I can't sleep and I'm hungry.
Vegas fella doin things and stuff, and also stuff and things
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I can't sleep and I'm hungry.
musically these are my main influences: Joe Satriani, Thin Lizzy, The Police, Metallica, Iron Maiden, Garbage, Alice in Chains, Soundgarden. Also some from bands like Madness, Men at Work, Genesis. There's probably more. My favorite band is Coheed And Cambria, but they weren't around yet.
“Bake me a cake as fast as you can” is an unhinged demand.
Post a PERFECT album from the 90s that isn’t Nirvana or Pearl Jam
can't be, I saw your joke video, you shine so bright
I won’t. 🩷
you ever see one of them white, leaky trash bags full of Wendy's bags?
if you don't read these in a cartoonishly high-pitched voice, then you don't understand me
Do things that make you happy. 🫶🏻
I could go to a Wet Leg show, but I saw some stills and, gonna be brutally honest, both of her legs were entirely dry.
it’s the Marketplace of Ideas and the ideas are all that you should gargle our collective balls
STP "I'm half the man I used to be" me fully clothed, crying in the shower: nooooooooooooooo!
I want to listen to Echoes by Pink Floyd but I don't have enough vacation time accrued
when we had CDs in the car, it was a scary time. singing along to that tune, then you hit a bump and suddenly you're acapella and that shit is a horror show
Nothing is stopping you from building a Linux box, installing a CD burner and burning your music to CD. We can be as The Gods once more.
usually I am the DMer, but lately I am the DMee
when someone I like posts AI art
I’m trying to get into her pants (I am a leg)
inside me there are two wolves
I feel that. I don't know where Record of Radiance is at. I was laid off by the evil corpo in Jan and still only landed two interviews since. I might apply to be a sea hermit.
🏆🏅
Slept in my Megadeth shirt, woke up dead.
Can you explain the gap in your resume? Sure, right after you explain the gap between your ears, oooo fuckin got em
Can you explain The Gap in your resume? Look, everyone has to work retail at some point in their lives.
Also everyone who hasn’t should read the book (maybe after watching the movie) because it’s a fuckin all-timer. Mary Shelley was a goddamn literary treasure
how's the game goin buddy?
okay let's try with actual working feed links this time 🥴 my skeets (all) 👉 bsky.app/profile/pain... my skeets (good*) 👉 bsky.app/profile/pain... *skeets may not be considered "good" by all users. bluety is in the eye of the skeetholder. viewer discretion is advised. some recent-ish artwork 👇
kick its ass
Move to the music! Dad what are you doing?! Packing your things. I'm sorry kids but we have to move now.
At the library, a man opened the door that creaked and whispered ‘shhh.’ Pure power move.
I said get up! alright I was just comfortable not a big dea I said get on dooown! Fuck alright damn I'll siy back dow I said get on up! OH MY FUCKING SHIT TERRY
Who called them varicose and not insane in the leg vein?
that do explain what happened
* Giving a hand job Me: righty tighty, lefty loosey aaand repeat
We don’t call it lingerie, it’s WHOA BLACK BETTY PAJAMARAMS
fuck, I losed my l
the Total Recall girl gon be jeaaaaous
attention team, this year we're going to focus on...pushing boundaries my god what are you all doing?!?!
Pushing boundaries is code for anal
here you go sir, your assmore chaps I said assLESS, LESS you bafoon! How am I going to do the proper math in the wrong chaps?!
we can dance if we want to, we can leave our pants behind, because our pants don't dance and if they don't dance, get em off my behind
i may not be smart, but one thing i AM am, is stupid
wow, fucking wasteful. $20k would solve all my problems for 3 more months.
Just read an article where some dingbat spent $20k to decorate her kid’s dorm room with ZERO intent to reuse any of it after the year is over. Fucking wild.
this hot
Gonna get a bellybutton ring that looks like a nipple so I can pretend my fupa is a third boob
my therapist said she can't help me anymore. So I'm basically perfect, guys.
I think my therapist has a crush on me.
please. I need the guidance
*deletes YOUR post
I don't think you hear my skeets with the correct inflection and cadence. we need this resolved immediately. they're much funnier when I read them back to myself.
you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it loan you 50 bucks and I think that's just not cool
they just, love having their hands on my hips and being all "don't even pretend you didn't want to drink from the faucet, I see your eyes"
Go into the east woods, then up into the fiery mountain volcano. Retrieve for me the rabbits foot crystal of awakening, and then and only then will you be allowed to DM me
i have a lot of issues trusting folks and being vulnerable with them. i realized recently-- it's because i frankly do not ask them to go on enough quests for me. i need them to go find a gas canister and some food to prove i can trust them. or go kill my rivals' leader in that base over there
oh sure, that happens all the time over here. I have to fight everyone off.
They should really start putting sofas in this hospital. I need a napping spot.
oh no 10:30pm on the west coast, that means all of bsky is closed for the night
oh boy let me get my best pants first
In England, the dollar store is called Pound town. I’ll take you there.
oooh I fuckin lied. 171. I am a health-god look at that
when there were one set of footprints, that was when I was cheating on your father...look I don't remember how it goes.
I would kill for blood sugar in the 100s. Can't get below 200. It's fine, maybe it'll get better.
google meet has built-in video backgrounds and I noticed some of them look like the background of someone who I assume might murder me here are 4 of the most murdery
Farting hypothetically
people don't say, oh yeah I live in Nevada. they just say they live in Vegas, or maybe Henderson, because everywhere else sucks. If you say, "I live in Summerlin" then you're too rich to be my friend.
STOP MAKING ME SLEEP IN VIDEOGAMES SIMULATIONS WERE NOT MEANT TO HAVE BED TIME YEARS OF CYBERNAPS yet NO REAL-WORLD USE for FAKE SLEEPYTIME Wanted to sleep when it's dark? We had that: reality "Yes make me imagine rest." -Statements by the utterly deranged They have played us for absolute fools
There’s not enough interpretive dance happening these days
yeah i’m a rich single lady what of it ?
dogs are the best
Serious question, what the fuck is wrong with people
I knew her when she was Lady Ga.
they have those available!
oh that can't be true. I don't wanna know me and sometimes it happens, there's hope!
that is also true lol
that just won't do! I will be over here and cherish you from afar!
shh shh, it's okay. We will always have Paris
I did they recommend you very highly. or maybe they said try the arugula garden salad of accounting, but I can't be sure.
We are all just searching for our Rocko
I've got the hair and the awkward smile down
There’s no due date on your healing.
my impatience will ruin us!
to some Mormon couple at the bar: you guys soakers? if you need a bed bouncer, I'm open!
Fuck you, Gary.
okay that's fine, but them next to the au gratin potatoes and the butter.
Jiggly thighs and a squishy ass. That’s what I bring to the table.
IVE KNOWN YOU SINCE 2ND GRADE! We did fingerpaints together!! Get away from me!!
The muffin man: (about to get in a bar fight) YOU DON’T KNOW ME
wait yeah, I think it does actually. Should check and see if those are on and disable them?
it sends pre-generated responses?
just had a craving for mcdonalds chicken nuggets. from mcdonalds. this healthy life is changing me and I'm not sure I like who I'm becoming
had to go get a milkshake to cope with the intractability of systemic sexism
pigeon. parking lot. shit on ground. may I take your order. *bows*
I do not know. it's me, it's always wtf
meow le meow me meow meow meow purr meow le purr
stop being weird about my cat poetry
and D's for eddorts
Hands out F's for efforts.
hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my underwear, filled with confetti