Something something rely on to do the wrong thing
Cinephile & tabletop gamer. Depression & absurdism. Tender & flaky.
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Something something rely on to do the wrong thing
All my college friends' playlists were shit like "NiN, Tool, Enya, Type 0 Negative, Gary Numan, My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult, KMFDM, Lorena McKennitt, the original cast recording of Chess, Apocalyptica (plays Metallica by cello), and Christopher Walken's spoken-word rendition of 'The Raven.' "
Real bummer to see so many people busing out the "I always resented having to treat trans people as human, and I'm glad I don't now" takes
Pleased to discover that after 30 years I still remember all the lyrics to ‘Glycerine’ and somewhat alarmed to realize that the math there checks out
Every color is piss color when you've got the right Mountain Dew
"He's so focused on DEportation, he forgot about CO-OPeration!"
At what point do red states run out of national guard? Totally not asking on behalf of an insurgency.
I'm not saying this to influence other voters, I'm saying it to him. If he wants me to vote for him he needs to be better. Much, much better. Also, it's not my job as a voter to offer alternatives. Even if it was, saying "Newsom is anti-trans" kind of implies what I want in another candidate.
Gavin Newsom is already far too willing to compromise on people's lives and if the choice is between him and fascism I choose armed resistance
Maybe instead of telling thousands of voters to be nicer to Gavin Newsom we could tell one Gavin Newsom to be a better candidate
I’ll take $20 on “annexed Cuba,” $50 on “running for a third term,” ten on “hot dogs the new national vegetable” and… for “kills a dog on stage” is that any kind of dog or is there a parlay based on breed?
He took 40 cakes.
Even if it’s not tonight, I hope that when it does happen the way I find out is from someone posting a gif of the elephant’s butthole from Babylon or something
Bro might not have held the title for very long and I’m glad to see bad things happening for him posthumously, may it never end
I don’t remember if it’s still canon that the Death Star garbage monster was a secret padawan but I think about it every time I watch that scene
I don’t thank vets on Veterans Day, I don’t think about trees on Arbor Day, and I’m not even sure what we’re supposed to do for Presidents’ Day. But damn if this Labor Day I don’t feel like stopping all work until conditions improve and starting a fight with a cop when they object.
Or maybe he’s doing it on purpose idk nothing surprises me anymore
I think about this way more than I should but… the president had definitely shit himself on television multiple times by now, right? Just given his age and physical condition and the sheer number of times he’s in front of a camera, there must have been accidents.
We will be jettisoning trans rights from the Dem Party platform over my room-temperature fucking corpse. We are leaving no one behind, and fuck anyone who thinks otherwise. A core tenet of American identity is that we, not the government, define ourselves. All of us get protections or none of us do
Class actions go both ways now
Casey I have followed you for years and never once heard you tell a bad joke. They've all been *terrible*.
I've locked my team for this year's fantasy movie league. I didn't quite manage a negative score last year but I'm feeling good about this year. www.vulture.com/movies-league/
I feel like if I were a communications manager and I was literally handing people "trains running on time" headlines it would say a lot about my political leanings
I've heard of tossing someone's ass to the curb but this
I just want to play with my dogs and have weird little hobbies like binge watching silent French serials but maybe this week the president is going to invade my city with a bunch of marines and also the postmaster general for some reason so I guess I’m doing that instead
I just assumed the answer was "let's have dinner at the restaurant at the end of the universe"
"Buildup to the first Pronoun Wars"
Seriously what do they want: for you to only introduce yourself by belching your name?
I have definitely eaten at Cracker Barrel more recently and more times overall than James Woods. I'd take 5:2 odds he's never eaten there. I'd take 1:9 odds he can't describe either the old or new logos. I'd take even odds he's memorized age of consent laws in all 50 states but y'know.
I would like to thank James Dobson for answering the question "now that Kissinger finally kicked it, what's the next obituary we're all going to be really, really happy to see?"
Because this will probably come up repeatedly in the very near future: the argument against living in a police state isn't that eventually the police target you; it's that living in a police state is inherently cruel and unjust and should be opposed even if it never personally inconveniences you.
