Necessary facts

“I can’t carry the gun for you. But I can carry you!”

Thats wrong: If Merry & Pippin had a gun, there will be another huge section where they argue on who deserves and keeps the gun, with some songs thrown into it for literally balance. Not to mention the section needed where Tolkien give us the full back story of the gun itself...

THE DISARMING OF THE SHIRE "I'm sorry, Mr. Frodo," said Sam. "I tried to talk to them, but they're both high on pipeweed. I don't think they knew who I was." "I'm glad you weren't shot, Sam." "Me too, Mr. Frodo. But I don't give much for poor Mr. Lotho's chances. He looks like he's in a bad way."

There’s a little something waiting for you

What kind of gun?

I frickin love those two! My boys!! 🥰

Stories with handguns tend to be short stories.

That seems a pretty accurate scenario.

Ah, but if they had had a gnu...

But, of course, we all know that the only way to stop a "bad" guy with a gnu is for there to be a "good" guy with a gnu

That's gnus to me!

"a ganother gnu"

I really think we should rename the Lord of the rings and The Hobbit to simply be called the Gandolf trilogy part one and two cause when it comes right down to it. The entire thing was all about Gandolf being able to upgrade to a white wizard.

But what about Second Assault Rifle?

"Hahahaha gun go brrrrt! Eat hot lead nazgul creeps!" "Fool of a Took! Those were the eagles!"

Eowyn: "I am no man." *Pulls out desert eagle*

Among the many reasons I love “The Scouring of the Shire” is when Pippin is all like “Do you assholes realize I’ve killed a fucking TROLL? And you don’t want to know who Merry killed”

Merry and/or Pippin would have accidentally shot one or both of them in the foot and they would have just stayed at Rivendell

Have you even read the books? It’s Frodo who has the gun.

I've not read the books. I was referencing this:

This has no right to be as funny as it is

I'm not what your point is. I would watch the long version of this.

Reminds me of the time I said that all Scooby Doo episodes would be 7 minutes long if they all had guns.

The more proof that Tolkien was a fucking genius

That's what the Silmarillion was, right?

"But what about SECOND Amendment?" "...I don't think he knows about Second Amendment, Pip."

Fly you Fools!!!

YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!!

♫ "Ev'ry body run... that fool of a Took's got a gun!" ♫

"Stop it, Pippin, you're embarrassing me!"

The other cheery song about school shootings works too! All you bully orcs, with your hook-end swords, best ye run, best ye run, outrun our gun…

We Todd Did

"YOU. SHALL NOT. PA-" [BLAM] "Well come on then, Gandalf! We're short of time and have no wish to remain and watch that thing's body tumble into the pit!"

“I want to watch, Gandalf.”

How can a conjecture be a fact?

Oh nonsense, it's already in. What else do you think Pippin accidentally knocked into the well in Moria?

That image has been cropped. To the left there should he a hardly perceptible thin line titled, "The Lord of the Rings if Gandalf had just called the Eagles to Fly them to Mount Doom"

The gun has chosen them. If it wanted to leave them, it would have happened sooner.

😉

What about bullets? Second bullets?

Still, as Adam Goldberg says, "It's the longest book about the shortest people".

lol, love it

🤣🤣🤣

I don't know if I would believe this or not--maybe if the ICONIC Stephen Colbert ( @colbertlateshow.bsky.social ) spoke to it and approved, but I don't know, I haven't heard anything from him about it.

without breaking said hobbits in two or getting killed in the process either intentional or more likely via accidental discharge

as someone who dunno much of lotr, it'll be lovely if they two getting Lee-Enfields...(get it? because of where Tolkien came from)...

They come in pints?

“Fool of a Took!”

Nah.

Yeah, now I want to read that version, thanks

Lord of the Rings: Boondock Saints

Sending this to my cousin in law. Thanks.

Pippin would take the gun, because Merry in the books is responsible.

What kills me is that there’s apparently only one gun between them, so presumably there would need to be dialogue with every use. 🤣

What? Like what kind of gun? Just *one* gun? I think Legolas could shoot it out of their hand if he wanted to not hurt them.

Wouldn't be that long because Pippen would have dropped his machine gun down the well thing at Moria and then the goblins would have found it and accidentally shot themselves.

He would have killed him, but pity stayed his hand, "It's a pity I've run out of bullets.", he said.

“Why do not thee make a cuckoo clock, or whatever you do with your spare time?”

Bored of the Rings. Go go Frito,fix your uncle's lack of ammo!

I wondered if anyone would recognize the quote 🙃

My Jr High friend and I practically memorized the book. “Forced I was to amputate.”

But of course! My very first EQ wizard was named Goodgulf!

How in the world would you read that?

with a gun

FYI, the alt-text got the lengths of the bars backwards

You are assuming that guns are not common and ONLY Merry and Pippen have one. In reality - if Guns exist at all, then everyone has one and the death toll increases exponentially for every group.

It's not an assumption it's explicitly stated in the premise.

Realistically the only two people dealing with fireworks and suchlike are Gandalf and Saruman. But only Gandalf does projectiles.

Have you considered not being such a goddamn nerd

The latter is pretty much the entire Horus Heresy series.

Too many guns! '92 DC! JACK

and if movies weren't fiction......

[Aerosmith fading in] "Merry's got a gun"

What's killing me is defeating sauron taking as long as the original trilogy regardless

To be very clear: Merry and Pippin have *one* gun, and half the time they are inventing new methods how to determine who's next to use it.

I would love if they found a gun in the Shire and from then on their story played out like a gun safety PSA

AI

What is the gun going to do against Treeface?