Choose sanity. Vote Binface.
Space politician. Sane. Down with Fascism, Up with Ceefax! Come see me on tour: countbinface.com/tour
50,712 followers 263 following 438 posts
view profile on Bluesky
Choose sanity. Vote Binface.
It’s the day when political posers get put to the powerful. Not #PMQs! It’s the return of #AskBinface! Send me your questions and policy ideas and I’ll answer them in this week’s edition of my podcast Trash Talk. Bring it on!
Suffice to say I hope @countbinface.bsky.social runs in my constituency during the next election, because otherwise I won't be voting.
Light hearted and funny, as I expected. Have a read. It’s free!
My brand new newsletter post is up now! Taylor Swift, Chappell Roan, Alastair Campbell, and MORE! And the whole thing is free to read for the entire omniverse. Give it a gander at the website that's so much better than X, you can find it at BetterThanX.co.uk. CB x open.substack.com/pub/countbin...
Here's another juicy clip from my Trash Talk interview with Alastair Campbell. Here we discuss where I should be aiming to seize power, with some surprising options in the mix. Get the whole thing here! t.co/aHIM8IpCJD @alastaircampbell2.bsky.social
Here it is, folks. The galactic showdown you've all been waiting for: COUNT BINFACE MEETS ALASTAIR CAMPBELL! It's the explosive new episode of my award-winning* podcast Trash Talk. Get the whole thing here! pod.fo/e/31f8e5 (*in the future). @alastaircampbell2.bsky.social
No Recyclons are that bored.
It's time for a new round of #AskBinface! Time to send me your questions and policy ideas. I'll address them on the next episode of my podcast Trash Talk, which features a HUGE special guest...!
It never rains but it pours.
Who is the MASSIVE political beast I’ve been chatting to for my podcast, Trash Talk? Click here and be the first to know! countbinface.substack.com/p/my-biggest...
How do I reproduce? Why are Tories like wasps? How are vomiting bats like socialists? FIND OUT all of this and MORE in brand new TRASH TALK! with special guest @juleslhoward podfollow.com/trash-talk-w...
Does Reform have a uniform? (Other than a black/brown shirt with optional swastika motif?)
Ding ding! It's Monday. Planet Earth is still burning. And so are humans' questions. So it must be time for another round of #AskBinface! Send me your posers and policy ideas, and I'll tackle them on TRASH TALK! (New episode trops tomorrow.) CB x
RIP Zod.
Could Donald Trump actually be about to save the world? In the omniverse of possibilities, there is one timeline when he does. This one! Read a time-traveller’s guide here: countbinface.substack.com/p/trump-and-...
Because they couldn’t beat me.
2 down, 648 to go! In this week's exciting instalment of Trash Talk I meet Labour backbench MP and member of the Culture, Media and Sport Committee, @rupahuq.bsky.social. Get it in your ears here! pod.fo/e/310e72 Which MP should be next to face me? Nominate your pick!
Humans! Time for a flash #AskBinface - parliament might be on holiday but I'm not! Send me your questions or policy ideas and I'll feature my favourite ones in tomorrow's edition of Trash Talk!
NEW TRASH TALK KLAXON! The latest edition of my galactically renowned podcast is out now, with special guest Jan Ravens, plus exclusive cameos from Kirsty Wark, Theresa May AND Liz Truss. Well, kinda. Get it in your ears here! pod.fo/e/30aa9b
Flash #AskBinface! Send me here any posers you have for Prime Binister’s Question Time, and I’ll answer the best ones in my new episode of Trash Talk which drops tomorrow, with special guest Jan Ravens!
COUNT BINFACE MOVIE! To prove that a politician can play a round without cheating, I'm releasing a galactic premiere. An 18-minute film of me playing 18 holes of crazy golf with Ben Fogle! See the whole thing by subscribing to me at BetterThanX.co.uk. Here's a taster...
In 200 days? I can show you 46 now.
BRAND NEW BINFACE! The latest episode of my intergalactic podcast Trash Talk is out NOW, with special guest @helenlewis.bsky.social, as we dissect the thorny and bigly subject of genius. Get it in your ears here! pod.fo/e/304c97
I reckon you might enjoy a little Monday pick-me-up: Count Binface versus the world's media. www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kj7p...
What should we do with the hereditary peers? According to a current Lord they should be kept because, amongst other reasons, 'one of them is a vet'. Read my FULL INTERGALACTIC REPORT on the Lords here! countbinface.substack.com/p/off-with-t...
Seeing as no other political party has the guts to do it, I guess it’s all down to me. So - drum roll please - I present my full review of The House of Lords! You can probably imagine my conclusion, but as every good teacher says, show your working. countbinface.substack.com/p/off-with-t...
