my rich person sicko thing I would do is have a soda fountain installed in my house so I could go get a fountain diet coke at any time I’m sure I would die a decade earlier as a result but it would be worth it
Replies
Like Deborah Vance in Hacks!
aug 13, 2025, 7:33 pm • 0 0 • view
Oh gods think of the upkeep and cleaning on such a horrific thing... the bacteria alone.. You know what let's encourage the rich to do this.
aug 14, 2025, 12:48 am • 0 0 • view
A Freestyle machine would make me happy forever
aug 13, 2025, 7:42 pm • 0 0 • view
This is a beautiful dream.
aug 14, 2025, 3:54 am • 0 0 • view
talked about having one of these when I was a kid. Sandler copied me!
aug 13, 2025, 7:31 pm • 0 0 • view
trump having a diet coke delivery button in the oval office was the most relatable thing i've ever heard about him
aug 13, 2025, 7:24 pm • 0 0 • view
I recently stayed at a hotel that had an open soda fountain for all the guests to use and it was probably the best feature I have ever had at a hotel
aug 13, 2025, 7:32 pm • 4 0 • view
Mine is I would hire a cook. I'd pay them a good living wage with health insurance, paid sick time, vacation, etc.! I just hate cooking SO MUCH
aug 13, 2025, 7:35 pm • 18 0 • view
Why are they so expensive? www.webstaurantstore.com/servend-2705...
aug 13, 2025, 7:31 pm • 0 0 • view
Would I die quickly from causes relating to owning a working slurpie machine? Yes. Would I go out like a king? Yes.
aug 14, 2025, 3:10 am • 0 0 • view
aug 13, 2025, 7:29 pm • 3 0 • view
Turns out you don’t have to be rich. I did exactly this. Fresh fountain Diet Coke all the time. Now I have stage four colon cancer. It’s probably not related right? 😂
aug 13, 2025, 7:55 pm • 3 0 • view
😂
aug 13, 2025, 9:42 pm • 0 0 • view
honestly if you have some friends that do restaurant work you could probably get a fountain set up surprisingly cheaply it won't be a casual amount of money for a regular person (especially if you want a really fancy setup), but it can fit comfortably within the "legendary Christmas gift" tier
aug 15, 2025, 12:42 am • 0 0 • view
I would remodel every room in my house every few years.
aug 13, 2025, 7:37 pm • 0 0 • view
It’s crazy the addiction to one of the most awful tasting liquids on the planet. Y’all are fucked up.
aug 13, 2025, 7:49 pm • 1 0 • view
Slushie machine and a restaurant quality flat top in my kitchen... The I wouldn't tell anyone, but there'd be signs... 😂
aug 13, 2025, 7:34 pm • 4 0 • view
I had a coworker once, years ago, who owned a slushie machine and brought it into the office every Cinco de Mayo
aug 13, 2025, 8:30 pm • 4 0 • view
I worked in an office that had a slushie machine specifically for alcoholic slushies on Fridays. I am very spoiled by my remote work setup, but I do miss offices sometimes.
aug 14, 2025, 1:13 am • 2 0 • view
Pretty sure you don't need to he that rich to do this. What can a Soda Fountain Cost Michael 10 Dollars ?
aug 13, 2025, 8:21 pm • 1 0 • view
notch is a fascist piece of shit and deserves to be mocked but also I think the candy wall is the only good idea a rich person has ever had
aug 13, 2025, 7:24 pm • 0 0 • view
I would buy a website and try to make people like my posts
aug 13, 2025, 7:42 pm • 4 0 • view
The red plastic cups were such a great detail and sign of a true addict
aug 13, 2025, 8:31 pm • 1 0 • view
The sound of ice and bubbling soda inside that iconic red plastic—I could identify that sound from rooms away.
aug 14, 2025, 12:01 am • 0 0 • view
Her expert changing of the canisters while Ava stands there dumbfounded made me LOL.
