mom says i can make goofs about Eagles and Phillies here
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Doctors at Walter Reed confirmed the body emitted an unprecedented amount of
Drop an old person you're going to turn into in the future
Bill Belichick’s girlfriend witnessed the horrors of 9/11 as a 6 month old no wonder she acts weird now
Cooking when Mr Brady isn’t around
State Champs
Don’t forget what happened when Two and a Half Men went from Charlie Sheen to Ashton Kutcher
Bill Belichick Sully Sullenberger 🤝 Getting Hudson into the news cycle
Jordan Jordon 🤝 Getting 6 championship rings the hard way
Schlemiel, Schlimazel, Hasenpfeffer Infuckingcorporated. We’re gonna do it.
E-G-L-S-E-S
Brontosaurus to the blue whale
The dinosaurs were built to scale for historical accuracy, a blue whale couldn’t carry a brontosaurus’s jock strap
Source?
Why do you think he’s reacting this way? Because he sees a blue whale?? LOL get real buddy. He’s seeing the real deal here, a bunch of them.
All the “blue whale is the largest animal ever on earth” talk is a bunch of junk. Go rent a film called Jurassic Park and take a look at the brontosaurus.
POV: you are being rendered assistance
That’s some complexion too. Maybe switch back to a standard definition camera for his closeups yikes
Dabbing bacon fat with a paper towel like an old southern gentleman’s forehead handkerchief
Lying about strokes? Yeah every time he plays golf!
Last night at midnight was the first night of September so Earth Wind and Fire are singing about September 20th 🌍 💨 🔥
He’s not just your lawyer he is america’s lawyer
A confused and frightened Mr Trump calls down to the white house kitchen “who’s down there?!?” Vice president Vance replies “Artie Shaw. Ten minutes” while cooking pasta
The White House has confirmed Mr trump has been talking about “Pussy Malanga”, a long deceased rival, “a lot lately”
Oh madonn’ the maroon
He’s also the only surviving member of the Polish national ice hockey team that drowned during spring training. That’s trauma we can’t understand.
They say he took his company from the brink of bankruptcy to becoming the largest submarine screen door manufacturer in all of Poland 💪🏻
I feel violated. I’m going to perform Billy Joel’s A Matter of Trust while staring her dead in the eye
Children come home with a kickass bluetooth karaoke machine, record you performing Principal’s Office by Young MC (natch) and then post the video to the extended family Slack channel. Fair or foul?
I don’t believe that anybody Feels the Giants could Get past the Browns
To-day is gonna be the day that they’re gonna give it back to you By now they shoulda somehow heard about 40-22
“And rememba: A man never stands so tall as when he stoops by a basement window to check for seepage” - Larry Bud Melman
I stopped visiting friends who live on tree named streets
Restless restless! It happens all the ti-i-i-ime Restless restless! I love you, i love you, i like you! I change my mi-i-i-ind
Bad lighting on today but everyone here took a satisfying turn on the PW as i relaxed in the shade like some sort of ASMR Tom Sawyer
First coat applied to what this morning was a jet black flagstone patio. Returned pressure washer early along with several other items slashing the $168 budget exactly in half. Awaiting second coat application as 100 mg gummy spreads its wings in me bludstream
More like Starch Manning because this kid’s playing like a freakin potato! Go ahead and smash that block button to avoid more content like this
Trump should do what Howard Stern did when everyone was saying his show was cancelled. A 67 minute interview with Lars Ulrich.
(crying) slow and low, kiddo
This is the only “Project 2025” we’re doing today (guy in 2015 told me to do it every 5 years)
Anyone caught photoshopping the Fat Vance face over LBJ here will be reported to admin
They better make the service private because if DJT jr cries talking about his dad I fear some of you sickos might use the footage for your “memes”. Off limits.
Also he was in enough movies to make the Oscars In Memoriam montage. Something to think about.
“Sure we had our differences but (sniffles) it was never personal”
Paul: that’s fabulous
“….due to complications from the reservoir of blood, urine, and other fluids in his ankles. He was 79 years old.”
“And now, a moment of silence to honor our 47th pre-“ (treb finishing big beer)
St Peter going over the schedule
I worked at the Swiss Farms across the street with someone who worked there full time. She would bring factory errors nearly every day.
did you deal with people aysking ferra gallona Swiss Tew enna boxa Butterscotch Krimpits because that was us
Me for an entire year after my brother made me jump the fence into the Swell Bubblegum Factory dumpster
Phillies lead the league in hot broads attending games broadcast by trillion dollar palo altos 💋
If you don’t think the Phils’ overpoweringly german lineup isn’t marketed directly toward women take a gander at all the beauties behind the plate hachi machi
Edgecombe having an absolute blast
Kevin Stocker is one of those “eck-specially” guys. Yeah letters are hard, Kev.
Mark Teixeira looks a lot like late stage Jared Fogel
Apple TV with its 4k cameras, on screen gambling info and local radio simulcast option is the superior Phillies viewing product
Before the internet Errol Morris was just a mysterious master documentarian now the best documentaries are made by regular people on YouTube and Errol Morris is in Chipotle commercials
Oh my god
Wilding out so biblically they change the way you view world war 2 movies
Pretty sure those are women’s glasses too
My cousin’s barber shop has a chart of haircuts on the wall, yours is number 4
Say no more i gotchu fam
He is a beautiful man, fucking gorgeous
Telling the barber “gimme the Rand Spear”
Office language cooked when they changed “mistakes” and “problems” and “fuck ups” to “opportunities”
The Dubai Dragons of the UAE Baseball Concern has offered Kyle F. Schwarber a minority ownership stake and 2 oil fields
This definitely ain’t ova
2025 Kyle Schwarber home run to single ratio 47 home runs 52 singles
The best thing about a Metallica Sirius channel is if you don’t like the song that’s playing you get to wait patiently until the next one
You never know with these wacky flex schedules
They’re going to compare this to the Herschel Walker trade that led to three superbowls and they are correct but it’s the Eagles who will be winning the three superbowls
Pushing all the right buttons
Got eeeem
They are bestowing upon her the very rare Fafo Award
Steve Herr
In Godfather 3 we see Michael Corleone muscle his family into legitimacy and almost live happily ever after except one of his children gets murdered right in front of him and THEN he dies. Would hate to see anything like that play out in real life. Sad!
This but for the Phils creams. They look like pajamas that used to be white.
Gives them something to do
They got another gig at Conestoga this morning
An insufferable humorless blowhard with teeny tiny shrek ears and a big secret
Without blitzing, how many times did the Philadelphia Eagles sack Patrick Mahomes Jr
I would love to put a little bandaid on his foot
No I thought you said you were alright spider. No I thought YOU said you were alright spider.
Love when he pronounces “twat” that way I pronounce “flat”
Only if they make a WNHL
Gordon Ramsay sneaks into a restaurant in the dead of night, identifies a foul ingredient, leaves it there, sends a secret chef in the next day to order the foul ingredient and waits til the fork is almost in the chef’s mouth to radio “do not eat that!! It’s bad!”. Cut to commercial. Love this show.
She’s coming to Philly just not to the sixers
Great week for both the Flagsniffers AND the Gunsniffers
Snoop Dogg walking into a movie about heterosexual people only
tryhard
Marc Singer’s son became the star Marc never was. Touched a lot of people. With his work.
You can’t spell Paoli-Thorndale without PAIN
