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Eephus Tosser

@eephustosser.bsky.social

West coast MLB Draft prospect analyst. Views are my own and almost exclusively bad. ✡️ Big West Conference musings at https://bigwestdugout.com/

created November 6, 2024

1,110 followers 464 following 4,540 posts

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Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

There's also an enormous difference between a privileged white kid from the San Fernando Valley and a 31-year-old who signed for 10k.

24/9/2025, 3:36:52 AM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

Yes.

24/9/2025, 3:25:47 AM | 0 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

He's a complete creep, but he'll turn down the QO, anyway.

24/9/2025, 3:20:52 AM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

Raptured early, I'm afraid.

24/9/2025, 3:18:48 AM | 7 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social)

Y'all remember Ramón Urías?

24/9/2025, 2:56:42 AM | 12 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

Jose Altuve has only had 66 plate appearances in Triple-A parks.

24/9/2025, 2:42:23 AM | 6 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

That was only Cam Smith's 20th plate appearance in a Triple-A park (they have all been in this park.)

24/9/2025, 2:39:15 AM | 6 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social)

That was only Zach Cole's 62nd plate appearance in a Triple-A park.

24/9/2025, 2:35:58 AM | 15 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

ABS doesn't even net zero missed calls.

24/9/2025, 2:16:54 AM | 0 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social)

"Let's Get Yid On."

24/9/2025, 1:52:41 AM | 15 3 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

oh no u found my blog

24/9/2025, 1:32:46 AM | 7 1 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social)

Not this Reds fan complaining that Elly De La Cruz "not stealing" is what lost them the game. My man, he was 3-for-3 with a home run and both of your RBIs. He tried to steal but McLain fouled it off. What do you want from this man?

24/9/2025, 1:30:46 AM | 6 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social)

Manoahboard.

23/9/2025, 10:27:47 PM | 4 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

I have rarely agreed with anything more.

23/9/2025, 6:05:25 PM | 2 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

I'm almost fifty and I do this literally every single day. What are you talking about? [gets to the halfway point in the video] Oh, I see.

23/9/2025, 3:21:01 PM | 4 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

Jon Gruden

A dog with an incredibly dorky grin on its face.
23/9/2025, 4:53:23 AM | 234 1 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social)

Please remember not to post your Rapture spoilers. Some of us live on the west coast and want to be surprised.

23/9/2025, 4:28:10 AM | 211 35 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

When I added, "But I actually mostly follow west coast college baseball," he looked as if I'd betrayed him.

23/9/2025, 3:38:20 AM | 4 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

It's incredibly funny to me to treat your fandom like a rare genetic disorder that your family only talks about in hushed tones under the cover of darkness.

23/9/2025, 3:37:28 AM | 6 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social)

Did a panel at NYU today and someone asked me what my favorite baseball team was. When I replied, "The Houston Astros," he smiled and said he was from Kingwood and nobody he asks that question of "ever admits to being an Astros fan."

23/9/2025, 3:35:01 AM | 12 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

well have i got news for you

23/9/2025, 3:15:42 AM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

Incredible part is I deleted and reposted to fix two typos and still managed to miss "why cares."

23/9/2025, 3:14:52 AM | 0 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

I can't type. Probably because of Tylenol.

23/9/2025, 2:33:11 AM | 13 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social)

The bigger point is this: Why cares what causes autism? This is like determining what "causes" left-handedness. It's just a way that a person can be. We don't need to select for it. We don't need to eradicate it. This is all so eugenic.

23/9/2025, 2:31:50 AM | 27 4 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

A regression line is a line of best fit (but not all lines of best fit are regression lines.)

23/9/2025, 1:50:45 AM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

TikTokification

23/9/2025, 1:48:22 AM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

3 is the x coordinate. 4 is the y. Are you calculating line of best fit? y=mx+b?

23/9/2025, 1:18:02 AM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

Its the trendline.

23/9/2025, 12:56:04 AM | 3 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

It's so weird how offended they pretend to be over this completely benign tweet.

22/9/2025, 9:00:14 PM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

How are we supposed to hear the shofar over Gabriel's trumpet?

22/9/2025, 3:39:20 PM | 6 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social)

Putting the Rapture on Rosh Hashanah is just poor planning.

22/9/2025, 3:37:20 PM | 14 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

Auli'i was out when I saw it, and her understudy was the best Sally Bowles I've ever seen.

22/9/2025, 1:27:14 PM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

Contractually, I am forced to disagree. 😂

22/9/2025, 4:15:01 AM | 2 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

I saw Bebe in Cabaret in December and she is still perfect.

22/9/2025, 3:49:44 AM | 2 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

Maybe HawaiiWorms is short for HawaiiBrainWorms.

22/9/2025, 3:44:36 AM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

A game of horseshooooeeeesssss!!!

22/9/2025, 3:40:30 AM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

The thing I have taken away from post-scandal baseball fandom is that the people who love to whine about baseball players' integrity rarely have any.

