βI REGRET TO INFORM YOU THAT I HAVE DIED. LUCKILY FOR AMERICA MY IMMORTAL CONSCIOUSNESS WAS UPLOADED INTO GROK SO THAT I MAY CONTINUE TO BE PRESIDENT FOR ETERNITY. THANK YOU FOR YPUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER- DJTβ
I just go by Em (mostly) πβ§οΈ they/he, tragically πΊπΈ -- I am deeply flawed and just want to be a good person, and also I love my cats so much. -- Π‘Π»Π°Π²Π° Π£ΠΊΡΠ°ΡΠ½Ρ! πΊπ¦ Free Palestine! π΅πΈ
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βI REGRET TO INFORM YOU THAT I HAVE DIED. LUCKILY FOR AMERICA MY IMMORTAL CONSCIOUSNESS WAS UPLOADED INTO GROK SO THAT I MAY CONTINUE TO BE PRESIDENT FOR ETERNITY. THANK YOU FOR YPUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER- DJTβ
EXTREMELY BLUE
Haven't gone swimming this year. Gaining weight again after a pretty cool loss. Super fucking depressed. Scared of personal future. Scared of global future. Scared of personal future due to global future. Want my cats to be happy and live fulfilling lives that aren't just for my own comfort. Bah.
It would genuinely be simultaneously fucked up, relieving, and absolutely hilarious if this motherfucker just stroked the fuck out after all the devastation and fear he's caused. But seriously, please stroke out and stroke out hard. Fuck the other guy but I just want this man to suffer and die.
He shows back up asking to be called Venom Trump. "Kept you waiting, huh? Waiting - the people love waiting, I take the longest time. The longest time. And they love it, they do. Many people are saying this."
Look, if seeing Watto's sweaty dick 30 times a minute is what catalyzes The Event, then you know what... I'll endure.
My manager referred to me as her "go-to evening boy" today and I haven't been able to stop laughing about it since
I just want to help, man. I just need to do something.
Was on my street coming home and the person in front of my slammed on their brakes, and my first thought was "oh no, those kids-" when all the sudden this enormous white silky chicken saunters its goofy ass self out from in front of the vehicle in the most cartoonish way imaginable........
Welp, rest in piss, Dobson
Man oh man oh man oh man
THIS IS GOOD SHIT Make this boy SCARY
Like, I like having sex when I'm allowed to like it. It's always been a difficult thing for me and so few of my partners in the past have actually been responsive to that in a way that wasn't "that's stupid, do it anyway because I said"
... wait. the MGS board game finally got released and I didn't know about it until NOW??? imcrebdible
The second I saw the initial still of this video I laughed so hard, I'm sorry
This... this is so fucking funny...
Well that's kind of heartbreaking...
Youtube showed me the whole "I have stress-induced angioedema so I gave myself chemical burns to kill my parasite, Caroline" thing as as someone who actually has stress-induced angioedema/urticaria... lol dude just take loratadine or consult your doctor for a steroid... or therapy?? lmao... guys...
I did, however, get bitten by a fuckton of ants because I forgot my umbrella at the wrong tree, went and grabbed it, and was like "Oh shit, a fuckton of ants." :/ But that was on me, tbh.
As a 34 year old, I understand that if all the employees of a particular establishment are standing outside in the parking lot and lit-up firetrucks are stationed in front of the building and no one is allowed in... I think "oh shit, I guess I'll go to Food City and not yell at retail workers..."
Every little "UGH... FINE..." and "YOU ARE BEING SO RUDE" I got fueled me. They were just going to be turned around by firemen stationed in front of our only entrance. And the last time it happened, they ARGUED WITH THEM... I ranted to no one in the parking lot about how dead we are as a species
Geriatric Americans will literally run into a (potentially) burning building to go get their fucking Pantene Pro V on clearance in spite of their husband's six figure salary and army of indentured servants and you know what? If that building HAD BEEN on fire? Good. Go for it. Have at it, Gertrude
And man, I was out of the building, I was not technically "at work," so I was mean as hell to them and as a retail worker, it felt better than anything else in my life at this particular juncture of existence, and why? Because they were arrogant as fuck with me, and that's all that matters.
