my uncle is in an icu a several hour drive from here. as the only family within a thousand miles, it looks like wiggles and i are gonna take an impromptu little road trip and hope we can find a dog-friendly hotel
this account is cat pics, nerd talk, lefty politics, ttrpgs, books (mostly animorphs) & bad jokes tofu is a flamepoint saimese cat tesla is a black & white cow cat krisko is a nerdy bi disabled autistic minnesotan socialist catdad human (all he/hims)
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my uncle is in an icu a several hour drive from here. as the only family within a thousand miles, it looks like wiggles and i are gonna take an impromptu little road trip and hope we can find a dog-friendly hotel
and got fired for making a personal call while on the clock
wiggles and i spotted one of my neighborhood's albino squirrels on our walk
i could not recommend it more highly. they've been the best investments in my health and happiness.
yeah the benzos i took aren't doing shit. petting animals is helping a little bit.
do i want to know?
does your pain return with the nightmares? it's been 17 years but today feels like week 3 of recovery
still emotionally recovering from the nightmare that woke me up this morning, forcing me to relive both the death of my childhood cat and my own stabbing.
good boy tofu
i *want* to believe, yet don't
this sucks, i'm sorry and ashamed. i need to fix that i still lowkey assume minnesota dems are better than national dems because of that "farmer-labor" name, and also because my brief time volunteering in it a lot of lip service was given to the 'wellstone!" bumper sticker demographics
oh hell yes, they are all thinking (consciously or subconsciously): "god wouldn't give them more than they could handle, so there's no reason for me to disrupt my personal comfort in any way... Indeed, if anything that would be going against god's will!"
this was my personal first collision with these platitudes. church folks used this saying on a family when their kid died of an undetected heart issue, again when that kid's mom started drinking, and again when that kids older sibling attempted suicide... the fam needed non-metaphorical help!
yes! it's "i got through all my shit, and that was tough, so obviously you can get through your shit, too!" when the better realization would usually be "damn, i lead a sheltered life and don't actually have anything worthwhile to say right now because this situation is outside my understanding"
all tofu's meows boil down to "HEY!" when my folks were here, it was "HEY there are other people in our home!" then it was "HEY the furniture isn't where it used to be" after that was fixed, it became "HEY the dog is still here" & "HEY the dog is in my spot" & "HEY you are petting the dog, not me"
the best-case scenario is me properly managing and scheduling my time and energy around the people who need me at the precise times i am needed, but that is predicated on me caring for my health issues but tofu will NOT. STOP. MEOWING. even/especially at night when i need to sleep
i was a very fucking devout christian from ages 10 to 18, and even then the platitudes seemed so insulting. i remembering being at my grandpa's funeral when i was 13ish and wanting to boo the minister
fwiw my own life is ok, but the extremely short list of people i consider close and depend on all need my help in significant, time sensitive, and mutually exclusive ways this week and i don't know how to prioritize this where someone doesn't end up harmed by my failure
"god doesn't give us more than we can handle" what christians *think* they are telling people: "you have the strength to get through this, you can do it" what i hear: "your problems aren't actually that bad, stop being a whiny bitch about this or god will give you something to really cry about"
ok but she's simultaneously a smartie and a cutie and a hottie and undercover emo so she forever gets a pass from me. i don't make the rules, a combination of long-undiagnosed autism and my teenage sexual neuroses do.
"not that they could identify a botfly even if it laid eggs in their scalp!"
i took a forensic entomology course in college because of the show csi, and the professor spent most of the first two weeks of the course vocally wishing for botfly larvae to parasitize the producers of that show
*suspects are attempting to drive away, harming nobody at all in the process* the one cop who had maintained an ethos of being anti-murder, but has just suffered any personal loss at all: "hand me that illegal missile launcher we just found, killing them all is now morally right"
'we used facial recognition technology to track all seven of the serial killer's victims to the line of this boutique coffee shop at exactly 8:17 am on tuesday 16 months ago' lol sure, why the fuck not? might as well put the lead detective on a leash to track the killer cross-country by smell alone
if he started that business later he would have sold millions of steaks alongside maga hats as "anti-woke meat" they'd have forced mitt romney to record a deathbed ad from the hospital for the company whose tainted meat gave him a fatal case of mad cow (ironically, the steaks were mostly rat meat)
i hope when i get mildly inconvenienced for my horrendous crimes against humanity (four years pressuring my friends to attend my shitty comedy shows) that the chant is catchier and death is swifter (look into jd's eyes. he's ready for it)
"we're kidnapping powerful people for months so we can use magical science tech to implant a pregnant uterus into prominent conservative men to make a statement" hahaha fuck yeah, drag their asses!
