Dude has been dipping into Musk's ketamine stash, lol.

He’s probably conflating the moon with ISS. Astronaut Anne McClain, currently on ISS, is a US Army Colonel.

They need to follow up on this w/Trump. "Driscoll tells us there is a military presence on the moon. What military action is active there? Is it true he's running out of oxygen? What steps are you taking to get him home to Earth? Why r u letting him die alone in space? Just try it, see what happens.

Being an idiot isn't disqualifying, in fact it's the most important qualification.

With DEI you were required to be qualified. Without DEI you are only required to be White and Male

“That’s no moon . . .”

It's not 'Bragg', it's Fort Liberty. Driscoll you fucking hack.

WTF?!? Jesus these people are fucking insane.

Fake news. Everyone knows the moon was blown out of orbit in 1999

They were on official bizness guarding the strawberry moon. 'Strawberry Moon' in pictures: Major lunar standstill sees June's full moon hang low in the sky | Live Science share.google/rOx459D37EGn...

Is this a distraction from Noem's takedown which is a distraction of Trump's parade which is a distraction of his tariff policies which is a distraction of his handling of Ukraine which is a distraction of his 34 felonies which is a distraction of his big bad bill not going anywhere which is a d...

YouTube link (around 4 minutes) youtu.be/uq8EU96vvRE?...

He appears to have confused the moon with the International Space Station. The moon is the one made out of cheese.

I've always resented the stereotype that it takes no skill or intelligence to be a secretary, but now I think there might be some truth to it.

Further proof, Bobby Kennedy Jr., Kristi Noem, Linda McMahon, and of course, Pete Hegseth and Howard Lutnick. Just for starters.

With the A1 learning teaching

Every day is a fkn embarrassment And now I want cheese

He thinks being on the space station (in earth orbit) is “exploring the cosmos”?

It’s further than you’ve ever been.

Irrelevant but thanks for playing

So, he's a baffoon but at least the staffer that runs his socials has a functioning cerebellum.

They’re all so breathtakingly stupid.

He thinks this is the ISS.

I bet he thinks that is ISIS.

It was, back in 1999.

Two-thousand-zero-zero Moonbase Alpha: travel time So tonight we’re gonna party like it’s 1999

I'm ready!💜

I totally think there should be a reboot. MOONBASE:ALPHA, and instead of somehow travelling through interstellar space, the Moon is vibrating through different realities. So Earth is always there, but always not the right Earth. (Helps explain why they’re always running into humanoids.)

It would’ve been perfect as a five-season, pre-streaming syndicated cable show.

Guys, I found the most recent photo of the moon base...

oh my god this is really what happened isn’t it

Probably thinks this was the astronaut.

Guarantee he doesn't believe women are in space yet.

“That astronaut soldier I talked to the other day sure sounded young…”

As an aside, with only 311 crew and the Moon unreachable from Earth, do they really need photo ID on the Moonbase Alpha uniforms? Plus, Maya is a shapeshifter—her ID is functionally useless.

If it’s from a MRE, is it actually cheese?

Men’s Journal decided that he admitted to a secret moon landing

She'll be fired tomorrow if she hasn't been already!!

I know her personally, and he should get her, well, not name because he didn’t say it, but using her as a recruiting tool out of his mouth!

He needs to use more exclamation marks. This isn’t quite giddy enough.

@scalzi.com just put out a good novel about the moon/cheese thing.

Surely this man can be trusted to differentiate Iran from Iraq

I say we offer him a choice of mushrooms to eat. I'm sure he can tell poison ones.

Yes! Those beautiful white ones with the bulbous base!

Ah straw mushrooms, very tasty and not similar to another species at all

Was this what he watched? youtu.be/Jth4yATniS4?...

I figured out who he talked to: fxtwitter.com/AstroAnnimal...

I just remembered that McClain was selected for Artemis. So she might actually get to walk on the moon some day.

I simply cannot deal with this today

C'mon. He's lying. No way they'd SECRETLY send someone to the moon. They'd be screaming about it from the rooftops. Every word they say is a lie, including "and" and "the."

He's up there building the golden dome, it will all be announced at the Presidents laughable military parade ...they have some weird AI groked video...

wait. this isnt satire??????? ive been calling it right all day until this. but as i stew on it..... how am i surprised?

This administration will search out aliens wherever they may be hiding.

Ah yes… the soldiers on the moon… but which soldiers? #ironsky. #IYKYK

What he means by "on the moon"

This shines a whole new light on Musk's promise to put a million people on Mars by 2050

fElon is already on Mars. 😆

No wonder they Say he Takes Drugs Out Of His BIG PILL BOX..☠️💀🤯🤯

bsky.app/profile/thet...

WAT?

