This may not be widely applicable (I can never tell), but I used to strongly prefer for someone else to decide where we'd go to eat or what movie to see etc. But this has lessened as I've gotten better at interoception (noticing and correctly interpreting internal sensory information). IOW,

I think it's comforting to have someone else lead when you aren't sure what you want.

This is me. Leadership is not a skill I possess. And being honest with myself, if it was a skill I wanted to develop I would have by now.

We can’t all be good at everything. Accepting this helps become more effective overall. There are places where certain people excel at leading, and following their lead is smart, not demeaning. Getting your ego out of the way is a huge life skill. It’s too bad it takes so long for most of us.

Most people aren't even actually capable of being leaders. At least, not good ones that know how to care for large responsibilities.

Another truth that many bristle at.

Hard agree and I guess I can see why that would challenge people’s self perceptions, but I for one would love to follow!

The entirety of human history.

It’s me! I’m so good at following directions! I just don’t have any ideas!

Give ‘em guardrails and lines to stay inside of and a herd with do pretty much everything you ask of them.

I am! I think independently about all matters but not especially good at DOING. I like to team up with getting stuff done people and do what they suggest--people I trust. I will 100% follow them. Not blindly but ones I trust are are always learning, not ego-driven so they care about your thoughts.

Most people are trained to be followers in school. Saying people are inherently followers is some Authoritarian bullshit. Might as well claim Capitalism is natural and the best of all possible worlds while you're at it.

That makes sense given human nature to craft spirituality as a means to connect community and typically the environment around them as well. Today it also explains why folks are waiting for a magical person that will correct all the evils of this country (mostly white folks doing the waiting)

Plus I've learned it takes a special touch to be a good leader. I'm an efficient leader and that is NOT the same thing. Wait...is this why folks like democracy? Because it means folks don't have to lead, just collaborate with each other?

even when they claim otherwise

by someone they trust.

Someone asked me once how I developed leadership and skills as an organizer, my only response was “kicking and screaming”

Thats the only kind of leader worth a damn. Id follow Bob straight through the gates of hell.

I was born to read not to lead 📚🤓

oh god. yes. and conformists

i mean it's a lil essentialist

I have experienced this quite a lot too. Have you ever been successful in changing that dynamic with groups?

I wish I could hold more compassion, but frankly I find it kind of lazy to sit around waiting for others to figure it out. No one is born a leader. You develop the skills when you care enough. This lack of care is how we landed in this mess. Everyone's waiting for someone else to 'do something.'

And of course, the ways in which patriarchal colonialism and racialized capitalism have corrupted what it means to lead ain't helping. I could see why folks would shy away from leading when it's historically meant 'supervising.' Too many have just surrendered their power.

Sadly true.

Have to agree. I’m way more comfortable being led. Forcing myself to talk to people makes my face red, my skin clammy, and I tend to want to throw up. Not leader material. Not ashamed to own it.🙋‍♀️

yeah everyone is complaining about this administration but folks should stop and ask how many people in their lives are working to fight them.

Leading people requires skills that not everyone has. I'm a good collaborator, but awkward meeting new people and also tend to overthink things. I would be miserable leading.

I did great leading until assholes came along. A good leader can handle assholes. This is why I don't consider myself a good leader. If you have a great team, it can be great but you have to be able to deal with certain people and I am bad at this.

I am, however, good at talking to people with a purpose. Give me a script and some talking points and I'm good to go. A natural born follower, lol.

part of leadership is providing good training!

This is how I am too and I’m fine with it. I like to think my skill is knowing who to lift up to leadership roles.

there should be no shame in this

But there is for some and they spend a lot of time lashing out because of it.

they also need to get over it

Hmm. This is making me have thoughts about my frustrations when people can't seem to think for themselves.

Everyone's life has a number of aspects as well, so one can easily be a follower in most things and yet still be a leader in others. Where one has passion and knowledge, it is much easier to set off on your own path. If others follow, you're leading. Elsewhere, follow the lead of those that know.

Being out in front is scary. Being the center of attention is scary. I would rather not lead, but I want to make sure the people I follow are the right ones to follow.

Hello Mariame, I am appealing to you from Gaza. My situation is very difficult and I need people's support. Please, if you can help me by sharing my pinned post, maybe it will reach compassionate hearts who will help me. Your support means a lot to me 💔🙏🏻

Ironically, a lot of leadership education is based on exactly this: You tell people that they need to be leaders and then you teach them how to serve THEIR leader by being more independent and bothering their leader less while being better at achieving their leader's goals .

why you gotta call me out like that

It's just easier, till they're breaking rocks apart in the Gulag

And they want leaders who they are attracted to, preferably ones who can entertain and draw emotional connection…

IMHO and experience most people are field of dreams perennial bystanders waiting for other people to, not lead, but to do the uncomfortable work to plant trees so that they get to enjoy the shade

Actually, on this, it gets me thinking about how the "natural path" in a lot of jobs involves moving "up" to leadership at some point. There are a lot of folks who just are not leaders, and who aren't interested in being leaders, but they see it as their only path forward (to more money etc).

So they reluctantly go for this leadership position, they kind of hate that they felt forced into it, and they aren't good at it. They then unwittingly poison the atmosphere of their office/store/whatever because they're having such a bad time.

