These are some stats, some stats about tasks… @taskmaster.tv @jackbern.bsky.social @samsmithcomedy.bsky.social
Informative and sexy at the same time! Writes for Horrible Histories, Dogs In Space, Amazing World of Gumball; also talks a lot on podcasts (Taskmaster The People's Podcast, Football Book Club) he/him
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These are some stats, some stats about tasks… @taskmaster.tv @jackbern.bsky.social @samsmithcomedy.bsky.social
Fellow Taskmaster fans! Since we now have an official premiere date (yay!), I figured it was a good time to send this back out. Hopefully a few of you find it helpful to start getting prepared/excited for the new season :-)
Choosing to believe this egregious error is actually a reference to the American Gothic theme. This is what I am clinging to
Complete with the results of me and @jackbern.bsky.social talking about vehicles for an hour @samsmithcomedy.bsky.social @taskmaster.tv
I had a fantastic time on the Transformative Taskmaster podcast talking stats and nonsense, and you can tell that in this video because of how dark it gets while we're talking, I think we were there for 9, 10 hours???
Y...yeah. Let's say yes. It's definitely not me getting the name wrong
Oh yeah it's quite awkwardly handled but equally as her gift is an analogy for queer identity it's sadly common I guess
sick day so we're all watching Frozen - has there ever been a more jarring tone shift than the end of the trolls singing "A Bit Of A Fixer Upper" to then immediately telling Anya she's going to die
Ready for New Zealand stats? That’s right, I’ve spent too many hours on things that in the end don’t matter, in a slightly different font than @jackbern.bsky.social! Enjoy @samsmithcomedy.bsky.social @taskmaster.tv
“Delete your old emails to save water” isn’t bad because it’s individualising the climate crisis, it’s bad because it’s complete nonsense from top to bottom. It’s like saying “eat less lettuce to save water”, you can see the thought process but it’s that of a child who knows two facts
Let me be EXCEEDINGLY clear: the "round thing in your face" that gets you "sprung" in Baby Got Back is a woman's huge ass. I'm sick to death of seeing people on the timeline argue it's something else spherical or circular. This is the exact sort of erasure of women's huge asses Mix tried to address.
Okay, thank you, that's simplified it. I think I still find this "fun" measuring system the most annoying because it's arbitrarily warping units - it's like saying "Alan threw the iron a million miles, under my new measuring system where a million miles equals half a metre"
This week I went to a kid's birthday party with lots of People With Proper Jobs, and when I told them I was a writer one said, very pleasantly, "I make up stories with my daughter all the time! It's not very hard at all, is it?" that one's going straight in the Vault of Self Loathing thank you!!!
They have not! Ahhh this will slightly affect my stats, I will mention it next next week
it turns out I could, in fact, take another England Spain final
I always forget you're Spanish
I can't take another England Spain final, I just can't, three years in a row
SUNDER YOU JINX
that's a great goal tbf
extremely excited for Ekitike in the Premier League, longest palindromic surname EVER
We were forbidden from saying what it was by Big Taskmaster (it's Greg's real age)
I forget every time, the sudden pivot from high energy dad dancing to mumbling "imaseshmachine" into your chest
an underrated part of children's discos is when "Don't Stop Me Now" by Queen comes on and all the parents start singing along, forgetting that at one point in the second verse the song will require them to yell "I'M A SEX MACHINE" at a group of four year olds
Point taken but it still depresses the hell out of me
and now they're sending abusive messages to the player to get him not to sign. pathetic. pathetic club, pathetic fans
"this is a disgrace", "the board should resign", "I am disgusted" so glad fans are finally waking up to how badly the club acted over Thomas Partey and- oh no you're talking about a transfer, cool, great
really great how Arsenal fans on Reddit are getting angrier about the fact that they're going to sign a Chelsea player than the fact the club they support tried to offer a new contract to a player under investigation for rape. just really inspiring. I love football
you think that's good do you
I've made my peace with it
"should you really be using that microphone which explodes every time someone says the letter B" "this really is an internal matter for the company that makes these microphones, and personally I believe-" *is instantly killed by an exploding microphone*
good for him but still don't think we should hire Antarctic seabirds to grit our roads tbh
ahhh Very good! It's a tiebreaker so I don't count it but YES
Whoops, corrected the swear tally there!
Arrrrgh thank you so much! Brilliant spots, apologies - I've been writing this on my phone and it can get a bit messy...
featuring a TANTALISING stat that you will just have to click through to find out the answer to...
it's Sunday night it's time for the STATS ROUND UP of the TASKMASTER SERIES 19 FINALE! Featuring SAND! POINTS INFLATION! SWEARING! PUPPIES! MALLETS! HANDS! It's ALL HERE jackbern23.medium.com/taskmaster-s...