Also the fire alarm went off again today and I decided to walk to the gas station for snacks and got stopped by at least five different old women asking angrily "About how long is this going to take?" Like bitch it's a fucking fire alarm, the fire department is literally having to weave around you
Hey libtards, new cancelable song dropped after a decade+ of being a demo track, etc etc or whatever Idk what I'm talking about. Unless... π
No we won't say no Beautiful people say go go go Beautiful people don't stress stress stress They never rest Beautiful people say yes No we won't say no Like........ Idk man, music industry bullshit and all.............
Beautiful People by David Guetta/Sia is such a deeply awkward song to constantly be playing on our company's radio station multiple times during my shift/the day, given uhhh... You know, everything. Am I overreacting? Lmfao like yeah maybe but... Like idk, just makes me uncomfortable.
I FINALLY FIGURED OUT HOW TO SLAV SQUAT WITHOUT FEELING LIKE MY LEGS ARE ABOUT TO COMBUST The secret was WIDENESS... it was wideness all along... I can now infiltrate the Federal Security Service... no one will know...
Just gonna be like LGB = sex offenders T = mentally ill sex offenders You'll have Caitlyn Jenner out there defending every bit of it, it'll be so exciting... π
Can't wait until all the LGBT content bans inevitably bleed into real life and you'll just be rounded up and registered as a sex offender for holding hands with your partner in public or some shit
Doggust Day 11: English pointer. Work problems? Consider dog solutions. #doggust #doggust2025
Never forget when I asked her the simple favor of getting something I'd left upstairs so I didn't have to literally drag myself up on my ass, and she sighed loudly, and in an angry tone said, "But then I'd have to go up and down the stairs TWICE..." So who dragged himself up there on his ass? Me.
I was buying groceries while you were buying your sixth guitar. I was cleaning house on broken legs while you were fucking around with random dudes against my will. You defended your little crush when she invaded my boundaries. But you did it all for me. Okay. My life is so stupid dude lmfao
Demand sex and pout when I couldn't manage doing all the work at that, too, telling me I was too "boring" and "injured" and "sick" to fuck, so you were going to fulfill yourself on Reddit and with half our local community? Rose-colored glasses, indeed.
I scooted around in a shitty office chair, pulling myself around with my booted, injured legs, dragging furniture as best I could, and she would NOT HELP ME. She has a work at home job with Walgreens but was "too tired" to help. Then cooked her dinner. So what was it that you did for me, babe?
She says like, "I did it all for you, babe" as though she didn't make me finish moving in with two broken legs and cook and clean for her, again, with two broken legs, while she did absolutely nothing but flirt with my future coworkers and buy luxury shit
... I think my ex wrote a song about me and dude, let me tell you, it sucks lmfaooo She has a video of it posted on youtube and it's so fucking awkward...
If I can just go out into the middle of the woods and dig a big hole... I think I could make that work
Man ... Dude... Pal... I do not give a single flying fuck about the health of the video game industry lmfao Jesus christ
Brother I almost fucked up so bad today lmfao, was running on empty on a mountain road and then my fucking phone died, managed to find a station at the LAST minute, there was no way I was making it further. Worst instance I've ever had of misjudging my tank aaaa I was actually starting to shake lol
Recent trends have unfortunately reminded me more of my old boss's philosophy, "Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly" where he meant he had us churn out underproduced shit which would literally fall apart in your hands and charge full market price, then brag about himself on Mastodon lmfao
Hello specifically to all the Bluesky bots, why the fuck do you exist
Dreamt that I was being cancelled for having a parasocial relationship with a YouTuber, and got upset bc I didn't know what anyone was talking about, so I checked the channel they said, and it was just me in a weird disguise, and I was both like "oh, that's me," and "wait, I have a YouTube channel?"
I keep noticing more beard hairs coming in and filling it out, and my soul patch is more than a handful of gangly strands, ooooouuuugh, and I'm actually growing bits out and trimming others and it actually looks somewhat intentional rather than being loose pubes on my face, aaaaaAaaaAAAAAA π₯Ίβ€οΈ
Why does Shania Twain kind of scare me
I sound like an advertisement for that shit whenever I talk about it. Sister cleared up her eczema with it too. God this is what getting older is like huh...