aug 13, 2025, 8:03 pm • 2 0 • view
Same but with my favorite sobe flavor. Orange Carrot. I would become consumed by its intricacies. Demanding that a successive number of mixologists work round the clock to perfect the recipe that could never match up to nostalgia. It would become my orange whale.
aug 14, 2025, 4:22 am • 0 0 • view
Benny Blanco turned his pool house into a movie theater with an entire WALL of candy. I think of that wall often.
aug 13, 2025, 7:49 pm • 0 0 • view
This is probably the one thing me you and Trump have in common
aug 13, 2025, 7:41 pm • 0 0 • view
Huh, I didn't know so many people preferred fountain drinks.
aug 13, 2025, 7:41 pm • 0 0 • view
I was just thinking the other day about having a vending machine in my garage or something, that I could load with sodas or beers or whatever
aug 13, 2025, 8:26 pm • 2 0 • view
Get one of those ones from 7/11 with Coke and Pepsi products. Mixing Coke with Mountain Dew is awesome.
aug 13, 2025, 7:24 pm • 0 0 • view
Max HP spent well, tbh
aug 13, 2025, 8:39 pm • 0 0 • view
Your friend who brews their own beer already has 95% of the equipment for this and can tell you where to buy it.
aug 13, 2025, 10:22 pm • 0 0 • view
Why would one die earlier of drinking Diet Coke? Honest question. (As a diabetic I have good reason to fight the continuous, ignorant attempts to tell me, I should drink regular soda, because the Diet drinks "don't taste good" or/and "are unhealthy" - the latter without any prove....
aug 14, 2025, 4:30 am • 0 0 • view
... So, please, let me down and don't present any prove either. I want to enjoy my soda!)
aug 14, 2025, 4:32 am • 1 0 • view
don't think i haven't looked up the cost of a coke freestyle machine (you can't buy them but you can lease them at a few hundred bucks a month)
aug 13, 2025, 7:23 pm • 0 0 • view
This but Costco’s Asian trail mix from an animal feed chute
aug 13, 2025, 7:25 pm • 4 0 • view
I would buy a GMC motor home, have it restored, convert it to full electric with solar panels on the roof, make sure I have a bunch of spare parts and that wpuld be my home until I died.
aug 13, 2025, 7:40 pm • 1 0 • view
Had one, growing up: 1929 model, with all the syrup pumps!! 🩷
aug 13, 2025, 11:47 pm • 0 0 • view
those last 10 years aren't the best years
aug 13, 2025, 8:23 pm • 4 0 • view
I’d never drink water again
aug 13, 2025, 7:22 pm • 2 0 • view
I buy my own CO2 by the tank and cola syrup by the box, and mix them by hand in a two liter bottle This is far, far less convenient than a soda fountain but also kinda fun and shockingly affordable
aug 13, 2025, 7:37 pm • 10 0 • view
Me but regular Pepsi don’t yell at me plz I was raised on Pepsi
aug 13, 2025, 7:30 pm • 5 0 • view
New mattress every month. They can have a lifetime guarantee, but they are all 💩 after a few weeks. And no, I am not morbidly obese.
aug 13, 2025, 7:43 pm • 0 0 • view
I like this dream🥤.
aug 14, 2025, 4:02 am • 0 0 • view
I wonder how long/many drinks it would take for you to break even financially?
aug 13, 2025, 8:59 pm • 0 0 • view
When I worked at a greasy spoon in college, my favorite treat was making a chocolate soda at the fountain and floating an ungodly amount of soft serve ice cream on top. A soda fountain is a wondrous thing.
aug 13, 2025, 9:32 pm • 3 0 • view
Not exactly the same, I know, but if you currently have or ever buy a countertop carbonator (IMO go with Drinkmate FWIW), I've heard this company's diet cola is a straight-up dupe of the good stuff: northwoodssoda.com/our-products...
