Satan*
When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all. (God-Futurama) Gen-X, PS5, Go Lions!!!
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Satan*
"After much thought, contemplation, and encouragement from neighborhood dogs, I am withdrawing my name from consideration for the Senate seat in Florida to concentrate on my howling." - Lara Lea Trump
Throw out a specific question about a military airplane all casual like...
Cunk spittin Christmas cheer
It came out at 7 in the morning, and it stayed there all day...🌞☀️🌞☀️🌞
Speaking about things dropping the size of cars... 💩
Impact
Fun fact: Australia’s biggest export is boomerangs. It’s also their biggest import
Really 😯
Buying a dimebag from the mall santa while he eats his panda express
So glad I passed through in Octobermeberer instead
FoIIow (us) 👇 for more! @beautifullocity.bsky.social 👈
Health Insurance CEO Reveals Key To Company’s Success Is Not Paying For Customers’ Medical Care theonion.com/health-insur...
Man Says ‘Fuck It,’ Eats Lunch At 10:58 A.M. theonion.com/man-says-fuc...
I have one also, these are great controllers
I really love this place but navigating notifications is dreadful.
FEMA Administrator Resigns After Accidentally Playing Porn On Emergency Alert System theonion.com/fema-adminis...
Without downloading any new pics, where are you mentally?
Eat, drink, be merry for tomorrow we die. If we're lucky.
Why did everybody in the Star Wars galaxy refer to Darth Vader as Lord Vader? They started laughing whenever they called him Master Vader!
What if I'm happy to see you AND have a banana in my pocket?
Embarrassed David Attenborough Realizes He Spent 10 Minutes Describing Stillness Of Duck Decoy theonion.com/embarrassed-...
The need to be seen and the horror of being seen all at the same time.
Thanks, I know what I'm gonna do today now
imagining shitty puppets crossing the muppet strike picket line, oscar just pelting them with trash
Depends on how loud and if it sounds like anything broke.
I learned how to take apart the controller with it, I had to change my joysticks. Spare parts and learning curve I guess 🤷🏻♂️
I bought a midnight black one that only lasted months. The right directional button quit on me.
Little bit pricey
#Orbs
Lord willing
After lunch at an expensive Chicago restaurant we didn't have a reservation for, but lie and get in anyway?
Ouch
Wrote this at the other place after a mass shooting in the United States. Can't remember which one. There have been so many since.
It's the drones
Babe, could you please shave that
That's just a tale, don't believe it
I've read 3 of the big books of Dune, and I gotta look stuff up. I am surprised at what I do remember though. I got most terminology memorized
Tell the CEOs to wear see through backpacks and toughen up. #2A right?
New pic of a drone over New Jersey.
This man was literally born to play this role and no one could ever do it better. Ever.
20 years ago I knew a guy who worked part time, minimum wage, as a dishwasher. He was able to afford rent and a car (both shitty but functional), concerts, weed, etc. It's interesting to think of how that kind of dirtbag lifestyle is mostly just gone.
Jimmy Carter Becomes Second President Convicted Of Felony For Sticking Up Waffle House theonion.com/jimmy-carter...
This Netflix film Carry-On is about a terrorist plot set in an airport on Christmas eve. Such a great setting for a movie can't believe no one thought of this before
I've read this one a lot. Can someone turn it into a short horror story now?
Hi
AAAHHH
Mine have all been strangers saying, hello friend, how are you doing today??? Leading to wanting money probably, but I block them right there. Now I have my DMs disabled.
Where's the sign up sheet to get smuggled into Canada?
Hey, there you are!! Wazzup???
"One of the great tragedies of mankind is that morality has been hijacked by religion. So now people assume that religion and morality have a necessary connection. But the basis of morality is really very simple and doesn't require religion at all." -- Arthur C. Clarke, born #OTD 1917
About 2 hrs left to DL... A lie I choose to believe every time. #PS5
He that a fool doth very wisely hit Doth very foolishly, although he smart
😄
Clarence Thomas is demanding that the attorneys for TikTok present their brief in the form of a short-form video with singing and dancing.
Elfcare CEO found dead
😄 if you didn't include that, I would not have shared this. lol
President-elect Trump says he intends to nominate George Glass to one of the most important Ambassadorships: Ambassador to Japan. George, who previously dated Jan Brady, is a former investment banker and served as US Ambassador to Portugal.
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens theonion.com/no-way-to-pr...
Dems shoulda coulda woulda, just stop. Your mee maw voted for trump because she's a racist. So are your neighbors, your bestie & your brother. That's it. They heard everything he said & did & promised to do & they liked it. They weren't fooled. Stop trying to blame anyone else but them.
Romulus
Fog is just goth oxygen.
And the space lasers 🥱😵💫
“A love like ours can’t be ignored!” I yelled from 50 feet away, not violating the restraining order.
That was rough... #GoodMorning #Coffee☕👽🛸
It’s H1N1, Charlie Brown.
👀
Shit 😐
Yes!!! #OnePride 🦁
Paddington in Peru, Cocaine Bear II
Fuck them bills
C'mon guys 🦁 #Lions
Relax guys, we run the marathon. #OnePride
Fuuuck YEA!!!! #Lions #OnePride
😮
LFG boys!!! 🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁
Not really 😴😴😴
Found Saturday morning cartoons from Xmas time 1989', and all the commercials. Remember Isotoner slippers??? 😄
👀😄😃
Found another apocalyptic series on Tubi to watch. Pretty much just taking notes at this point.
I told you so
This guy's name is Jerry McGuire??? #ManUtd
Yay!!!
"Appeasement is feeding the crocodile, hoping he will eat you last." Looking at you NY Times, Washington Post, LA Times, CNN, Joe & Mika, ABC News...
Pong
They're not gonna fall for the banana in the tank barrel.
In Syria the Assad regime, Russia, and Iran left behind so many tanks that civilians are turning them into market stalls and art installations.
No sweat, United doesn't start playing well till the second half anyway usually...