somewhere in the last decade my brain rotted in a specific way where i now laugh harder at any cbs/nbc police procedural 7+ seasons deep (when they start blatantly writing in "today's news" into the story) than i do at any intentional comedy.
all this effort to discredit a man best known to americans at the time for his cameo in 'home alone 2' (1992)
my oldest cat is statistically likely to die in the next four to eight years, and that already fucks with my brain so much, i can't handle even shorter-lived pets. this must be how every autistic dwarf and elf feels like when they befriend humans and hobbits.
all my other dnd/ttrpg games have been on haitus for weeks or months, so tonight's online spelljammer game is a load-bearing session for me, psychologically
i could see him and jordan peterson as a team of silver-age batman villains that eventually end up with cells in arkham next to calendar man and the condiment king
tofu is doing a great job of collecting all his beans in one centralized location
tofu loves this game
it's an entertaining show! (well, except season 8) it's basically if sherlock holmes was a rude doctor, and each case is like a murder mystery, and that formula ticks so many of my boxes
*drifting off to sleep* my brain: *kicks in the door* remember that minor thing you did a decade ago!? i just realized that was an undiagnosed autism thing! now rather than examine this revelation, let's go into a morbid shame spiral for hours, dwelling on the visceral embarrassment we still feel!
no, but after the episode where house cures pianist dave matthews of his dystonia (which was my diagnosis for a time) by removing an entire hemisphere of his brain, my family said the procedure was worth looking into
hate that we have to keep coming back to the joker, especially the uninspired versions. batman has the most interesting villains in comics, use them! plant mage poison ivy & ice technomancer mr freeze, ecoterrorists! scarecrow designs psychological propaganda to scare folks into voting how he wants.
25 years later my mom still thinks i'm eventually going to find a "real dr house" then i'll be cured.
other medical shows certainly did their part, but when i came down with a mystery chronic neurological disorder, nothing fucked up the expectations me and my family had of the medical system like 'house md' did.
that pretty much sums it up.
tofu is truly an inspiration to us all
other medical shows certainly did their part, but when i came down with a mystery chronic neurological disorder, nothing fucked up the expectations me and my family had of the medical system like 'house md' did.
docaganda?
at the less than jake show i left the bathroom and saw somebody manhandling my friend. i charged in and hit the dude, who i later learned was a bouncer who was making my idiot friend stop smoking weed in the foyer. got TOSSED out, on landing the concrete scraped off skin and some of a leg tattoo
look at this happy little goober
wiggles and i spent the evening at the godkids house, where she saw new cats that want nothing to do with her and got oh so many pets
ever since voters looked past "grab 'em by the pussy" i assume nothing he does will ever move the needle
this was my assumption, but they are pretty terrible mixers
i just bought a pack of these at a hardware store
i understand the impulse to get complacent about masking after many years, but i will never understand anyone who isn't masking when in hospitals, pharmacies, dr offices... you know, the places where sick people intentionally congregate
professor shrub
tail!
tesla did this for several months then stopped just as abruptly as he started
but of course if they ever need to disconnect your service that can be done instantly and remotely
what i see on bluesky vs what i hear in a strongbad voice every time
literally broke my tv remote throwing the first distraction i could make to keep tofu from finalizing this action, and thus cementing the route to reach the living room tv in his little distractable kitty brain.
gonna be honest, i don't know. pretty sure my ex bought it in bulk from costco or amazon or something and left it when she moved out? or maybe i got swindled by my herbs and spices dealer
sitting nude in a 90F, 60mph torrential downpour for two hours straight was the most transformative experience i've had in years (that didn't involve mind-altering chemicals)
it's "lessons i learned from once having a porch in arizona" and you already got issue one, issue two is just the advice "get nude an experience a monsoon"
if you close your eyes while sitting in an enclosed space with hummingbirds it sounds like folks are swinging light sabers around your head and that is beautiful
lazy sunday
an m night shyamalanian twist
axl rose: *lowering a ski mask over his face and firing a shotgun into the air of the bank lobby*: "everybody on your shananananananana knees, knees!"
