Profile banner
Profile picture

Crab Man

@crabman.bsky.social

Known for my iconic bits

created July 1, 2023

3,421 followers 415 following 12,060 posts

view profile on Bluesky

Posts

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

Damn you're crazy at this

2/9/2025, 12:38:14 AM | 3 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

Yellow means speed up

1/9/2025, 11:09:51 PM | 3 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

This game doesn't really make sense to me

1/9/2025, 10:46:57 PM | 2 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

I just tried it you did better than me

1/9/2025, 10:41:26 PM | 3 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

image
1/9/2025, 10:41:08 PM | 21 1 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)

Y'all hear about Wordle? This shit is fun as hell, we should start a crew that does it every day and posts our results!

1/9/2025, 10:32:16 PM | 27 1 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

That's a good question, let me DM you a photo of my driver's license.

1/9/2025, 10:27:18 PM | 4 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)

If you are my niece or nephew and you are reading this UNFOLLOW ME RIGHT NOW. You know that you MUST PAY for me to entertain you.

1/9/2025, 9:18:08 PM | 33 3 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

Holy shit that looks just like me

1/9/2025, 7:30:53 PM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

This movie starts with The Equations

image
1/9/2025, 7:31:30 AM | 2 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)

Now watching. Not sure about this subtitle though.

Broken Promise
1/9/2025, 7:28:44 AM | 11 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)

ACAB includes the police.

1/9/2025, 6:26:18 AM | 39 6 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)

Oh boy Labor Day! You should all try and make a joke about the name!

1/9/2025, 6:03:26 AM | 10 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

That's a really good point it's not my responsibility to know.

1/9/2025, 6:00:38 AM | 4 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

It has something to do with "simpsons"

1/9/2025, 12:54:30 AM | 2 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)

Asking my doctor how I can tell if I have an Illness or Diseese.

1/9/2025, 12:35:43 AM | 22 1 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture mikeo (@mikkaio.bsky.social) reposted

just laughed out loud at a reply then clicked out of the thread without liking it, knowing i would never see it or its author ever again. i have to imagine that's what many of you do to my posts too

31/8/2025, 11:46:56 PM | 27 2 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

You are lightyears ahead of everyone

1/9/2025, 12:12:55 AM | 5 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

Poo particles are in your mouth and eyes all the time forever

1/9/2025, 12:12:39 AM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)

How can I more comprehensively own the rabid feminists in my AP US History class?

1/9/2025, 12:12:10 AM | 12 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)

You should keep your clothes in the bathroom because you can change right out of the shower holy shit why has no one thought of this why the fuck are they in the bedroom

31/8/2025, 11:56:03 PM | 14 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture potion of (@candlestick.bsky.social) reposted

haven't been able to eat chocolate ever since i got that dog in me

31/8/2025, 9:01:02 PM | 96 24 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)

Get Crab Man In A Lee Doll Movie 2026 #CrabManInALeeDollMovie2026 @neatfacemedia.bsky.social let's make this happen

31/8/2025, 9:00:02 PM | 9 2 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

It seems the money is a more popular choice than I was expecting.

31/8/2025, 8:52:27 PM | 4 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

This seems like just adding an extra step for no reason.

31/8/2025, 8:49:41 PM | 4 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

But My Beautiful Goose...

31/8/2025, 8:49:15 PM | 4 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture 𝙒𝙄𝙉𝙏𝙀𝙍 𝙠 (@winterk.bsky.social) reposted

Paul Dano Original Masturbator Adult Toys Silicon Sleeve American Quality Sexual Health Little Miss Sunshine The Batman

31/8/2025, 8:23:05 PM | 38 3 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

bsky.app/profile/crab...

31/8/2025, 8:46:16 PM | 7 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)

Would you rather have 10 million dollars or have all of Crab Man's dreams become reality?

31/8/2025, 8:45:18 PM | 19 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)

We used to eat center-cut sirloin and prime rib completely raw because my family was poor and couldn't afford cooking.

31/8/2025, 12:13:42 PM | 16 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

Oh thank god this guy rules

31/8/2025, 12:05:25 PM | 4 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

This better not be that green guy

31/8/2025, 12:05:07 PM | 5 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

Nah you're a hater

31/8/2025, 11:41:20 AM | 5 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture little lamb (@puddleofbrain.bsky.social) reposted

Opinion: Fourth Grade Is Going To Be So Sick

31/8/2025, 6:44:08 AM | 45 2 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

I got you covered

Nose monkey got your ass owned straight up
31/8/2025, 5:11:48 AM | 13 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

There is no balance of power... only the power of balance!

