Too much panic. Not enough disco.
(he/him) bidet and star trek enthusiast. certified cornball Dumb: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:6inp5yiltrxwaaysprylsihq/feed/aaapzdlwgaxts Dumber: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:6inp5yiltrxwaaysprylsihq/feed/aaane6crbwawc
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Too much panic. Not enough disco.
i think that’s what that was, yeah
we gotta figure out a new show for when you’re done 🫣
My girlfriend has recently gotten to know the inside of the hospital better than we would like. If anyone can help, I would appreciate it. gofund.me/e7017381
yeah it’s a good show for “listening but not really seeing.” like the eyebrows and stuff are funny but you don’t need to fully engage sooooorry
me: ok time to do the thing adhd: we’re gonna do anything but the thing me: seriously we have to do the thing adhd: holy shit but look at that thing me: oh shit you’re right look at at it, and what about that thing…
i “watched” the rest of Last Man on Earth while driving to and from tahoe
i have a confession
no, season finale of season 1
yeah, it’s getting good! did you finish Last Man on Earth?
oh hey i’m making progress on Foundation btw. i know what the vault is now, why’d you act like they didn’t explain it 🤣
Expectations? No, no. I quit those years ago.
I’ll be like 👇
oh okay, dang you’re pretty close then! i’ll swing out to the five when you’re headed home and wave 🤣 never tried it, i’ll check it out the next time i’m out that way 🤤
hadn’t heard of Leatherby’s, is it the ice creamery? doesn’t seem like there are any in SoCal though, very confused
What you don't see... *digs around behind the curtain* ...is how we make the magic... *continues to dig around on other side of curtain* ...behind the skeets. *curtain suddenly crashes down, revealing 200 gerbils holding iPhones*
Had to after someone else posted the image from Dragon Ball lol
When the blanket’s too heavy so you have to constantly try new ways to be partially covered to not be too hot or too cold.
might have to give this a try. it would be nice to be able to eat an egg salad sandwich without clearing out the neighborhood
"Firstly, i'd like to thank the Academy for this honour. Thank you also to all my friends and followers for their support. But mostly, thank you to greg who kept me awake with talk of diarrhoea tonight and allowed me to achieve this accolade" g'nite all❤️ *(Credits roll)*
do you take a supplement…?
[public bathroom] ME (calling into a stall): doing okay sweetie? 6YO NIECE: yeah it’s a good poop ME: what makes it a good poop 6YO NIECE: it didn’t happen in my pants
what! how do i gain this super power
I danced for most of a song. Wedding complete. Big happiness and love. Now it is time to sit in front of the air-conditioning in my underpants
Hot moms in your area want you to empty the damn dishwasher already.
It’s lovely that if swallowed incorrectly, an innocuous sip of water can fuck up your next ten minutes, or kill you.
👏👏👏👏👏👏
oh no it might damage my bidet!!
If you eat one, does it produce a buttholeburster
🏆
As two things we rely on for our immediate survival, it’s shocking how horrible humans treat air and water.
woah that’s a good question. i don’t have a sense of smell but maybe TS has some ideas
When I create egg farts, I’m not really sure what I’m trying to communicate. It’s just art.
three and a half! truly the greatest insomniac of our time
egg farts are some of my best work tbh
Demons are the farts of deviled eggs
why not, we’re already over the three hour mark, nothing matters apparently
talking to gwen and frances are good reasons to stay up, i’ll quit buggin’ ya
😂 “g’nite” again 🫶
you are incorigible! 🕑
hey trick
Passed gas is the gas of butt past
i don't drink much or do a lot of drugs anymore so i try to really enjoy those 8 seconds of benign positional vertigo every time i lie down or sit up
i’m 99% sure i saw this skeet (paraphrased) recently but i can’t find it
there is no try there is only mountain dew or dew not
yoda is very close to soda. what are they trying to do 2 our children. really makes u think.
We no longer call it ‘micropenis’ from here on out it is Bone-Petite.
accidentally swiffered myself into a circle and now i am trapped forever
every time someone publicly shits on bsky, Alf's hog only becomes more powerful
enjoy! g’nite again! 🫶🕐
just now realizing the acid blood might be a bit of an issue 😔
oh! shoot, i don’t really have a specific recommendation. the ones i got at thr gas station yesterday were Flipz, they’re fine and i think they make a dark chocolate one. i think i found some good ones at Trader Joe’s (do you have those?) in general i just try to avoid hershey
I just ate a half a bag of Cheetos, wanna lick my Cheeto fingers?
i predict at least one more clock… did you have something you wanted to tell me?
oh my gosh you’re still awake? i am shocked
that deep sense of betrayal when the twisties aren't as cheesy as they usually are
🫶
aw! sorry to hear that. here’s some soup 🍜
g’nite! 🫶
no posts today? 😫
definitely not, we can stock two kinds of peanut butter 🫶
the gen x struggle to not clarify the mood of what you've written with emojis
heck yeah! enjoy 🤤
i don’t really do that, lol. i’ll lick the pb off a knife but i don’t eat it by itself. i don’t *hate* it with nuts either, if that’s all that’s available, i’ll eat it
q. what was whitney houston’s favourite form of coordination? a. HAND-EYEEEEEEEEEeeeeeIIIIIIIII
Me: [orders pizza] Them: Would you also like our cheesy bread with sauce? Me: Are you trying to sell me a side of pizza with my pizza? Me: 2 please.
but i’m not eating a chocolate sandwich? idk it’s just weird to have nuts in my sandwich i guess
crunchy peanut butter doesn’t even have chocolate. completely different thing trick
🫂
I'm breaking all the rules tonight (putting smooth and crunchy peanut butter on the same slice of bread)
catch a tiger by the toe? are you insane?
i like them! are you about to tell me you don’t? because that would be okay. we’re still friends
@teenagephlebotomy.bsky.social you can have this spoon that i hate (hopefully it will make you irrationally angry)
great idea! the kids will love this activity
Truly I loathe the responsibility attached to being so fucking phenomenal
i’m a fan. chocolate covered macadamia nuts are one of my favorite things. almonds are good too
impossible, but i am nervous now
i would think so, i mean they can gestate inside of us, definitely some compatibility there
yay! i’m not big on sweets in general, but chocolate is the main exception. preferably dark, but milk is still good
Microdosing being smart by overthinking every single thing
Can we get two orders of Garlic Knots for the table please?
Vague awkward sex joke You get the jizzt of it
every penis deserves a classy nickname
what in the world? why not?
that’s what i thought, mr. “i have hands and don’t need spoons”
my favorite blob-shaped food
Not fitting in means that you’re custom-made.
there's got to be another way to clean your hands than licking them
Nevertheless, she vibed.
i love the unmistakable sound of a skateboard going down the street
good, throw away all your spoons then
maybe she’s born with it, maybe she’s wolverine
$20 cash game. i went out once and bought back in, then just about cleaned everyone out. i think it was $120 in total, so quite a few tacos
what if someone breaks into your house and steals all your spoons? what then?
just a little spoon in a big world
now we’re cookin’!
that was to allow other people to gamble! i’ve dabbled but have very low risk tolerance. i did win a bunch of money from my friends and family playing poker this weekend though, mwahaha
two days, aw! i guess i’ll count my blessings that it was on the last day and all the big events had happened. they were just gambling i think, which isn’t really my cuppa anyway
blocking me over your opinion of shadowlands is hilarious