I become annoyed by the many things I have no patience for, which I have little or no control over, rather than by my impatience itself, which I can control.
Counting each day on my thumb. I am boring and work in a despised profession.
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I become annoyed by the many things I have no patience for, which I have little or no control over, rather than by my impatience itself, which I can control.
I've been impatient my whole life and these days spend a lot of time wondering why.
You always knew it would be like this
The first black and blue president
Second season of Peacemaker drops today
The brownshirts and the SS didn't wear masks
I saw this the other day and wept because that's how it is now
I would love it if Mulaney's show was on nightly
White supremacy: the original identity politics
Children love justice
Are they still eating the pets?
Anyone who can be destroyed by the Epstein files deserves to be destroyed by the Epstein files.
Fish also is not made of meat, it is made of fish
You forgot "The Man Show replacement co-host"
I always reach for the "handling dry shit vs. wet shit" comparison
They arrested Ceasar Chavez Jr.
Kinda want to leave the country forever.
Shorti days and shorti nights
To be in Canada on Canada Day Eve is a pleasant surprise
Bombing a "nuclear site" sounds problematic for reasons other than mere "failure to get permission"
Bitch-ass so tired of this mfer
It was only an extremely online perade
One positive of the recent news cycle: a new generation is discovering this guy
Rare footage of all five stooges
In Soviet Russia, doom scrolls you
My imaginary gourmet hot cereal food truck is called Groaty to the Max
My wife and I were thinking of fire names for sandwich shops for an ice-breaker and bet you can't top Sandwich Generation or Sub Dom.
The Prisoner appearing for free on any streaming service brings me so much joy
"Don't let the old man in"
Hot Fix sounds like a 70s glam band
You are on fire these days
You used to be a right cunt on Twitter, I remember
*Manly commercial voiceover* When you comment on public posts on a social media app whose sole purpose is to draw engagement from strangers, they call you "reply guy"
I had a talk with my dog about her pending demise from superannuation. I think we both worked through it.
All safety is illusory
Mine photos of their members for AI hard-core gay vetbro porn site.
Going up and down my recently re-paved street in my brand new roller skates, with a whisk broom, sweeping pebbles to the gutter, Elvis Costello on the Bluetooth, three screwdrivers deep on the first lukewarm evening of the year.
Happiness cannot be future conditional
"Thus the cage has betrayed us all, this moment, our life, turned to nothing through our terrible attempts to insure it."
God bless the people in life that make you feel like the sane one
You can die from this
I have never been so goddamn tired in my life. Wake up tired. Shower tired. Shift through the day tired. Make dinner tired. Fall in the bed wrung-out-rag tired. Every damn day.
People don't say sonofabitch as much anymore.
I kinda like the potty mouth turn the Dems have taken lately. It's pretty much the only thing I like about them, but it's refreshing.
The Trumpanzees would refuse to speak a language with three genders
The main fact of life is that it is mostly stable in the near to mid term, so that the life you feel fine about today is much the same life you want to park a bullet in your head about next week. The problem is your sense of "perspective" as a sentient chassis driven by a self-replicating molecule.
No shit
American Psycho-looking mfer
A text from my friend today
So it's just a mafia-style bust-out operation of the US, starting with the government and the economy. Take over, gut it for everything it's worth, firesale the scraps. Does that seem about right?
New to me and mine now thanks
I won't argue, but just wait, you'll be disappointing in a few years, too.
Greedy fuck
Most people would be surprised to learn how many government employees are not cynical lazy bureaucrats but serious-minded careerists who carry the gene for public service.
The system never worked for everyone. Not even for most people. For those it did work for, the conscientious, idealistic ones who believed in its promise, who are distraught to see it catastrophically fail—they are merely now facing the same future the ones it excluded were living with all along.
Shout out to all my people who can't get the remote in hand and find the button before the skip into thing disappears
What it say?
Can't stand the sound of Ben's voice, though. Something about it. The mushy softness of his consonants and languid tempo of his speech. He's like a man talking in slow motion. Play a video of him at ×1.25 speed and you'll see what I mean.
Why isn't "clubbed Dean Phillips over the head with a chair leg and stuffed him in a closet for the next 4 years" on this list?
3 fights in the first few minutes of USA v. Canada.
Unclear if they think "towards the center" is to the left or right of their most recent shift towards the center.
My wife walks in and says I look like a commercial for pajamas and only then did I realize—I have arrived
I can't believe the guy who tried to overthrow the government is trying to overthrow the government
One of my students sent me an email, subject line "future abcess (he meant absence)" and now I'm offering this band name for anyone who needs one...
Where is our Yusupov?
In 100 years, there won't be a living brain that remembers your face, your voice, what your finest qualities were or what kind of jokes you told.
Most of them are to be found in sausage
Two neighbors, who live on either side of “that house” (the loud one constant trouble) never even meet, until something big happens and the neighbors are all out in the street in their bathrobes trying to figure out what’s going on. #MexicoAndCanada
Is there a seconds store for glass eye manufacturers, where you can pick up their QC fails and returns for cheap in bulk? Asking for a friend.
The richest man in the world, not elected, appointed or confirmed to any office, has with his "staff" taken control of federal government data and systems, without oversight or accountability of any kind.
This mfer in office less than two weeks and planes are falling out of the sky
Thank God Oprah is on this
Concertina-wire tutu
I don't know you but I'm genuinely, effusively happy you're here with me
Had this one.
ngl I like shoveling snow
Yeah, lookin like Appalachian Trail Jesus
I put it in the butter after I melt it
Still reading this—this speech he gave at the conclusion of one of his trials...
This one is for the greatest hits compilation
Hey, NYT, damn near your entire feed looks like this to me, can you guess which single and only word I am filtering?
That's not why Ford offered high wages.
He will get confirmed, as will most of Trump's ghoulish appointments. You will shuck your fingers because that's all you have left to offer anyone. You're not even a political party, just a controlled opposition theater troop. Worse than useless.
The H Rap Brown coming back in style
There's a Loretta Lynn song in this story somewhere...
Looks like your buddy got some hanging out with you too
Jesus is looking good these days
All this started with plucky slime
Which of the standard coworker types are you?
Heed the fungry
Why not just call it the Gulf of Freedom?
youtu.be/XGthb6ZKpjg?...
Left before it happened and can hardly believe it
