Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
Damn you're crazy at this
Known for my iconic bits
3,421 followers 415 following 12,060 posts
view profile on Bluesky Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
Damn you're crazy at this
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
Yellow means speed up
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
This game doesn't really make sense to me
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
I just tried it you did better than me
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)
Y'all hear about Wordle? This shit is fun as hell, we should start a crew that does it every day and posts our results!
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
That's a good question, let me DM you a photo of my driver's license.
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)
If you are my niece or nephew and you are reading this UNFOLLOW ME RIGHT NOW. You know that you MUST PAY for me to entertain you.
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
Holy shit that looks just like me
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)
ACAB includes the police.
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)
Oh boy Labor Day! You should all try and make a joke about the name!
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
That's a really good point it's not my responsibility to know.
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
It has something to do with "simpsons"
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)
Asking my doctor how I can tell if I have an Illness or Diseese.
mikeo (@mikkaio.bsky.social) reposted
just laughed out loud at a reply then clicked out of the thread without liking it, knowing i would never see it or its author ever again. i have to imagine that's what many of you do to my posts too
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
You are lightyears ahead of everyone
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
Poo particles are in your mouth and eyes all the time forever
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)
How can I more comprehensively own the rabid feminists in my AP US History class?
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)
You should keep your clothes in the bathroom because you can change right out of the shower holy shit why has no one thought of this why the fuck are they in the bedroom
potion of (@candlestick.bsky.social) reposted
haven't been able to eat chocolate ever since i got that dog in me
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)
Get Crab Man In A Lee Doll Movie 2026 #CrabManInALeeDollMovie2026 @neatfacemedia.bsky.social let's make this happen
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
It seems the money is a more popular choice than I was expecting.
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
This seems like just adding an extra step for no reason.
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
But My Beautiful Goose...
𝙒𝙄𝙉𝙏𝙀𝙍 𝙠(@winterk.bsky.social) reposted
Paul Dano Original Masturbator Adult Toys Silicon Sleeve American Quality Sexual Health Little Miss Sunshine The Batman
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
bsky.app/profile/crab...
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)
Would you rather have 10 million dollars or have all of Crab Man's dreams become reality?
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)
We used to eat center-cut sirloin and prime rib completely raw because my family was poor and couldn't afford cooking.
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
Oh thank god this guy rules
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
This better not be that green guy
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
Nah you're a hater
little lamb (@puddleofbrain.bsky.social) reposted
Opinion: Fourth Grade Is Going To Be So Sick
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
There is no balance of power... only the power of balance!
potion of (@candlestick.bsky.social) reposted
as an empath i can tell when someone has been poisoned against their will
potion of (@candlestick.bsky.social) reposted
logging on forever
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)
Crab Man popsicles with my posts on the stick. I'm doing merch ideas.
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)
The thing I'm most self-conscious about is probably when someone makes fun of my giant wound.
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
Aight if little lamb said it's cool I'll do it
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)
ok figured as much, moving on to orcus
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
I'm glad someone said it
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
Get his ass
oldfriend99 (@oldfriend99.bsky.social) reposted
My friend and I are convinced there's a bee outside
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
You're walking a dangerous line
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
Don't do this to me.
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
Get away from me
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
I ain't putting on airs for you.
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)
If I don't know you and you give me a compliment that's an instant block.
fishttp:// (@fishttp.website) reposted reply parent
crab man eating disorder era. i'm here for it!!
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
I'm certainly considering it
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)
I've decided food is the enemy and I'm tired of eating it.
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
He would never!
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
I have more As somewhere around here, I swear
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
No that was a lie started by evil demons.
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
Yeah I think we should
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)
You guys know snakeroot and I don't actually hate each other, right? He told me he wanted to pretend to have a feud to manipulate your puny, entertainment-addicted brains.
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
I like the look of your guys
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
What are your thoughts hing blimp jink bill oops barn greenbean worm?
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
I was born to be a LinkedIn poster.
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)
BUSINESS TIP: I've managed my company for over 35 years, and in that time I've learned that you only need to ask one question in a job interview to tell the difference between a good potential hire and the worst mistake of your life: "Have you seen the clown that hides from bad job applicants?"
ELLEN OF GENEROUS (@funnyposts.online) reposted
DAILY AFFIRMATIONS: i am entitled to sex. im allowed to kill one person. i am entitled to a record deal
jonk (@jonk.bsky.social) reposted
I am going to take my horse to the old town road and I am going to ride until I cannot any more
jims (@jims.bsky.social) reposted reply parent
i'lm bet Intelligence on big Naturals lmao
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
I'm betting big on Natural Intelligence (knowing a lot about baseball) as the real future in the tech space.
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
His name is Jeremy Allen White
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)
This just in from company-wide meeting: AI is "futuristic"
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)
Promoted Tweet @cooterhunter Crab man hit a horse with his car and drove off like he didn't care at all
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
I would be friends with Dennis
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
I'd take the money but I wouldn't do the posts. What are they gonna do?
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
No but they are very noisy
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)
If I post good enough they'll let me have a 1 line role in The Bear or Abbott Elementary. That's the goal.
Mindbrain: The Thinkener (@itsphetz.bsky.social) reposted
SMILING👏IS👏NOT👏A👏PERSONALITY👏
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)
The Smiling Homie giving me one of his iconic grins. Get away from me you freak, get a real personality.
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)
This was like nothing I've ever seen, pretty remarkable stuff. If you'd like to see the worst editing in any movie ever I would highly recommend it. Honestly though I enjoyed the shit out of this, really bizarre movie.
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
Oh wow this is incredible
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)
No thank you. Watching loon lake now
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
I'm glad you said it.
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
Oh my bad
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
Claws
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)
I feel like you never hear about diseases anymore.
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
Work all day like a sucker. That's the Man part.
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
Heyo
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)
I know you don't want to hear this but zoomers are the new millennials in a way.
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
Ok I'm gonna do that real quick.
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)
I think I'm gonna go fuck with Wu Tang Clan. Seems like a good idea.
ebby (@plzshitinmypussy.bsky.social) reposted
Watching scary porn and having nightmares for weeks
Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent
Kelce is just a wannabe Buffalo Bills MVP Quarterback Josh Allen, no cap
mikeo (@mikkaio.bsky.social) reposted
what's with this new trend of famous football players getting married to no name popstars? First Buffalo Bills MVP Quarterback Josh Allen, now Travis Kelce... hope they're making them sign good prenups