Ok I watched the new version of Red Sonja last night what a bag of shit I highly recommend you give it a body swerve
Ok I watched the new version of Red Sonja last night what a bag of shit I highly recommend you give it a body swerve
It's okay I have found her
@tiptoelyss.bsky.social is there any news
@tiptoelyss.bsky.social come back my precious little aardvark
I think it's time to go dark
Jesus, hell has taken a holiday and it's come to the West Midlands it's fooking hot. It was 37c in my car
On a side note it's fooking hot
I am now the proud owner of a chainsaw. The world doesn't know what it's in for
Oh my God England has now shown solidarity with the rest of Europe we are also now on fire god save us all
Things have taken a dark turn I'm now watching Garden makeover shows damn you you lovely beer
Tell me it's getting drunk and deciding to buy a chainsaw a good idea
I am wondering if Putin will give Trump a reach round during their meeting
it's Friday I'm not at work just had my dinner I'm now going to get severely happy beer is my friend. Depending on the level of happiness I will probably be posting irrelevant shit on here soon
To be fair it's not his fault but he was bending my ear for over half an hour about the inadequacies of his company
It's Wednesday almost quarter past 5:00 in the afternoon.a plan is formulating in my head this morning the vending machine man went absolutely nuts his company is driving him mad. I may push him over the edge.
I understand this is not earth-shattering news but it's all I have at the moment
I have returned to work
Sorry I never got back I went off to make dinner it was most tasty see you soon
Yes I know I said candles I actually meant camels
I am repeating this here. But may the fleas of a Thousand Candles infest the assholes of all the people on Instagram using emotional blackmail to get likes I hope you have the world's most explosive form of diarrhea ever a pox upon you
Okay that's probably it for a week now hope you all have fun
Oh yes and I also got into an argument with the Jesus Army they actually tried justifying cancer in babies the fuckers
On a side note it is also unreasonably bloody hot again
On the way home decided to stop and get myself a kebab the Kebab was most tasty I'm now sitting down watching the cricket and the Formula One qualifying
Today's Life Update I got up that was a good start then drifted into town to get a haircut only to find out my favorite hairdressers shop has been forced to close. So I've had to Resort to my second favorite hairdressers
I am fearful that the Candyman finally got Lys I will miss her dearly
Okay just done a Costco run fully stocked up on meat then had to do an emergency run to Morrisons I'm sweating my tits off this has been a public service announcement
It is entirely possible although I do suspect it may be a patient I hope it's a disgruntled employee so that at sometime in the future we can team up and cause Havoc together
Funny thing happened this morning the vending machine man turned up and apparently the vending machine was full of fake money and was also blocked by tin foil. May I add none of this was actually me. Apparently I have a competitor in the fuck up the vending machine Department
I have returned to work for the moment it is a safe haven later on I may clog the vending machine remember the reason that it makes me laugh
Okay the brother has left I can get back to my debauched life
It is now officially pissing it down
I have made a bid for freedom I'm on my way to get a curry
The poorman looks like he's losing the will to live ,quite happy decided not to help
Right now he's outside having a cigarette and boring some poor sod to death with his tails of motorbikes
Okay my brother has been here a few hours now I'm considering murdering him and burying him in the woods already
Oh my God I am officially that miserable bastard
Also it appears to be the last day of school before the holidays there are many parents in cars blocking my road the bastards
Okay just spent 4 hours cleaning my house because my brother is coming today I've not been to bed since yesterday it's 32°. I'm going to expire through heat exhaustion. My weather forecast tells me it's only 23 and raining with a chance of thunderstorms it's lying so it's fucking teeth
Okay bad start to the Working Day
My criminal overlords have now decided they want to do a criminal record to check on me it will do them no good I am too sneaky for them
Well I thought I'd pop in to see what was happening and absolutely nothing
I've had two shots and a bottle of cider and I am well buzzed I'm turning into a lightweight
it is officially fucking hot
Tomorrow's dinner
Also just worked out if a man and a woman get married you need a marriage license if two women get married you need a liquor license
Also looking back on my life I'm questioning some life choices I've made. Stuff it no time for regrets let's have another drink
Also just been informed by the weather people it's about to get really fucking hot I mean really fucking hot 35 Plus hot.
