Why am I at the doctor having to listen to this woman, who has her man on speaker, talking about how some tamales they bought out of a car trunk gave them diarrhea?
Jokes and whatnot. Kelly__le from the Twitter
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Why am I at the doctor having to listen to this woman, who has her man on speaker, talking about how some tamales they bought out of a car trunk gave them diarrhea?
Wow, she was really asking for it www.local10.com//video/news/...
[returning a text from eight months ago] Are you still at the coffee shop?
FINE, I'll solve the Zodiac killer murders. I literally have to do everything around here.
Hahahahahhahahaha
Everybody says that the new picture of Trump is a picture from today, but I say that those titties don’t look yammy enough
Hahahahhahaha. And gross.
Nice.
I feel like Rob Thomas would have a tramp stamp.
Pardon me while I slip into something a little more comfortable (a casket)
Sometimes when I'm confused I eat a chocolate chip cookie about it
That’s wise.
What amount of money is enough for me to pay to make the Liberty Mutual emu commercials stop?
Hahahhaha. Thats how I read it too.
It’s a good trade off for the food poisoning.
Just milk though.
That’s their new slogan.
Oh man, I thought that said mom tits… Good ole Joan just putting ‘em on full display.
Southern heat is reaching the “I do declare” level
“See here, he’s shaped liked a butt plug, and that’s why his name is Grimace” *McDonalds employee “Please quit talking to the customers”
Building this city on rock and roll was a huge engineering blunder.
If you are recording a concert and I’m the one sitting behind you, good luck with that playback because all you’re gonna get is Kelly.
The first twenty people at my funeral can have a finger or toe while supplies last
Dems had 4 years to inoculate us from everything happening now, and didn't. I'll never get over it.
how dare these customers speak to me when i’m not wearing my name tag. no name tag, no worky
Sorry I yelled.
And the bar is so low already 😂
When I drive over speed bumps, I imagine I’m driving over the bodies of my enemies
I’m getting fajitas because I like the showboating.
You don’t have to do that to yourself 😂😂😂😂
I could be meaner 🤷🏻♀️
Our Lady Peace is always great! ❤️
Me too.
I remember seeing it at the movies. 😭
“Se7en” is 30 years old. I’ll be throwing up uncontrollably if you guys need anything.
It’s not very lol. Lol
IM WAITING IN LINE AT MCDONALDS TO PICK UP AN ORDER AND THERES A MAN EATING AN ICE CREAM CONE AND SAID HE WAS TIRED OF IT AND ASKED IF I WANTED IT I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH NO SIR I DO NOT
I'm a 10 if you completely ignore my face and personality.
*My husband trying to be supportive “How’s your soap opera going? Is Marlena still with Gandalf?”
I should call her…
I’m not mature enough for whatever this thing at this pool party
The birthday mom does it. Lol
It’s such a beautiful day today. It’s a shame I have to waste it going to a kid’s birthday party.
Having to listen to Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow while at the dentist is bullshit.
I don’t think a judge would convict me.
I…don’t know. I’m at a loss.
I just watched my sister in law eat tacos with ketchup and wash it down with a glass of milk. I’m done. I, for one, am going to embrace the end times.
*My brain “That’s it. That’s the most comfortable position. We’re gonna get the best sleep, ever. Perfection. Now, you’re 30 seconds away from peeing in your pants, get up”.
So glad my friend paid in cash today and got this beautiful work of art. ❤️
I just called someone a “fucking butt plug” and I can’t quit laughing at myself.
Thank you!!!!!
Daddy?
Hahahahahaha. If only! And thank you! 😊
Thank you!!! 😊
Noice. Thank you!!😊
Thank you!!
Thank you!
Isn’t it amazing?!?!
Today was my birthday. This was my cake. Amazing. 🍆
Hahahahha it’s so funny you did that because this was my cake
Happy birthday to my best friend @kellyle.bsky.social Love you so much!
😂😂😂❤️❤️❤️
I just shit so big I had to check if I was two people.
Ohhhh
I think I’m going to go to Olive Garden tonight. I decided to let someone else microwave my dinner for me for way more money instead.
A1? You mean Civil War ketchup?
it is sunny and breezy birds are chirping naturally, I am suspicious
Today needs mashed potatoes and gravy.
*one fistful of spaghetti, one fistful of cake Anybody here wanna get sensual?
Where about did you live?
That is fresh!!!
That sounds nice.
With that name, I figured they were whores.
“WHO WANTS TO SCREAM AND FUCK?!?!?!?” -cicadas
Altoids!
I do. Lol
Why are you so smart?
Me. It’s me.
I love you.
Please do not be a li’l stinker, I am very sensitive and delicate.
Oh this? It’s just my emergency car chips and guac. 🥑
I’m thankful for my car Aleve since I had forgotten my purse Aleve today.
