DATE: i'm really into yoga ME: (trying to impress) i like the kind with the fruit at the bottom
"Without hope, without witness, without reward" "The best part about your opinion, is that it doesn't matter" Gen X hermit Dog Mum She/her Tired I found these on the floor https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:4gaf6ocrfcm5fr7cad5oa63p/feed/aaadxi62w5evu
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DATE: i'm really into yoga ME: (trying to impress) i like the kind with the fruit at the bottom
Everyone has a second full time job being mad at the government now
not show, nor tell, but a secret third thing
tbh a fresh hell would be kinda refreshing
Your AI boyfriend in 2027
Once again, I’ve been catfished by yet another TV dinner box cover.
If you have a problem you copied, if you like to make more trouble for yourself by copying problems, if you just cannot stop and no one else can help, and if you can find shortcuts to do it faster and forever, maybe you can hire...The Ctrl V Team
every time someone publicly shits on bsky, Alf's hog only becomes more powerful
HOUSE ACROSS THE STREET WITH THE LADY THAT NEVER COMES OUT AND NEVER ANSWERS THE DOOR HAS A TRUCK THERE REMOVING MANY GARBAGE BAGS AND THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD* IS ABUZZ. *pretty much just me, sitting here watching it all out my dining room window as I sip coffee
Everybody is out there celebrating street cred with their cool indie soundtrack and I'm over here like hey check out some of these hi-fi beats I added to commercials with slick oscar winning spokespersons
The true essence of blueskyism lies in the sheer number of skeets about the taint being a liminal zone
Blueskyism is when you just want to be happy with your friends instead of debating nazis in Hell.
Dull, grey and depressing. Weather? Who’s talking about the weather.
Sting's bedside table
I imagine the last day of this administration is going to feel like finally getting out of a horrible timeshare.
flower is done with my shit, too
my dog’s ears are soft and that shall be the extent of my world tonight
you say chips and I say crisps we're still going to fight over the last one
We all grew so exhausted. The fatigue spread across our skin like oil, absorbed through tissue into muscle, wormed deep into our bones, until our beings were suffused, dense with its saturation, weary far beyond our years.
Lightning on the drive home
Me: "heres my idea: its a horror game with cheese" E3 security: "ma'am, let go of the microphone" Me: *dragged off the stage* "IT'S CALLED PROVOLONE IN THE DARK AND-"
Knitting a sweater for my astral body
Keep it stupid, simple.
{\__/} ( • . •) / 🌊< give to me the unending tide of watery dreams, liquid blue unconsciousness, bottomless black depths, warm sapphire waves, frozen crashing violence… {\__/} ( • . •) / > 🐳 oops not you
My wings may be damaged, but I can still fly. #bugsky #bloomscrolling #gardening #photography
H O L D F A S T 📢 🔊 🍦 🍦 🚬 🌯💄🍼 👋 🦠⚙️ 👠🦷 🙃🍖 👎 🕳️
Whenever I start to reply to some a'hole on here, I stare into a mirror and scream nonsense at myself. Same result, more hilarious.
🔥
🫂💙🍀
Your desire to "play devil's advocate" is noted. Sorry to say, the devil has enough friends.
another sad case of a good kid gone bad
I cahoot you, but I'm not in cahoots with you.
1977 was only 20 years ago!!
Hungry not hungry
👒 🎃 ~ bon harvest. 🥕🥦🥦🍆 🍇 🫐 🫛 🫛🍒🍆 🥕 🌶️ 🌽 🍉 🍉
It really is 😁
Absolutely 😂😂
The muffin man: (about to get in a bar fight) YOU DON’T KNOW ME
My nomination for #BlueSky theme song.
Where the presidential boulder? -resurrection joke
When you go to your Grandmother's house having already eaten:
That time I broke my ankle showboating on Time Crisis 3
It will be easy! It:
If you don’t sing along with CSN&Y in the car and do all the third harmony parts, we just cannot be friends.
“You will never look at another woman again.” - Medusa’s Tinder Bio
They called me cocky, but I think they're just jealous of my cheese-filled cowl-neck scarf.
