If I’m not up to it, I’ve learned to say something along the lines of “I’d like to be able to give you a good answer, but I’m distracted/exhausted/tapped out/overwhelmed right now. Can it wait for another time?” Works for me, anyway. The general concept, that is. Constructive honesty w/boundaries.
Great approach
That works for some people/situations/moments... We still need to understand that, as much as we'd like to use everyone as a crutch, they/we don't all have the immediate bandwidth. Sometimes that is expressed as, "I'm sorry, I can't right now." Other times it's, "It's fine." Don't judge.
Still thinking about that. It’s so foreign to me, I’m curious. If you feel like it, could you tell me why “I can’t right now” would ever need to be replaced with “It’s fine”? And how would they know the difference when you really mean “It’s fine”, vs. “I feel like you’re using me as a crutch”?
You're assuming that everyone can give a cogent and fully present answer to every question... I'm simply suggesting that we don't all have that bandwidth and presuming we do is compounding whatever problem the OP was suggesting.
Oh, no, I *know* we can’t always do that! I sure know I can’t. That’s why having short and easy ways of expressing an honest “Can’t, right now” works for me. Preserves others’ ability to trust me when I tell them any version of “It’s fine”, with no more cost to me.
We all judge — in that sense. We have to, and nothing wrong with it, imo. Personally, if I ask for feedback, there’s a distinct reason, and it’s not insecurity. But “It’s fine” because you see the questioner the way you describe, sounds unnecessarily patronizing, to me. Different approaches.
Not at all. It's when one has expectations for an interaction based ONLY on their own state of mind... that we have forgotten how to be humans. We focus on our own issues... rightfully. But we shouldn't point fingers while others are doing the same.
I completely agree with the basic premise, that we need to keep in mind that other people have their own struggles going on, which they may not feel like sharing with us. They might even (a huge problem I’m trying to ‘recover’ from) be so good at pretending to be fine, that you’d never know.
I’m still stuck on assuming they’re using others as a crutch, unless you’re thinking of specific cases where you have reason to think that? B/c a lot of requests for feedback are not in that category. Though some may be. For me, I want people to know that when I say “It’s fine”, it really is.