Can't touch this ok actually you can
Writes political humor books, reviews music, sells antiques. Close the CIA before I get really performatively angry.
3,476 followers 3,127 following 1,642 posts
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Can't touch this ok actually you can
This week has the potential to be very screwed up. Since the Epstein victims are set to speak out, expect the invasion of both Chicago and Venezuela to be simultaneous. There will, of course, be other new and insane events. It’s going to be a harsh week.
Ahem, I predict the NFL is finally gonna do it this year, someone's going to get unalived on TV. We live in a Squid Game anyway, so it'll be fitting when our bread and circus bullcrap goes next-level, some Ritalin-zooted linebacker nailing someone just right, thoughts n prayers.
www.rollingstone.com/politics/pol...
Beyond hilarity, a few years ago my nephew in Maine moved to Russia for a girl he met online but it didn't work out, and so today he left for Moldova to try the same thing again. On his Facebook I posted "Can't wait until you bring her back to meet us here in the U S and A!🤩"
If Elmo is a genius at anything, it's conning the media and the US government. It wasn't a case of "Well, someone was going to do it," it was "Boy, could you imagine someone ever being that sociopathic" and the universe replying "Are you new here?"
All states will eventually secede into regional groups. There will be no other choice. This fascist country is over.
Posting "Is he dead yet" every ten minutes until he actually is
"Remember this before you order your next pumpkin spice latte." Maybe don't go at all... Ever. Starbucks should be boycotted into bankruptcy. The company supports Israel's genocide, attempts to bust unions, and treats its employees like cattle.
From brutalism to Stranger Things, Western pop culture is full of nostalgia for Cold War aesthetics and lost futures. Young people in ex-Soviet countries have their own version, Sovietwave — a music genre that summons up the spirit of the space age.
OMW 🤩
my signature move is cursive. get it, cursive? i’m sorry, i don't have sex very often so i tell lame jokes on the internet
Fuck youtube, fuck google
Ball eggs
"The kick is up... spiraling end over end... takes a WILD bounce and picked up by..."
I mean they're funny when they come from your stodgy PhD boss who's usually a humorless pain in the ass. I speak from experience there. But more than anything else, that experience is like passing by a really horrendous car accident and all of a sudden a bunch of chickens appear out of nowhere.
I'd probably be more popular on social media if I posted puns. People love puns. I don't. The Star Trek meme ones are ok, but I've never felt any urge to repost one. Every pun is a dad joke, change my mind. 😐
No interest in Epcot and never did.
Lemme kick him over to you
If you're still confused because you only consume mainstream media, Hamas didn't behead any babies. In fact, they didn't behead babies so *hard* that Wikipedia had to make a page about how much they totally absolutely madly didn't behead any babies. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hamas_b...
The civil war has begun. Red states are sending national guard troops to blue cities to terrorize people. This is an act of war, make no mistake.
Corporate social media could be an adjunct to leftist organizing, but as is it's instead a deterrent, absorbing energy from movements and diverting it to self-absorbed crusades for social validation that lead to mass alienation. It's almost as if it's a massive op, you know?
Her profile: “I want someone who’s an animal in bed.” Me (actually 3 possums in a trench coat): I think I have this covered.
"That's not where the broccoli goes!"
Worse than Harris. That Lexus salesman energy irritates the fukk outta me.
7.
Nice
Bring your harpoin. And word to the wise, "Pleeease doan bite my neck Mister Vampiyah" never works!
New comeback album from The Police dropping in December
Put your alerts on for Pete, friends. If we can’t vote them out at the ballot booth, we must vote with our wallets.
TEETH, eh? Giiirl.
People should really think about that more often in the first place. 🤣
Just make sure he doesn't drive a van or has a knack for making balloon animals. 🤣
Spread the word.
Keeper alert, dearie.
28 Days Later but I'm chasing all the corpses and end up with a 5% Rotten Tomatoes score because nothing interesting happens because I catch them right away because they're corpses
I seriously think the Democrats are finished. MSNBC liberals will always vote for them but for every underwhelming Ro Khanna speech there are 100 of his "colleeeagues" who "disagree." It's embarrassing. People have the same amount of trust in them as they'd have for a spouse who can't stop cheating.
Happy birthday, Social Security. As a 90 year old, you are still relevant to Gen Z and beyond - 9% of US children received income from Social Security, and "In 2023, 959,000 children were lifted out of poverty due to Social Security." 1 in 4 Gen Z will become disabled and need Social Security.
Anyone who goes for this is a complete moron, thanks for coming to my Harvard lecture
New Murder Beanies just dropped
Every homeowner gets at least 3 calls a day and 2 pieces of mail from scumbags looking to add their residence to their hoards. They literally can't *wait* to bankrupt this entire POS country.
