it's definitely been clarifying for me insofar as, nope, looks like the nonbinary aspects of my gender are not just Cope for not passing that great + imposter syndrome about manhood; there is actually something there. but also, I can boil my gender down to "guy" in a lot of contexts, and it's Fine!
I really appreciate this perspective! Have for sure felt weird friction in trans spaces where (I felt) "binary trans man" was assumed to mean masc, and any kind of a fem presentation on a tguy Was a nonbinary presentation—
but you see the problem, right, obviously I'm not eager to wed myself to "they just won't let you be a gender non-conforming man these days," lmfao.
yeah-- & I think this kinda. springs directly out of the really ridiculously narrow dominant definitions of manhood, where even cis guys can have their "man card" momentarily revoked for drinking a daiquiri. For better and worse, I think that in terms of gender presentation via tastes/preferences,
mannerisms, emotional expression, and fashion, we have a more expansive cultural idea of what women (and, in some contexts/places, nonbinary people) can be than of what men can be. I think there are a lot of trans guys who come up in queer contexts where this has been sort of passively internalized
as something intrinsic to manhood, maleness, in some cases even masculinity. Where there's a lot of interest in eg expanding the possibilities for nonbinary identification, but very little interest in, well, practically anything to do with men at all.
I think it would be better if more people could see that being a man and also refusing to do the bullshit society demands of men is just as challenging to patriarchy, hegemony, gender norms, etc. as refusing to be pinned down and settle in either womanhood or manhood.