we're a literature and arts website. https://earrat.com/submit
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feelin' FOMO because you didn't submit to earrat.com for our launch week? good. you should feel that fomo. you messed up. dun goofed. fucked it. etc. the good news is you can still submit your weird flash fiction about beating frogs to death with a baseball bat right now.
tight, unsettling microfiction by @dapwearer.bsky.social via @earrat.com . well worth the 15 minutes i spent reading it over & over. check it out
anyway-- Tom @dapwearer.bsky.social has his own website full of lots of writing about music, travel, and photography. you should read it.
admittedly kinda weird that Tom lifted this line directly from my diary, but hey, whatever works: "...the office bathroom where you piss blood."
what can i say about Tom Spooner? @dapwearer.bsky.social well... he saved me from a fight at a taco bell in parsippany, NJ at 3am. he landed a kickflip back lip on an 8 stair hand rail and didn't even film it. he wrote and sent us a banger about burning away all your experiences.
dear reader, excellent dear amazing reader, Tom Spooner @dapwearer.bsky.social drops an absolute banger today. don't believe us? why not? fuck you. Tom Spooner is now on his way to your location, ready to take care of you. while you wait, enjoy his work:
its almost noon, get your eyes ready
getting ready for the day with my daily habit of capturing a small animal with my bare hands and staring at it until we can understand each other on a psychic level and then we both get hit by a car because we were standing in the middle of the road but i survive the collision and kill the guy drivi
putting baby food in my coffee, it's called Toddler Brew™ and it's the best way for a young, hip, professional, sexy, important, dangerous, business man like me to start gagging immediately and then slip on the floor and dislocate my shoulder
my fav part is when we get rhomboidular: "of rectangular rhomboid rhomboidian rhomboidesque perhaps a bit too forward" my other fav part is the entire fucking poem
Imagine Alabama, a new poem at @earrat.com earrat.com/posts/imagin...
anyway, Eli @eliwallis.bsky.social is a rad person who provided us a rad poem and you should rad check out his other rad work on his rad webternet website available at this rad link: eliwallis.mmm.page
you're reading this and thinking "wow holy shit ear rat is serious shit they're 2 for 2 on banger posts" and YOU WOULD BE RIGHT, CALLER. i never wanna visit Alabama but I do want to have some spooky dark magick turn Eli's poem into a place and live inside it til I die.
who even knows if alabama is a real place or not? can you IMAGINE if ALABAMA was real?
my fav part is when we get rhomboidular: "of rectangular rhomboid rhomboidian rhomboidesque perhaps a bit too forward" my other fav part is the entire fucking poem
Ohhh buddy buddy buddy we have a real treat today: @eliwallis.bsky.social drops "Imagine Alabama" on us; hypnotic droning prose daring you to let words slip into other words and thoughts into thoughts into thoughts all while all while alwhile albhiwle albanwl alabama
see you at noon
when this posts i will be out running huffin and puffin and absolutely strugglin and its so fucking early and why am i doing this? because yesterday i launched a website and also bought 4 pounds of scuppernong grapes (best fruit known to man) and only runners get scuppers the rest get earrat.com
the ear rat launch went great except for my neighbor tony tried to show me how to properly roast a hotdog on the grill in front of all my friends and family today and now i have lost all my honor and must go on an honor quest where i will either restore my dignity or die
anyone named after a taco bell item is cool enough in my book
oh right i didn't tag this amazing maniac because i'm an idiot. @iambrandondiehl.bsky.social writes the best shit on the internet
@earrat.com lives! Got some sweet deranged poetry by @iambrandondiehl.bsky.social up today. Stay tuned for more during launch week and consider submitting if you're cool (you are cool).
we'll be back tomorrow at noon with another new post from the void of the internet creative weirdo party, until then idk open up notepad and start furiously writing down everything you see and then close your eyes and keep writing and then send it to us
okay i got nothin else right now i need to go get an overpriced latte and walk around the park with my kid, go read Brandon's poems and when you're done go back to the top of the page for a special surprise; you're back at the beginning and get to read them again.
Look at how fucking surreal this is, holy shit, "I said, 'You motherfucker! Stop!' I smacked him on the back with the plunger again, and he made that same awful noise: 'Arrrf!' " Brandon's brain works different than most people (it works better).
This is the exact opposite of AI slop poetry that gets worked up to look vaguely like RK and/or any other insta poet; this is a fine-ass three course meal of modern poetry (that's actually good, though) and chef Brandon is serving it right down your gullet. Savor each precisely crafted word.
