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Happy to be here. https://www.feodorchin.com
689 followers 301 following 3,398 posts
view profile on Bluesky
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Been laughing all weekend just thinking about all the dipshit White House interns who gotta fake tweet for him while JD Vance and Mike Johnson jockey for position as RFK Jr. tries to use some combination of cocaine, ayahuasca, and monkey brains to reanimate his corpse.
BREAKING: Americans really hoping Donald Trump makes this the best Labor Day EVER.
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Leaving on a jet plane. BUR -> JFK
Gonna miss this view. But many more adventures await. We’ll be back home for Christmas. So long for now, LA. See you soon, NYC.
When it comes to one man single-handedly tanking an entire brand I’d be hard pressed to choose between Elon Musk and Tesla, Elon Musk and Twitter, or RFK Jr. and the Kennedys.
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Just remember, Trump body double. This is YOUR time to shine.
BREAKING: Donald Trump apparently not dead but RFK Jr. working hard to ensure the rest of us will be soon.
Well shit, even if he isn’t how about we all just treat him like he is?
The entire internet right now.
BREAKING: Entire world hopeful Donald Trump has finally been reunited with best friend Jeffrey Epstein.
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STOP VOTING FOR PEOPLE WHO ONLY EVER OFFER THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS.
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BREAKING: Donald Trump wants to fuck your children, RFK Jr. wants to kill them, and the rest of the GOP just want to shoot them.
BREAKING: Donald Trump 100% in Epstein files and his followers 100% don’t care.
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BREAKING: “It’s not the guns,” say people who always seem to own entire arsenal of them.
BREAKING: Americans wonder when ICE plans to round up and deport nation’s deadly surplus of young, white male school shooters.
BREAKING: Two killed and at least twenty injured in country that criminalizes burning flags more than shooting school children.
BREAKING: White House demands Americans respect the office of the president and no longer refer to Donald Trump as “Private Bone Spurs” but instead his newly self appointed position of “Commander Cankles.”
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Just sitting here wondering when MAGA will start pounding the backs of their hands with hammers to look more like their supreme leader.
Make Racism Wrong Again.
BREAKING: Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce announce engagement conveniently giving people still angry about Cracker Barrel rebrand something else to bitch about.
Old enough to remember when elected officials, federal employees, and military personnel took an oath to defend the Constitution not some shitty old child rapist.
Good friends give you great food.
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BREAKING: Comedy lovers agree Dean Cain ICE training video most entertaining performance “actor” has given in years.
Never have so many wished for so few to die so soon and so agonizingly painfully.
BREAKING: Gen X thoroughly disappointed Snoop Dogg turning out to be such a punk ass bitch.
Simply replace “Kilmar Abrego Garcia” with your own name in any headline to understand why what Trump is doing is such a huge fucking problem.
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BREAKING: Donald Trump against “woke” because sleeping Americans easier to steal from.
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BREAKING: Same people furious with Cracker Barrel rebrand “stripping them of their culture and heritage” also tell black people to “get over” slavery.
BREAKING: Ghislaine Maxwell claims she never witnessed Donald Trump “in any inappropriate setting” because if you believe one convicted felon why not believe another?
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No matter how hopeless you feel right now just be glad you’re not a young, single, straight woman who’s not into dudes who look like Benson Boone.
BREAKING: Republicans more interested in raping children than feeding or educating them.
BREAKING: Republicans crying foul after Gavin Newsom brings gun to gunfight.
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I wanna invite you all to join me this fall in NEW YORK CITY where I’ll be performing with a ROCKSTAR CAST in the U.S. premiere of KYOTO at LINCOLN CENTER THEATER. Previews begin OCT. 8. Come see this terrific, timely, and totally hilarious take on just how hard it can be to SAVE THE WORLD.
BREAKING: After “South Park” once again mocks Donald Trump’s “micro penis” entire nation fearful of receiving first ever presidential dick pic.
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It is heartening to know that one morning we’re gonna wake up, check our phones, and just laugh and laugh and laugh.
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BREAKING: Donald Trump tweets Smithsonian “OUT OF CONTROL” for only discussing “how bad Slavery was” without daring to elaborate on exactly what the good parts may have been.
BREAKING: Trump administration makes radioactive shrimp great again.
BREAKING: Chris Pratt not only proving himself to be the shittiest of Hollywood Chrises but possibly all Chrises worldwide.
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FIFTY ONE.
As bleak as things look today I genuinely believe that worldwide, even in America, there are still more good, decent, compassionate human beings than hateful, ignorant, bigoted pieces of shit. It just may not seem that way because the pieces of shit are ALWAYS LOUDER.
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Happy The Gilded Age Withdrawals Day to all who celebrate!
BREAKING: Gavin Newsom rightfully showing entire world that everything Donald Trump does looks completely insane when a normal person does it.
In heaven everyone kneels before Zod. #RIPTerenceStamp
MAGA be like
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Hey SAG-AFTRA friends, this racist dipshit Chuck Slavin is running to be president of our union. FUCK THAT. He must’ve thought it was MAGA not SAG-AFTRA. Vote Sean Astin, @michellehurd.bsky.social, and #TheCoalition2025 slate to send this Trump bootlicker back into the basement.
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BREAKING: Donald Trump to meet Vladimir Putin in Alaska making Trump first American president to suck Russian oligarch cock on American soil.
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Americans be like
That fucker dead yet?
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BREAKING: Google reports searches for “that fucker dead yet?” up 1,000,000% since January.
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BREAKING: Donald Trump vows to crackdown on crime in nation’s capital yet doing absolutely nothing to remove convicted felon pedophile currently in White House.
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Imagine being such a pedophile president you’d rather deploy the National Guard on America’s capital than release the Epstein files.
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SURVIVE UNTIL SEASON 4 OF THE GILDED AGE.
Happy The Gilded Age Season Finale Day to all who celebrate!
BREAKING: The Secretary of Defense thinks women shouldn’t be allowed to vote but sure, both parties are the same.
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I’M THE PEDOPHILE OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!!!
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While I never would’ve imagined South Park would be saving our country, I’m absolutely here for it.
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BREAKING: Dean Cain finally gets hired.
Come see us this fall at Lincoln Center Theater in NEW YORK CITY.
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BREAKING: Heroin addict Health Secretary cancels $500 million in federal funding for vaccine research.
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BREAKING: Same people who believe gas is $1.98 per gallon also believe Donald Trump not a pedophile.
BRAND NEW ANIMATION REEL featuring fresh footage from my EMMY NOMINATED episode of LOVE, DEATH & ROBOTS and Nickelodeon’s new hit WYLDE PAK. Thanks as always to my much better half, Jessica Rau.
BREAKING: Same people who believe gas is $1.98 per gallon also believe Donald Trump is 6’3” and 224 lbs.
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Isn’t it crazy how the one thing stupid people can do better than smart people is piss you off?
BREAKING: President Pedophile pardons and protects pedophiles with Grand Old Party’s proud approval.
You do you, Sydney Sweeney but registering Republican in 2024 is some nasty, nasty work.
Gonna need a weekend to recover from that weekend.
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Holy shit, The Gilded Age writers room is OUT OF CONTROL.
Jesus Christ. SUPERSTARS.
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