The amount of people that can’t say ChatGPT correctly on first try is exasperating.
Neurodivergent Kinkery fuckery and general skulduggery Ally 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️ All my evil posts: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:vttcrjh7psbfgloap24fxrhm/feed/aaaa7epjs6dz2 Insta: Katharine_von_clink
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The amount of people that can’t say ChatGPT correctly on first try is exasperating.
Like the Empire, or something.
Sometimes the bean flicks back.
I fully support a woman’s right to not give a fuck what I think.
Take this opportunity to teach your children to think critically.
I fear Rick Astley has finally abandoned us.
Looks like I picked the wrong time to unclench my jaw.
Occasionally I’ll add a comma, for a dramatic flair.
Welcome to your 50s. If you only say “They let 12-year-olds drive now??” once, it’s a good day.
-A random guy on a video: 5 signs you’re a very special person: blah blah blah… - 18,763 comments: OMG!! This is literally me!!
Earth: Just chilling, free and available. Humans: Let’s pay taxes to live, extra to eat, pee, or even breathe.
Welcome to your 50s. No one knows how, but you’ve screenshot your home screen three times today. Again.
Welcome to your 50s. Your back hurts when ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶g̶o̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶g̶y̶m̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶l̶i̶f̶ you breathe.
For those in the back: - Spilling milk = accident - Bombing a hospital = NOT an accident.
They’re pouring me into a mold today after that, I will develop several characteristics
"and another thing: im not dead. please dont put in the newspaper that i was dead."
All these shadows of the past darkening my mood.
my incubus prefers to be the little spoon
just your friendly reminder the cheese in a mouse trap is free
ᴵ ᵂᴬᴺᵀ ᴹᴼᴿᴱ ᴼᶠ ᵀᴴᴵˢ ᶜᴿᴬᶜᴷ I shout as I swallow the last bite of my Heath bar
my left hip lies but my right one doesn’t
I’ll be your dirty little secret you can be my cleaning little housekeeper
are those bubbles from the wine or did you fart in this tub I filled with champagne
*pronounces nature like mature
Proudly logging into bsky and seeing y’all like…
Still punk af
As a remote worker I get dressed for work before bed
My aunt called my ex a “fucker” and that’s just one of the reasons why she is my favorite aunt.
Triglycerides were among the most unhealthy of the dinosaurs.
Here’s a fun fact I made up: Ed Sheeran wrote “Shape of You” about a rotisserie chicken
winner 😂
Your AI boyfriend in 2027
Sting's bedside table
🤣
You can hear it coming
My friend said she doesn't like the taste of avocado because it reminds her of a freshly scrubbed penis and I laughed so hard it cured my depression
Victoria described an Only Connect team member as an antipodean mathematician and my tiny American brain imploded
I don't even have the strength to fight my audiobooks being returned on time to Libby
If he does announce something as stupid and time-insensitive as moving Space Force, that shit is PRETAPED and I will not be convinced otherwise
The pins and needles from the rush of blood back to your legs is your reminder that you’re still alive after doomscrolling on the toilet
Working the ER on Halloween must be wild. Oh no! Paw Patrol is having a breach birth
Judging by how many times I've ALMOST eaten a sticker on an apple, I've DEFINITELY eaten a sticker on an apple
Me: I think my favorite deadly sin is gluteny Them: you mean gluttony Me (going in raw on a warm baguette): I sure as fuck don't
Be the internal server error you wish to see in the world
I didn't think the Beatles were as groundbreaking as people said, but the lyric, "I heard the news today, oh boy," really hits nowadays
*inviting my date back to my place* "I have two dozen eggs."
Me: I had such a long, stressful day. I’m so exhausted. What my husband heard: We should have sex.
I want to get chickens because of high egg prices, but I don’t want Bird Flu. So you see my dilemma.
I like your enthusiasm, so I’m going to loosen your restraints.
You must be confused. I was being nice, not engaging.
The one where we played Kentucky Derby.
Somebody give him a popsicle to get him to stop talking about Alcatraz.
