BREAKING: Pope announces that, due to declining ROR on prayers, Moody’s has downgraded God from “good” to “just okay”
Facetious Prick * only ever joking, calm down dear. I AM the cunt clearsky lists me as...But don't believe all that is stated This/That identify as Invisible..Transparent FO 2 OF usb-c 3 pin plugs are Elite.
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BREAKING: Pope announces that, due to declining ROR on prayers, Moody’s has downgraded God from “good” to “just okay”
I prefer my midget porn in a mini series.
If you smash every pot you come across eventually there’s going to be something cool inside one of them no doubt
Mindblowing: Earth and Moon through Saturn's Rings (Credit: NASA, ESA, JPL-Caltech, SSI, Cassini Imaging Team; Processing & License: Kevin M. Gill)
Barkeep, a flagon of your best sneer.
I try to keep a pinch of hope between my cheek and gum.
“bartender, this sex on the beach needs more sand in awkward places.”
*polishes the squirting apparatus*
* Giving a hand job Me: righty tighty, lefty loosey aaand repeat
Space force one donated by Qatar..
#IAlwaysThinkTwiceBefore cutting once..or summat like that
I think my greatest fear is developing that old person smell, but not knowing it.
if no one else is going to say it then i will, Snickers bars have set an unrealistic expectations for how vainy our dicks should be
And now…a ‘joke’. At which popular holiday destination are people told to stop concealing themselves? At the CEASE HIDE… *coughs*
So I said shit, if this is gonna be that kind of party, I’m gonna stick my dick in the mashed potatoes! Then they said I'm no longer welcome at KFC.
they’re renaming the department of defense?
#EarsInASongOrMovie Don't cum ear..
my mom was into way kinkier shit than I have her credit for. so proud!
*licks pussy* just a lil something to take off the edge
you must have a really rough tongue😀
as a remote worker i get to change the batteries
#EarsInASongOrMovie Casablanca..Hears looking at you kid
#EarsInASongOrMovie any song by Hearsay
#EarsInASongOrMovie Rin tin tinnitus
#EarsInASongOrMovie New Order - Glue Monday
#EarsInASongOrMovie Joy Division - Love will ear us apart
#EarsInASongOrMovie Any Wallace and Grommets
#EarsInASongOrMovie Nightmare in earwax..
#EarsInASongOrMovie Wish you was ear...Pink Floyd
I'll drive him to the airport myself...
My guess for Trump Karma Bingo : Sniper bullet anytime any place. Pass it on
My guess for Trump Karma Bingo : Scrotal Eczema 10.00 GMT Pass it on
If I was being accused of being a paedophile, pretty much the last guy I’d be quoting is Mr. Incest.
#EarsInASongOrMovie Frontear psychiatry - The Avalanches
I’ve noticed that people saying “Hear me out” are rarely about to leave.
#EarsInASongOrMovie Once twice three times a lady...Pardon
#EarsInASongOrMovie Rihanna - Ears (drink to that)
why do those signs that say slow children always show a picture of a running child?
not needing to be fixed would fix me
If you think there's good in everybody then clearly you aint met everybody...
I was asked to name the ten commandments in any order so I went with..3,6,1,8,4,9,5,2,10,7
Just once I’d like to be used for good instead of evil.
Remember there is 7 deadly sins, thats one a day..have a good week
There has to be a variation of “Great minds think alike, fools seldom differ” that isn’t either a boast on your part, or an insult to the other person.
My wife divorced me over religious differences...I thought I was God and she didn't..all well that ends well..oh well
as stunning as your photography.❤️
Some doctor on the radio this morning, claiming that there's no such thing as a "super food". Err - it's written on the fucking packaging, mate.
This Tuesday is just three Mondays in a trench coat
I am procrastinating by teasing horny men online
dressed up like a Fraggle for work this morning, and no one at the office seemed to notice
Doozery folks havent lived...
i despise being awake between 8 am and 6 pm
#IOnlyYellWhen coming or going..
#IOnlyYellWhen looking for a phone number..
My parents went to Beijing to study Chinese philosophy and all they brought me was this Lao Tze T-shirt. #LunchPun
Bought the Mrs a TGIF t shirt and she said it aint Friday and I said it stands for Tits Go In Front..
Off to take a meatier shower.
Do Australians call the rest of the world "up over"?
Was going to mute the word "flag" because this place was all about the whimsy and now it's just everyone getting narked about knobheads. Instead I'm raising my own flag and will begin to deface iconic memorials and roundabouts with it's precious image [salutes smartly]
Demons are the farts of deviled eggs
#ASongOrMovieForTheCalendar Never ending journal
In the Lineker of Duty
Ruin a movie by making it about Gary. All that Gary glitters
Ruin a movie by making it about Gary. Star Trek III: The Search for Gary.
Good moaning Bsky...Todays outrage is still hung from a lamppost with a red cross on his chest....ransom note was written in crayon, Idiots
I’ve got next game! *puts a quarter on your skeet*
Keeping my junk really clean in case a mystery shopper stops by.
I vibrate at dick Hz.
if I'm a freak and you're a pervert then who's flying the plane?
Welcome to your 50s. No one knows how, but you’ve screenshot your home screen three times today. Again.
I always take a tub of French onion dip to communion because the body of Christ is dry as fuck.
Does anybody know what happened with stuzzi(pants)
I asked a plastic surgeon if they have ever done anything unusual? No he said but he had raised a few eyebrows...
guy outside my window is talking to his cat and im 93% sure his cat has no idea what he's saying
I’m the Nostradamus of the next five minutes. Cuz breakfast time.
im on an immoral coil...mere mortals are beneath me🤣😂
yes..the key being the word "joke"...everything is funny when you dont take yahself serious...too may pearl clutchers on ere but poking them with a stick is my favourite hobby.
🤣🤣
I made a healthy bowl of lettuce but swapped the lettuce for minstrels.
I am but I let xmas pass me by... atheist😀
Ladbaby..Ive just seen it...as a grumpy old man I dont do xmas..🤣🤣
I didnt..what song was it?
Yesterday I saw a post about somebody makin Hummus with red Lentils instead of chickpea so today I made a Beef wellington with pork mince instead of beef..
How do you become prolapsed? Practice practice practice.
it maybe bigger but its built with meccano made from tofu..
#ASongOrMovieForReasoning Anything by Busta Rhymes or reason
#ASongOrMovieForReasoning The Hateful Debate
Entitlement needs to be shot on sight..
Good moaning Bsky..Todays outrage has been kidnapped, its had a red cross painted to its chest and been hung from a lamppost..It may take a while for me to retrieve it while guarded by Bigots...
#ImNotHardToPleaseBut for my pleasure...oohh eeer Mrs
Went out for hash and eggs. Grocery store ran out of eggs. Glad the dispensary had my hash!
'While yours, Plimpton,' said Frobisher, 'is the size of a chipolata.' Plimpton's heart sank. Hed forgotten it was Todger Comparison Night, and Frobisher was always the first to weigh in with his opinions. #GirlsOwnCC
The gentlemen's weekly game of rock, paper, scissors reached its usual impasse, since only Rodney seemed capable of forming any of the required shapes. #GirlsOwnCC
Oh Romeo, Romeo... Did you just fart now, Romeo? No? Must be your breath then.
by the sounds of it thats a box of crisp and not a problem😀
it’s sunday morning so of course i’m *going to church* *watching The Empire Strikes Back*
*doing jumping-jacks in bedroom singing* Sunday it's my Funday *doing jumping-jacks in yard* Sunday it's my Funday! *doing jumping-jacks in the street* Sunday it's for the love of tiny melonballs someone kill me Funday!
