I think something that isn’t discussed enough is that when you die, you release your bowels. All your muscles relax. So when you die via a vampire bite, you poop yourself. And then you come back as a vampire with dookie in your pants. Doesn’t really romanticize as much it now does it?
Also sort of makes being a mortician an even more horrible job....
Unless you take a dump before you are bitten.
These are the things I think about, too. Glad to meet you!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Whether you poop yourself depends…
🤢
Who’s gonna tell them? You don’t come back to life (ever), and vampires are fiction created out of fear of female sexuality.
But the poop thing is dead on. 💀 💩
I subscribe more to “Transformative Vampiricism” where you can skip the death and poopy pants and go straight to blood lust. There’s no monolith of the Undead. They all have different hopes and dreams. They’re not all Zombies, for hell’s sake.
I think I would shit myself prior to the bite. But yeah, either way a crotch filled to overflowing.
😂
😉💩
you are overthinking this
It's also how people don't realize that space travel would take much longer than in Star Wars, the inside of the ship would smell like everyone's breath and farts, and you'd drink your own recycled urine. Only #TheExpanse tells you that.
Space travel at our current level of technology takes much longer, but Star Wars and Star Trek postulate technologies that exploit space-time loopholes and/or wormholes. Theoretically, they should be able to travel faster than even the movies depict, if not instantaneously.
Yes, and they also ignore the rules of acceleration, gravity, and biology, they don't decelerate before they land on a planet, they ram into the atmosphere while still accelerating towards the planet, and just stop when reaching ground. Everyone on board would die sooo many times.
Wel, to be fair, probes also deploy chutes, even when descending through the thin atmosphere of Mars.
According to Anne Rice, when a vampire is first made, that body empties out. The digestive tract closes down. Somehow they grow hollow fangs to suck blood directly into the blood system.
I'm gonna go tell my dad he completely overlooked this fact in his vampire sci-fi novel! Plenty of gore, but no 💩
If you wanted to turn someone and plan ahead then adult diapers maybe 🤷🏻♂️
It can still be romantic, depending on how much you liked "2 girls 1 cup."
You do know that vampires are not real, right? 🧛♂️
If there are different universes then what's to say they don't exist. 🤔🤷♀️😉
Just wait until your sexy werewolf date pees on the carpet...
Or drags its butt across it…
Oh Well, Shit Happens.
It also explains why zombies walk funny.
Like toddlers who shit their pants, it all makes sense now.
There would be shit in my pants even if I didn’t get bitten.
The Anne Rice vampire books were pretty frank about this & still had so so so so much sex, don't kink shame is what I say
Clearly vampires are civilized beings that can hold a bowel movement. Surely, the transformation, which is what it is, will be different between regular death and undeath. Why else do you think they skip childhood and puberty and go straight to being an adult with flair and a cape? To be awkward?!
LOL (LITERAL) Sicko! What is wrong with you? THAT IS HILARIOUS. Holy shit that was brilliant. Followed for sure. 🤣🤣🤣
10 minutes later. I’m still at my kitchen table laughing over this while sending it to friends.
🤪
No, that wouldn’t happen. Muscles and body systems need blood to work. If you die by being drained of blood and becoming undead, I would assume your digestive system just never works again.
I guess that also explains why zombies walk so stiffly...
another thing i don't think people talk about enough is the fact that vampires are dead bodies that are reanimated, no heartbeat, meaning male vampires are not able to get an erection. so much for that sex fantasy with a male vampire. maybe that is why they are so angry...
That is a myth. I helped a friend with death with dignity. The doula assured her it doesn’t happen. And it didn’t. I was with her after she passed for several hours.
There you go with that sensible realistic thinking again. Booo!
There is always a downside to everything, even immortality. 🤪
I think it could be traumatic for some. Carry that shit for centuries… 🤪 I mean, I hope if I’m turned; it happens in a shower.
Actually, Anne Rice DID mention that in "Interview With The Vampire." Lestat made Louis relieve himself before sharing his coffin with him...
This was funny!! Thanks for the much needed laugh this morning.
along with a bladder empty as well.
And you also spontaneously let go of any concept of the afterlife.
don't have one.
Check your pulse. Maybe you already let go of that because...
Don’t believe in afterlife. Alive and well.
Lololol - Whew, needed that. Thanks for the profound thought food.🤣
No, but it explains a few things bsky.app/profile/bada...
does everyone always have one in the chamber?
No. Depends on where you are in the process.
This is why it's so important to poop before dangerous or risky situations.
Vampires are undead, though, so possibly some kind of loophole there.
As moonlight is just reflected sunlight, how are they able to go outside at all?
But what if you already have dookie in your pants? Does THAT make you a vampire? I'm so confused...
This took a turn I wasn’t expecting. Thanks for the laugh!
What can I say, he brings so much out in me. One way or another.
Note to self: High enema prior to getting vamped
🤣😂🤣
Would make for some interesting scenes in a vampire movie. " Oh FFS! I'm over this shit! I mean, the immortality is OK, but I've had enough of the laundry. How to I quit?"
But, would the vacuum caused by having your blood all sucked out be enough to keep it all in? Oh well, gives me something to try this week. Off to look for a hitchhiker.
It is also said by some that sniffing and snorting, along with loss of bowel control are symptoms of heavy, long-term 'speed' usage.
Unless the transformation happens before the release 🤔
Hard pass on this experience. Zero stars.
People who care about their loved ones don’t care. There is nothing romantic about death. Most folks do know this.
🤣🤣🤣
Don’t care that they crap their pants.
You realize this was a joke about vampires right? And FYI - check the replies. Had someone tell me it’s a myth - the part about bowel evacuation, not vampires. They think releasing waste when you die is a myth. And of course if it is a loved one passing… ya don’t care. 🤷🏻♂️
Holy shit, I LOVE this thread
now I'm just imagining movies getting into this and having vampires take their victims to the bathroom to clean them up immediately after biting them lol
I know that frequently happens, but I’ve been with a number of elderly relatives at the moment of death, and not once have any of them voided their bowels or their bladders. My dog, who dropped dead a year ago, did urinate at the moment of death, but she didn’t poop.
And I’m so sorry for your loss 😞
I depends where the body is in the process
Men get a hard on too but people rarely poo
So if you think you're dying, try to shit and piss first. Your family and friends will thank you.
urinate as well. Everything empties.
This explains so much about Stephen Miller’s crappy attitude. ⚰️💩⚰️
I didn’t want to shit my pants…