Taskmaster season 19's squad is a fun batch.
why read books on joke structure and the rule of three when you could just look at this headline
I know sports teams are not meant to be a societal moral compass but Arsenal's choice to back Thomas Partey -- and Mikel Arteta's public advocacy for him -- is as clear a sign as any that people at the highest levels of this sport are still unwilling to take gendered violence seriously
First thought - Sanjeev might be the first contestant to have appeared on screen in the Paddington films? While Reece Shearsmith is the first contestant to be a regular on the animated Paddington series. I'm on a Paddington binge, sorry
HELLO (yes I know I'm not over Series 19 yet and we will do many more stats on it before we get into this BUT STILL)
“Look what you made me do”
Oh no sorry, I didn't mean that at all - I meant to say this was the third task where he's been specified by name in the task (Series 2, Series 17 being the previous ones), not that he was only named in S17. The "named" distinction was to exclude tasks where he just turns up (IE Nish eating him)
This is IMPORTANT
Yeah! I knew that! Did I say something different on the pod? Oh no
it's the same wig, not sure about the rest of the outfit...
YOU'RE RIGHT, I have edited! Curse you TJ Lancaster! CURSE YOU!
Oh boy I hope you like jokes about Alex's genitals, it's the Taskmaster Series 19 Episode 9 STATS ROUND UP jackbern23.medium.com/taskmaster-s...
SAVING IT FOR THE STATS ROUNDUP BABY
Yeah thanks Google, this is obviously wrong, Mat's lead is 19 points and only one person has lost the series despite leading going into the final episode was Jessica Knappett (3 points ahead of Kerry Godliman going into Ep 10, lost by 1 point)
Ah great memory!
Yes yes I've been informed...
Stupidly late, full of heartbreak, sadness, vulnerability and pelvic floor exercisers - it's the TASKMASTER SERIES 19 EPISODE 8 STATS ROUND UP jackbern23.medium.com/taskmaster-s...
I feel like when the quakers are putting out a statement against you, you've really got it wrong
#Taskmaster is heading to the Cabaret Tent at #Glastonbury this weekend. But before the show, Alex and Greg will be doing a special Q & A with Kerry Godliman - and we are hungry for delicious questions. Please put your questions for Kerry, stationery-based or otherwise, below!
for those waiting with baited breath for the Taskmaster Series 19 Ep 8 stats round up - apologies it will be VERY late, probably likely after Sunday or Monday! Looks like I'm the one who has failed in the most heartbreaking way 💔💔
Series 9 (I think?!) had Greg in them a lot
I haven't run the numbers fully but I imagine this has to be the case - last week's yoghurt task featured the crew in all but one of the contestants' attempts which I'm sure must be a record
Thank you! I love arguing about this stuff I'm so sorry!
Hmmmm, I still don't think that proves she purposefully scored 0, I think she's just more sad that Judi isn't going to win the episode. (Sidenote: I love her little "shhh shhh" to Alex when he's counting out loud, and then he just counts silently for the rest of hers) YES let's agree to disagree!
were right, she'd definitely score more than Sophie. If she DID score 0 on purpose it was very silly as it was episode 9, Chris was right on her tail and it could easily have cost her the trophy!
Hmmmm hang on I'm not sure I agree here - I think Sophie THOUGHT she put the right number of cans in her bag but just didn't check because she was too busy ensuring Judi had the right number. She wouldn't have purposefully scored 0 - she's predicted fewer cans than Judi so as long as Judi's cans...
Yeah, I think it's harder to say because it wasn't a task that was done in rounds - the nature of that particular task means that any decision to "sacrifice" has to be made at the beginning of the task, which makes any sacrifice less obvious or hard to do compared to Mat purposefully DQing himself
You're right in the sense that the only way Sophie could have won that episode was by her getting 5 and Judi 0 in the last task, and she effectively ensures that this is impossible by selecting a lower number than Judi and then helping Judi over making sure she has the right number in her bag
Sure, I guess my point was that she's prioritising Judi over herself and making sure she doesn't finish above Judi, but unlike Mat/Sue she's not actually in a position to sacrifice herself so that Judi can win the task (and ultimately the episode)
Ah I see! I still don't know if it's quite the same as Mat or Sue's altruism but it's going on the list!
