole 200 Les Pauls from the guitar shop and left them a ukulele. Y’know, a “guitar swap.”
Elon smoked it.
He went on a long rambling diatribe about how Putin explained to him that he knew the 2020 election was stolen. That’s insane coming from a US president. Maybe do us a favor and report on that, you useless Quisling sycophants.
Fun fact: there is no living human more in love with the sound of his own voice than Bill Maher.
If a federal agency souped up a bunch of vehicles and printed “BIDEN” on them Fox News would start a whole second network to be outraged on.
Republican response over the next 3 years: 2026: He’s just joking 2027: He’s not joking, but it’s not a thing that will happen. 2028: Hail Trump!
Anyone with a functioning brain knows that Trump’s only “solution” is to give Putin what he wants.
Conversely "Let's Lynch the Landlord" could be a real winner for the Dems.
Gee whiz. I wonder what they discussed in the Epstein Files messaging meeting they never had. I'm sure it wasn't "go on Fox and make it all about Democrats."
“Resign yourself to a world where billionaires use algorithms to control the flow of information for profit.” Super helpful. Thanks.
Fun fact: Donald Trump accusing someone else of insider trading is an admission that he’s doing insider trading.
Float like a turd, sting like a urinary tract infection.
If only there was a Federal Bureau that Investigated hacking instead of spending all their time redacting the President’s name from documents that implicate him in crimes.
Because they’re too busy getting ready to advocate for taxpayer funded government bailouts.
The Eastman Chemical Company is worth $7 billion. Fining them $23,000 is telling them (& Elon) the laws don’t apply to any of them.
Yeah, the President assembling a mob, riling them up with “stolen election” lies and then aiming them at Congress was definitely George Floyd’s fault. Thanks for clearing that up.
“The nine most terrifying words in the English language are 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'” -Some Woke Dude from the 80s
“I stole your car but I’m giving you back one of your tires. Show some gratitude, OK?”
youtu.be/_8mduTEvnU0?...
Fascinating. Also, Donald Trump is in the Epstein files.
Right. Who can forget the summer of 2020 when Democrats invented political violence?
“husband”? WTF is wrong with this fool?
Bullshit.
President Trump? You mean the guy from the Epstein files?
Geezus. Could this be used to impeach him if the country ever returns to sanity?
President Trump? Isn’t that the guy from the Epstein Files?
Old, in poor health and, oh yeah, all over the Epstein files.
I hate it when people steal my underage sex workers.
“he stole my underage girls“ is a weird flex
Not soon enough.
Translation: he recruited children from my staff.
What was he thinking? Everyone knows you gotta be the president if you wanna run crypto scams with impunity.
Spoiler alert: he won because he got the most votes.
This reminds me of the saying “the enemy of my enemy is a fascist turd who should be ignored even when he occasionally sticks his weird diseased head up from the rancid dung pile he inhabits and says something vaguely reasonable.”
Millions of people will believe whatever she says. It’s a cult.
The discussion has stoked concerns from people who think abusers of children should be in jail that he may grant Maxwell a reprieve. Fixed it for you.
I bet she's feeding them Bill Clinton stories and the Trump Gang is getting ready to make her a star.
She's gonna make it all about Bill Clinton and the MAGA crowd will make her a hero.
Unfortunately I think the Trump Cult is fueled by cognitive dissonance. The more evidence they're shown about who he is the more they double down on their belief in him.
Have you met "the public"? Because they are some dumb motherfuckers.
I can hear the cognitive dissonance from QAnon Land even in my secret underground Illuminati bunker under the Denver Airport.
Mike Johnson after Ghislane Maxwell tells a bunch of lies that benefit Trump in order to get a pardon: “she’s the most credible witness I’ve ever heard.”
“Owens said in early 2024 that she would stake [her] entire professional reputation on the fact that Brigitte Macron is in fact a man” RIP Candace Owens’ “professional reputation”
“There’s a new version of this post.” Some people know when to hide their heads in shame. Other people are Andrew Yang.
Breaking news: Donald Trump has been insane for years. Thank you for your attention to this matter.
Presidential Pardon incoming. The Trump gang loves criminals.
The Democrats invented the files but they accidentally put a bunch of stuff about Bill Clinton in there so they kept the files secret but the files are real except the part about Trump which they faked but didn’t release because there’s nothing incriminating in the files. Obviously.
The Democrats invented the files but they accidentally put a bunch of stuff about Bill Clinton in there so they kept the files secret but the files are real except the part about Trump which they faked but didn’t release because there’s nothing incriminating in the files. Obviously.
“I’ll make Democrats ignore Epstein by getting them mad at my egregious racism.” 🥱
I’m starting to have concerns that putting the stupidest people on the planet in charge of our government might not end well.
“Forget about Epstein – check out my racism!”
Oh wow. This is definitely real. I’m gonna get right on that. Thanks.
I’ve looked at clouds from both sides now From up and down And still somehow I’m a deeply confused dipshit
At least 50 of the people who were sent to CECOT entered the US legally and were here legally. Imagine if we sent 50 white Europeans who were here legally to a torture prison in El Salvador.
No one's ever seen anything like it.
Rebrand suggestion: The Department of Just Us.
MAGA: "I used my Gematrian decoder on this QAnon post about baseball to definitively prove that Obama eats puppies." Also MAGA: "This conversation with a known sex criminal about shared secrets is obviously completely innocent."
Trump will withdraw the lawsuit and claim victory and/or blame “corrupt” judges before that happens.
Sometimes I wonder if it’s slowly dawning on Mike Pence that he sold his soul to the most SatanIc dude on the planet. Probably not.
It is kinda silly considering we already know that Epstein introduced Melania to Trump and it’s on record that he recruited underage girls at Mar-a-Lago. But hey, if this is what gets under Trump’s skin then I guess it’s a story.
The only thing stupider than having a president who writes like a three-year-old is having a president who hires people who write like three year olds. Geez, what a gang of malignant morons.
Colbert will be all right, maybe even better off. The world's his oyster and I'm sure MSNBC and Netflix will come calling. He could stand up the biggest late night YouTube channel in days. But they are just torching the Late Show, an institution, solely to appease a dictator. And that fucking sucks.
It’s only a “stunning reversal” if you’ve been running a newspaper that normalizes the despicable racism of the Trump administration. So thanks for that. Keep up the great work.
Oh wow. Very excited to see this totally real reply that is definitely not fake. Can I give you my Social Security number and banking information? Then we can be super pals on the Internet.
Endless GOP references to Biden‘s arch nemesis Corn Pop incoming.
MAGA is basically a weird conglomerate of people who believe different silly conspiracy theories. It was only a matter of time before they started in on each other.
Dementia
Here’s a thought: why don’t you report on this honestly and talk about the fact that it’s completely & dangerously insane for a president to be putting out these bizarre conspiratorial rants? Stop failing us.
It’s almost as if he’s driven by some weird pathology.
Translation: we’re gonna take it on a case by case basis and only help red states.
bsky.app/profile/clif...
To be fair, anyone who pays $300 for AI from Elon Musk deserves to be called worse.
“Unless we feel like it.”
Fun to watch the cult go from “I’m voting for Trump because I hate paying taxes” to “paying more taxes is my patriotic duty.”
Apparently God loves Trump but didn’t give a shit about JFK. Good to know.
“Thus far.”
Democrats have a chance to do the funniest thing ever - make every Congressional race in 2026 about releasing the Epstein files.
Democrats have a chance to do the funniest thing ever - make every Congressional race in 2026 about releasing the Epstein files.
“Sorry, someone programmed our AI chatbot to reflect the opinions our user base.” Great stuff.