(explanation: I have chronic seborrheic dermatitis on my face and in my ears and clobetasol, a steroid in foam form, is an absolute miracle cure for it, I love this shit for how quickly it works and I can make it last forever. I have Normal Ears now instead of fish flakes lol)
Apparently the answer was "minor irritation lasting about ten minutes" but I think that's mostly because it's an alcohol foam. I uhhh really need to start applying this stuff with something other than my dumb fingers
hmm wonder what happens when you get clobetasol in your eye... I'm about to find out
You know who else got rejected by mainstream art institutions?
I desperately want to depict the most dramatic running flop-rub my cat just did when I showed him where I put the catnip, like he was sliding into base, but I'm lazy
uuuuuugh I need my boyfrieeeeennnnd, waaaaaahhhhh
Blame the company, not your fucking coworkers. I wear a mask if I'm feeling under the weather, and take the hit only when I absolutely have to. If you're so concerned, wear one, yourself and take your own necessary precautions. I'm also not losing my livelihood (or life) over the common cold.
I know y'all don't want people to go to work sick but consider this: Some of us would love to stay home, but if we don't we risk 1) losing our job and therefore, 2) losing our healthcare, and also 3) many of us are living paycheck to paycheck and staying out any amount of time is going to affect it
As a trans guy, a very slight part of me is glad don't have a dick because of all of the impromptu boners I'd have without the requisite training to hide/fix that....... ...... but alas, this hypothetical would assume that I would have anything but a silicone dick in the first place so like........
Just like your period, π΅State Farm is thereπ΅
We like to think of ourselves as so elevated...
Uh. Was just watching a video on orangutans and it was all cool and fun and shit because these guys are absolutely incredible, but at the end I wound up learning about Pony and an apparent little "industry" behind things and like... Man. Was having fun, now I want to set shit on fire.
Seemed kinda stressed. Don't think he gets much respect. (He was more a weird mixture of like, Dangerfield and Brendan Fraser but looked enough like both that I was like "huh, wow")
Damn, all I saw today was ghost of Rodney Dangerfield
Hey, he has a Hobby, c'mon Also in looking this up I keep seeing that sometimes they really dig ping pong balls? Which is fair
I wish I never fucking existed.
I absolutely cannot wait for us to Nuremburg these motherfuckers, assuming any of us have the fucking balls to carry through with actual justice. You don't rehabilitate that shit.
OH ALSO one of the pictures he posted from childhood before he "came to the US," and there were USA wall outlets in the background lmfaooooooooooooo
Why has this dipshit felt like an extremely lowkey Moby Dick for me lmao, we met over a decade ago and I still wonder about this embarrassing douchebag
APPARENTLY HE'S NOW IN HR FOR AN ACCOUNTING FIRM LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO How broken... Oh Addie. Sorry, "Attis," since you're so Romanian. You absolute dumbfuck lmfao
What really set me off about him were the inconsistencies, and then the anger that I had divulged really personal information to him when he was literally lying about everything he told me about himself. Then he got pissed when I took our mutual friend's side after he told them to kill themselves.
He would occasionally try to schmooze with actual Romani advocates who had accounts and would talk about his dramatic escape from "Constantinople" (notable because he was obsessed with Sascha Vykos from VTM at the time) and bemoan gadje, "THE SLAVS," etc. "Emigrational dadaism," indeed, it seems.
He even pretended at one point to not remember how to speak English and would post these super Google Translate rants on Tumblr in bad Romanian, and his immediate friend group from high school were all doing the same. One friend was "English," and his fiancee at the time was "Russian."
Not to mention his (also extremely American) dad had a huge online presence that you can literally just Google and it all breaks apart. This man was born in California, but "A" needed his sympathy points, so that was actually his stepfather in spite of them looking exactly alike and being in videos.
Like it's so funny, he added me on Facebook back in the day as though I wasn't going to notice that his bootstraps immigrant story fell apart as soon as I saw his rich American grandma replying to him and asking if he needed her to put more money in his bank account lmfaoo
Wonder if that dude I knew on Tumblr is still pretending to be a romani immigrant from Romania/Turkey whose family allegedly was constantly "being chased by the slavs" but is in fact both extremely white and extremely American.......