Brandon Diehl Brandon Fuckin' Diehl Brandon launches Ear Rat with three poems from his brain goop that make you go "wait, what" and then you read them again and you still don't know. Behold, and despair, and chuckle to yourself; these things are really good.
going to the dmv just to hang out just to vibe and to drink free coffee and to chit chat with the regular folk the normies the salt of the earth the people waiting in line the coffee was bad it's coming out from both ends send help i'm at the dmv oh no
eating pop tarts with a slice of cheese on them as god intended (god is evil)
oh hey what are you doing today that's cool that sounds fun i mean the beach sounds horrifying to me personally i mean just think of all those legs youd have to look at legs are weird things when you think about it too long anyway ear rat dot com launches today check it out at noon est earrat.com
also if anyone knows if obama does blurbs for websites & also has obamas cell can you plz reach out
i probably shoulda done a better job promoting this so here goes EAR RAT DOT ̶C̶U̶M̶ COM LAUNCHES TOMORROW we will have a full week of daily posts from all your favorite weirdos with fiction and poetry and other things involving words and using your brain to interpret them join us earrat.com
id rather be carried by 6 than judged by 12 because the 6 are my good friends and close relatives and they're carrying me because i just hit the game winning home run in the world series and the 12 are just like 12 weirdos who are trying to jack it onto my leg
disarming you with my charming disarming charming charmament charm charm
sponge bob, but for sex
okay chat gpt what can i make for dinner with half a bottle of mustard leftover garlic broccoli two non alcoholic ipas a bottle of kombucha three packets of liquid iv fourteen bottles of salt caps six boxes of clif bar peanut butter banana one vegan stroop waffel and one arizona arnold palmer lite
shopping at the grocery store for pants is an all time midlife crisis dude move and i fully support and endorse and subscribe and patreon
lit bros be like bro i cant die i didnt even read the tunnel yet whoops i guess this staph infection has taken hold
brb my kid is shitting
less than a week to go until ear rat launches and takes over the world and eats your dog for breakfast and does your taxes (does 'em wrong lol GOTTEM) and stops the wave of AI chatbot big titty goth girlfriends and makes epic bacon epicly bacon again and fulfills your life and re
going for a walk during lunch at work finding a little trail tucked away in a suburb going down the path and it keeps going further downhill hundreds thousands of feet down down down into the depths of hell itself the fires licking my forehead i see a door ahead of me i open it im back at the office
selling a phone replacement course where for $499 you get mailed a brick with a pamphlet that just says "lol fuck you"
"Oh wow, I love your apartment, who's your interior designer?" "i get all my furniture from the garbage during any-pick-up week" "The Garbage? Is that a new place, I've never heard of it."
eating a bagel offensively
going to one of those parties in an abandoned building where they turn your fingers into hamburger meat, wish me luck
ear rat launches in 10 days. you still have time to submit. until then, here's a little sneak peak at one of our launch posts: earrat.com/the
buying $2,000 binoculars so i can watch my across the street neighbors TV better
decide to sneak out the back door and walk a mile to the quick chek to buy a coffee since i can't brew it at home right now because my kid is sleeping. as i go to unlock the door i see a man in my neighbors yard holding a french press. he walks closer, shouts "coffee, sir?" and i pass out
all i did was watch 55 sidewalk pressure washing videos in a row and now my algorithm is trying to get me to have sex with a Kranzle Profi 195 TST pressure washer. it's fine but i'm more of a therm-RP 1600 | EH type of guy
bottom of the 9th, 2 outs, full count, i'm on the mound, trying to save the day for my team, i dig deep, throw so hard my arm rips off at the socket, my arm twirling through the air still clutching the ball, the batter swings, my in-air-fingers flick and the ball re-directs, strike three.
staying up late, tv on, fresh batch of coffee in the pot, best friend a chair over playing tony hawk, dog asleep in his dog bed, costco box of gushers still half full, mountain dew in my soda shotgun blaster pointed at my mouth, espn showing baseball, an anthropomorphic smoothie machine comes into t
sorry for not texting you back sooner; i spent the past 12 hours eating coffee cake and listening to mid-2000's emo albums
coffee
starting a twitch channel where i read a book on camera but there's 10,000 people in chat who keep sending me donations and i have to keep thanking them so i can never finish the book
godspeed you black emperor be like neeeer neeerrr wooohhhh woooohhhhhh "there was a sound in the ocean and we all heard it" NEEEEEEERRR NEEEEERRR NEEEERRR WOOOHHHHHH WOHHHHHHH
french baker talking about how the work never ends be like "one baguettes the other"
guy came up to me earlier today, maybe late 50s, he says to me, he looks at me and says, he says hey there cowboy and hands me a cigarette, i smoke it and and it's full of poison ivy, i say hey man, i say hey man what the heck, he says haha gotchya, here's a real one and he shoots me in the gut
watching the office (CCTV feed of my office building, the night janitor is being attacked by intruders)
collecting tennis balls around town so that when the dog walker i hate comes walking around i can run him over with my car (tennis balls unrelated)
[guy who only eats sandwiches]: hey this chicken parmesan is pretty good, but i wonder...