At this point I honestly believe that if Zohran Mamdani were to approach me on the street and slap me as hard as he could, it would realign my spine and improve my posture. This is what all of your negativity on both sides has driven me to.
Mamdani has stumbled into the most effective passive PR campaign ever. Everything the right says about him makes him seem awesome as fuck; every time the left gets mumbly on supporting him just underscores how ineffective they are and the need for change at the highest level. Guy can't lose.
Today President Camacho would be a moderate who had trouble standing out from the pack
I would absolutely turn rat provided A) there was a finder's fee in the form of one of those cupcakes from the good bakery B) I got to choose my own code name. I'm thinking 'Purple Stuff.'
I have once again been left unattended
Shadowrunning is never as sexy as the trids make it seem
Remember how butthurt Trump voters got when no one would come to thanksgiving? Same tactic, dialed appropriately for the scale of the offense.
I will fight for this tooth & nail but if any of y'all figure out how to varia jump you have to teach me, deal?
Oh man that's awesome, I'm going to do everything right this time around instead of fixating on The Crow and Rent and mid-tier Aerosmith... just as soon as I figure out what those other things are...
Anyway this was prompted by rewatching Sunset Boulevard and seeing how it nails the experience of writers being around other writers, trying to be constantly and effortlessly witty without ever acknowledging anyone else's wittiness.
Played tennis once using Persistence of Memory as a paddle and. They are NOT cool with that.
I have 78 followers and I follow 71 people, and I’m definitely fake. You think a real human could post takes this dumb? Idiot, it’s all chickens pecking at scrabble tiles in here.
Realized today I still identify as a writer even though I haven’t written anything since well before Covid and I’m still working out how I feel about that
I have been agnostic for many years now yet I retain an unshakable faith, against all evidence and reason, that surely this time my beard will look good once it fills in a little.
I hope that at least one of them spends all day working on their impression of Buzz from Hudsucker Proxy, and gets a little thrill when people catch the reference
You keep up that attitude we’re never gonna learn who runs Bartertown
Bring back horn fairs
Gail could put this on a T-shirt & wear it every day and it would always be true
I concede that “Emily in Paris” is intended to rhyme but as a compromise I think we should pronounce it “Emiliss in Paris”
Been trying for a while to come up with a pithier way of explaining apathetic agnosticism so I'm just going to pin this for later
Listen, video game from 1998, get in line
Recklessly mixing HO and 00 scale model trains, then doubling down when called out
(4 minutes later) Well, my worldview is shattered.
But what is the endgame here? A dozen billionaires in pharaonic splendor, never paying taxes or seeing a poor person unless they want to, able to indulge in any vice or debauchery with no consequence but fawning praise? Why would anyone save those 12 people actively work towards this?
The timeless "Middle-Earth marine merkin"
In no rational world should "disband and prosecute ICE" be considered an extreme position.
There are many more important things in the world but: who keeps asking for New Game+ on Assassin's Creed? Those games are so long as it is. Why would you subject yourself to more. I love them but at some point they need to end.
How’s work treating me? Like a vending machine that won’t take their dollar. Like competing shoppers on Black Friday. Like a stubborn ketchup bottle. Like a college freshman trying to get their money’s worth at the laundromat. Like the waitstaff two hours into endless shrimp fest.
This is why I had to stop wearing my Punisher t-shirt
Putting the finishing touches on a sign reading "Corrupt Bootlicking Station:" this'll do it. We've basically already won.
When "technically, it's ephebophilia" goes mainstream
That’s always bugged me about Django. Schultz says he’s against slavery, but doesn’t bat an eye when it helps him. He clearly represents the industrialized world that didn’t “need”slave labor but benefited indirectly from it. So he needed to die at the end.