31/8/2025, 5:08:15 AM | 9 1 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture potion of (@candlestick.bsky.social) reposted

as an empath i can tell when someone has been poisoned against their will

31/8/2025, 5:04:46 AM | 125 14 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture potion of (@candlestick.bsky.social) reposted

logging on forever

31/8/2025, 4:55:51 AM | 67 9 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)

Crab Man popsicles with my posts on the stick. I'm doing merch ideas.

31/8/2025, 12:37:00 AM | 18 1 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)

The thing I'm most self-conscious about is probably when someone makes fun of my giant wound.

30/8/2025, 10:31:11 PM | 45 2 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

Aight if little lamb said it's cool I'll do it

30/8/2025, 10:30:49 PM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

From the imdb trivia:

image
30/8/2025, 10:49:17 AM | 5 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)

ok figured as much, moving on to orcus

30/8/2025, 9:00:36 AM | 9 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)

Now watching. This movie will speak to my drug addict brain.

Inner Demons
30/8/2025, 8:48:52 AM | 5 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

I'm glad someone said it

30/8/2025, 3:11:59 AM | 3 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

Get his ass

30/8/2025, 3:11:38 AM | 0 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Biollante (@bivouacchillin.bsky.social) reposted

image
29/8/2025, 12:47:22 PM | 96 20 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture oldfriend99 (@oldfriend99.bsky.social) reposted

My friend and I are convinced there's a bee outside

29/8/2025, 9:39:11 PM | 156 14 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

You're walking a dangerous line

29/8/2025, 9:02:31 PM | 3 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

Don't do this to me.

29/8/2025, 8:33:05 PM | 3 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

Get away from me

29/8/2025, 8:32:50 PM | 2 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

I ain't putting on airs for you.

29/8/2025, 8:13:34 PM | 13 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)

If I don't know you and you give me a compliment that's an instant block.

29/8/2025, 8:13:11 PM | 24 2 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture fishttp:// (@fishttp.website) reposted reply parent

crab man eating disorder era. i'm here for it!!

29/8/2025, 8:02:44 PM | 6 1 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture VHS (@videohell.bsky.social) reposted

First thing he’s said to me in 6 months

A text notification from my estranged dad asking if I’ve “ever seen the AI babies on YouTube”
29/8/2025, 7:32:04 PM | 35 3 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

I'm certainly considering it

29/8/2025, 7:32:20 PM | 3 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)

I've decided food is the enemy and I'm tired of eating it.

29/8/2025, 7:30:02 PM | 25 3 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

He would never!

29/8/2025, 3:01:45 PM | 4 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

I have more As somewhere around here, I swear

29/8/2025, 7:35:11 AM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

No that was a lie started by evil demons.

29/8/2025, 7:15:20 AM | 6 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

Yeah I think we should

29/8/2025, 7:08:43 AM | 8 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)

You guys know snakeroot and I don't actually hate each other, right? He told me he wanted to pretend to have a feud to manipulate your puny, entertainment-addicted brains.

29/8/2025, 7:00:36 AM | 40 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

I like the look of your guys

29/8/2025, 6:58:59 AM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)

Now watching

The Airzone Solution
29/8/2025, 6:52:09 AM | 14 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

Popoff day

Lachryma lvl 18 AAA FLOWER lvl18 AAA KINGDOM COME lvl18 AA SuddeNDeath lvl18 AAA 974 LETS FUCKING GOOOOOO
29/8/2025, 6:36:53 AM | 4 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

What are your thoughts hing blimp jink bill oops barn greenbean worm?

29/8/2025, 6:31:58 AM | 0 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

I was born to be a LinkedIn poster.

29/8/2025, 2:50:15 AM | 12 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)

BUSINESS TIP: I've managed my company for over 35 years, and in that time I've learned that you only need to ask one question in a job interview to tell the difference between a good potential hire and the worst mistake of your life: "Have you seen the clown that hides from bad job applicants?"

