everyone after trump’s 2pm announcement
my stuff: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:5rnmu5xtzqwc2c4u22abl2ka/feed/aaabw5bxhz3yw
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everyone after trump’s 2pm announcement
25 of the funniest posts we’ve seen on Bluesky this week. www.thepoke.com/2025/09/02/2...
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS HAPPENING AT THE WHITE HOUSE RN
Nate Silver mostly exists just to remind the rest of us to be grateful that we are not Nate Silver
*sucks on a chili dog* this is extremely messy who does this?
if you’re put in charge of old mcdonald’s farm does that make you the CIEIO?
i think jd vance should pay trump a little pope visit.
rudy giuliani has been airlifted to four seasons total landscaping
if i were bono, i’d quit music & open up a gluten free bakery called “Where The Treats Have No Grain”
he'll always be dead in our hearts
ASHLEIGH: we’re going to the ralleigh ANDRE: is it todae THOM: no it’s thomorrow STEPHEN: at sephen o’clock MICHAEL: how much were the tichaets PHOEBE: they were phroe MARGOT: oh man i wish i could got GEOFF: me too i’m geolous
you mean to tell me a whole league fantasized about a football.
sad news out of DC tonight. donald trump has been found alive at age 79.
i’ll allow it
if my name was rhonda i’d have people call me honda for short
great news!! *frantically searches for that post and reposts it*
sure. labor gets a whole day when happy only gets an hour everything is shit go hug your kids
he’s always fucken shitting his pants
friendly reminder to keep track of how many hotdogs your grandpa eats on labor day
fuck it i’ll make it
netflix should do a documentary about people who microwave fish at work.
WHO CALLED THEM PORNOGRAPHIC MOVIES AND NOT CUMMING ATTRACTIONS??
the ‘c’ in indictment should be arrested for loitering
I should be able to shazam how the guy down the street died
I put my pants on everybody else
*opens up your fridge and sees you have 2% milk* hey bro you need to charge your milk
i’m so happy travis kelce proposed to my emotional support billionaire
also we should call baby horses “halfs”
baby cows are called calves bc it’s half a cow. half cow. calf. no more questions.
idk who needs to hear this but you’re gonna need a bigger bowl for that salad.
i always carry a knife with me in case i run into someone with 10,000 spoons
but they removed the cracker and the barrel what’s the point
i suspect my grandmother is in fight club bc she literally never talks about it. i’m on to you, bitch.
the boys are only back in town bc of my milkshakes
my chemical romcom
me when one of my friends wears a red shirt
i love taylor swift so much im willing to listen to a podcast tomorrow hosted by 2 men
memorial day walks into a bar bartender: why the long weekend i’m sorry
a giraffe walks into a bar Bartender: why the long neck
foreigner: so what’s it like to live in america? me:
noticed you texted me "thanks" instead of "thanks!" where is this hostility coming from?
aw thank you katt ❤️❤️
karen, he has opinions and people need to know them. v important much important
there are no assholes on the internet so i don’t get it
hot singles in your area giving out yard milkshakes
me to my pug every time i have to leave for work
*slips bartender $20* can you poison my drink?
oh thank goodness
i look so scared here. prob bc a guy just told me i had perfect form while doing weights
my new year’s resolution was to go to the gym here’s that one time i went to the gym in January and haven’t been since. i did it, guys! please clap
i once got a free dildo bc of one of my tweets so that was fun
i ain’t falling for that again
Sex so good your monocle falls out
what a pirate says when it's time for his massage:
Anxiety is your brain using your ancestral instincts to survive being hunted by a saber-toothed tiger, but applying it with the same sense of urgency to an embarassing thing you once said 15 years ago.
i’m a man in a movie and when i want to leave a bar i just reach into my pocket and throw down whatever wad of money is in there and leave without asking how much i owe
he about to explain tickle-down economics
are you?
{extremely third eye blind voice} 🎶wish you would jump right off that ledge, dick head🎶
dude, your soda and your boots rock
I can achieve just two styles of eyeliner: 1) Undetectable 2) Murder Clown on their 6th bar in a pub crawl
fuck you, ocean. if you have something to say to me, say it to my face instead of through a shell, you piece of shit.
any sale is a back to school sale if you're [deep sigh] if you're facing away from a school
*me at a meeting of the knights of the round table* ugh this could’ve been a scroll
got a cool shirt for my bday
I showed my bluesky account to my psychiatrist and she said I could pick whatever medication I want
congrats to your mom on her big opening
i’ll take him
is there an option to lease my soul to the devil?
fred flintstone was the first man ever to become an unhealthy cereal as well as a vitamin.
me: i gotta get a good night’s sleep tonight also me at 3am:
i don’t understand why i still have depression and anxiety stemming from my childhood. when i was sad & needed help as a child my mother would sit me down, look into my eyes and softly say, “snap out of it, you’re embarrassing me” makes no sense
original title for jaws
don’t tell jeff
that’s way too many jeff
if you saw the spelling error in the last one no you didn’t
a gen z’er at work just said “who is hulk hogan? was he famous in the 1900’s?” so i reported her to HR
colbert walked so south park could run
action is being taken
brother
it’s really not cool to name drop. robert de niro told me that last week over dinner.
whyte people are so annoying
whyte people are so annoying
me, naked wearing a hospital gown: should the opening be in the front? dentist: ma’am that’s not necessary for a cavity filling
if you count cows instead of sheep to try and fall asleep it’s probably pasture bedtime (i’m so sorry)
so true. what a legend
more like ozzy osdead. sorry sorry too soon. RIP
my pleasure
truly
forget the news today here’s my pug at the beach
trump’s last press conference
watermelons. thank you!
more like sweatiness (its 98 degrees)
aw stop! ❤️❤️
just documenting the fact that both my hair AND makeup look good at the same time. this only happens once every 10 years. mark your calendars.
as they should
if social media doesn’t move past the cheaters at the coldplay concert, i’m throwing my phone into an active volcano and entering witness protection
