That sounds like she was proper posh.
I Just Gotsta
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That sounds like she was proper posh.
Give me t'wallett yer bast-tert
I'd hate to wake up that hyperbolic performative angry every day* *Unless The Telegraph were paying me £200,000pa
He looks like a shaven ball bag with specs.
Bit of a brief respite at the moment but it's otter's pockets today
Tell them, if they require me, I shall be taking rest upon my day seat.
Already done. Poured coffee and served to Mrs DoS ✓ Dishwasher ✓ Fed cats Washed up cat bowls ✓ Pressed turkey meatballs ✓ Cooked the turkey meatballs ✓ Gathered ingredients for an Italian tomato sauce ✓ Put a tomato sauce in the slow cooker ✓ Emptied #bins ✓ I am already knackerd
quizoftheday.co.uk 7 Pop song, Count, Rings
Just think if I die in my sleep and the above is my last contribution to human civilisation.
bsky.app/profile/deno... Plus petit pois and sweetcorn
Fish pie and steamed veg
I'm under warranty with them and breakdown cover for everything apart from punctures
I even told them the car computer kept telling me to inflate the tyres. I was doing it on board and it cleared the problem. I now only have three tyres that can be temp inflated onboard and run on flat until fixed 🙈
Bonus is, I found the hubcap!
Arnold Clark passed all four tyres in May 🤷🏼♂️ during the service. The lad who changed the tyre showed me the inside. It had worn through inside.
Current view whilst waiting for breakdown people. It is the usual mix of geriatrics, pedos and drug addicts, plus a venn that covers all three.
Just seen a woman walking her dog. And parrot. She had one of those front pack bubble carriers on with a parrot inside it. Only in Scholes
That's not been wiped for two days straight
Jesus effing Christ on a penny farthing. That's £155 down the shitter.
Ange must be really upset at the moment. If she ever needs a penis to cry on…
Hey copilot, draw me a nazi furry. Not on your fucking life will I do that, refer yourself to Prevent this very minute.
Making fish pie for tea. I really should write a cookbook.
It's gonna go cold if they're not careful
The vet nurse said this morning how Alfie reminded her of Bonesy and that he was her most favourite cat that she'd ever took care off 😭
Empty pots and the promised brew not arriving. I'd be going ape shit.
Yeah, I deliberately failed maths to stick it to the man. A grade to F in six months. Too busy grassing on the lads to care. And McDonald's.
Excellent
There's a fair chance Salford Red Devils go out of business today after the HMRC insolvency hearing. It's a scandal it is happening. #rugbyleague
I just need a hug from her. That's all. #GILF
Nudge has travelled all of five metres
I'm holding out.
Pissing down and still want to get out. The pair of dickheads.
Look at Angela Rayner, daring to wear clothes. I wish nothing but stage 4 arse cancer to those who own and run The Daily Mail
I recognised the language as Portuguese rather than Spanish. An educated guess.
Post op follow up. He's not happy.
At least the cunts aren't getting angry about those poor wretched souls in the channel for a change.
We are about 24 miles from Manchester Airport as the crow flies but earlier on an aeroplane went so low above us I could see the landing buckle up signs flash on.
quizoftheday.co.uk 9, peasant. I thought q6 was a trick question with one poet possibly alluding to another poet's previous work but went with the obvious.
You look like the piss boy. And you look like a bucket of shit!
21.732km for the evening. Slightly less than last night but everything is sore, so, job done 👍🏼 🛶🏋🏼♂️💪🏼🚲
I think everyone has heard it to appreciate it. 🫱🏼🍈🍈🫲🏼 I could have tried emojis but it's not that good
Apropos of nothing. Hypnotist; now I've planted the thought of you having bigger boobs let's weigh them. Client; how do you weigh a pair of boobs? Hypnotist; weyheyhey!
That's what makes me think it's a weird setup! I must have watched that film once a month when I was a kid. One of my mates was one of the first families to get a VCR and his brother had this film!!
No Pot Noodle for you today Greta
He couldn't trap a bag of spuds at one point but put him 1-on-1 with the keeper you'd back him to score. He did a lot of falling over too but he was lightning quick during his Liverpool career. I absolutely loved him.
It's on my workout playlist!
Mockney via leafy Kent
As Hugh Johns once said. Neeskens, one-nil.
And of course... #GretaLookeyLikeys
A stereotypical septic is a fat fast food eating bastard, who claims he's a democrat but votes for the old corrupt fat bastard white guy because they can handle having a woman as PUSA but a female POC as PUSA makes them queezy.
Maybe John or Peter had OCD and had to have matching stuff at Passover Seder.
The Last Supper is a weird painting. All sat in a row and not round a long bench, or even sat on the floor.
Like Sticky Vicky?
Seabrook's used to do those. You'd stink for days after eating a packet.