An erect penis would make a great donut holder
Sorry I fell asleep standing up when you were talking about your weekend
Being an adult means you just don’t care if there’s a monster under your bed anymore.
One time I started a club to trade stickers and talk about boys but you had to like caprisuns and be able to hula hoop to be a member.
Some days I feel like I could talk forever and some days I don’t want to talk at all.
What about night cream?
Even if I win the lottery I’m still not buying separate forks just for my salad.
They should invent a social media where the adults don't act like high schoolers.
I'm starting to think he won't be Weekend At Bernie's. He'll probably be a hologram, like Tupac or Michael Jackson, but with worse dance moves and songs.
Nobody owes you a follow back.
Never mind the nip, I think my kitten is on catmeth.
They should invent a sun that doesn't blind you when you're driving in the morning.
Just finished Unknown Number on Netflix. SMBH (shaking my burritoey head) All I can say is WTF
Help I'm stuck in format skeets and the two wolves are inside me eating cilantro
Petting my cat on my chest, realizing he’s basically a tiny puma who could attack my face if I displease him. And yet I keep feeding him so he can grow strong enough to maybe kill me in my sleep one day.
I only watch South Park for the american politics updates. it’s like the news but honest.
Saw a new bird today and my excitement was instantly deflated when a bird cop told me it was “super common.” She doesn’t know I spiritually imprinted on it and it’s coming back with friends to shit all over her Subaru later.
My gut microbiome is 60% Cheeto dust, 30% everything bagel seasoning, and 10% pure spite.
Ordered ‘medium spice’ at the Indian restaurant. Now I’m sweating, crying, and reevaluating the hubris of my ancestors.
Started a band called ‘Duvet.’ All we play are covers
At my funeral there’ll be a 37 minute montage of me trying to find something to watch on Netflix
Opening a restaurant named ‘Peace and Quiet’ where kids meals cost $80
I didn’t grow up in the wild, but I was raised by a family who used margarine containers as Tupperware.
Happy 3rd anniversary to the cherry tomato that rolled under my refrigerator.
It sucks being the same age as old people
Bluesky has taught me if you have nothing important to say. Just say it anyway
**Five seconds after creating a new password -Fuck, I forgot my password
Shoutout to everyone pretending to care about Jimmy Carter
I imagine the last day of this administration is going to feel like finally getting out of a horrible timeshare.
My UFC entrance music would be "Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue"
I'd like to sample your wares
I cordially invite you to an evening of suck.
Most of my boner posts are evergreen.
When you see 3 cyclists riding alongside each other is it better to take out all 3 of them in one go or just clip the one on the outside so they go over like dominoes? Asking for a friend…
The best way to avoid your nudes surfacing online and being seen by your boss or your mom is to not send them to complete strangers in the first place. Tune in tomorrow for another secret the Illuminati don’t want you to know.
*my first day as a hoarse-whisperer* wife: that’ll teach you for shouting at the kids all the time
In any conflict situation I'll always try to be the bigger man. Mind you, given my many years of overeating that’s not exactly a challenge.
Sorry I’m late, I was just sexting with my wife. Well, when I say sexting I mean I texted asking her to Q-tip my ears for me before my appointment with my doctors later, but I did add a kiss.
The amount of people that are unable to spell on this app is ridickulus
Eating bread isn't good for you. Crust me on this.
Apparently wanking into a woman's shoe doesn't count as one of your five a day.
*suddenly looking up from scrolling my phone* Oh no! I forgot to realize my potential!
"Why would you post about Netflix?" my wife asks, "We don't have Netflix." "I'm not married, either," I point out.
😂😂😂💀
I'm not one to go in for conspiracy theories, but I do believe that ancient Peruvian owl sounds were Inca hoots.
At my first rodeo: Where can I find the reverse cowgirls?
Will I ever be a good parent? *shakes baby* Wait a minute, if you're here... [cut to Magic 8-Ball in crib]
Well the Haiku Shack Is a little old place where We count syllables.