The choice is currently between Trump, Newsom, and *literally everyone else in the country* so I'm okay with Gavin polling penultimately
Green Arrow: yes but brags about how good he is, like out of nowhere Hawkgirl: no Martian Manhunter: yes, but keeps asking if he's doing it right to the point where it's bad for everyone Aquaman: hard to underwater Flash (Wally West): eating pussy right now
This is of course canon but we need to extrapolate about the rest of the Justice League: Superman: would eat pussy but never needs to Wonder Woman: of course Green Lantern (Hal Jordan): keeps meaning to try it but doesn't understand the big deal honestly
Go on Gavin, eat a bug, like one of those scarabs from The Mummy (1999) that’ll barely fit in your mouth. It won’t change anyone’s mind about you but we can all have a good laugh we could surely use in this, the end of days.
I also think Newsom should eat a bug, like a really big bug. It’s okay if he’s around other people for this but he needs to go right back into isolation once he’s done swallowing.
Gavin Newsom should should focus on winning the support of people who cannot legally vote for him and nothing else, again in a way that does not involve him contacting the outside world in any way
IDK I think he can win you over & I think he should suspend all other campaign operations until he's got your vote He shouldn't bug you or anything, just keep hiring consultants
As with many things, my position has become more extreme over time in light of continued resistance to it. Now I need Newsom to say "trans rights are human rights, and I was wrong for opposing that for so long, here is a list of other things I will fight for" and then also detail a plan of action.
For real I know account piracy is costing the megacorps so much money they need to shelve movies and shows that have already been filmed, but if you think a 2 device limit is reasonable I can only conclude that you are not a human and have never met one
Normally this hedging falls along the lines of "sure X was bad, but he wasn't as bad as Y so can we *really* say..." but in this case I don't think you have a Y
Trying to teach myself to lucid dream so I can finally finish a Shadowrun campaign
Because she wouldn’t stop there
If you debate for a really long time without resolving your thesis statement that’s called “edging”
Props to @deadline.com of all places for being the first I found to immediately follow the lede with “the president cannot do this, not even a little”
OOOH if only there were some sort of judicially agreed *right* to privacy...
You didn’t need the picture we knew which actor from the headline
If yes, Superman can add Super-sphygmomanometry to his power set, and that’s reason enough
Just received an email from the NWS thanking President Trump for his efforts ensuring the sun continues to rise “bigly and greatly, like no one has ever seen before;” anyone else get this?
"They planned for obsolescence. They didn't plan for... REVENGE!"
Less than a week before release, Zaslav announces plans to shelve ‘Superman’ movie, lock David Corenswet in a cave “Aladdin-style”
80s R: let’s cut social services 80s D: okay we can try that —- 90s D: people seem hungry 90s R: they’ll come around —- 00s R: more cuts, need tanks & bombs 00s D: well if it’s for tanks & bombs —- 10s D: people are gonna die 10s R: nuh-uh —- 20s D: people are gonna die 20s R: dibs on their stuff
I took the money I was using for this subscription and put it towards a Patreon supporting trans creators. Take that, patriarchy. Is that how you fight the patriarchy? I am the patriarchy? I'm going to lie down.
What little I can do
But there *are* chips, leaving room to spiral ever so gently downward should the need arise
Honestly I think the leopards could pick up the pace on the face-eating
Wait is it not commonly understood to be John? I don't think it ever occurred to me to read it another way.
The current conservative position is: trans people aren't real, gay people shouldn't be seen, citizenship is a treat to be earned, and people who need assistance to live don't deserve it. The current liberal position is: that's a lot of things to fight, can we pick one?
Fuck them, then
Absolutely wild we continue to let them call themselves the party of fiscal responsibility
Ohhh I’d pay so much money to watch Mr. Beast pick some blueberries.
This joke is for me and me alone, and even I’m going to have to google it in two weeks.
“July? I don’t believe it.” “Just a conspiracy of chronographers, you mean?”
Jogging away to live in an affordable hole somewhere?
The latest round of pro-dictator supreme court rulings, private sector capitulations, and increasing fascist rhetoric have me wondering: at what point is it no longer tenable to continue fighting for your country? I'm not there, but where do I draw the line and say "fuck it, I quit?"
Thought I'd already posted something sad and defeatist today and was going to tag onto it, but I didn't. Am I hallucinating my own negativity?