Growing up and realizing that maybe you married someone your adult self isn’t compatible with is an experience I wish more people talked about. Learning how you want/need to be loved, cared, and shown up for after being married for over a decade is particularly painful.
Sending you some love tonight. *hugs*
Going through it after 3 decades; my partner is not an asshole, but if I met the him of today, as the myself of today, I wouldnt date him. It would be less difficult if he was an ass. You know what is best for you, but that can be damn difficult to do
Thank you for sharing this <3
I’ve been struggling for some time now, and reading your post and the replies helped me see that it’s not uncommon. So thanks to you, as well, for speaking your own truth to help others :)
Been there. We had 2 kids before we got married at 20. Hated each other for a couple of years before we finally got divorced at 33. We grew up and apart. He kept trying to make it work but I knew there was no way I could live with that man forever. I hate we put our kids thru that, though.
It is so hard. I see you. I love you.
I love you 🥺 Thanks for understanding that this isn’t a knock on my spouse, but a realization about who I am and what I need.
I feel this so much. Much love to you on this odyssey.
Sometimes, you think you’re building together just to look up and see you’ve been building separate homes.
Oooof
I’m watching someone going through this right now. It is so hard. I’m sending you all the love and peace I’ve got. Remember to put your oxygen mask on first.
there was an old married couple in Mary Doria Russell’s “The Sparrow” that I 🤔 about a lot. The wife in the story explains she’s been married to 3-5 diff men over the course of her only marriage of 50 years. Now, 20 years into my own partnership and I’ve probably encountered 3 editions of my 💁🏻♀️
Going through it over here.🥲
Sending love. There are no books for this 🥺
Same to you. It’s so hard. 😭I’m bracing myself for an especially tough school year.
Oh goodness this is something that more people need to realize or say out loud or just acknowledged about adulthood and the world…
And the last 5 years have changed the course of so many lives and it’s been brutal.
I deeply believe that as individuals and as a society, we have not at all confronted how the pandemic changed us. All around me, I see unresolved anger and helplessness, and in the news, and within myself as well
Yes. The last 5 years have changed my personal life in immense ways. Changed my marriage and who I now am. I absolutely understand what you’re saying.
Ooof... I see and feel a lot of this and a lot of the replies. And I know it wouldn't be easier to have my own life again, and yet maybe it would...?
I have never regretted my decision. No matter how things got. It will get better. I know it’s easier said than done. But just don’t rush anything. Ur whole reality just changed.
Real relationship, and a short one after, I realized that I really needed to figure me out. Once I did that, I got aggressively into healing (I can point u if needed) and after almost 3 years I can say that I am finally healed. I am still working on my divorce as he’s being an ass, but
I feel this. I married that person too, and over the course of almost 20 years he changed. It will get better. I would recommend healing before trying to date again. I didn’t and I really struggled. I had been SO lonely I was willing to cling to anybody and accept almost anything. After my last
Been there & am happy to talk about it if anybody needs to. We parted ways & are both much happier now with other people. I’m sure some couples manage to stay & learn to love each other the way they need to be loved, but we just couldn’t/didn’t. It was a long & difficult process, but worth it.
19 years. It took me 18 years to figure it out and one to bring the courage to leave it.
My spouse is a marriage and family therapist. Sometimes his jib is helping people figure this hard stuff out.
Lisa it’s SO HARD. Having kids makes it so much harder!
It has to be incredibly difficult. And kids add a whole other level. But please know that there is some hope in knowing what you need.
I think abuse has been normalized. We are all stunted, deprived, and pushed out into the world to be taken advantage of. Codependence is an attractive option, and our overlords encourage marriage and breeding knowing full well nobody makes enough money to live comfortably. Children need love. 😞
I think the major driver of divorce rates going down over recent decades is how much later people get married. If you get married young and both change in compatible ways, I think you're just lucky
I just want to name how difficult it is growing up and realizing that maybe neither person in a marriage has grown into who you’d thought they’d be/a person the other person needs to help them thrive.
❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
It’s really hard ❤️
Yes.