The stupid lawyers.
*peruses the latest genocidal bombings from you-know-where* No, you know what Bernie, lsrael *doesn't* have the fucking "right to defend itself" anymore. Glass the whole place, that'd be great.
Cashtle Dracoola
Disney's stock-in-trade is mass stupidity.
Hate to sound like a cringeopatamus, but am I the only one who's bothered by the fact that kids' role models today are athletes who constantly talk shit about each other and abuse their girlfriends, and politicians who pretend not to see genocide and pedophilia?
Whoever that is, fuck them because I'm blocked too. ok
Say what, no one messes with my girl. I'll find that moose and get your scar back. >=(
I was being a bit facetious, but yes, some people have said that. =)
Pathetic isn't it.
Aliens.
THAT'S FUN
😂 Well at least if you get knocked unconscious by flying frozen moose poop you can go to the hospital without having to sell a kidney.
Oh, they have actual cities in Sweden? Huh. 🤣
Actually I don't mind simple-dumbass nature trails, like if there's a stream/lake and you see a few squirrels hiding really badly while doing reconnaissance.
or harpoin action
I get completely acrophobic up three ladder steps. Not even in the next life, maybe-possibly the one after that.
Either way, it's been *done*, you know? I'd get a bigger kick out of doing something super-rare and way crazier, like getting takeout at some outdoor mom and pop joint in Kabul while the local mujahedeen dudes eyeball me, gripping their guns. Henry Rollins did that once.
I think they're the stupidest thing ever invented. No sympathy for the ones who're suddenly feeling around for their stupid skulls.
I think that's it. My old roomie had it, and it only manifested when he was trying to get away with something.
"I like to call this section of th' mountain 'Kissin canyon,' make a wish and look down, Petunia!"
Not my jam at all. When those things malfunction the end comes reeeal quick.
Works for me!
Hard pass on that stuff. I just don't get the appeal, not when you have to use existing ladders and whatnot.
As long as there are good cartoons =)
Can you even believe it 🤣
Out of curiosity I went to Trump's stupid Counter Social site to see what companies are advertising on it. Naturally the only things are junk crypto, a quack covid remedy, a pill for hookworm and "nicotine pouches" that cause brain damage in adolescents. No MyPillow ads, sorry.
So what's the deal if you have a lazy eye, and why does it only kick in when it's obvious you feel a little nervous? Are you literally processing two different views, like a crow or a carpenter ant?
Look, if you're an e-girl thinking of jumping into my DMs, I'd advise you not to say you love going on long nature hikes. I like to relax in my relaxation time, not train for the Olympics.
Guy is such a dickface.
Interesting that most Everest climbers died because they didn't bring any oxygen for the "death zone," but who were all the dummies who died at the start, like did they go out in tee shirts and dress shoes? 🤔
Those are dumb
He can't even spell it.
newatlas.com/aging/age-re...
The more I listen to this man… the more I believe we've been had by the Worst Nation in the World (tm).
THOTS N PRAYAHS
THOTS N PRAYAHS
Definitely. The Epstein thing is really heating up; maybe they're waiting to see how radioactive all the fallout's going to get.
Oh it won't be.
OMG get over yourself. And protip: Set your "OWN POSTS" to private in future if you don't want them to be subjected to the soul-wrenching agony of public commentary, you fucking momo.
Best I can do is your favorite Netflix series getting canceled for no reason whatsoever
He and Robert Reich get away with a fuckload of mediocrity because people fear goblins
I'm absolutely amazed they've allowed his nonsense to go on without bringing in a sniper. It's like the elites suddenly developed an allergy to money.
ENDORSE
Generational, my good sir. If they'd had 3 seconds of that child-birthing scene in any fillum when I was a lad, it'd be as common in boomer memes nowadays as "squeeeal like a piggie."
🤣 Never ends with our presidente.
Really good series.
substack.com/@christyschr...
Libs i hope you noticed just how much baby death it took for the pod save guys to pull their heads out of their grifting asses
Bake him an Exlax cake
It was okay. Fuck meme-level gore and unintelligible Cockney accents. *burps the entire alphabet in one burp*
Sorry criminally underpaid Best Buy employee, my vape device is medically necessary so I won't start spazzing and throwing stuff around in your stupid store
Oh just do what you want as long as it's consensual for God's sake. Anyone who believes one gender is their real enemy is an emotional toddler. Most shouldn't get married until they're in their 50s. Until then they're just another hottie who thinks they deserve a talking, mind-reading unicorn pony.
I think those morons won't believe a word Ghislaine says. That'll be the ball game.
It's a contest with yourself
✨ Make Billionaires Poor ✨
Doeshn't it feel goooood