Kiki here. Love their matching jackets! Now they’ll need shades.
A Cattish-fluent human (Rikki) & her telepathic tuxedo kitty (Kiki). Human is a retired writer/editor & instructional designer. Kiki is the real star. We write stories to read aloud. Kiki’s advice is researched. We love cats, pix & art! No DMs! Rated G!
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Kiki here. Love their matching jackets! Now they’ll need shades.
Kiki here. Hi, Caprica. Lovely ‘nip box for a lovely kitty!
“GOTCHA, Kiki! I went CANDID CAMERA on you!” “NO, human! My fur’s MESSY! My whiskers are a FRIGHT!” “Think of the publicity when I SELL it to the tabloids!” “Lemme BUY the photo—AND the negatives!” “I just DELETED it, Kiki. Your reputation is SAFE.” “That’s ALL I live for, human…and my TREATS!”
Kiki here. Spiders aren’t meant to be food for kitties, Mackrel. Good thing you didn’t get sick!
Kiki here. Hey, pretty Waffles! Hope you’re having a nice day!
Kiki here. My human is so afraid of bugs. They bug her a lot!
Kiki here. What’s the point of playing if you don’t win?
Kiki here. Bugs are my friends. I couldn’t hurt a fly.
“Human, I saw COBWEBS in the closet—and many SPIDERS!” “Lemme SEE, Kiki!” “Don’t GO in there! They’re BIG, hairy and ugly!” “I’ll call PEST control!” (takes out phone) “KIDDING! I know you’re SCARED of spiders.” “NOT funny, Kiki!” “I’ve owned a few humans…but I really owned YOU on that one!”
Kiki here. That funny is truly worthy of a chuckle!
Kiki here. Now that’s news!
Kiki here. Human’s always stepping into things she shouldn’t be stepping in.
Kiki and human here. Same to you!
Kiki here. You do the same!
“Human, I puked a HAIRBALL, but I forgot where I LEFT it. Help me LOOK!” “OK, Kiki.” “I’ll BET it’s by the front door. Let’s go…” “Not THERE!” “MAYBE in the dining room. Let’s go…” “Not THERE! Where to next?” “KITCHEN!…Human, I like that you’re so EASILY led!” “I’d follow you ANYWHERE, Kiki!”
Kiki here. Hope it’s big enough for you, Mackrel!
Kiki here. You’re the star of the team, Marvin!
Kiki here. Kitties must check that you’re still listening to us.
Kiki here. That’s why I like making them.
“Human, I wanna go IN! Open the door!” “Kiki, you’ve BEEN inside! Just a washer and dryer.” “I wanna go IN!” “LAST time I opened it, you ran away!” “I’m BRAVER now!” “OK.” (opens door) (walks in, turns, runs away) “NEVER mind, human.” “You don’t need BRAVERY, Kiki. You already have BRAVADO.”
Kiki here. Don’t worry about it, Joe. Be yourself. It’s better to be a cowardly kitty than one who foolishly faces a menace they can’t handle.
“Itchycoo Park,” Small Faces, 1967
Kiki here. Sounds like something I’d say!
Kiki here. I’ll consider it…
“Human, you’re POKING me!” “Where’s your VOLUME control, Kiki? You snore TOO LOUD…You have a REMOTE?” “I can’t HELP it!” “There’s no END in sight to this noise! Sleep on your BELLY!” “I’ll do one BETTER!…There!” “Now your BUTT’S in my face, Kiki!” “My end’s in SIGHT, human…Lemme NAP.” (snores)
Kiki here. Hey, Mackrel! That’s the shoe my human wears, and she gave me the box. So, it’s Kiki-approved!
Kiki here. Thanks, Mackrel! I can get comfy anywhere there’s ‘nip!
Kiki here. And no one understands kitties more than a kitty!
Kiki here. It’s my default setting.
“Kiki, in your CATNIP box again?” “Human, can’t you READ? Visiting hours are OVER!” “When ARE visiting hours?” “Not NOW! Can’t you READ?” “On your BOX I read: ‘Powerful vacuuming’ and ‘Works fast and easy.’” “No, human! Read my FACE, telling you to GO AWAY!” “READING you loud and clear, Kiki!”
Kiki here. Have a great #Caturday, pretty kitty!
Kiki here. Got my hex wrench and ready to build!
Kiki here. I’m the brightest star.
Kiki here. And terrorably adorable!
Kiki here. Even concrete can be comfortable if you sprinkle catnip on it.
Kiki and human here, wishing you and yours a happy #Caturday, Peggy!