22/9/2025, 3:36:57 AM | 6 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

Anyway, it's definitely because of his strongly-held opinions on, uh, mid-nineteenth century politics and not because of sports, so the joke's on you!

22/9/2025, 3:30:48 AM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

I think he's a Phillies fan. I'll leave it to you to decide whether that's better.

22/9/2025, 3:27:45 AM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

Yes, Landon's swing is basically identical to his dad's, but the similarities don't go far past that. He lacks his dad's power potential, but he's much more athletic. Middle infielder with good speed. He's committed to Tennessee.

22/9/2025, 3:26:02 AM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social)

Shocking, I know, but Jim Thome's kid can flat-out hit.

22/9/2025, 3:17:39 AM | 27 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

I've been saying all year that I think that missing the playoffs would be the best thing that could happen to them, but that unfortunately I don't think they will.

22/9/2025, 2:27:14 AM | 5 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

How else does one mourn?

22/9/2025, 2:07:17 AM | 2 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social)

For a guy who was allegedly so good at bringing people together, the crowd at his funeral is awfully homogenous.

22/9/2025, 1:12:00 AM | 20 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Asher Elbein (@asherelbein.bsky.social) reposted reply parent

It's sobering, in its way, to realize that there was truly nobody (save, perhaps, his children) who knew him that loved him as a man. He made himself into content, and he died as content, and his funeral is the most content of all. Soundbites to soundbites, bits to bits

21/9/2025, 11:43:22 PM | 2925 587 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

You've worked very diligently on this. I really hope it brings you great things.

22/9/2025, 1:09:17 AM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social)

I like baseball because it reminds me of my father, the first man to ever let me down.

21/9/2025, 10:02:42 PM | 22 2 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

😂

21/9/2025, 1:47:42 PM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

She ignored me, which means she loves you too.

21/9/2025, 1:47:24 PM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

What a cutie!!

21/9/2025, 1:46:58 PM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

I work very closely with several immigration attorneys and sponsor about a dozen visas, and you will never convince me that the entire system is not a grift. People are making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year by inserting themselves as "gatekeepers" and grinding the system to a halt.

21/9/2025, 5:36:56 AM | 4 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

Right lol gee IDK I can't come up with a single reason.

21/9/2025, 4:30:23 AM | 2 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

Hahaha I love this.

21/9/2025, 4:05:34 AM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

I'm not going to engage with the skeet in question. Misgendering someone in a ham-fisted effort to brigade them, all for one (1) like, is embarrassing enough without escalating it. But just in general, let's all (me included) try to be a lot cooler to each other.

21/9/2025, 4:05:22 AM | 2 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social)

"Had to screenshot because this person turned off replies and quotes." That's called consent, and you don't have it.

21/9/2025, 4:01:41 AM | 14 1 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

Done.

21/9/2025, 3:47:44 AM | 2 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

This is Koshka. She is annoyed that my photography has interrupted her nap.

21/9/2025, 3:47:38 AM | 3 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social)

Y'all mind if I post this photo of my cat?

A very moody, dramatic photo of a grey-and-white cat - the prettiest in the world - giving side-eye,
21/9/2025, 3:41:50 AM | 593 25 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

I will act a fool if that happens, but I have still been uninvested for months.

21/9/2025, 3:04:09 AM | 0 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

Honestly not even a bit. I've been pretty unaffected this entire season.

21/9/2025, 2:45:26 AM | 0 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social)

Overheard: "He looks like a fat David Lynch." "You mean a David Lunch?"

21/9/2025, 2:44:47 AM | 6 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social)

I wrote this team off in April, so it's all found money at this point.

21/9/2025, 2:34:18 AM | 18 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

And kinda disrespectful to Robles tbh.

21/9/2025, 2:32:12 AM | 2 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

Golden retriever energy gives and golden retriever energy takes away.

21/9/2025, 2:31:22 AM | 2 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

Looks like he (?) blocked you, but little does he know that as we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot.

21/9/2025, 2:30:36 AM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

Fuckin' Benny.

21/9/2025, 2:24:43 AM | 3 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

He was not even the tying run lmao. What the fuck man.

21/9/2025, 2:21:18 AM | 3 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social)

Jake Meyers on his himbo shit.

21/9/2025, 2:18:51 AM | 6 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

he was k*lled by a galvanized young conservative

20/9/2025, 3:33:17 PM | 2 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture The Shlabotnik Report (@shlabotnik-rpt.bsky.social) reposted

I believe that Sloppy Joe Pringles played shortstop for the St. Louis Browns in the 1920s

20/9/2025, 4:19:48 AM | 25 4 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social)

It's really cool of his teammates to help commemorate this accomplishment by striking out 200 times in this game.

20/9/2025, 1:48:07 AM | 22 2 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

It's in rehearsals right now at Paper Mill. Carmen Cusack is playing the Susan Sarandon role and Nik Walker is playing Crash Davis.