A character literally goes "Snake! Snake! Snaaaaaake!" like come on
Jesus god I am begging people to stop using tiktok for life/medical advice Wouldn't even follow a fucking recipe from there tbh, I'd go in thinking I was learning to make a pastry and come out with coleslaw that tasted like boiled urine or some shit
Not to be melodramatic like I always am, but I've been wishing awful hard lately that I could stop feeling so intensely scared all the time and would just go back to feeling empty and numb. At least then there's that level of Fuck It that helps me power through shit instead of feeling paralyzed.
I sent this in reply to an active discussion in my nuclear family group chat and no, I will not be giving context.
Finally cracked that One Spot in my back and it's like a choir of angels decended and bathed me in divine light
(in the deepest, breathiest voice imaginable) I GOTTA GET IN THERE AND GET MY PANTEEEENE
Firestarter is so high-low-key Metal Gear adjacent. I have little doubt he got some inspiration for more than a few characters and scenarios from this book/maybe the film (which I haven't seen yet).
Forever full of hatred for people who are good at inky gesture drawings with those cool ass pens, mostly because whenever I try it's like "oh oops. Oh, oops. Ah shit. Ah man you can't even tell what that bit is..." almost like you have to actually PRACTICE that shit like, how dare
Like it's not even the blood, I can deal with that, that's fine, kinda kinky actually, but the SKIN bit and the fact that it's on my hands just... no no no no no, do not like. If I had cut like, anywhere else on my arm that wasn't my hand or the crook of my elbow, I'd be like "oh damn cool"
Accidentally cut my finger on a can when I got home and bled a WHOLE fucking bunch and it gave me such a visceral reaction that I threw up lmfao like. why is that what I just... DO now? I never used to puke, especially as an emotional reaction, but here we are
So the fire alarm went off at work today, it wasn't a drill, and yet I think it was such a perfect indictment of human nature. A huge flashing firetruck sitting outside the only entrance and people were actively arguing with us to get into a potentially burning building to shop. All older folks.
Ich brauche mehr deutsche Musik. Deutsch ist meine einege Fremdsprache und kann mich nur ein bisschen errinern. Mein Deutsch ist shit okay... Ugh.
I have this cute and nice but very eccentric-in-that-way-that's-untenable kind of way that makes me just nervous enough coworker who passed by me and ominously whispered "They've discovered the Spice... The MELAAANGE..." and I'm not caught up enough in my Dunery for that, you know, for one thing...
... That joke I just reposted gave me such a pleasant little laugh. Thank you, that is all.
Iβm petrified about todayβs science news. Genetically modifying crabs to have cheetah genes? This could go sideways fast.
Finished Cujo. Jesus fucking Christ.
Excuse me, Mr. Fatm'n, can you give us a hint about the location of the final bomb? I know it's the midterm, but...
Just like Hot Coldman, Die Hardman, Chinaman ... He's no Running Man, he's [Mr.] Fatman to you, you boorish military types
Ugh god guys, his name is Fatman, not Fat Man, "do better" lmao
Dog IS so beautiful aaaa so shimmery and blue You have to ask them their secret, inquiring minds and all
For a change of pace The internet: OFMD, my beloveds My brain: Oh Fucking Medical Doctor, my beloveds
_____ISM IS JUST ABOUT INDIVIDUALIST SELF-PRESERVATION, DAD, SHUT UP
Why am I even opining about my stupid mental state when so much shit is going on lmfaooooooooo goddamn Americans am I right????
Especially when you have a history with this shit and just keep doing it. Even if you're not the initially toxic one, and you just keep going with shit and letting shit happen TO you, you're still a part of that. If I can't say no, the no isn't there, and I can't complain about that.
My most enduring mindset: I am an evil person. I am underdeveloped and emotionally stunted and this shall never be corrected. I will only hurt people. I shall disappear into the forest for my remains to never be found again. My rational brain: I'm kind of boring and flawed and have a lot of trauma.
And let me say it loud and clear: When you lose it and you yell and you act like a crazy person, it doesn't matter what's just happened to you. You are now the bad person, too. Nothing else matters. When you lose control, it's YOU that loses control, not anyone who got under your skin.
Because really, does it even matter that I needed any help when I just needed to moderate myself, no matter what? Ultimately, and you all say it too, it doesn't matter what you've been through, if you're toxic, you're toxic. And I was just a toxic yes man who couldn't communicate until I lost it.