aug 13, 2025, 7:25 pm • 1 0 • view
aug 13, 2025, 11:15 pm • 0 0 • view
My rich person sicko thing I'd definitely do is have a special filtered water ice machine plumbed in that makes those little pellets if easily crunchable ice. (yes, I know there are countertop ones. I want a GIANT one.)
aug 13, 2025, 7:28 pm • 7 0 • view
With the service contract so someone comes out regularly to clean it
aug 13, 2025, 7:32 pm • 4 0 • view
(my sicko rich person fantasies are all about being an unbelievably generous, thoughtful employer to everyone I encounter, with dignity for all, damn it)(there's going to be an amazing childcare & early education center on my estate for employees, at no cost)(even on days the parents work elsewhere)
aug 13, 2025, 7:47 pm • 0 0 • view
(my sicko fantasy also involves giving money and support to politicians who make that kind of policy available to everyone. shouldn't be about the specific employer.)
aug 13, 2025, 7:47 pm • 0 0 • view
I think maybe I'll just have the appropriate kind of mechanic on staff at a yearly living wage. (they can do call outs for other people if they choose, so long as they meet a contracted amount of maintenance for me too)(& maybe include some hours I pay for that they donate to people who need help)
aug 13, 2025, 7:42 pm • 2 0 • view
I actually considered getting one when I remodeled my kitchen. The sales guy straight up told me that decent ones ran close to 5 grand, and even the decent ones break down all the time and needed frequent expensive repairs so it wasn’t worth it. I appreciated the honesty.
aug 14, 2025, 4:13 am • 0 0 • view
I'm going to do you a favor and not tell you how much one costs, otherwise you'll be like me and planning to buy one when the opportunity presents itself.
aug 13, 2025, 7:43 pm • 2 0 • view
Omg yes. Hide it behind a secret panel for a for a double impact
aug 13, 2025, 7:22 pm • 4 0 • view
I would open a shipyard, comission a full size replica of the SS Great Eastern, frame and hang a pair of gold-plated trousers above my mantle and buy a high powered laser to project obscene things about other billionaires on the moon like an insulting batsignal the whole planet can see.
aug 13, 2025, 7:49 pm • 1 0 • view
you can do this now - bladders of syrup, co2 canisters, and a dispenser are cheap and widely available
aug 13, 2025, 10:10 pm • 0 0 • view
I want a water tap at my desk. Chilled, please.
aug 13, 2025, 9:23 pm • 0 0 • view
I want this, but only if I can specifically get McDonalds Sprite on one of the fountains.
aug 13, 2025, 7:24 pm • 0 0 • view
i wish i could fill my yard with landmines & punji pits so i can tragically mourn my friends and family or the pizza guy just trying to casually come visit me
aug 13, 2025, 7:27 pm • 0 0 • view
People will know I'm rich as fuck by the below 2 updates to my house: 1. On tap ice coffee dispenser in the kitchen 2. Toilets have sparkling water in them
aug 13, 2025, 8:14 pm • 1 0 • view
See that's why I plan to offset the soda fountain with the private DDR cabinet.
aug 13, 2025, 7:26 pm • 5 0 • view
i'd personally have refrigerated vending machines all over my home that don't take any money but distribute my favorite snacks - smoked salmon, beef jerky, every kind of gum you can imagine, all my friends favorite snacks, etc. it would be excessive. there would be a full time staff position for it.
aug 13, 2025, 7:34 pm • 0 0 • view
You can buy the giant boxes of syrup that restaurants use, and then pour it into a soda stream
aug 14, 2025, 12:12 am • 0 0 • view
it would be such a fun prank as a kid the day you figure out how to change syrups and adjust water levels and gaslight dad.
aug 13, 2025, 7:22 pm • 13 0 • view
Switch out the carbon dioxide for nitrous, that sort of thing
aug 13, 2025, 8:09 pm • 10 0 • view
lol
aug 13, 2025, 8:16 pm • 2 0 • view