Patrick Bryant
@patrickbryant.bsky.social
Appellate federal public defender. Alexandria, Va. Speaking only for myself; usual disclaimers apply.
created August 20, 2023
1,022 followers 127 following 754 posts
view profile on Bluesky Posts
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
Well, my mom sent me her first "Check this out!" text with a pic of what I'm sure was Facebook a.i. slop. At least it was something innocuous (a new Oreo flavor) and not, like, Sydney Sweeney and the Geico gecko rescuing flood victims, but no doubt she's seeing crap like that all the time too.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
Kind of like that goo in "Ghostbusters 2"
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
My clerkship started on the day after Labor Day, and it would have been wild if hers were the same and it was either the first or last thing her clerks did.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
If you're up 47-0 at halftime and this kind of storm rolls in, I think it's a sign you should just cancel the rest of the game. (video from KLBK www.everythinglubbock.com)
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
This is every couple at a restaurant, where Taylor is like "Hmm, that looks good, I wonder what that is," and Travis is like "Oh, they got fajitas!"
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
📌
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
I saw Run-DMC once, and the opening act was The Sugarhill Gang
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
I'm as excited for this college football season as I have been for one in a long time, and this thread got me even more fired up.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
And the hits keep coming this week with a little light identity theft!
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
It's like, "We're not going to do anything about the guns, so let's see if we can have a bunch more suicides too!"
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
I promise to be as physically inactive as necessary to qualify for this. And I puffed a cigar at a wedding 25 years ago, so I'm counting that as "former smoker."
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
Dem officials in 2028: "We should focus on kitchen table issues!" Voters: "Like how the National Police troops who are quartering in my home chopped up my kitchen table for firewood?"
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
Science Hill High School, alma mater of Steve Spurrier
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
Scanning too quickly and read this headline about a "Glut of Sargassum" as "Gulf of Sarcasm," and thought that's a good name for the difference between what people on here mean and how sensitive readers take it. And my stars, if we could bottle and sell that as fuel! www.wired.com/story/there-...
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
Took me a second to realize this wasn't about a car!
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
Saturday: Someone crashes into my parked car while I watched, not 60 seconds before I could have gotten in and pulled away without incident. Wednesday: Literally seven filings due in the Supreme Court. Thursday: Tooth hurting for a day or so, dentist fits me in; surprise root canal!
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
I read this in the voice of Troy McClure saying "They Came to Burgle Carnegie Hall," and it made me think that the mayor could be that kind of character: "Hi, I'm Eric Adams! You may remember me from such previous scandals as The Turkish Travel Tempest and the Banks Brothers Bribes!"
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
If you replace "flies" with "humans" here, it's basically the plot of "Event Horizon."
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
"Please -- 'Mr. Sundae' is my dad's name; call me 'H.F.'!"
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
Here's one for everyone who thinks that polling the jury is a waste of time www.cnn.com/2025/08/19/u...
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
There's also no amount of time or process that will stop these folks from saying "This was a rushed process that was rammed down our throats!"
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
Hear, hear! (not "here, here")
Raffi Melkonian (@rmfifthcircuit.bsky.social) reposted
An excellent #Appellatejob has opened up, at the Georgetown Law's @immersionclinic.bsky.social. Really a great job for someone wanting to work in an appellate clinic, it seems to me. perma.cc/CX9E-NSEJ
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
You didn't have any repeats (unlike the original doofus), but you had enough Scot(t)s that it's in the same spirit.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
Not the cheeriest movies, but you could do a lot worse for a double feature than "The Limey" and "The Hit." Stamp is excellent in "The Limey," and while "The Hit" is more of a showcase for John Hurt, Stamp is great in it and his last scene is stellar work. Changes the way you think of the whole film
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
A car pulling into a space whacked into mine today. The poor girl has only had her license about a week, so at least one of those "student driver" stickers is accurate. My car is a 2025 with 5K miles on it, so I was bummed. But hers was a 2026 BMW SUV, so her parents are probably even more bummed.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
To be somewhat fair to these folks, there were captions in the body of the brief, but for whatever reason they didn't make it into the TOC. It was a multi-defendant (and multi-lawyer!) case with some solid arguments, but clearly some finer points of briefing and formatting were lost in all that.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
What they meant was that the standards of review were set out alongside the individual arguments, rather than all at once in one place. What you'd normally list as: I. First Argument A. Standard of Review B. Whatever II. Second Argument A. Standard of Review B. Whatever
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
My go-to example of what not to do
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
Scuba mask and snorkel
Cait (@caitesq.bsky.social) reposted
Lot of people posting about jury nullification right now. One thing to keep in mind: if you want to be on a jury, where you can hold the government to its burden or nullify when necessary, you have to be able to get on a jury. 1/
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
Slightly diminish a band: Spin Medical Students
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
I once had a case where the AUSA omitted spaces between cites to the joint appendix. So cites to pages 123 and 145 were written as "JA123,145" as if the JA was hundreds of thousands of pages. I'd rather delete a whole argument than take that shortcut.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
If we have a resurrected country, does that mean we have a living Constitution?
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
"I'm an apprentice pamphleteer, and yon goody wife enjoys listening to harpsichord recitals. Our budget is an entire herd of cattle and a room full of gold. I want a fixer-upper, by which I mean floors and windows are optional. She frivolously demands a thatched roof rather than dung."
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
Is Vance able to cite even one actual Democrat who has opposed releasing this information?
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
*of course* there's a card to go to a "tropical island"
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
I'm not a huge Rush fan, but I do enjoy some of their stuff, and they were the first to come to mind for me.
Jim Mason (@jimmmers.bsky.social) reposted
Dean Cain is Vichy Superman.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
This makes me wonder how long it will be before police officers create lineups with a real picture of the suspect and the prompt "create five identical copies of this picture," knowing that they will, at best, look kinda like the real guy.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
Well, I don't know that "shadow" by itself explains anything either. "Non-argument docket" is literally true and highlights one of the worst features of those cases, but also covers the more routine matters that have always been handled without argument and decided via orders or per curiam opinions.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
As I explained in my longer comment there, those few cases are more akin to traditional plenary cases (some of which could be called emergencies). And it would generally be a positive change if some of these matters were moved from non-argument to argument buckets.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
I wrote a long comment to David's post suggesting "non-argument docket." Not as colorful, and wouldn't sell many books, but to me it's neutral and accurate and covers both routine and emergency cases. And it highlights what many see as the biggest problem with how the court is handling these cases.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
Don't know how many times I've seen this movie, but seeing this image just now made me realize that Henry's shirt (with that pointy collar) is so out of date because he just got out of prison and hadn't had a chance to update his wardrobe yet.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
I'm just imagining how incandescently angry Trump would be if they gave the Nobel Peace Prize to George W. Bush for establishing PEPFAR.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
We took a tour of a federal prison when I clerked, too. I remember thinking that them SHU cells were incredibly small.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
I know I'm ready for college football season when this idea gets stuck in my head enough that I decide to just go ahead and create it. @edsbs.bsky.social @celebrityhottub.bsky.social @stevengodfrey.bsky.social @alexkirshner.com @hollyanderson.bsky.social
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
Seems notable that the order refers to a section of the brief instead of just directing the parties to address whether Section 2 is constitutional. Not just issuing this order when they did, but seemingly obscuring what's at issue.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
This is democracy manifest.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
I'm in Florida for a couple of days, and I have to say: Between the heat, the humidity, the crowds, and the traffic, it's a genuine credit to the place that it isn't MORE messed up.
Eduardo Ferrer (@eduardorferrer.bsky.social) reposted
Are you a rising 3L or recent law grad and an aspiring public defender? Want great supervision and training? If so, consider applying for the E. Barrett Prettyman fellowship and come work with us. apply.interfolio.com/170321
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
The judge set bond at 10,000 game tickets
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
My first solo trip to NYC, I was 19, not very worldly (first time on a plane!), and it overwhelmed me. I wasn't really ready for an adult portion. I wasn't quaking in fear or anything, but it was just *a lot* to deal with. Every time I've gone back, though, I've liked it more.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
There's a great bit in "The Last Waltz" where Arkansas boy Levon Helm talks about how New York City is "an adult dose," and the first time you visit, it kicks your ass a little bit, but when you heal up and come back, you fall in love with it. That's how I feel. youtu.be/09ejJvfTvt8?...
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
First time I can ever remember seeing a citation to the Lawyers' Edition reporter by itself (not as part of a parallel cite to the U.S. Reports or Supreme Court Reporter).
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
Me standing around the Blockbuster Video exhibit as actual adults who were somehow born in this century browse the New Releases.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
All-time favorite in this genre is a prosecutor saying he didn't have an open-file policy because he'd "found in the past when you have information that is given to certain counsel and certain defendants, they are able to fabricate a defense around what is provided." Wolfe v. Clarke, 691 F3d at 423.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
youtu.be/PZbqAMEwtOE?...
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
Something you learn when you go to the office on a weekend to print 16,000 sheets of paper: When the paper company says its "99.99% jam-free guarantee" means that it will not have more than one jam in 10,000 sheets, it basically guarantees you will get a jam if you're printing more than that.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
Like that Simpsons episode where they briefly move to a planned community that showed off its "upgrades" to unsightly blight.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
Was trying to think of a moniker for this as good as "Wakeyleaks," but couldn't come up with one. Decided it's good enough to just say it's like ACME telling the Roadrunner which device Wile E. Coyote is going to use to try to catch him this time.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
Plus, as Rick Hasen pointed out the other day, the North Dakota Legislative Council was taking the position that some reps would instantly lose their seats when the Eighth Circuit's mandate issued. bsky.app/profile/rick...
