children who are constantly criticized grow into teens who learn to hate themselves for failing to live up to others’ expectations who grow into adults that reflexively over-apologize because they’ve been conditioned to believe they’re always disappointing everyone
I'm sorry that I'm this way. 😔
Yup, that assumption of guilt kills you. The instant assumption that a) the other side of the conversation is pissed off. b) because you said something after extensive vetting. Means you don't say anything.
Ouch. Dad, a non-stop talker, opinionated, controlling narcissist used to delight in jokingly shouting to me, riding silently in the back of the van, "Geez--let someone else get a word in edgwise!" Always got a laugh. Me, just relieved at his light mood.
Or worse, you end up disappointing everyone and they get mad at your reflexive apoligies
Sorry about that… 😔
Oof. Shots fired and a direct hit.
AND it kills their dreams. AND they end up settling for something far less than they could have achieved had they been encouraged instead of demeaned.
I'm at stage 3. It ain't great. Let you all know if there's a hidden 4th stage though.
Well this explains a lot... Thank you!
Someone please tape this to a rock and throw it at my mom, thanks ❤️
People are gonna run in me on the street and I'll be like "oh, sorry" 🥲
me, laying in the corner with a massive arrow through my chest (its this post)
Yes, I did, but I’m over it now. Only took 78 years. 👍😃🇦🇺
Call me out why don’tcha. XD
Indeed. It took me a while to realize I'll never please my mother, and that ultimately, her opinion does not matter one bit.
Yes.
Related: it's estimated (by experts in the field) that kids with ADHD are told 'no' (or generally criticized) between 12k and 20k more times than a neurotypical kid by the time we turn 12. Not only do we tend to over-apologize, we also have outsized inner critics. It's disheartening.
Now that I know I have ADHD, I’m always learning things about it and putting together so many pieces. I feel just awful now when I see parents react to their children “pay attention” “sit still” “stop messing with that” and they say it in the most degrading and rude ways you can imagine. Traumatic.
Utterly traumatic. And it gets buried so far into your subconscious that it becomes part of your core identity. I've known about it for years and I'm still working to overcome my impostor syndrome (among other things)
Yeah I feel like almost no parents know how to treat children with ADHD. But I guess that goes for teachers too and everyone else. I’m glad there’s a lot more awareness about it now or I would probably never know. I need to look up stuff about it instead of discovering the details on my own perhaps.
Because there is so much that goes into it in every aspect of our lives. One thing I realize lately is, I think you can make me come off as a dick because when someone is trying to explain something to me and they jump around a lot, without me, knowing I have ADHD, I just assume they are being
Rude and hard to follow. Not realizing maybe for Neurotypical people, it’s perfectly normal and it makes sense. It’s also why when people interrupt me it’s really really awful. And then they just assume I’m stupid because I have to think longer about an answer sometimes. All kinds of things!
But I actually started Vyvanse so I’m kind of like experimenting with it trying to pay attention to how it changes me. Today I’m not sure it’s making me more focus rather than maybe making me actually go even more in depth on the things that I’m jumping off into.
Hi. It's me. I'm the person. 😐
They can. I personally don’t over apologize. I’m just really sensitive to put downs even if they’re in jest, and I have really high expectations for myself. By the time people put me down even jokingly, I think they just don’t realize I’ve already done that, but in a serious way.
I never thought I would be one of these people.. Sometimes we’ve been one of these people our whole lives and we didn’t even know it. Because when you grow up like that, sometimes you don’t know any different or know any better. And that’s a really angering thought. The fact you believed every word.
Because who wouldn’t?? Well, some don’t. I’m not sure how. Those who stand up for themselves and yell and get mad at their parents. Those who have attitude and fight back. That should have been me. I’m not sure how they know to do that though.
That’s why they can find it strange when I don’t laugh, or they may find me to be overly defensive. It can also make you stubborn and not open to feedback. This can push people away. We can work on these things in therapy, but sometimes they just don’t go away and it’s how we are.
It’s very tough to deal with that. Even thougher for a community that is in the minority. Thanks for what you do for the community. Even tougher in schools. That's why I'm back in school. Take my 38 year experience and help the next wave of neurospicy🌶peppers. You rock!
Sorry
Next time just @ me holy sht
Just tag me next time damn. 💜