tony hawks photo shop 2
out of coffee cups at the office, people getting desperate. one guy has reused the same paper cup for two weeks, it's warped and deformed, discolored. boss took an open-sphere-shaped award he won years ago and filled it with coffee, burned himself trying to drink out of it. another coworker says
trying to order a bucket of cereal at a lunch spot, they bring me a BLT; just as i wanted
getting my ears pierced. well, someones ears.
calling everyone i interact with "papa" until they eventually call me "bubu" (i am killed by an overworked barista at a local independent coffee shop)
this is crazy because we had this as one of our idea cards at EAR RAT HQ™ just dont be offended when we reject it if it sucks
listening to french music (putting mustard on a record)
naming all the apples i buy from the grocery store so that i can feel slight psychic pain when i eat them
preparing all week for a presentation and having a minor stroke moments before i present, i scat incoherent noises with no rhythm or pattern for 3 straight minutes while the title slide "Q3: Midway Projections" never changes on screen and the vice president of the company calls me a genius
"rolling" "a" "joint" "and" "smoking" "it" "with" "my" "homies"
chester cheeto trying to get a date like hello mr and mrs bennington i'm charles cheeto may i speak to jessica please and then mrs bennington mouths to mr bennington "cheeto" and mr bennington shakes his head and furrows his brow and mrs bennington is like lol get fucked cool cat
digging a hole in the ground and finding a bunch of clay and making a giant bowl shape with it and starting a fire but then the bowl breaks into a buncha sharp jagged pieces and now i am Clay Dagger, the latest batman villain and i'm an allegory about society or something idfk
october is like, only a certain number of days away, just fyo (for your octobering)
[life, 2003]: making friends with people based solely on what their parents dvd collection was like
accepting my own limitations as a human being by refusing to ever accomplish anything and instead just eating a lot of bagels and referring to myself as "dave the bagel guy" whenever someone asks me anything at all and then asking them about their fav bagel and laughing really loudly at whatever th
these boots are made for cockin'
hanging various lengths of string from my ceiling to check for ghosts
[me in time machine]: heh this can't work because if the impetus for creating this time machine is remedied then i'll never create the time machine, heh
eating rocks until my teeth are strong enough to eat even harder rocks
cooking stew the old fashioned way (digging hole in ground coming back four days later and eating whatever is inside)
i don't have internet or phone anymore. i pay an old man in town $1 per skeet to post these. he uses the library computer, i'm told. i hand him a strip of paper with each skeet on it. he usually rejects about half of them. thank you, Martin.
"teach me how to dougie" was originally by the beets and it was about doug funnie laying absolute pipe
i wrote this earlier
sending out good vibes, dyed with ink so i can watch where they go, they fall into a deep bottomless hole and never return
wearing wooden clogs that are a few sizes too big, as a bit, for the rest of my life, never taking them off, as a bit, showering with them on, as a bit, going scuba diving with them on, as a bit, dying with them on, as a bit, being buried with them on, as a bit, arriving in hell with them on, as a b
submitting an expense report and listing 400 gallons of vegan ice cream with only "client request - wrestling" in the note field
[guy in the office who's concerned about my protein intake]: hey dude, what you eatin? tofu and seitan with mushroom noodles? 80 grams of protein? hmm is that enough for you though? i'm concerned about your protein intake.
guy who only owns ice cream scoops as all his utensils
[tv show]: guy who can't hear anything gets into trouble and comically gets out of trouble via not being able to hear and every episode ends with a member of his family being brutally murdered but he can't hear it happening LOL WHOOPS OH WELL runs for 15 seasons #1 show in america 2 spinoffs 3 movi
coffee and bagel will fix your problems or make them worse or do nothing whatever haha fuck this
everything we do will be wiped out completely but
there's no reason to be here
delete the app
nein
Ear Rat officially launches on September 1st. There is still time to submit your angsty poems about throwing rocks at people, or your flash fiction about a scientist cutting off peoples arms to facilitate a weird game show, or your collage of a skeleton made of water bottles or y earrat.com/submit
i assume you already use some kind of mint and mud paste that you create from your own piss and spit right? so just stick with that, i think
sid do you make music? do you have some online somewhere?
the invisible hand of the market works in mysterious ways
the site is somehow so much worse than the app, it pains me as an old person who appreciates websites and who lost his phone inside of his body (up the butt)
ITS TODAY GO SPEND ALL YOUR MONEY ON ARTISTS FUCK YOU BIG TECH BIG RECORD LABEL BIG FUCK AI IM GONNA BLOW THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS TODAY YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS