They’re runnin outta you
Founder of the Fresca Phanatics club Roseville, Minn.
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They’re runnin outta you
The people at the State Fair with the “Walz lies” fans all have extremely kickable asses
I used to have that sketch memorized “My dad and I, one time, one summer, we built a veranda without any tools”
What are you doing Minnesota. You are never like this. I am suspicious
remember folks, we cant have gun restrictions because if we do the federal government will occupy our streets, imprison people without due process, ship dissidents to foreign gulags and things of that nature
"The idea is to make city governments helpless while continuing to blame them for everything that goes wrong in cities," writes @humantransit.bsky.social . "It plays well in conservative media, but it’s not fair and it’s certainly not democracy."
Wow this is way better than having Griffin Jax
Starting to feel like we are never going to get out of this until the billionaires are “dealt with”
Wow. Ummm I hope Donald Trump lives forever
Wow! I did the same thing for Kody Clemens. I posted that he sucked, he immediately homered, and I deleted my post Hey Edouard Julien, you’re history’s greatest monster
Glad I didn’t waste money on a Royce Lewis jersey back in 23 when he looked like a star in the making. Utterly useless
I can go years without remembering that lint rollers exist, then I see one and I’m like “oh yeah, those things” #lintrollers
Bob Odenkirk just killed the entire population of Russia
Watching this Nobody movie and it’s pretty good other than seeming like it was written by a 5-year-old who hasn’t even learned to write movies yet
i am so sick of the dumbest people alive being in charge of everything and the second dumbest people alive writing opinion columns about how it's good
Yeah, people are really upset about all the fascism we have now. Maybe more politicians and, I dunno, NEWSPAPERS should take a stand against it
Oh I’m just out seeing a little band called The Nine Inch Nails
The word “experience” must be stopped
Pretty sure that was the name of the suitor in O Brother Where Art Thou
Suck my ass
The mayors don’t “say crime is down.” The statistics say that. This is not a matter of opinion. Grow a goddamn spine
Yes Target app I am trying to search for hot dog bugs
For 2 years they’ve been running the team like they don’t want to have anything to do with it. And the fans certainly don’t want to have anything to do with them. This felt like a mutual parting of ways. Instead, now we’re stuck in this dead-end relationship forever.
Fuck you Pohlads
It’s so great that my NYT puzzles app sends me a notification prompting me to solve today’s Wordle WHILE I’M SOLVING TODAY’S WORDLE
Well whoever counts this stuff is about to be job hunting too
Another day in the pre-apocalyptic hellscape
Can’t we just let her have big boobs in peace
Well you got Fury Road and Pacific Rim so this checks out
Dumb fuckers happy that a powerful dumb fucker agrees with them
What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common Same middle name
Twins lost 2 of 3 to the NL-worst Rockies a couple weeks ago. Soon afterward they traded 10 of their best players, then replaced them with a bunch of AAA players and randos from the waiver wire. So of course they now go take 2 of 3 from the AL-best Tigers. Baseball, man
Spencer Torkelson, aka SpenTork
Fewer playoff teams
“Uh, no, when you were on the roof they were shouting ‘Trump! Trump!”
There is no chance DJT lives to the end of his term. He’s going to break his neck falling down some stairs at 3 am
Yes we are in awe of the tremendous power and prestige of teachers
I’d like to meet whoever came up with the idea of a “return window.” I would like to “have a few words with” them
Which is the best nickname for the new look Minnesota Twins? A) Pirates West B) Marlins North C) Athletics East
But we can build a nuclear reactor on the moon apparently
Nuclear reactor on the moon? Sure. Oil refinery at the North Pole? Let’s do this. Amusement park at the bottom of the sea? Why the hell not
It amuses me that there is a band called The Sea and Cake and there is a song called Cake by the Ocean but the song Cake by the Ocean is not by the band The Sea and Cake
My latest newsletter, about The New York Times' "correction" of its story about starvation in Gaza, and what it says about their adherence to Israeli propaganda.
I want a big-budget movie about the Civic Minded Five. Jason Momoa as Captain Mucilage, Andy Serkis doing motion capture for Carpeted Man, etc.
Is that Rich Becker out in left field
I hope today’s Immaculate Grid asks for players who were with the Twins and the Phillies, Dodgers, Cubs, Blue Jays, Rays, Tigers, Astros and Rangers
This was ugly. I’m genuinely upset. I can see trading free agents-to-be and I even get cashing in Duran/Jax when their value is high. But unceremoniously dumping your superstar shortstop for nothing? Trading a talented, cheap reliever with years of control left? It’s like a middle finger to the fans
My immediate takeaway from the Twins' trade deadline: Hopefully the fire sale is followed by the team sale www.nytimes.com/athletic/652...