20/9/2025, 1:45:27 AM | 0 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social)

I'm sorry but this Bull Durham musical looks awesome.

20/9/2025, 1:32:29 AM | 7 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social)

"i don't want to hear your most boomer complaint" IS my most millennial complaint

20/9/2025, 1:22:10 AM | 7 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

It rhymes with "feta."

20/9/2025, 1:19:07 AM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

Goetta is a German breakfast sausage with oats and onions in it. I guess Glier's is a brand, but goetta has pork in it so I've never tried it. Grippo's is a pretty good potato chip brand, honestly. Ohio has a few: Mike-Sell's, Ballreich, Conn's.

20/9/2025, 1:17:29 AM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social)

It is unreal the returns you can get on a forty dollar bouquet of flowers. People are hurting for recognition so much.

19/9/2025, 11:38:03 PM | 11 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

Not since 1773.

19/9/2025, 10:24:06 PM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

Proof of concept did not go well.

19/9/2025, 10:03:02 PM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

I think it might even be like 2 or 3 nicknames ago for them lol.

19/9/2025, 9:42:15 PM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Bohemia Mountain (@bohemiamountain.bsky.social) reposted

I don’t want to talk about this at all. I’m really rather heartbroken that after this amount of time, along with all my other Altadena friends, I still have to post this. There’s thousands of us, and we all need your help. I just want to build, that’s it. Help. gofund.me/7984bd4d2

18/9/2025, 1:48:21 AM | 0 5 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Disco Danny Hayes (@danhayesmlb.bsky.social) reposted

"If some guys were really picky about their pants, it might take 15 minutes.” Read why #MNTwins clubhouse attendant Tim Burke created an app to help his #MLB brethren. www.nytimes.com/athletic/664...

19/9/2025, 6:31:49 PM | 5 2 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social)

The only surprising part of this entire story is that that guy actually went to Starbucks regularly.

19/9/2025, 9:26:36 PM | 15 1 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

Because Golden Tornadoes was already taken by Georgia Tech (this is not a joke).

19/9/2025, 9:20:40 PM | 2 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

It's so frustrating, dude. They've just let themselves become so angry and bitter. Like, I know there's got to still be a real person in there somewhere.

19/9/2025, 9:07:36 PM | 3 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

Most of them can't dance very well, either. They're just doing their best and having a good time!

19/9/2025, 9:06:25 PM | 2 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

There is one person on baseball BlueSky who lost his job for skeeting that the Libs of TikTok lady should "catch one in the neck."

19/9/2025, 8:57:12 PM | 2 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

Yeah but that guy has voted Democrat so what do you know.

19/9/2025, 7:59:55 PM | 4 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

Home of the Rockhounds.

19/9/2025, 5:02:31 AM | 2 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

Saltstick at bedtime.

19/9/2025, 2:39:24 AM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

That makes no sense, but here's a take for you, numbnuts: It doesn't actually have to be a joke to be covered by the first amendment!

19/9/2025, 2:35:49 AM | 0 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

I think it was Neal Brennan in a Q&A who said something like, "We may have the best jokes, we may not, but if there was an Emmy for the MOST jokes, we'd definitely win it every time."

18/9/2025, 6:46:55 PM | 2 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

Those writers rooms are probably the toughest assignment in entertainment television. You get paid to yap about sports and are wrong on almost every single point you make.

18/9/2025, 4:58:37 PM | 2 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social)

Anyone who asks why a late-night comedy joke wasn't funny has never watched late-night comedy.

18/9/2025, 4:57:02 PM | 27 1 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social)

Best thing that ever happened to Stephen Colbert's career was getting canceled by the right. Maybe Kimmel will find a way to be good now.

17/9/2025, 11:37:42 PM | 5 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

He didn't mention anything like that. His job is burned, but he and his family are together, safe, and have community support. He did want to thank everyone for thinking of him, and said he missed you all.

17/9/2025, 5:56:28 PM | 4 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture High Heat Stats (@highheatstats.bsky.social) reposted

One of my most favorite lists—the 8 guys with 300 homers and 300 stolen bases. Includes father and son Bonds, plus two underrated journeymen—Steve Finley and Reggie Sanders. Jose Altuve and Jose Ramirez each have a good shot to join this group.

https://stathead.com/sharing/fu6XC
17/9/2025, 8:02:39 AM | 17 3 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

I also negotiate for a living and it is like they have interpreted the anchoring effect to mean sinking their opening as low as it will possibly go.

17/9/2025, 3:58:19 PM | 1 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

He's in a no-win position on this stuff, so I'm empathetic, but this is a lot of words to say nothing is definite.

17/9/2025, 3:12:11 PM | 2 0 | View on Bluesky | view

Profile picture Eephus Tosser (@eephustosser.bsky.social) reply parent

lol these just sound like words

17/9/2025, 3:03:06 PM | 2 0 | View on Bluesky | view