Crazy !! “No, as of June 12, 2025, there is no U.S. astronaut on the moon. The last U.S. astronaut on the lunar surface was Gene Cernan during the Apollo 17 mission in 1972. While NASA is planning for future lunar missions, the first human landing since Apollo 17 is scheduled for the summer of 2027”

Hot take: We're all on the moon.

FFS.

Would explain why the earth's supply of Tang has been completely diminished over the last 50 years

NO WAY! 🌛

Were soldiers on the moon, we carry a harpoon

Wait, what??

And the Fox host doesn’t even blink!

What. The. Fuck.

Oh good I was worried the moon was unguarded

moon’s haunted

Skeletal astronaut out front shoulda told ya

Always has been

👻🌙😮🔫👩‍🚀

Jesus H Christ in a chicken basket.

They left him on the fucking moon. m.youtube.com/watch?v=vQQL...

I was waiting for someone to make this joke. I was ready to make it myself, but it had to be made!

Well I’ll be.. 😂

“Only the best and brightest” they said.

wake up babe, new moon landing dropped

What?

Worth noting that a soldier on the moon might violate The Outer Space Treaty of 1967, to which the US is a signatory

Jesus how long has he been up there?!

He's like that one Japanese soldier and simply refused to believe the Apollo mission was over

He's bagged every loose moon rock in the sea of tranquility so far

whenever you see a shooting star, thats just him, chucking moon rocks at us in disgust.

its-been-84-years-dot-gif

It's fine, he has a loyal friend and companion.

Dammit, Dan, you're going to blow the lid off our whole clone operation.

lol!!

The last moon landing was in 1972. He's probably getting pretty hungry.

Eating nothing but cheese he's probably pretty backed up, too

No, they've got moon pies, too.

🤣🤣🤣

Unfortunately they forgot the crackers.

They are crackers.

Think about the back pay!

I have no idea

Since Luke 24:51, 40 days after he left that tomb.

Since before 2016.

I could’ve sworn the astronauts we sent to the moon had retired by now. I didn’t realize that was also a lifetime appointment (and burial site)! 😳

Pretty cool that the conspiracy theorists, now they're in charge, are actually faking moon landings themselves.

For bonus points, is the soldier a Nazi?

There’s whalers on the moon! 🎶

We carry a harpoon. But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales and sing a whaling tune.

With hookers and blackjack!

You know what…forget the blackjack!

Ok.

This is some serious bullshit.

what in the french fried fk did I just read?

We're soldiers on the moon, we hunt with our harpoons

Absolute Best Comment Award Winner right here 😂

Ummmm….Dumb

😳 What?

a rat done bit my sister Nell

We are so doomed!

He thinks this is the ISS.

This is it. This is the most What The Fuck moment ever.

at least it's the most wtf moment in the last 10 minutes

Don’t say that…these assholes take it as a challenge and say, “Hold my raw milk”

How can one _possibly_ choose?

The most What The Fuck moment SO FAR

What is he, like 12?

With the Nazis? I’m not surprised…

Please tell me people have flooded his social media accounts with this Obi-wan GIF.

A soldier in space? Is he guarding the fort and handcuffing aliens before they “cross the border”? Or just not yet?

We are all on the moon.

BOOTS ON THE MOON

Hiiii Boots!

Say “backpack”! Say “backpack”!

What other glorious achievements are they doing behind our backs?

And here I get worried when I forget a word…

Ok Mooner.

(Coleman Francis voice) There’s a soldier on the moon

This. This cannot be real. Can it? Cmon.

This is the exact expression Lloyd Bridges has in Airplane! when he says that he picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

I feel like that every week now.

Hard saaaaaaaaame I would rather feel like Johnny! (hands him a weather report) "What do you make of this, Johnny?" "Well, I could make a broach, or a pterodactyl..."

What’s the frequency, Kenneth?

Would you believe, we put a man on the moon 🌙!

… there’s nothing out there to see, nothing that’s cool 😎 🎵

Moon’s haunted

Department Of Government Excursions

He’s high lol ….. Moon … Meanwhile the GOP ….

And my compliments to the 'chef'.

Not Again!

A rat done bit my sister Nell, and whitey? Whitey’s still on the moon.

the government did the moon landing and faked it being on earth

No. WE are ON the moon. That big empty gray ball, THAT’S earth.

When the moon hits your eye Like a big pizza pie You fell down

Broke: the moon landing was fake. Woke: we secretly never left the moon.

Secret space program conspiracies are actually pretty common. They were a bigger deal in the 80’s and 90’s but at one point people were writing books and recording radio shows about how there were almost as many Americans living on the moon as part of a breakaway military state as there are on earth

Cis men can reproduce on the moon and boy howdy have they been reproducing

All that "ISS" footage is faked in a studio on the moon. 😝

god damn it I was not ready for a sequel to Iron Sky

Battlezone 98 was a true story! youtu.be/3VpF9uDJ1uI?...

