natures art🖤🦋
Disgraced former Rollerblade Champion https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:ctmnbym24srxgghbcmdynzqq/feed/aaablk4s3yrag
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natures art🖤🦋
Pistachios, aka tree clams.
Do you think they make a novelty T-shirt with such a dirty joke on it that it’s rated NC-17? Would Spencer’s even sell it?
Eli showing the kittens how it’s done.
(Fred Schneider voice) i wanna fuck you like an ANIMAL
if not for ear canal, why ear canal shaped
Unfortunately, time also ravages me, a sweet boy without malice!
It’s labor day and I’m still waiting to go into labor
This pic is so cute! 🩵
😊 New episode of my podcast: 🎤 SUMMER/2025 (18 min/ 33 sec) I touch upon some of my viewing highlights for June, July & August 2025. Spend some time with your haunted pal. 👂Spotify: open.spotify.com/episode/1Xfi...
I’m old now ok and too hungry to learn how microwaves work, it can just be magic
bruh your shoulder monkey. he’s throwing feces again bruh. the shit's flying bruh.
brb i gotta stand in the shower until all the sin is gone
When it comes to good habits-4 times a day is 2 times more than my brain will allow.
I’m gonna find Jim 1956 and cut his balls off
I was going to but then I reposed comfortably. A memoir
tried to chat up a milf teacher sexbot but ended up learning the quadratic formula
grief happens even with the seasons, just for today, acceptance and gratitude for the change and nature
not a single fucking beanie baby ever wore a beanie i'm fucken OUTRAGED
Blaming explainables for the mysterious is a road you don't want to take your fog machine on so just back away into those parties and forget it ever never happens or does it
Monday Mood
Bring out your dead, please. We are going to need them for the three legged race.
add a scoop of baby formula to your coffee for a formulatte
everything destroys you in the end, the trick is to savor the good parts and hold on as long as you can
stay at home surf dads
did you know you can crush eggshells to make plant food or that you can set yourself on fire
pharmacies should have a dessert bar
I’ve been secretly rooting for good things to happen to you.
Accidentally learned a lot about hummingbirds, because I wouldn't move to change the video. David Attenborough, you're a doll.
Would be nice if someone were nice to me right now
I wear my skeleton all year, but starting tomorrow, it will be socially acceptable to pull out all my bones to share with friends. Spooky season is upon us.
They’re chips to me, but society has denied their chip status and I find that relatable as a Pinocchio. Plus, they’re salty and I’m way into salt snacks. It’s ok to be chip-like.
No is not! they can’t legally be called chips, I know about Chip law. It has to say “chip snack”
Ornamental Onion
I bet the Gungans grow some fun plants on Naboo. 💨
Ode to Munchos I love Munchos. I know they’re not a real chip but neither am I Munchos
I’ve been down with Munchos my whole life like Duran Duran
🫶
think I’ve accrued enough apathy to wear Sally Jessy Raphael glasses
This is an oldie
just your friendly reminder the cheese in a mouse trap is free
Me and the homies are gonna bequeath ancient amulets upon each other later if you wanna come through
I can’t be held responsible for the way you react to my pheromones. Maybe a moth trap or 2 would help
I draw my eyebrows like Groucho Marx so people know I’m dtf
It's the little things (the mites that live on your eyelashes)
Blood pressure cuffs Healthy Choice entrees Herbal tea Cute boots That's right, it's Hypertensive Nana Fall
annual reminder
Jerk me off like you’re trying to start a lawn mower or don’t waste my time.
rolling into fall with my sexy birkenstock tan line, baby
may the horse behoove you
Listening to The Clash and painting Jar Jar Binks feels right.
😆 papi churro
We’re so overdue for a Taco Bell date
a secret Taco Bell that performs euthanasias
What if our hands met in the $5 DVD bin at Walmart?
I sleep on my side to give ghosts the option of little or big spoon
Them: Failure is not an option. Me: Then how have I picked it so many times?
getting fingered by jar jar binks
In case you were wondering, Abe Vigoda was 54 when he started on Barney Miller, which is bad enough but Martin Landau was only 38 when he did Mission Impossible. Yes, I do need a hobby. Why do you ask?
I have wanted to be cremated after I died ever since I heard of it as an option, but now I think I want to be stripped by flesh-eating beetles and my bones distributed among my loved ones to be reassembled at the start of the skeleton wars
I just... I just want to be ruled by cephalopods.
Making good use of my new bread machine.
My skeletons have their own closets.
Making an alt called replyraterbot then saying "replyraterbot rate this reply" then switching accounts and saying "garbage"
You say you’re dumbfounded but you still haven’t told me WHEN dumb was founded.
I guess I'm asking "do elves have cloacas"
Who I want guiding me across the River Styx
Putting some black salt in a bowl on your desk and glancing at it when somebody bothers you
Not to brag but I haven’t acted like a psycho once today
I keep an emergency phone hidden inside my emergency burrito. In case I have to eat my emergency burrito, I can immediately order a replacement emergency burtito
I drew this when I was sick and spilled NyQuil on it
I believe that many dogs would absolutely love this
Songs from the kitchen music.apple.com/us/album/for...
They fondly called me Fidget Spinner, but their tone changed when I took up with swords.
It's a relatively new Dutch snack invention (from Rotterdam). A strange lasagna of French fries, shawarma meat, salad, cheese. The fries get soggy, the salad gets warm, and the cheese is unnecessary but it's very popular.
Sometimes I fantasize about living in a European country with a social safety net, but then I remember that sometimes they put carrots in their tacos
You must start a krautrock band to match this perfect album cover
[Taking the gun out of my mouth] MAYBE I JUST LIKE THE TASTE DID YOU EVER THINK OF THAT
giving cthulhu a handy just to feel something
Consider myself mostly invulnerable from the silly impulse buy. But I did say, "mostly." (12 bucks felt like a fuckin' score for this :)
omg, Horse+Dog=Hog
that contrast, tho😏🖤💛
Dragonflies are sky shrimp
eat shit hemmingway
Is it bad luck to walk away and leave an unfinished countdown on the microwave because getting heated up keeps barely missing me and I'm worried this is a final electromagnetic radiation situation
what's the rule? no white people after Labor Day?
I was cutting a cherry tomato when it popped and squirted all over my face. Anyways, thought of you
if i accidentally tap a link to a news article i have to replace my phone
BUY ME A DRINK FIRST
I love a thrill... like when you hold down backspace and it starts erasing like 10x faster fuck
*trying to focus on reality take a sniff, pull it out… 🎵 the taste is gonna move ya when you pop it in your mouuuUUUTH!
Cheetos have magical healing properties when you're sick
Sometimes life starts acting up bc it needs some TLC