We put a lot of stock in good leaders, but I think there's a lot to be said for people who are good, loyal followers/workers who put their noses to the grindstone for the tasks they're great at.

Kind of opposite to the "leadership is difficult" tack here, but I definitely think it goes hand-in-hand. Even if someone's a good leader they need good people for whom to be a leader.

A good follower is better than a bad leader.

I deeply desire not to have responsibility for other people

The entire first half of this year has convinced me of this

You COULD NOT point to a more obvious demonstration that elected Dems are not leaders, never were, and have zero desire to be.

This is one of the things that I’ve struggled with since I had done a lot of leadership in undergrad and didn’t want to replicate any “natural leader” type dynamics as an adult, but sometimes people really appreciate having someone take the initiative.

We have to be honest and say that this is most of the time rather than sometimes. Some people recoil at this but over almost 40 years of organizing with others, I have experienced it in every single organizing context. Every one. People SAY they want to lead and DO NOT DO THE WORK OF LEADERSHIP.

Wanting the job can be a red flag. A lot of them think of leadership like they think of their instagram-photo-lunch: a way to look good and cool. The best in my experience are the ones who know what a raw deal it can be, but sigh and do it anyway because the work needs it.

So many of the people who are adamant that they want to be in a leadership position turn out to be poor leaders. It's hard as hell!

You have to be extremely comfortable being mostly disliked and almost no one will ask how you are doing as a person.

I've been getting a lot of practice at being disliked over the years, maybe it's time for me to step up.

One of the things that’s helped me, honestly, was the past NBA playoffs, where someone pointed out Halliburton playing unselfishly was actually hurting his team in a way that’s still putting himself first. Sometimes your team needs you to score and that’s part of the teamwork too.

This is a good point. Good leadership is reading the room and also knowing your team really well so you can set everyone up for success. But to me, you do have to be wiling to step up sometimes to do unpopular things too. Very hard.

I think knowing the team well and setting up for success is probably the hardest part but the most valuable. The best leaders I have worked with knew how to direct ppl’s strengths and delegate without exhausting themselves, so that they had time/energy to notice gaps and deal with them

Everybody called my dad “a one man show” but I personally saw him mentor ppl and invite them into the work after noticing an underutilized/unappreciated skill they had. But he was always the one working the hardest and putting in the most time because he saw what he was doing as bigger than himself

People who have organized and worked with me will attest that I am the first one to show up at an event/workshop/etc... and usually the last to leave. People who don't know me are surprised at that. But part of good leadership imo is that you should be willing to do the things you ask of others.

I do think this surprise is rooted in a capitalistic idea of leadership. Like a leader somehow equals a feudal lord overseeing serfs, i.e. I tell you what to do and you listen to me vs I show you how it’s done and you join me in doing it

This 100%! if you don’t care, why should others?

Yep one of the things I’ve had to work through is being unliked and being comfortable not making everyone happy. It’s taken some work but I’ve definitely built that muscle. Want to keep a healthy check on it but it’s going to happen regardless so got to get comfortable with it.

“just tell me what to do and i’ll do it” is every organizers dream

Oh, you want me to talk to other people? That's not really my thing, I was thinking something more like writing up a document that explains to you how to do your job, how about that instead?

“I’m here to tell you my ideas on how you can do your work completely differently! also idk what you do”

It's true people often need permission to do the right thing. I know I did as a teen. Then when I started coming out to folks in the '90s with a matter-of-fact tone, many seemed relieved to be given a model. We're a cooperative animal and a good leader is one who empowers others anyway.

I don’t even think it’s just a “desire” it’s a fact like gravity. They are going to follow. It’s imperative to be there because somebody will.

Honestly yeah! Sometimes I am a leader but I have a limited amount of leadership and I cannot apply it to every single thing in my life. Sometimes I care about a thing and I wanna help but I am going to need someone to have a plan and tell me what to do, because that's WORK and I can't do it today.

one of the more common responses i get when im trying to stir people to action on neighborhood politics is "you should run for city council!) (YOOOOUUUUU DO IT!!)

Hell, I'm a leader and there are often times when I get tired and want to be led

Being in charge is a lot of work and most ppl would rather not have that responsibility. Especially since being a good leader is sort of a thankless job.

I don't think it is thankless at all. The greatest thing a junior ever said to me was, " You made us feel like what we were doing was important." Seeing juniors feel gratified in what they are doing is incredibly sweet.

I think there is more a perception that leadership roles are thankless than that being a reality all the time. It is, of course, case by case, and im glad to hear people showed you their appreciation.

But i think its more of a perception at scale, a job like being the leader of a nation can be perceived as very thankless, because people tend to focus on all the problems that may still exist, rather than what solutions may have happened.

This is true & has implications for the current mode of distributed/horizontal leadership approaches

They don't like thinking for themselves because they never got comfortable with it through the arts and humanities. Meaning: they won't have their perspective challenged, and so they lack it. Perspective allows us to choose what is right instead of needing what we think to be what right is.

Yeah, I'm one of them because I hate leading 🤣 But I'm very good at helping

The whole dynamic/conversation around masking is the ultimate reveal of this dynamic.