I came here to make this reference, glad I'm not the only one who remembers it!!!

Obligatory xkcd xkcd.com/1484/

NASA actually doesn't want you to know this but the moons gravity is so powerful that it's impossible to escape once you're there. Should be obvious if it can create tides from that far but. The Apollo astronauts were clones prepared in advance too

Ohh, by the same company that cloned Biden?

Ya it was one of their first major projects. They also cloned Elvis a bunch so they could give the national inquirer something to do, but all the Elvis clones also kept dying on the toilet

That's right, now I remember -- I watched that documentary about the of risk of inferior clones, Multiplicity.

But we can still drop titanium rods onto earth, right?

You want tungsten rods, but yes

Ah yes. There’s so much nonsense it’s hard to be precise

Yeah, titanium is super heavy, so it gravities different and it wants to go back to earth (:

That sounds rad as hell I'm in

Don’t be silly. We didn’t have cloning technology in 1969. They selected only twins to be astronauts in the Apollo Program.

Fake news! Cloning technology is natural! Just see twins and other multiple births!

Of course, the Artemis program kept the secret twins safe until they could be deployed after the Apollo moon landings.

I KNEW it!

Poor Buzz and Neil. Miss those guys... 😥

Bespoke: Pfft, you believe in the Moon?

😂😂😂

Wtf

Soldier? Major Tom?

What the holy hell???

They all live in their own little fantasy world, don’t they?

"We talked to an idiot yesterday, who is high as a kite, he is the US army secretary"

I so much don't want to live in the world these clowns are pushing.

Maybe they pulled the set for the original moon landing out of storage.

Close. They were actually Moon Marines.

Tells you how much he knows about everything else he says too, I guess.

I don't mean to come off like a phrenologist or something but this dude just *looks* like a complete dumbass

Well, the important part is that he IS a dumbass.

Some books you CAN judge by the cover!

We need @stanman42069.bsky.social to look into this. Only Chris can get to the brass tax & give us the facts, Jack 👩‍🚀🌜 #Bennington @gailbennington.bsky.social

🎶 Giant goose steps are what you take 🎶 Walking on the moon - The Police

This is funny, sure, but it's obviously just a slip of the fascist tongue. If the US had secretly deployed a solder to the moon, Vance or Hegseth would've accidentally Tweeted it out or sent it to a reporter by now.

I'm too late to do the Jim Carrey gif, I'm assuming

Is this where Buzz Aldrin punches him out?

buzz loves trump, im sure he's got the boot so deep down his throat he'd compromise even his love for the moon Something about him in particular fucking us over is so very personal and I'm still mad

@nytpitchbot.bsky.social this is so up your alley

I guess anything's possible in their alternate reality. We, who are unfortunate enough to live in the real world, are confined to this less interesting reality.

WTF?

I think he's talking about Jonny Kim, who is very specifically a sailor in low earth orbit, not a soldier on the moon.

I always knew that the man in the moon was actually a moon soldier...glad it was finally and officially confirmed. 🙄

what

So you don't have to click the link

He sounds like he just finished high school

And this my friends, is why we need DEI. This whole "my parents 'donated' to your campaign" Nepo bullshit is a race to the dumbest.

I wanna poke fun at this Dan Driscoll guy claiming we have a man on the moon but that's just low hanging fruit.

Omg. Every day is bleaker than the last. The dumbest people are in charge of everything in this country.

I refuse to believe this man is not AI generated

I volunteer to write his daily intel brief, and I will do it for free.

Got things mixed up with the Nazis in Wolfenstein. An easy mistake to make.

"you can see them arresting people in violation of the law...."

Ralph Wiggum all grown up with something to prove

“Space force dropped him off there to look for illegal aliens and shoot on sight!”

He must know what he's talking about. He's 38, served in the army for 4 years, was friends with JD Vance at Yale Law, and has a boyish grin. He wouldn't be Army Secretary & acting head of BATF if he weren't the most qualified candidate in the country. Right? Right?

"Moon's haunted."

Wild if true.

Where do these guys get their drugs? I need some.

"So yeah they took us through the Stargate and there we were in a Goa'uld palace with a bunch of army guys..."

This guy is definitely the one who got stranded on that random planet and turned himself into a whacky Heart of Darkness style king 😂

Wow, big news if true! 🙄

I thought the preferred term now is “WARFIGHTER”.

The astronaut is still investigating the monolith.

Boy oh boy, they are really cranking them out at the moron factory.

