mayor of a thriving community in southeast texas
71 followers 126 following 195 posts
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hey pal no offense but i think you're a lil too dimwitted to be on the internet. maybe try inventing another sandwich
the whole gop has been infected by a racist version of the 24 days later rage virus and their policies make boko haram look like a fucking rotary club but thanks for the commonsense bipartisan policies
UNFAIRLY BANNED FROM THE THREE STOOGES SUBREDDIT THERE IS NO OFFICIAL RULE THAT EROTIC FANFICTION CANNOT BE AI-GENERATED CLEARLY A FLIMSY PRETEXT FOR THE BIASED PRO-CURLY MODS TO PURGE SHEMPISTS I'LL SEE YOU IN COURT ASSHOLES
In 25 years, every business school in the country will be doing case studies about how a long defunct company known as βGoogleβ once had an unbeatable lock on online information retrieval and then started doing shit like this.
listen, everyone has a role to play in the feminist movement and my role is telling the ladies what words are Too Scary. you're welcome
we used to build household shrines to Going On The Computer and it's no coincidence that as we abandoned these we started straying further from god's light
also you couldn't use your phone and the internet at the same time
next season of white lotus begins with a janitor fishing a dead seagull out of the pool at a holiday inn in galveston
everywhere i go people tell me i smell like piss. the people at the grocery store make a face when they see me come in and say things like "oh no it's the piss guy" and "eww". am i being gaslit. is this imposter syndrome
have you seen the way they're slashing battery regulations and safety standards? I can't believe we let our baby get addicted to sucking/gnawing on AAAs π€¦
*whittling in a rocking chair* o/s2 warp was good enough for my daddy, and my daddy's daddy, and by God it's good enough for me
the best thing about sleeping with a time deity: she keeps staying the same age, i keep staying the same age
while getting laid
"Sacha! Sacha Baron, it's Marvin. Your cousin, Marvin Cohen. You know that new sound you're looking for? Well, listen to this!" cut to me in a crowded bar surrounded by a rapt audience. I pause for effect, then say "my wiiife". everyone bursts into cacophonous laughter and I wink at the camera
some of y'all out here weepin' ichor. shit sizzles when it hits the asphalt, bro. get your eternally tormented ass off my driveway
How do you feel about written a decade after he first unveiled? - ELIZA
"I knew of course that people form all sorts of emotional bonds to machines, for example to musical instruments, motorcycles, and cars... what I'd not realized is that extremely short exposures to a relatively simple computer program could induce powerful delusional thinking in quite normal people"
"A new communication is waiting for you in your online insurance portal"
damage is weakness leaving the brain
saw some nerd on youtube saying the ancient greeks were gay because they were always celebrating the fellas. apparently you can't even make fella-centric art without people saying you're obsessed with weiners
ok huge mandela effect moment for me... everybody's acting like there's some big country full of jumping rats called "Australia"??? wtf that makes no sense, there's already a country called Austria. in my home dimension hugh jackman is from des moines
look we can't be going after every sheep that wanders off. we'll get the next one
thesis: i agree with you antithesis: i wanna say don't sign your posts synthesis: don't sign your posts comrade
why is everybody acting like it's some big revelation that elon's strung out? is it just because they put it in a newspaper or whatever
yuck. hell no
also interesting that most other ANE flood myths have the gods get irritated that humans are making too much noise and wipe us out like a bedbug infestation. YHWH is proud of us, even says that we are made in their image, and then sees us being cruel to each other and goes "aw shit my bad" πππ
i'm currently 100+ hours into my 15th stardew valley character. of course no matter how much pierre irritates me i don't drown the whole village
yeah interestingly the text says "Then YHWH was sorry that he had made humankind on earth, and it pained his heart." basically the lord said "whoops i blew it" and hit the reset button nine chapters in, which is way more theologically interesting to me than how they got giraffes on a boat
one time my father-in-law walked me through some apologetics argument that Noah's ark was technically possible and my response was it would have been a lot easier if God had pitched in
ah, So u persecute chuck schumer just because he has different beliefs? Do Tell. (democrats get mad at me) Sorry. Im sorry. Im trying to remove it
nightmare blunt rotation
when you take an edible and go to the grocery store
*posts like a ding dong* people are calling me a ding dong... how predictable π
lookin sharp!