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
Can't have it both ways! If that paralegal or associate slipped in made-up cases, the judge would sanction the partner for not catching it. So approve the partner's fees for getting it right the first time.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
Good there here. Saw an order today from SDFL imposing sanctions on atty for using a.i. to make up cites, noting he blamed a paralegal. Same order questions other side's atty fees request, implying it's padded by having a partner do work a paralegal or assoc. could do. www.scribd.com/document/892...
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
The Blanche-Maxwell meeting is only the second-most important legal news out of Tallahassee today.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
Athena: As a forehead daughter...
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
It will be a tight race between comments saying he was murdered and comments asking "Vaxxed??!!"
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
Pete Rose
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
If Canada was the 51st state, we might have had a filibuster!
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
From the other angle, you can see the coach did tell him to slide, but the third baseman did a great job to "deke" him by acting nonchalant, like he wasn't expecting a throw, until it was right there. bsky.app/profile/samm...
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
youtu.be/IyMP6lkz7Co?...
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
WSJ investigative technique
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
I'm just glad that text was centered on the page like some announcement from an athletic department that they have made a change in the leadership of the basketball program but thank the old coach for his service and wish him well in the future.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
Here's a pleasant counter-example - after a PD's arrest for allegedly smuggling drugs into a jail, at least the news reported that he was cleared. www.nydailynews.com/2025/07/03/p...
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
Very much agreed. I'd rather be readable than right. Thanks for your time and feedback!
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
Right, thanks. It's somewhat important, but not crucial, to make clear the earliest event isn't happening in that trial, i.e., the trial court said it had noticed that some (prior) DUI cases had been charged as reckless driving, but this one wasn't.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
So: (1) The Supreme Court said that the trial court had observed that the event had happened. Or (2): The Supreme Court said that the trial court had observed that the event happened. I guess writing it out now makes clear that the event obviously happened before the trial court noticed, right?
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
My quick example maybe wasn't the best. I'm talking about a Supreme Court decision that says the trial court said something had happened before the trial. So time A is that event, time B is trial court said it had happened, and time C is the (now past) S.Ct. decision saying the judge had noticed it.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
he noticed, and it's also important to specify that the noticing happened before the present, i.e., that the blooming isn't happening simultaneous to the noticing. I know I can probably get away with omitting the second had, but I want to know if, essentially, pluperfect within pluperfect is right.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
Quick grammar question: If I want to indicate that someone before a past event did something else before that past event, do I use past perfect tense twice? E.g.: Last week, he had noticed that the flowers had bloomed. For my purposes, it's important to specify that the blooming happened before
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
RIP Midnight Yell Practice at Texas A&M
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
More of a dog that didn't bark, and I know you mentioned Bondi's quid pro quo with Trump, but it's also interesting that she was Florida Attorney General for eight years after the federal plea deal and apparently never tried to see if there were any state crimes Epstein could have been charged with.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
Dems can't get complacent here. Not sure how well the pollsters are tracking heavy GOP areas. But the GOP can run up huge margins in smaller counties in Southwest/Southside that offset solid Dem wins in bigger counties (e.g., Youngkin won Bedford by 5,000 more votes than McAuliffe won Loudoun).
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
@davidjroth.bsky.social Just noticed that NIGHT GAME (1989) is on Prime now. If you haven't seen it, it's like it was made for you: Roy Scheider investigates murders related to Houston Astros games. Not a great movie; there are like two subplots clearly edited out. But remember-some-guys-level fun.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
Future job interviewer: "So starting in 2025 there's this weird gap on your resume that just has a single set of footprints?" Former ICE lawyer: "Yes, that was when Daddy Trump carried me."
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
@mdappeal.bsky.social Know anyone?
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
Maybe dumb question, but is Hyphy pronounced Hi-fee (rhymes with wifey) or Hi-fi (like wi-fi)? Or, god help us, with a hard p like Hippie?
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
Imagine being a defense attorney in the X-Files universe and how much fun it would be to cross-examine Agent Mulder. "Isn't it true, Agent, that you initially told your supervisors that you thought the crime had been committed by Bigfoot or the Jersey Devil or 'little green men from outer space'?"
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
Grok has filed for de-verification on biblical grounds.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social)
I'm not deep into superhero lore, but I assume it's like one of those Magic Eye posters -- he has to stare at something *just right* to see through it.
Cait (@caitesq.bsky.social) reposted
Do I know any public defenders looking for work? The NM public defender is hiring, including for an appellate position.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
I've seen that on the first play of a half before, but never that late in a game!
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
My guess is that this is a picture of the curtilage from Collins v. Virginia.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
I just heard a story yesterday that Lincoln would feed his cats with a gold fork that belonged to Buchanan.
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
The Russian hockey player x-raying documents in a bathroom stall to "Slippery People" is a Schedule 1 controlled substance
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent
Beat me to that joke, that's the first thing I thought of
Ozymandamus (@ozymandamus.bsky.social) reposted reply parent
Rename the country, you cowards
Patrick Bryant (@patrickbryant.bsky.social) reply parent