Wouldn't this be a violation of treaties regarding the militarization of space? If we play along and assume US Army Soldiers have a secret lunar base.

I hope it’s Musk that’s on the moon. He was so done with his best frenemy.

“That’s no moon”

Dan Driscoll's penis is a Dune sandworm.

Always great when your dumbassery goes international. "Driscoll...appears to have confused the moon with NASA's International Space Station (ISS) as he spoke to Army Colonel Anne McClain, a NASA astronaut currently stationed aboard the ISS this week." www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/...

Hmmmmmm

Did he escape the group home, no escort? And where’s his hockey helmet?

I mean....it's possible in theory. Mainly bc we know they wouldn't have sent a woman.

@gwpda.bsky.social this fool

I love that the best-case, least concerning possibility is that we have a base on the moon, we’ve kept it secret for…years? Decades? And this guy just blurted it out on national TV.

Is everyone in this administration a fucking idiot ?

Who else would agree to work for Trump?

They think we can be lied to like five-year-olds.

I am sorry. I have a grandson that age and not much gets past him.

no some are even worse!

yes

But they're loyal!

YES! 💯

Rhetorical question, right?

Pretty much.

Yep, a puppy killer, a vaccine denier, a drunk, a con, and likely a rapist. Good grief, America.

Rhetorical

Yes

Being high while also being a raging moron is not a good combination.

Also people being put into positions of authority solely for their absolute unshakeable loyalty to the king of all raging morons isn't really going to result in a very effective administration.

Is Trump a serial rapist? Is Hegseth an alcoholic?

Does a bear shit in the woods?

Is the Pope from Chicago?

Do bears who defecate in the woods really use Charmin like in the commercials?

That’s winner. With all the crap going on in the world thanks to an idiot who thinks we have a man on the moon I have entered the best thread and am laughing out loud

I tried going for newer versions of that one.

They really are just as obviously rhetorical at this point, aren't they?

Hey I always relied upon “Is the Pope Catholic?” Since he is an American now and hates what Trump is doing it seems appropriate now

“Is the Pope a Chisox fan?”

That is even better.

One of the many secrets of the Vatican is that ALL popes are Chisox fans. Well, except for Pope Benedict XVI.

He was the traitor, right? 😝

bsky.app/profile/linc...

Yes, yes they are!!!

He apparently confused the ISS and the moon. There is a soldier on the ISS currently. Sheesh. Secretary of the Army. Not a Cabinet position and not in the Line of Succession, at least.

Guarentee you this guy thinks the "moon's haunted" meme is real

They are all absolute loons.

Motherfucker looks like he’s short a couple chromosomes. No, not the ones you heard of. The other ones. The ones that make it so your mother’s kids survive.

Maybe he meant ecstatic

I was so close! bsky.app/profile/chul...

yo is someone on the moon rn

Somebody ask gork

I’m over the moon

@gork is this true

yeh

ty gork

gorf says no

there's a typo in your post

oops sorry

the grink was there

moonraker

Exhibit x/infinity of this admin being so so goddamn unserious

Don't forget, when he took over in 2016 Trump offered NASA whatever they needed to have a man on Mars by 2024. He was told that it couldn't be done & that's why he made a big push to restart a moon launch during his first admin.

"Not that moon. He's on Canada's moon. You wouldn't know it."

Chef's kiss.

they got a tim horton’s up there too!

😂

This is confirmed. Sergeant Whitey. www.youtube.com/watch?v=otwk...

This is the problem with clipping these interviews. If you watch the whole thing, the secretary makes clear that the soldier’s name is Mac Tonight and that he mostly called to make sure his family knew about McDonald’s new McCrispy Strips.

He went on at length about the sauces available. Ranch. Buffalo Ranch. Honey Mustard. Honey Buffalo. Ketchup. Buffalo Ketchup.

reading that gave me an immediate headache. wow. they really do make up some shit, huh

But it's true, if we go by the vivid imagination of 19th-century Bavarian physician and astronomer Franz von Gruithuisen. He claimed to see a gigantic lunar city on our Moon. What he saw was a region of hills and ridges that appeared to be a city, a clair-obscur effect.

Are they all high?

No just stupid af.

Uh... Is this guy a Trump appointee?

Want to bet the soldier actually said he's over the moon...

Is he talking about one of the ISS crew? I mean, I guess he can be forgiven, Han made the same mistake... www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Nho...

It's Matt Damon again, isn't it? I swear, that guy is always getting stuck somewhere in space.

Did he take diction lessons from Mark Zuckerberg?

Is her name Alice Kramden?

Yeah. I never liked that.

This is how we find out that Benny & The Gooch from The Morning Dump On KICK 103 have the phone number for the Secretary of the Army.

No need. They're already added to the Signal chat.