It's because they're doing such a good job robbers are trying to get all their robbing for the quarter in now before it's too late.

One thing I appreciate about having been trained at Bloomberg is a habit of always mentally replacing "despite" with "alongside" or "because of"

Are we sure it wasn't a gang of the ICEs bored with not being able to terrorize enough brown people?

Criminals decided to come together and prove trump wrong.

So a bunch of new people arrive in town, and robberies increase 🤔

The only solution is to send in Space Force to patrol the streets.

MAGA Trad Wife Convention?

We're they stealing Mulch?

The robbers were dressed in black and wore masks.

I guess the criminals have figured out they should steer clear of the Washington Monument.

They must’ve waited until the National Guard started mulching to pull their heist

The Republican brown shirts are bored so they probably started hitting a few houses to makes some quick cash for their next meth purchase.

But my feelings say they feel safer.

"Three robbers, wielding a pistol and a rifle, were involved" "Gentleman, the rifle is fine but I'll have to see a permit for that pistol."

Imagine my surprise

We brought these baseball players in to patrol the hallways of the emergency room but some people still died

National Guard too busy gardening

must need more mulch

Oh snap I thought crime was eradicated

Seems like they failed to make anything safe! Curious.

But at least it smelled like fresh mulch when they robbed people

I’ll be darn. At least some of trash was picked up.

Instead of talking "backlogs" & need for more judges, ask: why is this supposedly democratic society criminalizing/caging people at rates never seen in history. US cages Black people 6x South Africa during Apartheid & DC cages Black people 19x rate of white ppl #copaganda @equalityalec.bsky.social

Maybe the robbers heard Stephen Miller proclaiming that people were no longer afraid to wear their watches.