Seeing as no other political party has the guts to do it, I guess it’s all down to me. So - drum roll please - I present my full review of The House of Lords! You can probably imagine my conclusion, but as every good teacher says, show your working. countbinface.substack.com/p/off-with-t...
Hi Carol! Can you follow me here so I can DM you? Thanks! CB
ANOTHER Binface policy enacted. Now to cap it at 80…
Absolutely loved this episode. And I would absolutely back your policy of restricting access to supermarkets on the weekends. It was carnage today!
EXCLUSIVE! New episode of my podcast Trash Talk OUT NOW, with special guest Mark Gatiss. Here he is sharing a brilliant story about a certain former Prime Minister. Treat yourself to the full episode and subscribe to the greatest show in the omniverse! pod.fo/e/2f7803
Well that’s very kind. A human called Harry just chucked me a fiver for doing what I do. If you’d like to micro-fund my intergalactic campaign, you can bung me the price of a croissant or whatever you fancy here: www.ko-fi.com/countbinface - to Binfinity and beyond! CB x
I proposed that Hammersmith Bridge must be (a) repaired and (b) renamed Wayne. And I stand by it.
I fixed Grok.
EXCLUSIVE! New episode of my podcast Trash Talk OUT NOW, with special guest Mark Gatiss. Here he is sharing a brilliant story about a certain former Prime Minister. Treat yourself to the full episode and subscribe to the greatest show in the omniverse! pod.fo/e/2f7803
The Take it With a Pinch of Salt Path.
Time now for the Missing Words round…
One year ago today!
🤭
If the Tories shed tears for what they did to Britain over 14 years…
TRASH TALK is BACK! The greatest podcast in the omniverse returns for a brand new series, with a galaxy of lovely guests, starting with the human author IAN RANKIN! @ianrankin1.bsky.social. Get it in your ears here and subscribe wherever you get your pods! pod.fo/e/2f22ea
Huge fun…!
TRASH TALK is BACK! The greatest podcast in the omniverse returns for a brand new series, with a galaxy of lovely guests, starting with the human author IAN RANKIN! @ianrankin1.bsky.social. Get it in your ears here and subscribe wherever you get your pods! pod.fo/e/2f22ea
Glastonbury rocks! #MakeEarthGreatAgain #58
No wonder he wanted to wake up Maggie.
VIVA GLASTONBURY!
Next holiday replacement for @mrjamesob.bsky.social? #LovingBinfaceCompletely
In a mad world it’s the sane choice.
NEWSFLASH! I’ve devised a new way to save humanity from destroying itself. Because I’m nice like that. And to prove it, you can read all about it for FREE! No paywall, no problem. #MakeEarthGreatAgain countbinface.substack.com/p/the-doomsd...
I’m now ahead of Trump in the betting for this year’s Nobel Peace Prize.
Don’t - and I can’t state this strongly enough - EVER get on one of that twat’s rockets…
👇This guy is smart. He must know what’s coming. Join him and me, and sign up to the most prescient newsletter in the omniverse! It’s so good, even the domain gives Elon a kick in the Teslas: betterthanx.co.uk!
🚨NEW BINFACE POLICY!🚨 I am delighted to announce yet another amazing new pledge that no other party can or will offer. Find out more here! CB x countbinface.substack.com/p/new-policy...
In a beautiful piece of nominative determinism, the new Reform chairman is called Bull.
Slightly concerning.
Big week for me on the airwaves: Tues 6.30pm: I’ve produced Unspeakable for BBC Radio 4 Fri 7-10pm: I’m presenting on Times Radio. Sat 8pm: My 60min documentary Into The Sharkiverse airs on Radio 4. Plus Count Binface interviewing Ian Rankin, Mark Gatiss and Susie Dent!
Who will be the next Tory leader? Who cares? We all know the answer to the second question. You'll be surprised by the runners and riders, though. Get the full lowdown - and support your friendly neighbourhood Binface - via my brand new substack post: countbinface.substack.com/p/control-al...
Want to know the REAL state of Britain's armed forces? The COUNT BINFACE STRATEGIC DEFENCE REVIEW is here! countbinface.substack.com/p/britains-d...
Not even doing a bit when I say that The Star is the only paper with a finger on the true pulse of Britain, and Binface being a columnist proves it beyond question
I chose it. It’s a clashic.
It’s always an honour to be the STAR columnist in a national newspaper!
Gary Lineker has been sent off for the first time in his career.
I see you, Sir Ed Davey, despite your cunning disguise. Nobody else has twigged, because you’re not on a jet-ski.
Dear Keir Starmer, On National Talk Like Yoda Day, reversed your winter fuel policy have you. Too late it is. Voters' goodwill up the wall have you pissed. Choose Binface they will.
Number of Celebrity Traitors contestants I’ve beaten in elections: 1 Grade that I will have Claudia Winkleman’s fringe listed when I win power: 1
Dear Keir Starmer, Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny. Consume you it will.
Donald Trump: The First Man in History To Hoax Himself. Read my brand new newsletter here and now! countbinface.substack.com/p/trump-the-...
I'm spending the day recording messages for the amazing teachers who've been preparing students for their exams. If you want to give your teacher a galactic big-up, come get me at cameo.com/counbinface #BinItToWinIt
I'm honoured that lots of school pupils are asking me to record cameos to thank their teachers for their fantastic teaching. How cool is that? You can get in on the act here! For all your intergalactic anti-Farage greetings. www.cameo.com/countbinface
Bring it on, bitch.
Nigel! Game on, sunshine. countbinface.substack.com/p/only-one-p...
The Lib Dems and Tories are jumping on my bandwagon! Read the truth about the War on Speakerphones on my Substack. And seeing as it's pay day, treat yourself to a paid subscription and help me conquer Parliament! countbinface.substack.com/p/speakerpho...
Memories.
Spotted these beauties on a day trip to Ramsgate @countbinface.bsky.social
Delighted to report that I’ve had my second full-page column in a British newspaper, courtesy of the mighty Daily Star. And for an extra-special Binface exclusive, give yourself an Easter treat and sign up to my Substack, at BetterThanX.co.uk. Peace and love, CB x
Duly noted.
If you're not familiar with our interplanetary Prime Minister in waiting, Count Binface, you'll soon see they're smarter than the average bear BooBoo. This Tariff Cut Out & Keep plan is great.
'I will tariff you. I will tariff you so help me.' Why Trump turned global finance into Peep Show. Read my latest article here! countbinface.substack.com/p/i-will-tar...
Hahahahaha. Man, so perfect. So very perfect, good spotting.
'I will tariff you. I will tariff you so help me.' Why Trump turned global finance into Peep Show. Read my latest article here! countbinface.substack.com/p/i-will-tar...
Lord Gove? Bin the Lords.
Dear @maitlis.bsky.social @lewisgoodall.com @jonsopel1.bsky.social @newsagents.bsky.social There is one bin-focused politician in Birmingham…
I'M LANDING IN LONDON NEXT MONTH! Brand new Binface, at the Museum of Comedy, as I work up to my next full tour. Get a taste of the finest bin juice in the galaxy on Weds 7 May at 7pm. Tickets here! loom.ly/ZvaLYCo
The horrible truth about Trump's tariffs. Delivered by the only politician who tells it as it is.
EXCLUSIVE! Count Binface, Donald Trump, Postman Pat and pod-racer Sebulba together at last! Along with ace impressionist @lewismacleod. Get it in your ears here, and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts: podfollow.com/trash-talk-w...
EXCLUSIVE! Count Binface, Donald Trump, Postman Pat and pod-racer Sebulba together at last! Along with ace impressionist @lewismacleod. Get it in your ears here, and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts: podfollow.com/trash-talk-w...
Count Binface vs The Grand National. Read it here, read it now! countbinface.substack.com/p/the-grand-... #grandnational
What's the bintergalactic take on The Grand National? And why does it remind me of Trump's self-inflicted stock market crash? Read my brand new newsletter here! Subscribe for loads of Binface exclusives, including my bigly phone call with Donald Trump... countbinface.substack.com/p/the-grand-...
I’ve been to #Birmingham, home of the #BinStrike. My time has come!
You can tell.
To show what a ‘very, very large brain’ Trump has, he’s hit the Heard & McDonald Islands with a 10% tariff. The population of the Heard & McDonald Islands is zero. Unless you count the penguins and seals. And they’re not stupid enough to buy a Tesla.
To anyone claiming that Trump's baseline tariffs on the UK are a Brexit benefit, this is the equivalent of a rescue ship reaching the Titanic... now.
Elon Musk has stepped away from advising Donald Trump, to spend even less time with his family. And his other family. And his other family. And his other family.
BIRMINGHAM! I'm coming to save you! Join me on Thursday evening at the Cherry Reds Comedy club for a top-class bill of stand-up, including, yep, me. What? Politician cynically turns up at disaster zone in cunning PR move? Moi? #BINDEPENDENCEDAY www.skiddle.com/whats-on/Bir...
Marine Le State Pen.
My new substack post is up NOW! I present the Count Binface Strategic Defence Review, and who should be paying for increased spending. (Clue in the photo.) Get it here! countbinface.substack.com/p/britains-d...
This is going to be so much fun.... And marks the return of @countbinface.bsky.social to our games
Is the long-form interview dead? Not anymore! Check out my head-to-bin with the esteemed @gavinesler! We discuss meeting Musk, why Putin is Earth's biggest thief, and why the electoral system needs a shake-up and lots more. Get it in your ears here! pod.fo/e/2bd43c
There’s no helping some people.