i don't know which song specifically but this is def from "does this look infected"
wiggles is so close to solving the mystery of where that squirrel went
graham linehan and charlie kirk both have "resting spiteful photoshop" face. they look fucked up in wildly different ways, yet both give identical "overinflated balloon inside the still-damp head of a paper-mache effigy" vibes. specifically if the balloon was filled with transphobic slurs.
your spice wall is authentic and organic, mine looks pretty but some of those powders have congealed into a solid. pretty sure the only time the turmeric jar has been moved has been when tofu couldn't quite make the jump atop the fridge and his back legs scrambled frantically
i have a dozen spices i've never tried, another dozen that i know how to cook with, and all of them can fuck off because i'm drowning everything i eat in this sauce for the rest of my life
it's a supplement powder for people who don't eat fresh vegetables
i bought my spices in one ounce packs and they each fit in the jars with room to spare.
it tastes like if freeze dried peas were also sidewalk chalk. it is very much a "stir it into 20 ounces of juice then chug it all before your taste buds notice" product.
where does anyone get anything? amazon.
and of course, now i need to pee.
currently laying in bed with wiggles cuddled up to my left hip (this is usually tofu's spot), tofu deigning to disrupt his routine and cuddle up to my *gasp* right hip, and tesla laying on my chest. trying to pet all three at once by nuzzling tesla with my chin.
many people are saying that i only got these cool hexagonal magnetic spice jars for unearned virtue signaling that i am a cook despite having literally no idea how most of these spices taste or how they could be used to these snobs, haters, and malcontents, i say: damn you're good
i used to crash high school reunions. just slapped on a nametag, gaslit some dinks that i sat behind them in algebra, then soaked up free drinks all night as i told fake anecdotes. pretty sure now i'd get imposter syndrome being myself at my actual reunion.
right!?
lol all of the above, a "king charles cavalier spaniel" according to the breeder my parents got her from (apparently her eyebrows instantly made her not "show dog" quality?obviously a garbage category, if it excludes wiggles)
i did the same thing in 2003 when i drunkenly tried to convince the night shift cashier that the internet promised i could order a "mcgangbang" off the secret menu and the employees would have to honor my request ✊ thank you for keeping the fight strong
those eyebrow markings do naturally what many people with dark makeup pencils envy
i put myself in her place and figured out the way to deal with this: gave her extra food, but only the "low fat" option
"don't treat me like i know nothing at all!" demands the person that did not know you could adjust how toasted your toast gets in the toaster
the second dinner wanter has thoughts on the current state of affairs
literally 80% of the cabinets located below the kitchen counter are empty explicitly because tofu already treats those cabinets as his own. anyone under 5'10" needs a step ladder to use my kitchen. i have let out such embarrassing screams when doing the dishes and suddenly a furry paw grasps my shin
dammit, i've been trying to hide the location of me and my cats from my ex for years, but this takeout pamphlet has revealed to the world exactly where i now live: east asia
tofu went on a caturday evening adventure
yes i deleted the earlier version of this post with a typo despite it already garnering 1 (one) like. this is the type of callous indifference the prestige of four thousand bluesky followers allows people. fame is a disease.
love getting help doing the dishes (wiggles catches any stray cheese that drops on the floor, which is not a trivial job considering my diet could best be described as "midwestern potluck where nobody is allowed to spend more than ten dollars and/or thirty minutes on their dish")
all due respect to both @nyjanelane.bsky.social and fiona, but wiggles has yet to steer me wrong. if none of the powerball numbers wiggles suggested pan out i will reconsider
wes anderson's "slc punk!"
caturday fun fact: even if you run the carpet cleaner immediately after each incident, if your cat pisses in your closet enough, even the clothes on hangers smell like cat piss finally an event that validates my standard practice of having a hamper full of clean clothes i'm too lazy to put away
it's taken her over a year to figure it out, but wiggles has learned to contain her external excitement in 90% of her body, but the tail wagging cannot be contained. still, she's now chill enough that tofu doesn't get startled off before they can touch noses.
i'm biased towards tofu
fussy schoolmarms, well-known for their encouragement of silly disruptions.
i agree with you, they are being unreasonable in their demands of you. if you can't understand a straightforward bluesky post there's no way you can read an entire book.