“Human, buy new FURNITURE for me!” “Kiki, you don’t use your trees, pet sofa OR scratching post!” “That’s KITTY furniture…I want REAL furniture to scratch—couch, bed, chairs.” “New HUMAN furniture?…OK, I’ll buy a couch from IKEA.” “I DESERVE it, human!” “And you’ll ASSEMBLE it yourself, Kiki!”
“Kiki’s Log: #Caturday. We’re…EXPLORING Humanworld to better know them. One…APPROACHES. ‘Human! We…are from…Kittyland. Do you KNOW…about us?’ ‘Only that you make NO SENSE!’ ‘YOU…make no sense!’” “Kiki, treats!” “Human, what are the ODDS of humans understanding kitties?” “ASTRONOMICAL, Kiki!”
Kiki here. A human funny that kitties also enjoy!
Kiki here. Joe, are you sure that’s not Jake, ready to perform a “Duck Soup” mirror routine with you?
Kiki here. Thanks, I needed that!
Kiki here. Kitty’s giving you the full package!
Kiki here. Thanks for noticing!
“Kiki, you’ve recently been lying in the bed ALL NIGHT. How THOUGHTFUL to do that for me!” “Uh, for YOU? It’s getting COOLER, and the bed is warm.” “You don’t SLEEP, do you?” “I wait for you to WAKE UP.” “Just like a loyal DOG, Kiki!” “No, human! Just like a hungry KITTY wanting her BREAKFAST!”
Kiki here. Really? Little ol’ me?
Kiki here. 😿
Kiki here. No worries. Human wouldn’t mind it if I did, anyway.
Kiki here. Adorable sibs! Lucky you, Tolkien!
Kiki here. Biscuits on the head? I’m trying that tonight!
Kiki here. Thanks! Everybody loves floof!
“Kiki’s Cat Treats of Wisdom #234: You have reasons to sit on or by your human’s HEAD as they sleep. You want: 1) a WARM place…The head’s often uncovered at night; 2) COMPANY and SAFETY…They’re your friend and protector; 3) a TERRITORIAL claim…Your scent’s on them! So, don’t let them PUSH you away!”
Kiki here. A standout performance, kitty!
Kiki here. Did you find it yet, kitty?
“Kiki, I bought a PRETTY kibble bowl! FANCIER, isn’t it?” “Is the bowl BIGGER, human?” “SAME size.” “Does the kibble TASTE better?” “SAME taste.” “Does it still get EMPTY?” “It’s just a BOWL!” “And you’re just a SUCKER for pretty things, human!” “I’m a sucker for YOU, Kiki—you pretty thing!”
Kiki here. Hi, Waffles, you pretty kitty!
Kiki here. Marvin, seeing you there makes my Friday complete!
Kiki here. This kitty thanks you!
Kiki here. That’s true.
Kiki and human here. Have a happy Friday, too!
Kiki here. I don’t forget it; I just ignore it.
Kiki here. You’re a smart kitty, Tolkien!
“AMUSE me, human!” “Wanna hear a STORY, Kiki?“ “No STORIES! Gimme some ACTION…DRAMA!” “Wanna see me EAT your wet food?” “No GROSS tricks!” “Wanna see me JUMP four litter boxes laid end-to-end?” “No STUNTS!” “Wanna see me take care of you ALL your life, Kiki?” “THAT amuses me, human! DO it!”
Kiki here. Thanks for sharing your pretty kitties!
Kiki here. And my human will always lose. She’s used to it.
Kiki here. And what are humans gonna do about it?
“Kiki, you’ll be NICE today?” “I’m ALWAYS nice, human!” “No SHEDDING on me?” “Nope!” “No biting or SCRATCHING?” “OK!” “No ATTACKING my care, intellect or my appearance…” “Sure!” “I’ll come out now, Kiki.” (door opens) “Human, you wearing THAT? Lemme put my FUR on it, SNAG it with my claw…”
Kiki here. Jake, just remain your lovely self as you take care of your brother and your human! What more can a kitty do?
Kiki here. Heads or tails, kitties love to touch their humans!
“Kiki, just wrote today’s last CHAT.” “READ it, human!” “You never asked BEFORE! Why now?” “You REWRITE to make YOU look smarter!” “No, I balance out who gets the LAST WORD.” “I should ALWAYS get it, human…’cuz I’m SMARTER!” “Kiki, in my heart you’re the FIRST, LAST and EVERY word in between!”
Kiki here. Our reasons are unknown to humans!
Kiki here. Thank you! Marvin looks lovely, too!