It's a Friday evening I've started drinking early I have yet to decide whether this is good or not but I'm well buzzed
All Things Considered this is not been a bad week. Apart from my murder rage and having to bury the body in the woods
I'm at work it's hot I'm sweating my tits off
My house is being an absolute cunt it has absorbed all the energy of the Sun and now it is intent on releasing all that energy back into my house I am melting
I am old and decrepit so I may survive
it's now hit 31 I am literally melting we have been told there is a danger of death if you're old or infirm
Okay I'm at work it's 28.5 outside, the temperature inside the building is far warmer please send help I'm melting
Oh that looks fabulous you're going to have many happy hours with that little ball of fluff
Does anybody remember when Saturday TV used to be really good now it's just full of repeats on 30 year old movies
I don't believe America is broken fractured a little bit maybe I personally don't know what side I'm going to support the Confederacy or the Union
I'm beginning to think we are the only two people that use blue sky bud
It's a cold wet Friday morning I'm going shopping
I am officially back at work luckily my overlords have already left so I'm being left to my own devices Happy Days
Okay I'm back in the city center only to be horrified I have just witnessed a seagull murder a pigeon and then eat it
Well I finally have my car back it is running silky smooth, on a side note I have never eaten Lobster or crab I am a friend to crustaceans
International Day of the potato should be extended to International week of the potato
Oh my God it's International Day of the potato it does not get any more exciting than this
Okay the world is a much happier shiny world today
Okay I'm going to be honest with you I'm not doing well
Okay I forgot about my washing in the washing machine been in there for 2 days now finally hung them out to dry this has been a public service announcement
This is what they are doing to me
And yes I am being made to work by my evil overlords and would you believe it they have the heating on in the building
Jesus it's 71° f here it's starting to get warm
Once more I am being forced to work on a particularly nice sunny day damn them damn them to hell
Sitting at the canal basin enjoying a lovely cappuccino on a hot sunny day
Damn those Supermarket special offers I have just eaten massively discounted Easter eggs
Yes but are you topless
Okay another successful trip to Costco this time I decided to get fruity as well
To the silent few that follow me I wish you a happy night and a fantastic weekend to come
Very shortly I am going to escape go to the Chip Shop and acquire possibly a steak pie and chips without them knowing
Once more tyrannical overlords expect me to work I beg to differ
So the pope popped off interesting
Okay I have just watched the film Minecraft I have no words
It's early evening on a Friday I have considered all options of what to do tonight and all I have come up with is get drunk
So apparently it's moose migration day good luck all you mooses
You know Canada is bigger than America I think you could take them
I can't see her being happy about that
Oh god they're turning it into a BBC 3, 3 part series I'm going to watch that
Wow ady sweet is in the papers today,about the dude that killed his entire family to give her money. Wild man
Well I'm sitting in the bright sunshine having a lovely Costa Coffee
Obviously this last Christmas was a bad one for Santa still not recovered
I have just seen a man his wife and his child walk past the window. He looked in and saw me drinking a cool refreshing pint and I could see just a little bit of his soul die as his wife dragged him off.
Flagpole is obviously used for hanging unruly locals
The level of comfort is exhilarating
The pub it's a nightmare it's like Alcoholics Anonymous in here only they fallen off the wagon it's part exhilarating Part scary.
Pint
I'm in a place called nuneaton having my car windscreen replaced I have walked into the town to get a point while it happens
They will learn to love paper clips
Okay I have given them back the Staples, but in one last defiant move I've Now hidden the staplers
once more I'm being forced to go to work. Will this misery never end PS I still haven't told them where the Staples are
I know most of you are probably bored of my witterings but I am fucking ecstatic, from initially being told my car would cost three and a half thousand pounds to repair, it ended up costing me 150 pounds for one proxy speed sensor.