Well it’s Kody Clemens’ team now
We’re Twins fans. We know
Less than 2 years ago I was watching an exciting team win their first playoff series in 20+ years. Target Field was packed and the future looked bright. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED
they call them "the twins" in honor of the only two people on the roster
Derek Falvey goes full arsonist. What the actual fuck
Now Jax and Varland too? This is getting absolutely insane
Paddack, Duran, Stewart, Bader, Correa, Coulombe. I assume Castro will also be gone by EOD. Outside chance on Jax and Vazquez too. I’ve never seen them blow things up to this extent
He had some fantastic moments.
As a Twins fan, the last two years have been the most disheartening since the dark days of contraction. Getting Correa was such a coup, and they looked poised to be perennial contenders after ‘23. Instead ownership decided to pinch pennies and the young position players regressed. Now it’s all gone
The only guys the Twins can’t get rid of are the freaking Pohlads, amirite
Good lord. Burning the whole thing to the ground
I did NOT think the Twins would actually trade Correa. That one stings, man
Holy mother-fucking shit
Today’s Immaculate Grid called for a player who pitched a minimum of 1 game for the Astros. I picked Lance McCullers Jr., who has pitched 2 games for the Astros
Some personal news: I have been selected to be the mystery judge of this competition. Parents, meet me by the private bathroom
I am excited for this book because I love spending $32 to waste time reading a bunch of stupid bullshit
Due to funding cuts NPR can’t even afford a tiny desk anymore. They have to use a card table
Don’t use these bullshit generators
You may be thinking "How can an entire political party be organized around the policy of taking from everyone and giving to the rich? No one would vote for them." Well that's where Lying comes in
No Oates, no go
I heard we might be getting a windigo this evening
Weird ass trade. Are the Tigers actually interested in letting Dobnak pitch, or is he just in the deal so the Twins can dump what’s left of his salary
Who could have predicted that pro sports being in bed with sports gambling would have any downsides
Hello. I am a newspaper copy editor in a film. You never actually see me, but I drive the plot forward by writing headlines that contain important details for the protagonist to discover on am old microfiche reader, even though those are not the details any real-life editors would put in a headline
My kids are really into Miley Cyrus’ smash hit “One Time I Heard A Good Song on the Radio”
The stock market is built on shared delusions. Hope this helps
There was only 1 Yankee and 1 Dodger
4 players from Homer At The Bat
Paul Molitor played in this game. Larry Walker was the Expos representative. The Astros were in the NL and the Brewers were in the AL.
Oh shit Chuck Knoblauch is in this
Oh there’s GREG MADDUX warming up in the bullpen
Watching the 1992 All Star Game. Amazing. Wade Boggs, Kirby Puckett, Mark McGwire, Cal Ripken and Ken Griffey Jr. among those facing Tom Glavine in the top of the first. NL sends up Ozzie Smith, Tony Gwynn and Barry Bonds in the bottom half. Seen 10 Hall of Famers after 1 inning. And TK managing!
Glad I grabbed this guy for my fantasy team
Mister Tally Man must tally me banana, it is in his nature inherently. To deny him this would be a cruelty that I cannot condone
Ozzy Osbourne and Hulk Hogan have died. We know they happen in threes. Who’s next? A) Donald Trump B) Donald Trump C) Donald Trump D) Donald Trump E) all of the above
Gets funnier and funnier until about the sixth time through, then levels off and cruises there for a while
The headless horseman. What if instead of “horseman” (guy who rides a horse), it was “horse-man” — guy with the body of a man and the head of a horse. Except he’s headless, so he just looks like a guy with no head. No horse parts. Makes you think. #literature
We in America are so lucky to have lawyers who make sure we know not to take a particular drug if we are allergic to the particular drug
My favorite magazine is National Geometric. Ooh, there’s a triangle. And there’s a hexagon
That was such a stupid fucking baseball game
What are the odds that Donald Trump has ever -washed a dish -prepared a meal -put air in a tire -cleaned out the dryer lint trap -made coffee -ridden a bus -wrapped a present -fished around in the pickle jar with a fork trying to spear the last pickle I’ll go with 0% Barely qualifies as a person
The dictionary is the freaking best
“What perfect albums came out when you were 16?” 1994:
Ozzy Osbourne was only 76? I thought he was in his 70s 25 years ago
Hilarious
What is the minimum amount one needs to spend on a home printer to get one that actually works more than 50% of the time? It has to be at least $1,000
When I was young, detergent companies were really pushing the idea that “ring around the collar” was a major problem facing America’s families. This must have been solved because I haven’t heard it mentioned in decades
Woof
This fuckhead was elected less than one year ago, by a populace that should have known exactly what they were getting. I wish all this disapproval had dawned on them sooner
Before our eyes, ideologues are turning all for-profit media into propaganda tools while eliminating funding for public, nonprofit media that might compete with them. We are royally fucked