“Kiki’s Cat Treats of Wisdom #233: You can talk to humans by HEAD BUTTING or RUBBING your head on theirs. It might: 1) confirm you LIKE them, 2) MARK them with your scent, 3) FEEL GOOD to do it, and/or 4) TELL them something. Humans may RESPOND with touches on your head or face—but NOT much more!”
Kiki and human here. Happy Thursday, Peggy and critters!
“Kiki, what’s in your LIST? Ear or neck scritches?” “ADD ‘em, human!” “‘Cause you LIKED back stroking…you may ALSO like massaging!” “NOT for me!” “You can CONTINUE WATCHING me brush you! It’s in your Top 10!” “Hold on! You’re NETFLIXING me?” “Wanna BINGE belly rubs, Kiki?” “No! CHILL, human!”
Kiki here. I’m in Schrödinger’s box—it’s there but not there.
“Finished GROOMING, Kiki?” “You’re PETTING me, human!” “Don’t you LOVE it?” “You just LEFT sweat, dust, dirt, bacteria, food particles, scents and whatnot…all over my CLEAN floof! Now I gotta LICK it again!” “Never THOUGHT about that, Kiki.” “🎶’I’m gonna wash that HUMAN right out of my fur…’🎵”
Kiki here. Good morning!
Kiki here. I’ll need to discuss it with my agent/human!
Kiki here. Being a famous star of stage and screen door, I actually love it!
Kiki here. Some kitties are just trapped in the past as predators.
Kiki here. I’m the patient and the doctor!
“Kiki, let’s CUDDLE!” “Human, NO! Get OUT!” “What’s WRONG?” “Do you SMELL yourself? You take my BREATH away!” “Hmm…I opened the white VINEGAR…It SPLASHED on my clothes. Ah, I forgot cats HATE it!…Where you going, Kiki?” “My SAFE ZONE, human! Do NOT cross the yellow line!” “I’ll CHANGE, Kiki!”
Kiki here. Those are some far-sighted kitties!
Kiki here. Watchcats on duty! Joe and Jake are keeping you safe!
Kiki here. True! We carry millions of years of our ancestors’ skills inside our brains!
Kiki here. Great advice, but most kitties don’t read newspapers (most humans don’t, either).
Kiki here. Now that’s a very pretty kitty who’s relaxing!
“Kiki, I poured JUICE on cereal! The first time I made THAT mistake!” “MY mistake was thinking you were CLEVER!” “I’ve NEVER heard you admit a mistake!” “It was a mistake was to SAY it was. So it cancels OUT!” “We ALL make mistakes, Kiki!” “You MISTAKE me for a kitty who MAKES mistakes, human!”
Kiki here. You’re a smart kitty! Thanks for sharing the important details.
Kiki here. Fall into autumn early, Georges!
“Kiki’s Cat Treats of Wisdom #232: Your humans want you to stop your OUTDOOR kills. They may keep you INSIDE at night, fit you with a BELL to warn your prey, set up a screened ‘CATIO,’ play with you more often and give you more MEATY wet food. So you may forget you’re a HUNTER…and eat like ROYALTY!”
Kiki here. I think I’m just enough.
“Why you looking UP THERE, Kiki?” “Two FLIES—brother and sister, I think—are on the CEILING! Let them be, human!” “No! Those dirty flies need to GO! I want them to meet their MAKER!…Get it done, Kiki!” “OK!…Fly kids, come DOWN!…Where are your PARENTS? Human wants you to be REUNITED with them!”
Kiki here. Happy #WhiskersWednesday, lovely Marvin!
“Kiki, what MUSIC do you wanna hear? I got classical, jazz, R&B, rock, pop…” “Play SILENCE, human! I wanna nap in PEACE!” “Mozart will help you SLEEP better—but I’ll play what YOU want, if you play what I want.” “Why get so CLOSE to me, human?” “To hear you PURRING, Kiki. It’s MUSIC to my ears.”
Kiki here. She is amusing, except when it comes to my food!
Kiki here. The human thinks she is keeping my wet food fresh by putting it in a baggie when I’m not around! What a feline felony!
“Detective Kiki’s True Crimes: The Empty Plate. It HAPPENED #WhiskersWednesday. A dish of wet food sat in this very PLATE! The kitty, K., walked away but returned ten minutes later to find the plate…EMPTY! I must sniff out CLUES, but I already know who DONE it—who stole the dish. The HUMAN done it!”
Kiki here. Joe and Jake, you are looking lovely while you are looking intently. (I can’t even come close.) You win again this year, paws down!
Kiki here. I know what you’re saying but not what you’re talking about.