I know i’m not the only adoptee who believes that even reunion does not and cannot restore what #adoption took from us. there is always grief that cannot heal.
Replies
True. My half brother said to me “If we had grown up together, we’d be tight.” And he’s right. Adoption robbed us of that.
aug 21, 2025, 1:44 pm • 3 0 • view
Many people conflate us wanting to know our bios with blindly worshiping them. Prob because that's how they expect us to view our adopters instead. The idea we can have complicated feelings/experiences with family escapes them.
aug 20, 2025, 5:20 pm • 12 1 • view
My birth father and I call it “repairing” because there’s no possible way to fully heal it.
aug 20, 2025, 6:03 pm • 9 1 • view
Adoption literally takes something that’s irreplaceable. Nothing can ever rectify this inconvenient fact. support.ancestry.com/s/article/Li...
aug 20, 2025, 7:06 pm • 2 0 • view
To me, it feels like I am part in my adopted family, and part in my biological family. I can’t be fully belong to either. 🥚
aug 20, 2025, 7:09 pm • 3 0 • view
I always wondered if I was being punished for something I did terribly badly in my last lifetime. No one could ever be punished in a crueler, more long lasting way.
aug 20, 2025, 10:31 pm • 3 0 • view
You’re right. And you’re not alone. We can never be made whole. We had our names changed but not our hearts. Our hearts were broken as infants and that is a hurt that we carry through our lifetime.
aug 20, 2025, 10:27 pm • 3 0 • view
The hardest part of grieving is that adoptees are told we should "be grateful". "Be grateful you were adopted." "Be grateful you found your family." My heart and families are broken and society tells me I should be buying party balloons 💔. That's the most devastating part for me.
aug 20, 2025, 11:08 pm • 4 1 • view
I will never get to teach my little brother how to talk, to read, to do all the little things older siblings do for the younger ones. Those moments are irreplaceable.
aug 20, 2025, 11:15 pm • 2 0 • view
🥚🧵 I had reunion when I was 28 yrs old, the same age my mother was when she was forced to give me up. All the parents are gone now. It has taken me decades to realize that no amount of reunion can ever make up for what we have lost. Our history? Family stories? We don't know them.
aug 21, 2025, 4:02 am • 0 0 • view
🥚🧵 Relationships with our siblings? We didn't get to grow up with them. We didn't get to share everyday experiences. A brother on each side of my family, from mother's side, and from father's side, stay in touch once every year or two. I'm the one who has to make all the moves.
aug 21, 2025, 4:02 am • 0 0 • view
🥚🧵 Whenever I ask them questions about our shared parents, they don't want to answer. They want to talk about anything else. They don't understand the importance to me to know the answers. They grew up with mom, with dad. What I see as vitally important, they see as old news. They know the stories.
aug 21, 2025, 4:02 am • 0 0 • view
🥚🧵 They know the history. I will never fit in with them, no matter how many questions I ask or how much time I spend with them. Everything I need to be able to fit in was taken away from me. Starting with growing up with them. They can't understand it/they refuse to understand it. Frustrating.
aug 21, 2025, 4:02 am • 0 0 • view
🥚🧵 Try building a family tree when you don't know those stories, when you don't know your family's history. It's like wearing a blindfold while trying to read the data on the screen. Nothing makes sense, because you have nothing to go on. DNA only gives us so much.
aug 21, 2025, 4:02 am • 2 0 • view
I got lucky with tree building because a great aunt became a Mormon in the late 60s and encouraged one of the nieces to research history. I ran across a 3rd cousin on Ancestry who had I lot of it plus first hand knowledge. She was so helpful. Just luck.
aug 21, 2025, 1:20 pm • 2 0 • view