To thine own self be like I told you so.
Whenever it happens… I hope it hurts
Now the air I tasted and breathed Has taken a turn…
Bruce Springsteen: Hey little girl, is your daddy home? I’ve been trying to reach him about his car’s extended warranty
“Be the change you wish to see in the world” *stays in bed
me saying "see how we go" when I really mean "no go"
please love.. don’t make me write of you I tend to kill off all the heroes #brokenpoet
The one doing the tromboning is called a tromboner, and the other one is the tromboné
my heart is a dumpster for your fire
FINE, I'll solve the Zodiac killer murders. I literally have to do everything around here.
Hey someone might like me, you don't know.
Science is imagination running towards truth. Art is imagination running away from truth.
I hope you laughed at least once today
Evidently, "I like your hair, did you cut it yourself?" can be taken the wrong way.
Bougainvillea-baby
Do you guys remember paying five dollars for an Italian cream soda at the county fair in the mid nineties or are you children?
And a person-sized keyhole leads to another dimension.
I dreamed that I quit my job last night with exactly the mix of feelings I have about really leaving my job. So now I've had a practice run.
Currently flapping my hands around, because I’m not sure what else to do with them.
I can't wait to get a lot of work done on my day off!
[painfully loud cymbal crash] *monkey flees the scene
I have to go out into the real world and engage in meaningless interactions using words that mimic conversations I'm not particularly interested in having. You know, work.
If I could be outside away from everyone and everything from now until about the end of October that would be great, thanks.
I don't know what the fuck they're trying to cut down over yonder, but I think the chainsaw might be losing.
Me: you said duties 8 yr old daughter: we are not in kindergarten mom, we dont laugh at duty anymore Me: you said duty
“a rising tide lifts all boats” oh you mean like in a tsunami
from the next room, overhearing my wife in a monotone voice-- "that's completely insane exclamation point, how is that possible exclamation point."
I got an internship at an ad agency but all I could think of was "toilet paper: it's trees - for your butt!"
Abominations gonna abominate. 🙄
Sitting in this meeting, watching a mouse walk around inside the overhead light fixture.
people that call when they know i hate talking on the phone when a text would do, why
Allow me to overthink that for you
You haven't aged a day. You're a single celled organism, girl.
listen your honor my pleasure is innocent until *proven* guilty
so many bad decisions so little time
You know what I did last summer? Cool. Can you help write my annual performance self-evaluation? I can't even remember what I had for breakfast this morning.
Me: They say that talking to yourself out loud means you’re smart. And it’s perfectly normal and isn’t weird at all. Me: I know, right?
i’ve lost at least three Mental Health Points™️ already today
Sorry I hugged you when you told me to embrace my mistakes.
That it can mean moving quickly or standing still, is why I don’t care for the clump of letters known as fast.
If you force your posts, you'll end up with a prolapse.
Your attention to this matter has been greatly exaggerated.
i was a stellar wingman for a friend in 2001 does that mean i saved a game can i restart there
something akin to an electrical connection
So heartbreakingly beautiful. I'm so sorry and I hope the memories ease your pain. It's so hard to farewell these precious souls that bring so much light, meaning and unconditional love into our lives. Travel safe, little one, off on your next adventure amongst the stars 🫂💙🐾
When I was nine, my great-grandparents had a blind black pug who died in my arms. From that point, I always wanted one. That was my dream dog. The life event and memory caused a very odd connection that I couldn’t shake. It took over twenty years for that to happen, but he
HERMIT: I'll trade you these magical beans fo- ME: DONE. HERMIT: Yes as I was saying, for your ME: *lasers shooting out of my eyes* I ate the beans.
journalist: (helping preserve democracy) sir they're saying obama is better at dying than you ??
I want to throw a potato party for my birthday. No presents just bring your favourite potato dish/item.
How'd they make his corpse talk like that
In the long run we’re all worm food, which rules for the worms
I started to watch Trump's announcement today till I realized it would be better for my wellbeing to drink antifreeze
sorry i missed your big announcement, are you still dead