29/8/2025, 2:49:22 AM | 30 5 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture ELLEN OF GENEROUS (@funnyposts.online) reposted

DAILY AFFIRMATIONS: i am entitled to sex. im allowed to kill one person. i am entitled to a record deal

29/8/2025, 2:11:06 AM | 55 11 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture jonk (@jonk.bsky.social) reposted

I am going to take my horse to the old town road and I am going to ride until I cannot any more

29/8/2025, 12:59:33 AM | 43 2 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture jims (@jims.bsky.social) reposted reply parent

i'lm bet Intelligence on big Naturals lmao

28/8/2025, 6:13:59 PM | 8 1 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

I'm betting big on Natural Intelligence (knowing a lot about baseball) as the real future in the tech space.

28/8/2025, 6:10:37 PM | 7 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

His name is Jeremy Allen White

28/8/2025, 6:08:28 PM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)

This just in from company-wide meeting: AI is "futuristic"

28/8/2025, 6:01:12 PM | 30 1 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)

Promoted Tweet @cooterhunter Crab man hit a horse with his car and drove off like he didn't care at all

28/8/2025, 5:38:23 PM | 17 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

I would be friends with Dennis

28/8/2025, 4:33:33 PM | 0 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

I'd take the money but I wouldn't do the posts. What are they gonna do?

28/8/2025, 4:32:50 PM | 2 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

No but they are very noisy

28/8/2025, 4:30:21 PM | 3 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)

If I post good enough they'll let me have a 1 line role in The Bear or Abbott Elementary. That's the goal.

28/8/2025, 4:29:46 PM | 30 1 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Mindbrain: The Thinkener (@itsphetz.bsky.social) reposted

SMILING👏IS👏NOT👏A👏PERSONALITY👏

28/8/2025, 4:24:57 PM | 35 2 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)

The Smiling Homie giving me one of his iconic grins. Get away from me you freak, get a real personality.

28/8/2025, 4:22:01 PM | 37 5 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)

This was like nothing I've ever seen, pretty remarkable stuff. If you'd like to see the worst editing in any movie ever I would highly recommend it. Honestly though I enjoyed the shit out of this, really bizarre movie.

28/8/2025, 9:26:05 AM | 15 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

Oh wow this is incredible

28/8/2025, 8:05:44 AM | 2 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)

No thank you. Watching loon lake now

28/8/2025, 8:02:53 AM | 8 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)

Now watching evening song three voices

An Evening Song (For Three Voices)
28/8/2025, 7:42:31 AM | 2 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

Today's shit

SAMVICA lvl 18 AA+ Lord=Crossight lvl 19 AA Immortal saga lvl 19 949
28/8/2025, 6:59:59 AM | 3 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

I'm glad you said it.

28/8/2025, 4:45:18 AM | 3 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

Oh my bad

28/8/2025, 4:45:05 AM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

Claws

28/8/2025, 4:44:59 AM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)

I feel like you never hear about diseases anymore.

28/8/2025, 3:51:36 AM | 33 3 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture oak blanco (@abomination.computer) reposted

unironically this tweet is so beast

Women that have a sense if humer….#plus
27/8/2025, 9:47:44 PM | 101 11 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)

Chivalry is dead

Apartment complex is looking for WYTNITE
27/8/2025, 9:49:40 PM | 15 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

Work all day like a sucker. That's the Man part.

27/8/2025, 9:49:11 PM | 2 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

Heyo

27/8/2025, 6:09:13 PM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)

I know you don't want to hear this but zoomers are the new millennials in a way.

27/8/2025, 9:05:06 AM | 16 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

Ok I'm gonna do that real quick.

27/8/2025, 3:14:09 AM | 2 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social)

I think I'm gonna go fuck with Wu Tang Clan. Seems like a good idea.

27/8/2025, 2:48:48 AM | 25 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture ebby (@plzshitinmypussy.bsky.social) reposted

Watching scary porn and having nightmares for weeks

27/8/2025, 1:50:17 AM | 15 1 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Crab Man (@crabman.bsky.social) reply parent

Kelce is just a wannabe Buffalo Bills MVP Quarterback Josh Allen, no cap

26/8/2025, 6:37:33 PM | 2 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture mikeo (@mikkaio.bsky.social) reposted

what's with this new trend of famous football players getting married to no name popstars? First Buffalo Bills MVP Quarterback Josh Allen, now Travis Kelce... hope they're making them sign good prenups

26/8/2025, 6:23:31 PM | 6 1 | View on Bluesky | view