This is an interesting one - as I remember it it was altruistic in the sense that Sophie helped Judi instead of checking her own bag. BUT she didn't actually throw the task (and moreover throwing the task wouldn't have helped Judi win the episode, because Judi was competing against Chris)
He seemed pretty angry at his bin disqualification, although his version of angry is Jason's version of pleasant so it's quite hard to know
Apologies, I meant to say "first time this series"!
Oops, will change!
This week's rundown features a deepdive into SUGAR GUYS:
put down the latest copy of Sugar Guys, swallow that yoghurt and waterlog your own feet because the Taskmaster Series 19 Episode 7 STAT ROUND-UP is HERE: jackbern23.medium.com/taskmaster-s...
"don't tell me any spoilers for Up, I was meant to see it last night but my bedroom had an infestation of buzzing insecty thingamajigs" "House flies?" "I SAID NO SPOILERS"
just fyi I've been seeing it and saying it as a way of solving problems in my personal life and at no point has it ever been sorted
the best bit of Die With A Smile is how Bruno Mars spends a whole verse and chorus professing how he will love Lady Gaga to the very last and how death itself will be okay if he can hold her, and then she lasts two lines before saying "ah I don't want to do this any more, you get the gist right?"
i don’t think it’s realistic to ask people being targeted due to their ethnicity and national origin not to engage in displays of ethnic and national pride
Yeah and also that disparity between the Olympic village buildings and old Stratford makes the "new" stuff feel more upsetting and false. I take my daughter to the velodrome for cycling (which is incredible!) but it still feels like an artificial neighbourhood because of that lack of social cohesion
Thank you! I couldn't remember where it was now!
If anyone is looking through the comments to see where they can witness such beauty in person: They’re at the Science Museum of the University of Coimbra
My feeling is that anyone who thinks the protestors are protesting wrong should go down there and demonstrate the correct way to protest in person and see what the various juices pumping through your body tell you what to do when a man dressed in black plastic shoots a gas can into your abdomen
sometimes when I'm sad I go on my photos from seven years ago from a holiday to Portugal when I saw two stuffed lions who look like Neil and Christine Hamilton
"streets remember Jessica Knappett cooking in the subjectively judged filmed tasks, some so called fans only remember her for sausage or finger smdh 😮💨😮💨😮💨"
"not you talking about John Robins as an MVP when he only won 28.57% of the solo tasks in his season 🤣🤣🤣🤣"
decided I'm going to start presenting my Taskmaster stats in the manner of an American posting provocative opinions about sports "Hugh Dennis was low key one of the best objective taskers ever but y'all aren't ready for that conversation 🤔🤔🤔"
AMENDED
Ahhhhh great shout thank you!!!
This week I do a deep dive into Alex Horne swearing!
oh yes get out the deck chair and sit underneath a cardboard cut out of Alex Horne's hand because it's THE TASKMASTER SERIES 19 EPISODE 6 ROUND UP jackbern23.medium.com/taskmaster-s...
well each to their own but this is a horrible way to work to be honest, this writer would probably love AI I guess
Yeesh that's bleak
I saw an advert for AI recently that encouraged writers to get over the fear of the blank page by getting AI to write the start of it for you, and each to their own, but if I was struggling with a script, seeing the worst possible version of it in AI would not make me more excited to write it
It also misunderstands how a lot of (most?) people create - the idea that it's easier to edit a bad AI draft of a script than to write it from scratch is, to me, completely unhinged
ultimately makes the user experience much poorer and destroys the jobs of people who could have done it much better and efficiently, but I concede that could change. At this stage though I can't give them any benefit of the doubt either in how trustworthy these tools are or how exploitative they are
I understand where you're coming from, and perhaps if we hadn't had 3+ years of cheap, ugly generative AI reducing huge swathes of the internet to slop, I'd be inclined to agree. To me I'm not sure I'll ever be able to see AI as anything other than a money making scheme for the richest people which
'I'm looking forward to having the budget to hire an author one day! But meanwhile I've simply got various ai text tools to simulate their writing style as filler for my new book cover'
WhatsApp mysteriously hiding its eyes behind a fan at the opera, fluttering it wildly at you from across the aisle, teasing you with the promise of "messages...or not", a notification to symbolise the infinite possibilities in the world
is there any phone notification more coquettish than WhatsApp's "you *may* have new messages"
love it when a detective is having a problem in his personal life and then the case that he solves that week is strangely relevant to the problem and it helps him work through it It's like "thanks dead guy, you really taught me how I need to be less snobbish towards my brother"
"Dance, like, nobody's watching" - Charles Dance being told about his show's terrible ratings