and like most crimes they are wonderful
fine. harambe and I had a _brief_ fling before he became famous. now stop trying to tarnish his legacy, you fucking vultures
so the times will just hire anyone these days, huh
wiping your ass is optional
nicked yourself shaving? dip a q-tip in rice wine vinegar and dab it on to stop the bleeding
we have no great war π no great depressionπππ
ahhhh. well, nevertheless,
speaking as a fairly recent parent, this is the fuckin goal
at this point just replace the national anthem with the curb your enthusiasm theme
"imagine dragons are coming to your city" i close my eyes... no! they are upon us! their fiendish breath ignites the very air, people are torn asunder by wicked claws... blood sizzles to steam before it can stain the charred pavement. a mighty roar sounds and i feel my eardrums burst. why god why
imagine, if you will, having sex with the noid. in this brief video essay i will
honestly they should make a team of animal superheroes. i want a capybara with the strength of two dozen capybaras
watching some marvel horseshit with my son and apparently there's a raccoon in the avengers?? why is there a raccoon in the avengers
why yes, even as tx seasons keep going i keep saving. on your knees txu man, make peace with your god
can i get banned from bluesky for saying the txu commercial guy is a class traitor and i long for a modern day robespierre to dole out justice to such parasites
and don king is a high-profile hollywood lawyer
it's like after Katrina when shitheads kept saying "that's why you don't build a city below sea level". this why you don't let inbred syphilitic slaveowners design your country
honestly we made it work for almost 250 years but it's time to admit america was kind of a silly idea. this feels like season 30 of the simpsons
idea: change my name to hopper lea and write a poultry farming manual named How To Kill a Mockingbird
paint chips
thinking about alternative sexual archetype (fastest mario)
yeah the switch 2 panicanism
this post could be from any online community I've ever seen. could be from 2008 Twitter, fyad, the Tim Allen forums, or the wapo comments
i didn't know the guy from point break had a band
smoking that shit that gives you "book of kells" eyes
what if i make mudpies though
i'll trade penises with you if you want. where do you live
i feel like a meme is about to pop up and break the ratcheting tension a little. like the caroling in the trenches in WWII, lawyer cat during covid, or harambe in 2016, just a little levity in a dark time here's my pitch: 50s normies on massive quantities of LSD youtu.be/Si-jQeWSDKc?...
look when i agreed to work for donald trump i was not told that I'd be subject to the whims of an emotionally volatile subliterate sociopath. wtf
lol at everyone who invested their money instead of spending it on stupid shit
Something I miss about forums culture is discussions organized by topic instead of by people. You have to go out and find the fun insane weirdos now. Before, they would walk unhesitatingly into a trap like "Lunch Megathread" and post a picture of a raw chicken thigh on a tortilla with four grapes.
fuckin bonkers i bet. if i were a cat on catnip i'd start doing the cossack dance kicking toxoplasmosis dust everywhere
we're never gonna get anywhere with our progressive agenda if we're not willing to completely abandon our progressive agenda
the tree of liberty must be refreshed with the CHAMPAGNE OF BEERS
i think he's a biological machine that converts ketamine into abandoned children and ruined companies
Candy does seven thingsβit relieves your hunger, quenches your thirst, fills your stomach, cleans your teeth, makes you sleep, helps you digest, and colors your cheeks.
texas has been so thoroughly messed with that i'm starting to worry that the stickers on our trash cans aren't legally binding
ok but why did they use a photo of benedict cumberbatch
i agree with secretary of state snidely whiplash on many things. however,
given how far behind he is on everything, I'm excited to hear about how he's putting all government servers on the MEAN stack
alief: β ββββ
stafford: βββββ
humble: βββββ
katy: βββββ
clear lake: βββββ
sugar land: βββββ
can't sleep, time to rate houston suburbs
george stirs and opens his eyes. what a lovely dream! he had a jetpack and a flying car and a dog named astro... he picks up his phone. a new alert: the howard stern chatbot tells him he should kill himself. baba booey, he thinks
the future sucks so much
meanwhile the rest of us are stuck down here dealing with elon
me: hey look at this tweet her: i don't get it
going ceauΘescu mode on the republic
Kirk laid off the entire QA division at the cracker factory, when asked how all that arsenic ended up in the crackers said "ceiling cat is watching masturbate lol" and did a line of ket
i stay up late reading fan wikis of low-budget decade-old syfy shows i will never watch >>>> "Mick turns to Lilith, who helps him steal evidence from the scientist who cloned him, his own father." >>>> brain state improved
annotated using the Eat The Press telestrator