Romelu Lukaku is one of the most expensive footballers in history if you add up all the transfer fees, yet he's just a notch above Emile Heskey in terms of skill, touch and teamwork. But the pair of them knew how to finish.
Bacon, sausage, scrambled eggs, shrooms, beans, toast. It's my “death row” meal.
“can you make sure it's not smoked bacon next time, boss. And make it streaky as well, done crispy”
Cooked some bacon for tea that looks like it's been sabotaged. The potential culprit is pleading cuteness and innocence.
Check out Ten Storey Love Song by The Stone Roses on Amazon Music music.amazon.co.uk/albums/B073L... Today's #earworm is a corker
Wearing block colours again. I look like a 5'11 Penbritin.
Mrs Magpie has made an appearance and tapped on the window for food. Fedora is not happy.
I had three ginger boys looking at me at 05:05 Didn't even give me a chance to stretch and crack my back and neck.
Neither am I. It just doesn't matter to me. Prime ministers on the other hand, I think I've learned them from Disreali onwards.
Already done. Fed cats. Cleared turds from litter. Emptied the dishwasher. Cooked sausage and bacon for tea. Cooked TOO MUCH ™ pasta for lunch* Roasted veg in Italian herbs and seasoning* *We'll be having pizza flavoured pepperoni pasta salad for days.
That monarch question has been asked in various ways about ten times before. Whoever sets them is very keen on Victoria's succession to the throne.
quizoftheday.co.uk 9 riot
I wish Mrs DoS would let me take an unusual route once in a while.
Soft arse not even a London club. They'll have to either sell him for a cut-price £20m in January or he walks free for nowt next June
My brother worked with someone who loaded too much and suffered a prolapse whilst squatting
22.567km for the evening. Q4 up and running (x-trainer, spinning and rowing to be precise) 🚲💪🏼🏋🏼♂️🛶
How to upset half of Glasgow and Edinburgh in 280 characters or fewer
🎶🎤'WHEN I GET ME SOLAR POWERED MOPED OUT ON THE STREET, I'M GONNA ROIDE, ROIDE, ROIDE...'🎤🎶
The clues with Douglas Carswell were always there. For a start, he's always pulling his face about something or other
pushed it which fatigued the leg muscles causing injuries to my lower back and quads. This is benchmark night. Let's see how it goes.
Q4 starts today. Monday and Friday are changing. It's gonna be 3 x 20 minutes cardio and 2 bands and bar sets. I've lost a lot of km in August so need to make up to get close to target, also the three band/bar sets were short in time but exhausting me. By third set I'd nothing in the legs left but
He's American. He identifies as cunt, 24/7 365.
Racist.
Fuck me. I thought it was bad enough Glasgow and Birmingham tearing it up because each city claimed ownership of the chicken tikka masala.
Chewing gum and hand cream
It is and I also bought an arse ring seat cushion
I need it. One for word drafts, one for work functions and another for spreadsheets.
Bought a monitor stand/pen drawer from Aldi. This setup makes me look almost professional.
Deer dipped in pigs piss and salt for 48 days
Amazon offering me these SS sports socks is a bit, erm, something.
He blocked me this morning. Probably name searched and saw his arse because everyone is piss taking.
“Alex, Alex, Honey Bunny, we cool, we cool like The Fonz, right? Now I want you to put your hand, slowly, on the basket tray and slowly pull out an unsliced white sandwich loaf, okay”
They are (slightly too flirty) brother and sister
They're so dumb their placards should read “my CVS card number is _ _ _ and my PIN is 1234”
Unbuckles belt, drops the lot, bends over and awaits the probe. The alien: honey, the last time a man offered me that, I got dinner, drinks and dancing first.
“I said, does Marcellus Wallace look like a bitch?” ’er er, no’ ”er er, no? So why you offering him a 50/50 white and wholemeal tiger glaze knot roll topped with poppy and chia seeds?”
“If you offer me an artisan thick crust sourdough bloomer I will waste every last muthafucking one you”
The Aussie coach, Bob Fulton, reviewed hours of footage and data of the talismanic Ellery Hanley and devised a plan to nullify him. They saw Hanley was most effective when penned L to R, so when he crabbed across field, Paul Sironen smashed into him every time. As close to man-to-man marking in RL.
The Team Behind the Team - 'elite people' supporting elite athletes - www.bbc.com/sport/articl... Nothing new. #rugbyleague has been data driven for 30+ years. I remember the 1990 Ashes series. Britain beat Australia in the first test.
Alex Phillips in Tesco looking for a Warburton's extra thick super toastie white
‘if any of you, and I mean any of you, do not buy a £2 raffle ticket for these muthafukka's house I will waste every last muthafucking one of you’
Especially if it's coupled with “have it you cunt”